Author Topic: Matter of Fact London’s Burning  (Read 283 times)

touchingcloth

  • Member
  • **
  • You wanna plack the rick, you ha.
Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« on: September 14, 2020, 07:22:21 PM »
EXT. A FIRE IN LONDON

GOVERNOR: London’s burning.

JEFF: That it is, guv. That it is.

GOVERNOR: I suppose we’d better put it out, for that is our responsibility as fire fighters. And I should look into whether governor is actually a role in the fire brigade.

FIN

Glebe

  • But when Bruce Wayne goes it's all gonna collapse.
Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2020, 07:31:13 PM »
HEAD OF THE FIRE MEN: There's another fire!

ONE OF THE CHARACTERS: What of it?

shagatha crustie

  • Huff the talbot
Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2020, 07:33:58 PM »
OPIUM-SOT: Trippy!

Glebe

  • But when Bruce Wayne goes it's all gonna collapse.
Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2020, 07:36:32 PM »
ROBSON OR JEROME: Am I in this?

shagatha crustie

  • Huff the talbot
Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2020, 07:41:38 PM »
SAMUEL PEPYS: It's pronounced 'peeps,' you cunts! Fuck, I'm on fire!

Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2020, 10:20:28 AM »
WOMAN: Hello, I am your new colleague.

MAN: Sorry, love, there's no such thing as a firewoman. We're firemen!

WOMAN: I'll show you, you sexist beast! I'll be the best fire fighter in all of London town!

*WOMAN SINGLEHANDEDLY PUTS OUT A MASSIVE CHEMICAL FIRE IN A FACTORY AND SAVES MAN'S LIFE IN THE PROCESS*

MAN: I was absolutely wrong to doubt you, WOMAN. You are the best fire fighter in all of London town. Now, let's have an affair.

WOMAN: No way, you're a disgusting pig.

MAN: Go on.

WOMAN: OK.

*KISSING*

*CREDITS*

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2020, 02:53:07 PM »
careful mate
fire that
careful

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #7 on: September 15, 2020, 03:23:38 PM »
DID YE KNOW: the show was originally made in Welsh, then dubbed into English

DangledTeeth

  • I'm the avatar's husband.
Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #8 on: September 16, 2020, 05:56:22 PM »
Shit Steven Seagal 'Lookalike': Fire! F-f-f-f-fire! FIRE! FIRE!!!!

Brian Harvey Lookalike: I think my name's Billy.

Francisco Scaramanga Lookalike: I wore a jacket with a white strip on it. I think I'm the chief officer or something.

Grey-haired baggy-eyed Bloke: I think my name is Geoff. My beloved dog has fucked off somewhere.

Bloke with a faint Joe Pasquale Voice: Oh, your dog's missing. Let me call for him via a PA speaker system as I cruise along in my camper van. Bwuno! Bwunoooo!

Pedestrian: PISS OFF!

buttgammon

  • How thick is wall?
Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #9 on: September 16, 2020, 07:23:38 PM »
Fireman 1 (sniffing): smells like a fire (sniffs again) fire down Sun Hill way!

Fireman 2: I smell a crossover!

touchingcloth

  • Member
  • **
  • You wanna plack the rick, you ha.
Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2020, 10:44:48 PM »
FIREMAN: Bore dar. Where’s the fire? In the chip pan, where it always is?

BELLA: Ooooh, mae hen wlad fy. That it is, Sam. That it is.

NORMAN (to camera, shaking head and gesturing over shoulder with thumb): Should’ve gone to Poptyping Savers.

DDIWEDD

Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2020, 02:00:49 PM »
FIREMAN 1: London's burning!
FIREMAN 2: Let's get out of here!
(Fire engine runs out of fuel 5 hours later somewhere in the countryside)
FIREMAN 1: look, a ditch! If we sleep in there we'd be sheltered from the wind.
FIREMAN 2: we can use these stones for food.

Rizla

  • That's not another knife - THIS is another knife!
Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #12 on: September 17, 2020, 05:38:28 PM »
London’s burning, London’s burning
Fetch the engine, fetch the engine
Fire fire! Fire fire!
Arsed mate, arsed mate
cigs cigs, cigs cigs

Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #13 on: Yesterday at 07:18:19 AM »
(Fire brigade training room. The chief is standing at a lectern in front of a packed room of firemen)

FIRE CHIEF: So you see, the only way to fight fire... Is with fire!
We've just signed an agreement to sell all our hoses and from now on we'll be using these!

(Pulls out a flame thrower from behind the lectern, which bellows out fire all over the training room.  Various firemen get a full blast and spasm or run around the room wildly, screaming. The notes they've taken from the seminar are burned, lost forever. A stack of paper cups on a trestle table is on fire and the nespresso has melted into an unrecognisable form)

BURNING FIREMAN 1: AAAAARGGHH MY EYES ARE CARAMELISING! Thats a fantastic idea, sir!

BURNING FIREMAN 2: We should have done this years ago!

Re: Matter of Fact London’s Burning
« Reply #14 on: Yesterday at 01:03:53 PM »
CRAZY WORLD OF ARTHUR BROWN: Pass my mandolin, I've some strumming to do. And put that cigarette out, please.

Tags: