Autobiography Service

[Blumf]

Flipping through the current Viz and I see an ad for this:

https://www.lifebookuk.com/

Give your loved ones the gift of a lifetime.
It couldn't be easier.

LifeBook is the world's leading private autobiography service.

More than 8000 people already enjoy owning the life story of someone they love. Each book is a unique piece of family history, a custom-made, handcrafted treasure, to be shared by generations to come.

It's an audio treasure as well as a printed one too, with the one-hour recording you make as you read favourite extracts from your book.

LifeBook is designed to bring you and your loved ones untold pleasure. A truly moving experience, yet one that couldn't be easier.

It's time to tell your story.

Now, I can see one GINORMOUS problem with this - Namely that the only people likely to take up this scheme are boring boomer poetry twats.

https://www.lifebookuk.com/about/

To tell the story, we need to chronicle the personal journey of founder Roy Moëd. Like many entrepreneurs, Roy held no less than 29 jobs before he began what would become a hugely successful business. That business wasn't a personal autobiography service–not even close. It was an airline catering service.

In 1978, self-described "serial entrepreneur" Roy would start the humble beginnings of his airline catering business in a simple stable. But his ideas were far from simple. He had an eye for creating new markets, re-engineering businesses, and utilizing technology in ways others didn't. Back in the days of dial-up internet, Roy used floppy disks and computers to leverage an electronic catalo...zzzzZZZZZZZZZ

Not selling it mate.

So, that's something to look forward to from your most boring and egotistical relatives.

[imitationleather]

While reading the process of making the book I thought "Blimey, this sounds like it's going to be expensive."

The price page did not disappoint.

[touchingcloth]

Desolate.

[steve98]

Does it have to be true, this autobiography? Could you do something creative (Like a depraved, sex-romp in space (and on Venus) novella ft Jimmy Saville)? But dress it up as your auto-biography? And your family/friends/anyone who ever laughed at you would feel obliged to read it (How could they not?), and weep?

[Attila]

Up to 200 pages for £7500.

Hmmm....I've been keeping a diary since 1 January 1976, in notebooks that average between 180 and 200 pages (a handful a lot shorter and a handful a lot longer, so let's say 180 pages average). I'm up to notebook number 276 as of last night.

Quick and dirty calculation, I've written around 49, 680 pages.

So how much do I get paid, and who am I to rinse for this tasty amount?

[Sebastian Cobb]

7500? I bet you could pay someone on fiverr fuck all to write something just as bad.

[bgmnts]

Does it have to be true, this autobiography? Could you do something creative (Like a depraved, sex-romp in space (and on Venus) novella ft Jimmy Saville)? But dress it up as your auto-biography? And your family/friends/anyone who ever laughed at you would feel obliged to read it (How could they not?), and weep?

Yeah i'd go the Graham Chapman route myself as well.

[magval]

Yeah i'd go the Graham Chapman route myself as well.

Norm too. Norm said his publisher wasn't interested in a novel so he told him his novel was his memoir, and then titled it Not A Memoir.

[shiftwork2]

It's all about legacy.

'Instead of leaving us a useful sum of money, granddad spent it on a fucking book about which office he worked at in 1973.  That's why we no longer talk about granddad or indeed tend his grave'.

[Theremin]

I have an old pal who used to copywrite for an identical service to this.

Now, I can see one GINORMOUS problem with this - Namely that the only people likely to take up this scheme are boring boomer poetry twats.

That was exactly how she described it, some of the most tedious cunts she'd ever met.

[Ferris]

It's all about legacy.

'Instead of leaving us a useful sum of money, granddad spent it on a fucking book about which office he worked at in 1973.  That's why we no longer talk about granddad or indeed tend his grave'.

Big laugh.

I think even the most egotistical person would balk at this, surely?

[idunnosomename]

That's why we no longer talk about granddad or indeed tend his grave'.

get in book

[Ferris]

Had another think about this, I reckon it's actually a great idea and have submitted an application for a bank loan to cover the cost.

The proffered interest rate was very high, but I know when I see the cheaply-printed manual discussing my enjoyment of creme eggs and the afternoon I spent in Cardiff, it will all be worth it.

[imitationleather]

7500? I bet you could pay someone on fiverr fuck all to write something just as bad.

While I was reading it I did wonder if they outsourced the writing, proofreading etc. to people on peanuts. It would make sense and I wish I'd thought of this business first.

[idunnosomename]

wait a minute

[steve98]

"Gramps" by Phil Kuhl would make a great unusual present for someone with no connection to (or interest in) the Kuhl family. Secret Santa maybe.

[studpuppet]

I use a printer in Berwick (there's a desolation thread right there). and when I was going round it recently there was a set of very high-end looking books in production (real cloth on the case, foil blocking etc. - not your usual vanity publishing standard). It was the memoirs of a local man, Army or Navy, can't quite remember - his experiences in the war and so on.
I asked how many they'd printed and they'd managed nearly a thousand copies in total over a few short runs. "Wow!" I said, "That's good going - he's sold more than Don Estelle!", to which the printer replied, "No, he hasn't sold any. He gives them away to anyone he meets who'll take a copy."