SUPERMARKET FUCKDOWN II: BOG ROLL HARDER

[Huxleys Babkins]

Supermarkets have started rationing items again. Not as bad as before, but as a precaution due to small upticks in demand.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-54294575

Of course, it's now trending on Twitter, so I'm expecting shelves to be stripped bare over the weekend as people try to work around the restrictions. Be sensible out there, people. Your anuses depend on it.

[bgmnts]

Would it be more environmentally friendly to move to a bidet? I know Big Toilet Paper wouldn't allow but seems madness to me.

[BlodwynPig]

Would it be more environmentally friendly to move to a bidet? I know Big Toilet Paper wouldn't allow but seems madness to me.

I'm sure shoulders will bring you back a shelf-toilet once he has emerged from 6 months quarantine, that is.

[H-O-W-L]

Haha, yaaaas. I'm on holiday from work (at home, not a spreading cunt) so I won't have to face this. Yaaaas. Get in.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I just picked up 4 rolls after using kitchen roll for several days out of sheer laziness, get in.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Would it be more environmentally friendly to move to a bidet? I know Big Toilet Paper wouldn't allow but seems madness to me.

You can get bum-gun attachments (search for shataff as that's what Muslims call them and they're the main customer base) on ebay for less than a tenner. Just a case of installing a T-Piece in between the water pipe and your cistern.

Last time there was a run on bog roll I ran out of kitchen roll and had to resort to just having a shower every time I had a sit-down job. Probably not that environmentally friendly given my schedules.

[Blue Jam]

You can get bum-gun attachments (search for shataff as that's what Muslims call them and they're the main customer base)

I saw a few of those in Finland too. Also a few in Japan in places that didn't have those amazing futuristic toilets. Bidets are fucking ace as well.

Using paper is pretty disgusting when you think about it.

I actually never had a problem sourcing bog roll during FUCKDOWN 1.0 because I discovered some some sort of bog-roll detection instinct. I mainly got them from this weird little newsagents. The bog rolls were scented but they did the job.

Already bought some today but going to buy some more. The students are back which means the shelves are being stripped as if visited by a swarm of locusts and I bet all those poor sods cooped up in halls will be after some.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Using paper is pretty disgusting when you think about it.

It is but outside Japan, with their space-age machines that blow-dry afterwards what do you do 'on the go'? Wander around with a wet arse?

[BlodwynPig]

You can get bum-gun attachments (search for shataff as that's what Muslims call them and they're the main customer base) on ebay for less than a tenner. Just a case of installing a T-Piece in between the water pipe and your cistern.

Last time there was a run on bog roll I ran out of kitchen roll and had to resort to just having a shower every time I had a sit-down job. Probably not that environmentally friendly given my schedules.

using kitchen roll is a nightmare for wastewater engineers. At least now there are moves to recover fibres pre-treatment at plants. In the not too distant future you could be wearing a jacket made from your shit napkins.

[Blue Jam]

It's about time we had some kind of reusable bog-roll, something like the menstrual cup.

The other day I discovered there is a menstrual cup called The Bloody Buddy. I might market an environmentally friendly reusable wanksock called The Cum Chum. The reusable arse wipes could be called Bum Chums. Just got to work out the details of how they'd actually work now.

[Sebastian Cobb]

It's about time we had some kind of reusable bog-roll, something like the menstrual cup.

I might market an environmentally friendly reusable wanksock called The Cum Chum.

Wouldn't this just be a single sock?

[Sebastian Cobb]

using kitchen roll is a nightmare for wastewater engineers.

Yeah, I know it's bad, which is why I try and make it as small as possible and don't double up.

I stayed on a street that sloped in two directions that resulted in one side of houses being about a metre above the street, with elevated or sloped gardens that were about 2.5m long. The buchan trap collapsed (owned by the water board, and I think was buried under the road) and the hatch in the street ended up spewing a load of 'mulch' that was a mixture of shit, bog roll and water whenever anyone showered. I'm guessing this would've happened anyway, being a physical collapse, but it coincided with me needing a shit IMMEDIATELY, there being no bog roll and me using a newspaper.

I also paid over a hundred quid to be told that by an emergency drain surgeon, so lesson learned.

[Consignia]

As a student I was once in a pinch so much I used printer paper as emergency bog roll[nb]I got free it as a learning difficulty student[/nb]. Probably the worst of all worlds, as you may imagine.

[Sebastian Cobb]

As a student I was once in a pinch so much I used printer paper as emergency bog roll[nb]I got free it as a learning difficulty student[/nb]. Probably the worst of all worlds, as you may imagine.

I nearly crashed my car driving my car to the Sainsbury's round the corner from that same house because I instantly needed to get rid of a hangover shit, and the bathroom was occupied by a couple of Chinese tilers that didn't seem to speak English and I didn't have the heart, balls or skills to try and mime 'get the fuck out I need a shit'.

[thenoise]

Nice marketing, but wank socks are already as recycled as you can get - use them on your feet, then to mop up your disgusting sordid act, a week or two under the bed then through the wash when your mum threatens to clean your room for you, and repeat.

[BlodwynPig]

Yeah, I know it's bad, which is why I try and make it as small as possible and don't double up.

I stayed on a street that sloped in two directions that resulted in one side of houses being about a metre above the street, with elevated or sloped gardens that were about 2.5m long. The buchan trap collapsed (owned by the water board, and I think was buried under the road) and the hatch in the street ended up spewing a load of 'mulch' that was a mixture of shit, bog roll and water whenever anyone showered. I'm guessing this would've happened anyway, being a physical collapse, but it coincided with me needing a shit IMMEDIATELY, there being no bog roll and me using a newspaper.

I also paid over a hundred quid to be told that by an emergency drain surgeon, so lesson learned.

You're a good man.

[BlodwynPig]

As a student I was once in a pinch so much I used printer paper as emergency bog roll[nb]I got free it as a learning difficulty student[/nb]. Probably the worst of all worlds, as you may imagine.

How did the admin team react?

[Sebastian Cobb]

Nice marketing, but wank socks are already as recycled as you can get - use them on your feet, then to mop up your disgusting sordid act, a week or two under the bed then through the wash when your mum threatens to clean your room for you, and repeat.

Go to the doctors, get the verruca off your bellend, etc.

[thenoise]

reusable shit wipe from eccentric homemade sanitary towel company silly panda. A 'family pack' is a pack of 8 - I guess they're bigger than normal wipes, and you can run it under the tap and re wipe at a push, although youd still need a dry one to clean. But that's like one shite if it's a sloppy one! What is the rest of the family going to use?

[Sebastian Cobb]

Will hankies make a comeback now disposable stuff is bad? I know a mate in the green party that pulled one out and it was a crusty bogied mess like the old blokes pulled out in the bookies. They're basically fucking disgusting aren't they?

[Glebe]

I'm  OCD about germs anyway never mind the pandemic, it was like Christmas come early when stocks of dettol began to appear again.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I'm not really that arsed about germs but whichever way you cut it a rag with dried bogies stuck to it is horrible. And given I only actually need tissues when I've got a cold, I think it'd be saturated instantly and functionally useless.

I guess I could use a load of kitchen towels.

[Blue Jam]

Wouldn't this just be a single sock?

Go to the doctors, get the verruca off your bellend, etc.

The Cum Chum would basically be a repurposed verruca sock.

[FredNurke]

Go to the doctors, get the verruca off your bellend

Daylight come and I wanna go home

[Cold Meat Platter]

Will hankies make a comeback now disposable stuff is bad?

Daylight come and I wanna go home

[Cold Meat Platter]

I'll take bogies over your American snot anyday

[Uncle TechTip]

I'm not really that arsed about germs but whichever way you cut it a rag with dried bogies stuck to it is horrible. And given I only actually need tissues when I've got a cold, I think it'd be saturated instantly and functionally useless.

I guess I could use a load of kitchen towels.

Have you given up smoking now?

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Will hankies make a comeback now disposable stuff is bad? I know a mate in the green party that pulled one out and it was a crusty bogied mess like the old blokes pulled out in the bookies. They're basically fucking disgusting aren't they?

Y... you're supposed to wash them

[BlodwynPig]

I'm not really that arsed

No need for bog roll then, friend.

[checkoutgirl]

Why are people so obsessed with toilet paper? All it does is mash faeces up into your hoop. Only soap and warm water can do the job properly. I think for this reason it's most likely I will never again attend an overnight music festival.