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David Dickenson Deso.

Started by Glebe, October 05, 2020, 12:11:42 PM

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Glebe

David Dickenson describes Ainsley Harriot as "dusky".

David Dickenson loudly disproves of the Irish family that have moved in down the road, as he doesn't like their "ways".

David Dickenson spends a week in Marbella with Peter Ebdon.

David Dickenson sets the DVR for Michael Portillo's Great British Railway Journeys but he records Home and Away by accident. "Buggering bloody thing," he complains to the cat.

David Dickinson describes a mediocre pub carvery as a "real bobbydazzler" to a disinterested barman.

batwings

David Dickinson sleepwalks in a circle on his moonlit back lawn, punching at ghosts.

David Dickinson shouts abuse at a nun outside a Post Office while passing in his Range Rover. 'Orange Man Bad!' he cheerfully says to his reflection in the rear view mirror  before driving on, thrilled.

David Dickinson makes a deal with God during a difficult poo.



Glebe

David Dickenson shoves a bag of potatoes under the stairs and thinks about immigrants.

David Dickinson describes a depressing, anodyne restaurant in a bland village as "as close to ye olden days as one could get!"

bgmnts

David Dickinson cheers on Azerbaijan bombings.

Lordofthefiles

"DAVID DICK-IN-SON" says The Sun's headline as Operation Yewtree Two swings into action.

frajer

David Dickinson auditions to be the next Bond.

touchingcloth

This is a bit off topic for HS Art, but I know someone who worked on Bargain Hunt but with Tim Wonnacott rather than Dickenson as host, and apparently on one particularly long shooting day he shouted to the producer and accused them of "working me like a black".

David Dickinson unsuccessfully haggles for an ex-display BILLY bookcase in IKEA Tottenham.

A drunken David Dickinson phones Eric Knowles at 3am and growls at him to "grow your nonce 'tache back, you ceramics poof".

touchingcloth

Both having burned through the vast majority of their TV money, Tim Wonnacott suffers a breakdown while attempting to stain Dickenson's skin with a used teabag in lieu of the now unaffordable fake tan and accuses him of working him like a black.

David Dickinson bemoans not winning a BBC Writers Room scheme to discover unheard BAME voices.

touchingcloth

He doesn't realise it at the time, but David Dickenson has what will be his last wank.

David Dickinson attempts to order an 8oz fillet steak at the McDonald's Drive Thru.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Hello David Dickinson here, and when I say Dickinson, I mean Dick In...

... Dog.

touchingcloth

An administrative error leads to David Dickenson being booked for a wealthy child's 5th birthday party instead of Dick & Dom.

No smiles were seen and no young abuses went un-raped that day.

David Dickinson orders some labels off Ebay and starts swapping the price tickets in Aldi for his own homemade forgeries.

Having caused a huge fuss at the checkout, the manager apologises and honours the "misprints", but David Dickinson still tries to haggle another £15 off the bill.

David Dickinson assures the arresting officer that he's heard of neither the eBay seller labelz4u nor the PayPal account bobbydazzler69@gmail.com.

pancreas

Is David Dickinson the same thing as Ian McShane?

Glebe

David Dickenson criticizes Trump's skin tone, the hypocritical cunt.

famethrowa

David Dickinson attempts a little humour as he hands over £20 for a plastic bag of dubious street contraband. "YOU ARE DEALING WITH DICKINSON" he says with a wry smile. "Fuckin what?" says the tracksuited youth. "Er nothing" comes the reply.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

David Dickinson argues with some meff on the internet who keeps on purposely misspelling his surname.

Glebe

David Dickinson invents a mascot called Dicky the Duck for his new charity, Kids Who Want to Send 'Em Back Where They Came From.

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on October 05, 2020, 10:42:13 PM
David Dickinson argues with some meff on the internet who keeps on purposely misspelling his surname.

Er... yes, I purposely misspelled it. Now I will purposely spell it right.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy


Glebe

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on October 05, 2020, 10:58:57 PMGood lad, Gleb.

Dickinson is still not satisfied. "That blue forum me weird nephew does be on should be shut down!"

Hand Solo

David Dickinson during a bout of depression and mid-day drinking emerges dazed and confused from the King Henry pub famished and enters a village tea-room looking for 'cheap ass chips'. After an argument with proprietor he gets up from his table and drops his trousers revealing his carrot chroma cock before shouting at patrons "Look at that for a Bobby Dazzler! I'm fucking Lovejoy y'know?! I'm a multi-millionaire, I'll buy this place and install a fucking auction in here, liven all your stiffs up a bit! Where's Tinker??" After being picked up by his embarrassed wife she goes and sulks up a hill.

Glebe

^Heh, The King Henry pub sounds just like his favourite watering hole!

David Dickinson invites a business friend to a local charity 'barn dance'. "I know y'single at the moment Jim, there'll be plenty of tarts there! Country girls around here, they're simple, you'll be fighting them off with a shitty stick after a couple of glasses of Jemima's famous punch!"

Bum Flaps

Dickinson practices leering over his nose-end-perched glasses in the bathroom mirror of his windswept static caravan.

Glebe

David Dickinson buys another hunting scene painting to add to the many already adorning the walls of his stately cottage.

David Dickinson thwacks a mouse with a copy of Country Life. "That's got 'im, the little nazi!"

"They never got me on that tax thing, Tom," chuckles David Dickinson over a glass of brandy with a business associate down The Tipsy Titfer.

David Dickinson plays golf with Michael Grade then goes for a Sunday brunch in Staffordshire.