Author Topic: David Dickenson Deso.  (Read 2883 times)

Ptolemy Ptarmigan

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #30 on: October 06, 2020, 12:59:10 AM »
David Dickinson orders a bag of chips and realises he's £2.20 short.

On his way out he asks if he can have a free wifi.

Glebe

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #31 on: October 06, 2020, 04:01:52 AM »
David Dickinson pops into The Naughty Monk for a swift half, proudly sporting his new gold chain. "That's 24 carat, that is! 24 carat!"

David Dickinson takes a stroll around Devonshire with Nigel Farage, the two men enjoying a long discussion revolving around their shared hatred of wind farms.

David Dickinson goes into his local Sainsbury's wearing a customized union jack flag as a face mask. "Best of British and proud," Jamaican girl!" he winks to a young lady on a cash register.

David Dickinson hosts a special 'Pride of Yorkshire' event, with games, prizes and the chance of an exclusive photo opportunity with David costing a mere £100 (10p of each transaction will go to benefit Yorkshire cats).

David Dickinson criticizes this generation as "lazy" in an exclusive interview with The Sun. "Pandemic or no pandemic, kids nowadays are a fecund lot! Bring back conscription!"

David Dickinson gets involved with a local homeless charity, but only so as he can embezzle funds from it. "Carry the one, take off the commission... and I make a profit of fifty pounds!"

"Oh look what you've done now, you clumsy girl!" cries David Dickinson. "I'm sorry Mr. Dickinson, I'll get you another one." David Dickinson is seriously considering never coming to this restaurant again. "It's always that foreign one!"

David Dickinson pauses the VHS tape of Treasure Hunt and undoes his slacks. "There we go, Anneka, right on that arse shot," he hisses as he starts to masturbate.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2020, 05:58:41 AM by Glebe »

batwings

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #32 on: October 06, 2020, 01:32:37 PM »
David Dickinson strips to the waist and boxes his reflection to train for his annual bare fisted brawl with Dickie Davies, to be held this year in a Devon pub cellar.

David Dickinson slams an old suit button into the coin slot of the charity box on the chippy counter before moonwalking out through the doorway with his saveloy and chips.

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #33 on: October 06, 2020, 03:21:31 PM »
During a Covid downturn in auctioneering profits David Dickinson, Phil Martin and Tim Wonnacott form an ill-advised erotic dance troupe called The Chippendales for some quick cash in the pragmatic, but due to the possibility of legal action from a similarly named group and the sudden implementation of government health-restrictions have to alter their act to remaining completely motionless on-stage 2 metres apart while the French polisher from the Yellow Pages ad comes on in a face-mask and rubs lacquer into their crevices. Their tour of Norther bingo halls is cut short 3 weeks in through lack of interest and David is found unconscious on his dressing-room floor after accidentally drinking a bottle of Pledge in a drunken haze.

touchingcloth

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #34 on: October 06, 2020, 03:44:12 PM »
David Dickinson values Gamergate at £5.50 but tells you excitedly that if the right buyers are in the room a bidding war could drive things up to over £15.

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #35 on: October 06, 2020, 03:45:26 PM »
David Dickinson tries to high-five Chris Rock but gets left hanging.

Chollis

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #36 on: October 06, 2020, 03:59:28 PM »
David Dickinson gets glassed outside a Little Chef.

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #37 on: October 06, 2020, 04:04:14 PM »
The wife's out and "While the cat's away the vice will play," David smirks to himself as he slowly unzips his tweed trousers and reaches for the Brasso and his hidden copy of `Homos & Antiques' magazine.

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #38 on: October 06, 2020, 04:07:10 PM »
David Dickinson will not work with Vicki Michelle under any circumstances.

touchingcloth

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #39 on: October 06, 2020, 04:18:44 PM »
David Dickinson tells you that when he was your age he used to have "hand shandies coming out my arse".

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #40 on: October 06, 2020, 04:21:30 PM »
David Dickinson rebrands himself as Legend Dicko and no-one bothers to update his wiki entry.

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #41 on: October 06, 2020, 04:52:54 PM »
David Dickinson sits alone in his underpants, eating a bowl of chicken flavour super noodles and wondering why he's not on television anymore.

touchingcloth

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #42 on: October 06, 2020, 07:34:09 PM »
David Dickinson and Bear Grylls spend "the most enjoyable afternoon in yonks" comparing collections of Baden-Powell nonce apparatus.

Glebe

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #43 on: October 06, 2020, 08:04:56 PM »
David Dickinson often checks into hotels under the name 'Robert Dazzler'.

David Dickinson calls some local Chinese schoolchildren "the chinky-winkies".

David Dickinson always makes sure that his cuffs are sharp and his wrists are lithe before leaving the house. Oh, and a fresh scarlet handkerchief must always decorate the pocket.

David Dickinson drives his new Merc up to The Tiddley Toad and does jazz hands at everyone drinking outside. "Ta-da! Look at that paintjob, she's smashing!"

David Dickinson flashes his new Rolex while his wife peruses the perfume counter at new local shopping mall, 'Foreverblooms'.

David Dickinson dubs a local Pakistani man "The Thieving Terrorist" after his birdfeeder goes missing from the garden.

Glebe

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #44 on: October 07, 2020, 04:32:37 AM »
A drunk David Dickinson describes a woman's breasts as "jiggling jollies!" down the pub.

David Dickinson's wife buys him a shirt with blue pinstripes. "That's a real Bobby Dazzler!" he spouts in response.

David Dickinson only wears mustard-coloured waistcoats.

David Dickinson has always harboured a strong dislike of Martin Bashir. "And not just because of his intrusive interviews. There's just something about him!"

David Dickinson goes on lads-night-out with Peter Stringfellow in 1993 in Salford.

David Dickinson describes his favourite drink, champagne, as "lovely bubbly".

Glebe

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #45 on: October 07, 2020, 05:36:49 PM »
David Dickinson eats a monkey in a restaurant in Azerbaijan.

Glebe

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #46 on: October 07, 2020, 09:40:11 PM »
"That's the thing about Poundstretcher, y'get what y'pay for. Cheap as chips!" Says David Dickinson.

David Dickinson's wife gifts him nasal tweezers as an anniversary memento. "Best. Present. Ever!"

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #47 on: October 07, 2020, 10:18:10 PM »
David Dickinson refuses to film an episode of Real Deal in Glasgow. “They know what they’ve done” he snarls.

Glebe

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #48 on: October 07, 2020, 11:06:23 PM »
This is a bit off topic for HS Art, but I know someone who worked on Bargain Hunt but with Tim Wonnacott rather than Dickenson as host, and apparently on one particularly long shooting day he shouted to the producer and accused them of “working me like a black”.

Fiona Bruce was filming Antiques Roadshow nearby and, overhearing Wonnacott's remark, promptly reprimanded him. "Sorry Fiona, you're right," he admitted. "I meant to say that they're working us all like blacks."

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #49 on: October 08, 2020, 05:26:38 PM »
David Dickinson teams up with Tim Wonnacott to stage an NWO vs. WCW-style invasion of Bargain Hunt during which Eric Knowles and Anita Manning are both hospitalised.

Glebe

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #50 on: October 08, 2020, 10:10:21 PM »
David Dickenson and his wife organize a dinner party. The guest list: David Icke, Nick Knowles, Chris Tarrant, Noseybonk, Carol Vorderman, Nigel Lythgoe, Anne Widdecombe, Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Glebe

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #51 on: October 09, 2020, 04:06:29 AM »
David Dickinson polishes off a full packet of Viscount biscuits with a cuppa whilst watching Pointless. Doesn't seem like deso, but look closer; he's naked from the waist down.

Glebe

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #52 on: October 09, 2020, 08:14:56 AM »
David Dickinson earns a tasty tenner at the local jumble sale.

David Dickinson finds a crisp fiver on a path in Timperley. "I'm 'avin that," he tells himself, pocketing his fortuitous discovery.

David Dickinson's mate Gorgeous George refuses to lend him a pound for the toll booth. "You're tighter than Rod Stewart, you are, George."

David Dickinson sends Nigel Mansell a Hot Wheels racing car, "for a wheeze! Nigel's got a great sense of humour, he'll get it!"

Pingers

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #53 on: October 09, 2020, 11:17:50 AM »
David Dickinson prays nightly for the peaceful death of Donald Trump so he can skin the corpse and use it as a spare.

Glebe

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #54 on: October 09, 2020, 11:30:11 AM »
David Dickinson drives his Bentley to the local off-licence to pick out a fine wine for this evening's beanfeast.

Pingers

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #55 on: October 09, 2020, 02:38:34 PM »
David Dickinson markets his semen as a "moisturising bronzer". £1 per ml

Glebe

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #56 on: October 09, 2020, 02:50:13 PM »
David Dickinson plugs his Internet cable into the phone line and searches for 'ebay antiques' on "the Yahoo!"

batwings

  • Timewaster seeks same. No timewasters please.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #57 on: October 10, 2020, 09:24:08 AM »
David Dickinson proudly plonks a Barely Legal magazine down on the newsagent's counter. Tapping his nose, he exclaims "I'm not only into antiques, you know!".



Glebe

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Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #58 on: October 11, 2020, 12:21:17 AM »
David Dickinson proudly plonks a Barely Legal magazine down on the newsagent's counter. Tapping his nose, he exclaims "I'm not only into antiques, you know!".

"Oh sod it, I'll have a Reader's Wives and all!" chuckles David Dickinson, the naughty chap!

David Dickinson takes his chips with curry sauce back to the takeaway, complaining that "the curry sauce is too watery!" They give him chips with garlic sauce instead, which he accepts with a grunt. "Fucking breath on him, he must have been on one of his legendary pub crawls again!" quips a staff member.

David Dickinson chews the fat with a local councillor over proposals for the building of a recycling plant near his home. "These hippies want to take over the world, but they don't take us normal folk into consideration!"

David Dickinson recalls childhood trips to Scarborough, the journey there enhanced by The Beano, fizzy pop and a Tunnock's Carmel Wafer or two!

Glebe

  • Please beware as there is a draclea on the loose.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #59 on: October 11, 2020, 05:40:22 AM »
David Dickinson takes his chips with curry sauce back to the takeaway, complaining that "the curry sauce is too watery!" They give him chips with garlic sauce instead, which he accepts with a grunt. "Fucking breath on him, he must have been on one of his legendary pub crawls again!" quips a staff member.

David Dickinson stumbles back into the takeaway five minutes later. "And I'll tell yeh something else, these aren't the cheapest chips I ever bought neither!"

David Dickinson offers a lift to a young lady at the side of the road. "I don't normally approve of hitch-hikers, but when they're as pretty as you..."

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