Author Topic: David Dickenson Deso.  (Read 23611 times)

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #300 on: April 09, 2021, 05:53:08 PM »
"David! There's somebody in the mantrap!"

"Well done Swashy... let's have a look... it's Matt Baker! We'll get him sorted and get him to work!"

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #301 on: April 11, 2021, 05:48:45 PM »
Swashy and Davro are doing a bit of weeding one afternoon when they hear something of a kerfuffle going on near the back of the house. Looking up, they see David approaching holding onto a battering-looking man who has his hands tied behind his back.

"Please... NO!"

"Oh shut up, Bryan! Look at this lads, a prize catch! Bryan Ferry will be helping you dig out the stables later, won't you, Bryan?"

"You can't do this! The police will-"

"The local police have been payed off, Bryan. Furthermore, I've got those, shall we say, 'compromising' polaroids of you. Now get to work. There's a good lad. Swashy and Bobby will show you the ropes. Ada will do you some tea and scones later if you're a good boy. I'll leave you with the lads."

"Pant... are you prisoners too?!"

"No," answers Bobby, "he pays us wages. Slave wages, mind you, but it's better than what I was earning on the variety circuit."

"Come on," chirps Swashy cheerfully, "I'll get you some TCP for those cuts. 'More Than This' is a belter, by the way."

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #302 on: April 13, 2021, 01:36:54 PM »
Nick Ross is walking home from the post office when he suddenly gets the eerie sensation that he is being watched. He shrugs his shoulders and continues on.

"Psst... get the chloroform ready Bobby, I think we have you and Swash a new co-worker!"

"Thank fuck Mr. Dickinson I thought we'd be hiding in this bush forever!"

"You can call me David, Bobby, I told you before."

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #303 on: April 13, 2021, 02:08:16 PM »
Nick Ross is successfully captured but is nowhere to be seen the next morning when the boys arrive to find the shed door ripped off its hinges.

"He's escaped David!"

"Not another one! Bobby you were supposed to be guarding him!"

"You said no overtime David. We don't get paid for nights so I just went to sleep in the stables."

"I should charge you rent for that," scoffs David. "Check the moat, he won't have got far in his condition. Swashy, look for his tracks!"

After an hour of searching the boys find one shoe, some ripped trouser fabric and a medal of St.Crimian, the patron saint of nightmares, at the barbed wire property enclosure- but no sign of Ross.

The next day black and white flyers can be found on lamposts and under windscreen wipers around the village.

LOST!
Have you seen these people?
A pretty penny in reward money is available
in return for information on the whereabouts of

Nick Ross
Gregg Wallace
Rob Curling
Ada Dickinson

Call 42-22-234 and ask for Bobby
 

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #304 on: April 14, 2021, 06:11:11 PM »
"I thought Ada had come back David?"

"No Bobby. I think she's left me for good. But there's a reward for her return none the less. DEAD OR ALIVE."

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #305 on: April 15, 2021, 06:22:51 PM »
David joins the lads for a rendition of The Travelling Wilbury's 'End of the Line' as they weed the garden. Even Bryan Ferry is smiling, and he's not even on a wage.

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #306 on: April 16, 2021, 04:01:22 PM »
Ada finally comes home and agrees to renew the marriage vows.

"Sniff... I've missed you so much, Ada!"

"Me too David, but why is Bryan Ferry operating a Flymo on our lawn?"

"Never mind that Ada, remember you said you'd always love to see a wild elephant in it's natural habitat?"

"Yes... why?"

"Well get our old safari jackets out of storage... as soon as the pandemic ends, we're going to do just that!"

"Oh David... we'll rekindle our romance in the sands!"

A tear forms in David's eye as Toto's 'Africa' beings to play out of nowhere.

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #307 on: April 17, 2021, 06:08:37 PM »
David is on his best behaviour with Ada after her return.

He begrudgingly allows Bryan Ferry into the house to allow Ada to spend two hours removing a splinter from his finger. He even allows him to remain when he insists on thanking Ada with an a capella rendition of In Every Dream Home a Heartache but is not best pleased to Ada's flustered and red faced reaction to the debonnaire crooner, especially as he's shirtless.

Next morning at roll call David harangues the boys.

"Now you know I like to keep things casual but its about time we had a dress-code. As from today I dont want to see any of you lot going without a shirt. Cover yer selves up!"

"But David," protests Swash "you instructed us to all work topless when Greg was here. You said his physique should shame us into putting more effort in and we should all be looking like him inside 3 months."

David brushes away the complaints and the lads get back to work on chipping boulders into perfectly rounded pebbles for a zen garden. Work progresses well but David is disturbed to see Ada giggling when she brings Bryan Ferry a glass of Fanta later in the afternoon.

Dress code is updated the next morning. "No going topless and NO white tuxedos!"

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #308 on: April 17, 2021, 07:18:32 PM »
"Ada, I don't like the way you've been ogling Bryan! I want a divorce!"

Bryan pops his head in the window and begins to croon:

"You know you made a vow, to never leave one another... come on, come on, stick together!"

"You keep y'nose out of it, Bryan!"

"Now if you're stuck for a while, consider your child... how can it be happy without its ma and pa, stick together!"

"David Jnr. has long flown the nest! Now back to work, Bryan!"

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #309 on: April 18, 2021, 06:15:49 PM »
"Y'know Swashy before Ada came back I was actually contemplating giving Ainsley a ring and asking him if he'd like to quit his new job and come back in the role of my temporary 'wife'. I'd bought the wig and all."

"You don't have to tell me all your dark thoughts, David."

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #310 on: April 21, 2021, 04:52:36 PM »
The latest issue of Heat features an exclusive snap of Bryan digging in David's garden, with the caption, 'Oh how the mighty have fallen'.

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #311 on: April 22, 2021, 10:42:41 PM »
"There you go Bryan, y'first wage packet! Y'must be chuffed to be on the payroll now!"

"Yes David, but I have to say, I thought you'd give me 'More Than This'!"

"Y'fired, mate. Y'fired."

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #312 on: April 23, 2021, 04:09:05 PM »
"AINSLEY! YOU'VE RETURNED!"

"Hiya David! Alright Bobby, Swashy... no way, is that Bryan Ferry?"

"It is indeed Ainsley, nice to meet you!"

"I've got all your records! Anyway David, I come bearing gifts. Here you go... Joe Dolce, the Go Compere guy and Michael Bolton!"

"Fuck me, Bolton's a real catch, well done Ainsley! Once the multi-millionaire mullet, now he'll work for less than minimum wage!"

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #313 on: April 24, 2021, 06:16:01 AM »
David finds an out of date Twix down the side of the sofa. Bit stale, but "very passable otherwise, Ada."

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #314 on: April 24, 2021, 07:41:14 PM »
"Here David, what happened to H from Steps?" Swashy asks David.

"Here I am!" chirps H from Steps from behind a hedge. "I was digging a drainage trench when I fell asleep from exhaustion."

"Back to work, no slacking!"

"Yes David, right away David."

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #315 on: April 25, 2021, 07:51:08 PM »
"In lieu of payment this week H from Steps, I'm gifting you my Best of ABBA CD."

"Er, I'd prefer the payment to be honest David."

"Fucking bet you would mate but beggars can't be choosers."

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #316 on: April 26, 2021, 06:36:40 AM »
"Bobby, could you come in for a minute please? I'm trying to set this fucking DVR to record the cricket."

"Swashy might be a better choice David, being younger he'd prolly understand it better."

"Where is he?"

"Oh yeah I forget he, H from Steps and Bryan Ferry made a break for it this morning."

"Fuck. Better release the hounds."

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #317 on: April 26, 2021, 03:19:41 PM »
H from Steps is recaptured and interrogated by David.

"I don't understand, H from Steps. Why did you want to leave?"

"There's a Steps reunion concert in London, David."

"Why didn't you say? You should go!"

"Really? You don't mind?"

"No problemo! But I want a taste," says David scratching the head of one of his dobermans.

"... of course. How much?"

"Let's split it down the middle- you get day off, the catering and the run around on stage and I'll take the fee."

"Er...."

(growl)

"Sounds fair."

"Good lad, now can you give me back that ABBA CD?"

"Give it back? but you gave it to me"

"LENT it to you, son. LENT IT!" smiles David.

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #318 on: April 26, 2021, 04:35:20 PM »
David Dickinson has just bought a 1981 original Pac-Man arcade machine which he hopes to sell to Dominik Diamond at a 200% mark-up.

"He'll snap it up, he's thick as mince," David crows on a cold call to Richard Bacon.

"Sorry, who did you say you were?" asks Bacon before being interrupted. "What's he doing back there?....AINSLEY! put your back into it! we'll never grind enough flour at the rate you're going!"

David marches through the back door to admonish Ainsley but instead of entering the back garden he finds himself in his front hall.

"Ains- eh? That's odd," he says to himself and continues through the house. He's about to try and exit the back door again when he notices the phone he's left hanging.

"Bacon, y'still there? Long story short, I've got a job for you here. Cash wages, big money. Get Peter Duncan down here an' all."

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #319 on: April 26, 2021, 05:17:16 PM »
"Peter's earning a steady wage David."

"Give over Bacon, he's done nowt of import since sticking his hand in that tree in Flash Gordon!"

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #320 on: April 26, 2021, 06:26:47 PM »
"Peter Duncan speaking, Spare me the madness"

"Still dining out on that are y'mate? Thought as much"

"What?"

"Sorry, thought I was on mute. Listen, this is David Dickinson. I need someone to help wi' some quarrying, all by hand and at night because its in me neighbour's land. Now, the pay's not much to start and first month is unpaid induction but-"

"I'll take it!"

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #321 on: April 26, 2021, 06:40:57 PM »
"Peter, you're nice and early!"

"Yes David, and I've brought Mark Curry with me!"

"Hello David, I hear you've got some work going!"




Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #322 on: April 27, 2021, 07:22:13 PM »
"David, Janet Eliis is at the gate!"

"Tell her I've got no work available today, Swash!"

"No she wants the ABBA CD she lent you back!"

"Oh fuck I forgot about that!"

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #323 on: April 28, 2021, 06:11:03 PM »
During a break from sweeping the patio, H from Steps gets a chance to chat with David.

"Tell you what David, you'll have half the presenters of Blue Peter working for you by the end of the month if this keeps up!"

"Ha, indeed H... Peter Purves would be the jewel in the crown, but I'd feel bad making him do backbreaking work for little pay at his age!"

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #324 on: April 29, 2021, 06:34:44 PM »
"Psst, Bobby... we're organising a breakout tonight!"

"What about the searchlights, Bryan?"

"Peter and Mark will take care of that. Their years as Blue Peters presenters mean they're handy with anything!"

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #325 on: April 30, 2021, 06:14:41 PM »
"Ada, have y'seen me Werthers? Rich and creamy and ungommonly good!"

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #326 on: May 01, 2021, 05:18:52 PM »
Bryan, Joe and Bobby go 'over the wire' that night, and stop for a breather in a bushy clearing.

"Pant... excellent work all, looks like we've made it to freedom! Oh hi H from Steps, didn't think you'd come along too!"

H from Steps pulls out a pistol.

"Not so fast... Stop right there."

Suddenly, David emerges from a tree behind him.

"Good work, H from Steps... there'll be a promotion in this for you, y'little traitor!"

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #327 on: May 02, 2021, 09:39:53 PM »
Joe, Bobby and Bryan spend six weeks in 'The Hole'. They emerge broken men, and will never again defy David. Meanwhile, H from Steps is promoted to Lieutenant.

Glebe

  • Lil nonsense now+then relished by the wisest men.
Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #328 on: May 04, 2021, 01:15:07 PM »
Davro makes a break for it one day but is shot down by H from Steps.

"Nice one H, up there in your sentry tower," smiles David to himself.

Re: David Dickenson Deso.
« Reply #329 on: May 04, 2021, 04:50:25 PM »
Meanwhile on the other side of the property, the Blue Peter faction are running their own camp within a camp. Its a no-go zone after dark for H and his goons.Curry and Bacon run a ruthless 'press gang' forcibly recruiting cast members from the TV series 'Press Gang'.

Simon Groom is rumoured to be running everything from inside a cave near the south boundary although no-one has ever seen him and he's not on the payroll.

"How does this all end, David?" asks an exasperated Ada.

"This ends, love, with me living in your big house and dancing a sailors hornpipe on your husband's grave."

"Ooh, I like the sound of that," coos Ada.

"Whats that love?"

"Nothing David," says Ada to David who has heard nothing of Simon Groom's telepathic message.

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