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March 28, 2024, 11:53:33 AM

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David Dickenson Deso.

Started by Glebe, October 05, 2020, 12:11:42 PM

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Glebe

Germaine Greer has been with Dickinson for a month now and there's no sign of wages.

"David, when am I gonna get paid?"

"Have patience, Germaine, you'll get your few quid! Now go and help Harry Hill with the veg patch."

Glebe

"David, the Flymo's fucked!"

"I'm not shelling out for a new mower, Bobby. You can do the rest with this rusty old shears."

"What, all fives acres?"

"You want your tea tonight, don't you Bobby?"

Davro says nowt and gets on with the Herculean task at hand.

Mr Farenheit

David tricks Dr. Hilary Jones into signing a ten year contract. He asks him to list the items he'd need to build a secret underground medical lab.

"anything you need doc, I want you to make me an army of robo-celebs"

Glebe

Quote from: Mr Farenheit on June 15, 2021, 08:31:57 AMDavid tricks Dr. Hilary Jones into signing a ten year contract. He asks him to list the items he'd need to build a secret underground medical lab.

"anything you need doc, I want you to make me an army of robo-celebs"

"I'm gonna need a little assistance on this project though, David... can I borrow Raj Persaud?"

"Go ahead, mate. He's over there helping Jan Francis with my rookery."

Glebe

THIS MONTH'S ACQUISITIONS:

Romilly Weeks
Lou Ferrigno
Marcus Brigstocke
Christopher Lillicrap

Mr Farenheit

Quote from: Glebe on May 30, 2021, 05:08:39 PM
The 'For Sale' sign comes down outside Hucknall House, as Neil and Christine Hamilton move in.

Its been three weeks since the Hamiltons moved in and apart from some 'beefing up' of the propery boundary in the first few days things have been quiet. The Hamiltons have rarely been seen and life has gone on as normal on the Dickinson side of the fence, the new neighbours almsot forgotten.

Then one afternoon all hell breaks loose.

The lads are toiling away at David's new zen garden when a full scale working model of one of the alien machines from the TV series The Tripods steps over the fence. At the controls in an open-top cockpit is Neil Hamilton! The Hamilton-tripod rapidly advances to the gravel-raking work party who stand open mouthed and seemingly paralysed. Only Ainsley is able to react and scarpers away to the house to fetch David.

"David, TRIPOD! TRIPOD! TRIPOOOD!!!" yells Ainsley to David who's sitting in the kitchen intensley focused on a bourbon biscuit which is hovering a couple of centimetres above the table surface. The bourbon drops a split second after the outburst.

"Ainsley, you broke me train of thought! I was almost up to ten seconds there- what the 'ell's the matter?"

"attack.... garden... tripod...." pants Ainsley.

A bemused David reluctantly goes out to the garden to see what the fuss is about.

Outside, the tripod looms over the garden like a cheap kids-sci-fi colossus. Bobby Davro is dangling six feet off the ground with his head in a pincer claw extending umbilically from the belly of the mechanical beast! At the controls, Neil Hamilton has a maniacal grin on his face.

"GO GO GADGET SPRING SHOES!"

David 'springs' into action, his shoes extending him to the tripod's height and he swaggers over to the machine. "No you don't mate!" he croaks at Hamilton.

A furious wrestling match takes place thirty feet above the ground as David attempts to wrest control of the Tripod. Both men scuffle and grab at the levers, accidentally bouncing Bobby Davro off the ground several times. David gets Hamilton in a headlock but has to release him when Hamilton mashes his thumb into his eye.

For a while its unclear who's going to get the better of it and the fearful lads start to think that David has finally met his match. Then, all of a sudden, he plays an ace. "GO GO GADGET TIE!" David's silk tie unravels and wraps itself around Hamilton's neck. Half-strangled, Hamilton is unable to prevent David taking the controls.

Bobby is released and drops ten feet to the patio below. David's extricates his tie and sets the Tripod on a course back towards the neighbours' property.

"Go on- sling yer hook!" he yells as the tripod staggers over the fence and crashes into the side of the Hamiltons' house.

"You're a hero, David!" exclaims H as Ada watches on beaming from the kitchen window.

"Don't worry lads, I don't think we'll have any more problems from the Hamiltons in a hurry. Celebrations all round tonight, a can of Tesco lager for every man!"

But just then a panicked Nigel Havers runs up from the bottom of the garden. "David, TRIPOD! TRIPOD!... BRIAN...CLAW... TRIPOOOOD!"

David's razor sharp mind instantly grasps the situation, and it's a disaster- the Neil Hamilton attack was simply a decoy! While the struggle was going on Christine Hamilton had outflanked him to march unopposed into the southern part of the property in her own tripod and snatch Brian Ferry.





Glebe

"Havers, get the Dickinsonmobile from the garage, here's the keys!"

"Which one is the 'Dickinsonmobile', David?"

"It's the Ford Cortina with the machine gun attachment. Now hurry!"

While Havers retrieves the car, David commands the rest of his troops to fall back to safety before diving into the thick of the action!

"GO GO GADGET ARMS!"

David's extended mechanical arms grab a hold of Christine Hamilton's tripod's legs, just as Havers comes skidding around the corner in the Dickinson mobile.

"NOW, Havers!"

Havers unleashes a volley from the machine gun attachment, and the tripod falls, to cheers from the onlooking crowd!

"David, Christine Hamilton is escaping!" cries H from Steps.

"Let her go, H... phew! Nice work, Havers!"

"We make a great team, David," smiles Nigel, poking his head out of the car window.

"Now... is everyone accounted for?"

"Yes... no casualties to report!" chirps Ainsley.

Suddenly, Greg Proops comes running up from the bottom of the garden.

"David... it's Steve Pemberton... he's been 'capped'!"

"Crikey, he's lost a lot of weigh, hasn't he?! But yeah, that's awful... he is now a slave of The Tripods!"


Glebe

"David, there's another tripod!"

"Quick Bobby, grab that shears! GO GO GADGET LEGS!"

In a trice, David has a hold of one of the tripods legs.

"NOW, Bobby!"

Davro throws the shears with all his might, aiming for a weak spot on the tripod's leg. Success! The tripod falls, the door on the front coming open in the process... a familiar figure can be seen inside... it's Mick Hucknall!

"Hucknall?! I thought you'd moved!"

"Groan... yes David, I had. Let me explain. Neil and Christine Hamilton threw in a tripod as part-payment for Hucknall House. Then when they'd settled in, I called them and told them that'd you'd been spreading lies about them down the post office. I knew Neil and Christine would get their tripods out of the garage an launch and attack on you, believing that you'd been slandering them. I returned to town in my own tripod, allowing them to take the brunt of the battle before moving in for a late surprize attack. But I was foiled!"

"It serves you right, Hucknall. H... get the first aid kit and patch him up, then send him on his way!"

Dazed and emotional, Mick begins to sing:

"Holdin' back the years..."

Glebe

Greta Thunberg's 15 minutes of fame are up, and she is forced to work for Dickinson to supplement her pocket money.

"For goodness' sake Greta, y'don't arrange hyacinths like that!"

"David! How can you talk to a mere child like that?"

"Oh right Bobby... sorry Greta... could you please sort these flowers out? It'll only take about eight hours to do properly. Cheers love."