Is the PHWOAARR thread we have a bit rum?

[Sebastian Cobb]

Just tend to cross the road because walking slow is tiring and hanging back could probably be misconstrued as being even more stalky, cheers.

[Zetetic]

I have a bicycle.

Men, women and children fear me but for acceptable reasons.

[JaDanketies]

Also you gotta have empathy for yourself too. You only get to live here once. "Oh no, a woman is on the same street as me! Better walk in the wrong direction so she doesn't think anything bad about me" ain't the way I want to live my life.

If you actually feel threatened because a man is on the same pavement as you, enough for this to cause a distress that is more than mild and transient, then you gotta go to the doctor. I think the distress you guys feel by getting in your head about how threatening you are to them is probably more significant than the distress a well-adjusted woman would have cos you are walking the same direction as them. I've lived with women for most of the last 12 years and not once have I been informed about some guy who was on the same street as them

[Sebastian Cobb]

I have a bicycle.

Men, women and children fear me but for acceptable reasons.

First sentence doesn't say what kind of bicycle so I don't really know what to do with the second sentence.

[QDRPHNC]

Also you gotta have empathy for yourself too. You only get to live here once. "Oh no, a woman is on the same street as me! Better walk in the wrong direction so she doesn't think anything bad about me" ain't the way I want to live my life.

If you actually feel threatened because a man is on the same pavement as you, enough for this to cause a distress that is more than mild and transient, then you gotta go to the doctor. I think the distress you guys feel by getting in your head about how threatening you are to them is probably more significant than the distress a well-adjusted woman would have cos you are walking the same direction as them.

Yes, clearly you are much more rational on this subject than the rest of us.

[Zetetic]

First sentence doesn't say what kind of bicycle so I don't really know what to do with the second sentence.

It's kind of mauve.

[Shit Good Nose]

First sentence doesn't say what kind of bicycle so I don't really know what to do with the second sentence.

It's a Chopper, but instead of A-Team stickers it's spinning blades.  Serrated.

[Ferris]

Just tend to cross the road because walking slow is tiring and hanging back could probably be misconstrued as being even more stalky, cheers.

I've gone a block out the way and taken a parallel street home to avoid "following" someone before because I'm aware it might make them feel uncomfortable. It's fair enough isn't it? I always thought so.

Not if it's a busy street and everyone's all about everywhere, but if it's late at night and there's only the two of us around? It's absolutely the right thing.

Best case, someone who felt uncomfortable now feels better because of my decision. Worst case, nobody notices I get an extra 3 minutes of podcast to listen to as I walk home. It's a trivial outlay.

[JaDanketies]

Yes, clearly you are much more rational on this subject than the rest of us.

I dunno, it depends if you agree with me or not. What do you do when you're walking in the same direction as a single woman? And do you think routinely crossing the street is characteristic of a happy and peaceful mind

[QDRPHNC]

What do you do when you're walking in the same direction as a single woman?

It depends on the situation.

And do you think routinely crossing the street is characteristic of a happy and peaceful mind

I don't know how to begin responding to that.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I think this has come up before more than once.

I'll throw my two cents in - If it's quiet and dark or in an isolated area I'll give any a woman walking on her own a clear wide berth. It's pretty easy to do without signalling that's what you're doing. Even easier these days with distancing.

I don't do this for any other reason than to reduce any sense of threat from me on her part to zero. Not necessarily specifically to do with threat of rape, but potentially mugging or even just harassment. If she wouldn't have felt any threat anyway then that's great: zero harm done either way.

Likewise I cross the road or steer a wide path if I sense something's off about a person I've spotted. Which also happens a lot. Assumption that nothing bad is happening is often how tension is created and sometimes how bad things end up happening. Discovering that being considerate to others is something you can do proactively at little to no cost to your own day/well-being should be something to be happy about!

ain't the way I want to live my life.

Small adjustments for basic consideration for others which cause no impact on you whatsoever aren't the way you want to live your life? Showing consideration for other people's potential feelings while not being inconvenienced does make me feel a little bit better, now you mention it.

[bgmnts]

Doing the right thing makes me about as happy and peaceful as it gets to be fair.

[Zetetic]

And do you think routinely crossing the street is characteristic of a happy and peaceful mind

The more I think about this, the more I think that the answer is "yes" but that this has nothing to do with single women per se and more about the realities of built geography in this time and place.

[Sebastian Cobb]

But at the same time, with every turn comes another set of problems.

Best not to go out at all really.

[JaDanketies]

I don't think either Jesus OR the Dalai Llama would cross the street.

It isn't a hill I'm going to die on, as I said it's something I used to do and I no longer do and I guess it's built on internal character rather than any kind of rational argument. It speaks to values and beliefs and the whole way you interact with the world.

I guess fundamentally is the fact that I don't think I'm a threatening person. I think my demeanour and behaviour is non-threatening. So me walking home is just a normal person doing normal things. If someone is threatened by me because I am a member of 50% of the population and there's an expectation by others that I ought to vary my route accordingly, it isn't an accomodation I would feel inclined to make. It just doesn't fit.

So maybe you can say it's ego. But it's less about how the world views me and more about how I view the world. I don't worry what the other person might be thinking about me.

And I do try to make accomodations for strangers. Just none where I ought to prove I'm not a rapist.

I would say as well that now we are talking about it but usually I would not even think about it. I would just walk and probably listen to music and look at my phone.

[thenoise]

In some of my darker and more ill-informed moments I'm ashamed to say I sometimes used to think "God, why are feminists always moaning about objectification, I would fucking LOVE to be objectified by someone, I'll take that over my current state of just feeling like a repulsive waste of flesh".

Try going to a gay bar, you'll experience it all from flattery to fear via disgust, cynicism, bewilderment etc. Imagine if the whole world was like that?

[bgmnts]

"I say what I mean and I mean what I bloody well say!"

[flotemysost]

If you actually feel threatened because a man is on the same pavement as you, enough for this to cause a distress that is more than mild and transient, then you gotta go to the doctor.

If it feels like there's any sort of possibility that these could be your last moments, then I think it's absolutely reasonable. I grew up not far from where the Levi Bellfield murders took place and believe me I would have been bricking it as a young teenager walking home if I thought a man was possibly following me on a quiet/dark street (which many streets are in the suburbs).

Of course many attacks on women aren't of the stranger-in-a-dark-alley variety, but some are, which is enough to make that fear completely understandable, sadly. It's not like we have the luxury of only choosing one, and to be compassionate about one isn't to discount the other.

[flotemysost]

Try going to a gay bar, you'll experience it all from flattery to fear via disgust, cynicism, bewilderment etc. Imagine if the whole world was like that?

Oh absolutely, I've heard from quite a few of my gay male mates that the bar/club landscape can be incredibly intimidating, and lots of them joke about how after 30 they're basically dead in gay years. That might well be an unfair view based on a narrow cross-section of the scene and/or a particular era (I mean, I've definitely seen plenty of blokes well over 30 living it up at the Eagle or wherever) but I know a few people who've been deeply insecure about not measuring up to the standards associated with certain scenes. I'm far from an expert on that world though.

[machotrouts]

Apropos of nothing it's my 30th birthday

Happy birthday machotrouts

[bgmnts]

Penblwydd hapus!

[pigamus]

I don't think either Jesus OR the Dalai Llama would cross the street.

It isn't a hill I'm going to die on, as I said it's something I used to do and I no longer do and I guess it's built on internal character rather than any kind of rational argument. It speaks to values and beliefs and the whole way you interact with the world.

I guess fundamentally is the fact that I don't think I'm a threatening person. I think my demeanour and behaviour is non-threatening. So me walking home is just a normal person doing normal things. If someone is threatened by me because I am a member of 50% of the population and there's an expectation by others that I ought to vary my route accordingly, it isn't an accomodation I would feel inclined to make. It just doesn't fit.

So maybe you can say it's ego. But it's less about how the world views me and more about how I view the world. I don't worry what the other person might be thinking about me.

And I do try to make accomodations for strangers. Just none where I ought to prove I'm not a rapist.

I would say as well that now we are talking about it but usually I would not even think about it. I would just walk and probably listen to music and look at my phone.

Why do I suddenly feel the need to go and clean my room

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

If you actually feel threatened because a man is on the same pavement as you, enough for this to cause a distress that is more than mild and transient, then you gotta go to the doctor.

Fuck you.

[Wonderful Butternut]

If you actually feel threatened because a man is on the same pavement as you, enough for this to cause a distress that is more than mild and transient, then you gotta go to the doctor. I think the distress you guys feel by getting in your head about how threatening you are to them is probably more significant than the distress a well-adjusted woman would have cos you are walking the same direction as them. I've lived with women for most of the last 12 years and not once have I been informed about some guy who was on the same street as them

Has anyone been looking for a textbook example of mansplaining? Cos I found one.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I guess fundamentally is the fact that I don't think I'm a threatening person. I think my demeanour and behaviour is non-threatening. So me walking home is just a normal person doing normal things. If someone is threatened by me because I am a member of 50% of the population and there's an expectation by others that I ought to vary my route accordingly, it isn't an accomodation I would feel inclined to make. It just doesn't fit.

I don't think I'm carrying corona virus, so why should I have to wear a mask in public?

[Hand Solo]

Oh absolutely, I've heard from quite a few of my gay male mates that the bar/club landscape can be incredibly intimidating, and lots of them joke about how after 30 they're basically dead in gay years.

That's the old go-to joke if you spot anybody using Grindr:

"Did you know you can set your profile to invisible?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, just put your age as over 30."

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

This is why men who whine about how unfair it is that there's a women-only night bus but no men-only night bus should be given short fucking shrift and not indulged as if their concerns are in good faith, because ultimately they come out with stupid crap like this. "Any woman who feels afraid of a random man is psychologically damaged and in need of therapy, men are the Real Victims for being Made To Feel Like Creeps, they're being prejudiced towards men".

I'm a member of three sports clubs, two of which allow teenagers to participate in adult classes from the age of fifteen. I have no interest in teenagers, I'm old enough now to respectably be their mother, they have nothing to offer me sexually or romantically. But I'm still careful when I train with a young person not to say anything inappropriate and not to be over-familiar. I've been in situations where a young person has been standing with phone in hand after class, looking up and down the road for their lift as the rain starts falling. And I can't say "can I give you a lift" or "do you want to sit in the car while you wait?" Because I'm not the teacher. I'm not Garda-vetted. Their parents don't know me. I have no way of knowing how any individual teenager will react to a nearly forty year old woman saying "come sit in my car out of the rain, good boy". Could easily be taken the wrong way.

I don't decide "bleh it's on them if they think I'm a creepy old woman, they need medical help, what's more important is that I feel comfortable and don't consider anybody's feelings but my own."

[Andy147]

This was on an episode of Peep Show, wasn't it? Mark shouting "I'm not a rapist!"

There was a series of sketches in Bruiser which ended with Martin Freeman shouting "I'm not a pervert/paedophile/stalker".

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I don't think my farts smell bad and holding them in makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. Why shouldn't I just let rip in a crowded lift? If anyone complains, they should be sectioned.

[QDRPHNC]

Why should I reassure my kid there's no monsters under the bed? I know there's no monsters under the bed.