Nuns

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

Penguin pussy*




* © National Lampoon, 1977

[Icehaven]

There used to be a German Nun that regularly came to use the computers in the last public library I worked in, then she bought herself a laptop so she had lessons on how to use it with these work experience volunteers we had. Once she was competent enough at it she never came back. She was also very old so may possibly be dead now. 

[dissolute ocelot]

It was definitely a highlight of going to the Vatican and Rome, the sheer number of penguins, pedos, and jedis.

[Butchers Blind]

I did see a nun once with her clothes inside out.  When I asked her she said, "Its a bad habit".

Seriously though, not seen a nun in years.

[Shit Good Nose]

Typical, yet another nuns thread.

[Icehaven]

Is it still a popular career choice in countries where religion (particularly Catholicism) is still a big deal, so maybe Italy, Spain, some South American and African countries?

[idunnosomename]

I fucked a nun and the nun won

[jobotic]

I tried to join a nunnery but all the rooms were full. They said there was none left until a nun left.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch apparently.

Ahh, what comedy is that from?  I have a memory of someone explaining it to a nun with those words with the nun looking increasingly angry as the words are repeated several times.  A comedy show. Sometime in the 80's maybe.  EDIT: Maybe Harry Enfield?
EDIT2: Ah yes, this thread would suggest it is.

[Ray Travez]

Nuns on the Run?

[flotemysost]

My (very atheist) dad has told me of how he used to go out (and presumably, in) with an Irish nun. So it's possible I'm actually part nun.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Nuns on the Run?

Not seen that.  The one I was remembering was a guy explaining to an elderly nun what crossing yourself really means, repeating the phrase "spectacles, testicles wallet & watch" over and over, with the nun having an angry expression, and slowly growing more livid (but remaining silent) with each repetition of the phrase.

[Jockice]

It's okay for you lot, but I went to Catholic schools - in fact my first and last had convents attached - and am still terrified of the fuckers (or non-fuckers). They are without any doubt the most violent people on earth. I'm glad there are now less of them about.

[checkoutgirl]

Activities, nun.
Sports, nun.
Honours, nun.
So many memories.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

Many years ago I remember a friend of mine getting punched by a nun at a New Year's Eve do in the Fox & Goose. I'm pretty sure it was actually a man dressed as a nun and the friend subsequently became both a police officer and a Tory county councillor, so it was fine.

[Dr Trouser]

Love a good wimple

[Jockice]

Many years ago I remember a friend of mine getting punched by a nun at a New Year's Eve do in the Fox & Goose. I'm pretty sure it was actually a man dressed as a nun and the friend subsequently became both a police officer and a Tory county councillor, so it was fine.

You had it lucky mate. The one in charge of the lower part of our secondary school hated boys with their ears pierced. So when a lad in our year got one of his done, with a stud in rather than a ring, she called him over - and just ripped it out, taking half his earlobe with it. The kid was an utter prick but I don't think even he deserved that.

Being a brave rebel I waited until I was in the sixth form and not under her jurisdiction (the school had two buildings with separate heads - both nuns - in charge) before getting mine done. She wasn't impressed though. Far from it. She thought I was a nice boy before that.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

What is it about nuns and their barely suppressed rage? There are loads of tales about nuns administering severe beatings or engaging in cruel behaviour, but they can't all be like that, surely?

How about the nice smiley ones riding bicycles past the cricket match on the village green? In your experience are these Brides of Christ  just as likely to give perceived wrongdoers a proper fucking shoeing?

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

It's okay for you lot, but I went to Catholic schools - in fact my first and last had convents attached - and am still terrified of the fuckers (or non-fuckers). They are without any doubt the most violent people on earth. I'm glad there are now less of them about.

It's FEWER, you wicked child!

[dead-ced-dead]

Funnily enough, my father was a nun.

No he wasn't.

He was so, sir. Because when he was called up in court and the judge asked his occupation, he'd say, "None."

[El Unicornio, mang]

Dolores Hart, who snogged Elvis in a movie, left her Hollywood life behind to become a nun



Still going strong at 81! Probably a healthier lifestyle than Hollywood.

[Butchers Blind]

What is it about nuns and their barely suppressed rage? There are loads of tales about nuns administering severe beatings or engaging in cruel behaviour, but they can't all be like that, surely?

Not getting enough kisses and cuddles.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

It sounds like Jesus isn't a very attentive husband.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I've never really any dealings with them but there was a couple that wandered past me once when walking to work and it didn't 'shit me up' or anything, but I felt a minor sense of unease as they passed me. It kind of felt more extreme than other religious get-ups for some reason.

[steve98]

I always feel the need to look as beatific and Holy as possible when I pass them in the street (Even though I'm neither)

[Sebastian Cobb]

I always feel the need to look as beatific and Holy as possible when I pass them in the street (Even though I'm neither)

I think I just looked shifty.

[steve98]

Yeah, but no matter, we're all different.

[Cuellar]

You know what you don't see much of these days? Anchoresses.

[Jockice]

What is it about nuns and their barely suppressed rage? There are loads of tales about nuns administering severe beatings or engaging in cruel behaviour, but they can't all be like that, surely?

Oh they are! The aforementioned ear-ripping nun, Sister Catherine, liked me, mainly I think because of our shared nationality. However...

there were a load of masses at that place and during one of them, me, my two best classmates and a girl in our class got sent out for laughing. A crime against God or something. Sister Catherine wanted us all to see her separately so I said I'd go on first, which would calm her down. After all, she liked me. As soon as I was in the room she grabbed me by the lapels and started ramming me into the wall. The sort of thing you'd see in pub fights. I think I had several punches and a couple of face slaps too. Really!

Still at least Brendan, Mick and Sarah's faces were a picture when I staggered out of her room like a punchdrunk boxer. One who hadn't been allowed to fight back. Even if I had been allowed to I think I'd have still lost. She had beating 12-year-olds up down to perfection. Practice makes perfect.

[checkoutgirl]

It's like, how much more black could this be? And the answer is nun. Nun more black