Retrain With Rishi

[Sebastian Cobb]

If you want a steady job look at what will always be needed. If you are up for getting rich/going broke look at what doesn't exist but might become useful.

Yeah. Also take into account whether this work can be done elsewhere. Turns out shoving numbers around in spreadsheets can be done in any corner of the world which means you can be replaced by a cheaper labour force elsewhere. But plasterers, sparks and hairdressers will always be needed on land.

[zomgmouse]

Hey Rishi what if as an artist I retrain as a "martial" artist

What then Rishi

[Huxleys Babkins]

It told me BOXER so watch out

Got that too. If we both start training now we could have a fight and be millionaires by Christmas.

[Blue Jam]

I got ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN MANAGER (starting salary: c. £100K).

Yeah, that sounds feasible. Cheers Rish.

[bgmnts]

The job wage averages really do show how utterly fucked our society is on every level doesn't it? It's just too much to handle.

[Blue Jam]

The job wage averages really do show how utterly fucked our society is on every level doesn't it? It's just too much to handle.

Weirdly it didn't suggest any research jobs to me at all. You'd think that during a pandemic nerds like me would be in demand, and we're told that society values STEM more than the arts and humanities and wants cures for things but nope, no-one really gives a fuck.

I volunteered to do PCR for Covid testing back in March. Over 1,000 people volunteered and my nearest testing centre eventually took on... 25. I was sat twiddling my pipetting thumbs doing fuck-all for four months.

I have wondered if I should have been a mechanic, an electrician or a dog groomer. I think I would enjoy all of those jobs. Not a hairdresser though. I greatly admire hairdressers but they have to deal with humans. Doggos neither know nor care if you give them a stupid haircut.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Weirdly it didn't suggest any research jobs to me at all. You'd think that during a pandemic nerds like me would be in demand, and we're told that society values STEM more than the arts and humanities and wants cures for things but nope, no-one really gives a fuck.

It values it but only in an entrepreneurial sense. I.E. making lots of money without paying for the R&D.

That's also what 'innovation' is I think, doing something really clever without asking for time or money to do R&D.

[Non Stop Dancer]

This is just a mass psychological profiling fishing exercise isn't it.

[Dex Sawash]

Got that too. If we both start training now we could have a fight and be millionaires by Christmas.

<Insert inflammatory pre-fight banter>

[Paul Calf]

Mine said I should go into social care. I'm a bit disappointed it didn't suggest a career though.

<trombone.aac>

This is just a mass psychological profiling fishing exercise isn't it.

This occurred to me halfway through answering: the suggestions are deliberately idiotic to encourage people to engage and the questions are really intrusive. 

I didn't complete the test.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Lion tamer

[BritishHobo]

This finally finally worked for me after several tries over several days, and it gave me... senior care assistant, for less money than my already shitty wage I earn doing basic admin - and for more hours. A genuinely vital, tough, stressful job, looking after the vulnerable who really need good care and support, all for the barest pittance. Thanks Rishi, what an exciting vision of the world of employment your government conjures up.

[Spudgun]

"Horse groomer."

Seriously.

At no point in the questionnaire were horses even mentioned.

[Huxleys Babkins]

"Horse groomer."

Seriously.

At no point in the questionnaire were horses even mentioned.

Question seven was "I like to manipulate vulnerable equine creatures into having sex with me".

[idunnosomename]

Question seven was "I like to manipulate vulnerable equine creatures into having sex with me".

it depends

[Icehaven]

This finally finally worked for me after several tries over several days, and it gave me... senior care assistant, for less money than my already shitty wage I earn doing basic admin - and for more hours. A genuinely vital, tough, stressful job, looking after the vulnerable who really need good care and support, all for the barest pittance. Thanks Rishi, what an exciting vision of the world of employment your government conjures up.

Yep all but one of the 7 "careers" it suggested for me were very low paid. I'm not on big money by any means but I'm on a lot more than I'm apparently worth, yay privilege!!

[Zetetic]

Thanks to an innovative data linkage project led by the Cabinet Office, that information will have been passed to HMRC who'll perform the appropriate adjustment to your income in the coming months.

[Icehaven]

Thanks to an innovative data linkage project led by the Cabinet Office, that information will have been passed to HMRC who'll perform the appropriate adjustment to your income in the coming months.

Oh shit. It doesn't depend, it doesn't depend!

[Zetetic]

If you've been paying National Insurance for more than 20 years, it might be worth contacting BlodwynPig to see if your Faecal Fingerprint justifies applying to the DWP for a contributions-based pre-morbid uplift.