£15 back to the 90's takeaway.

[Marner and Me]

Shite aimed at students for a 'retro theme' any cunt paying 15 quid for that deserves to be ripped off. Send them to me, I've got some magic beans to sell them.

[touchingcloth]

I reckon their menu would cost about £5.90, with the biggest single item costs being the twizzlers, drinks, and mini pizzas. Based on the typical 3x markup of restaurant prices, £15 is about right, however my calculations were based on consumer rather than trade prices, and made generous assumptions on the portion sizes of beans and hoops (a whole can each per box) and fries (100g per person, so 400g per box), and these could be eked out to save on costs.

I reckon they'd be able to source raw ingredients for under £3.50 and price the final product at a tenner. The cunts.

[A Hat Like That]

I've never heard of a Parmo but it sounds my thing. Anyone know where does them in the Midlands?

to the best of my knowledge, they're a north-east thing only (but Tees not Tyne).

A quick search finds Gino's Pizza Parlour in Alum Rock, but its not rated highly.

GINOS PIZZA PARLOUR - BIRMINGHAM
After reviewing a few Parmos outside of Teesside we've came back to Birmingham in search for something special.
The parmo is a decent size and comes topped with jalapeños, green peppers, red onion and sweet corn as standard, we didn't realise this till after we ordered but hey this could still be a good parmo and is even cut up for us into little bite size chunks already.
The chicken is possibly the thickest we have seen so far, but when the meats this thick it has to be cooked to perfection to keep it moist, sadly this was very, very dry. The meat is clearly good quality, fresh white chicken meat but it's so dry that the garlic sauce is called in to action straight away. The breadcrumbs look more like fried chicken skin than breadcrumbs, there crunchy around the edges but add to the dryness in the centre of the dish.
Now we assumed the 'special sauce' would be some kind of bechamel sauce but how wrong were we. The sauce is tomato based and spread all over the chicken. A big no no for any dish that calls itself a chicken parmesan or parmo. Due to the toppings on the dish it's really hard to taste the sauce or the cheese to actually review. It looks like there using light and dark cheese but again we couldn't tell by the taste.
The plain chips are tough and chewy and another dry addition to the meal. A finely chopped fresh salad is tucked away in the corner of  the Just Eat box and tastes fine. The garlic dip is medium in strength and has a sour kick after swallowing so overall a poor effort. Again it goes to show that although they have used good quality meat, the TLC just isn't there in the rest of our beloved Teesside parmo.
It looks better than it tastes, scoring 1 out of 5.
Ginos Pizza Parlour - Birmingham, You have been perved on!

[A Hat Like That]

Go further down the East coast and you hit Hull/Lincolnshire, where deep fried sage and onion stuffing appears to be a thing.

[touchingcloth]

to the best of my knowledge, they're a north-east thing only (but Tees not Tyne).

A quick search finds Gino's Pizza Parlour in Alum Rock, but its not rated highly.

The chicken is possibly the thickest we have seen so far, but when the meats this thick it has to be cooked to perfection to keep it moist, sadly this was very, very dry. The meat is clearly good quality, fresh white chicken meat but it's so dry that the garlic sauce is called in to action straight away. The breadcrumbs look more like fried chicken skin than breadcrumbs, there crunchy around the edges but add to the dryness in the centre of the dish.

Those are perhaps the most deso two sentences I've read in my life.

But a challenger appears:

The plain chips are tough and chewy and another dry addition to the meal. A finely chopped fresh salad is tucked away in the corner of  the Just Eat box and tastes fine.

I like all the chips...




....

[buzby]

if it's really meant to be 90s, how come the presence of the beans hasn't made the price negative?

that's the proper 90s there. Beans War, motherfucker

Ah, the notorious No Frills 'Baked Beans', which in reality were almost raw haricot beans (which were so hard they could easily be repurposed as frangible bullets) in a 'tomato sauce' which seemed to be 90% brine. Not many people bought them more than once. See also the No Frills 4-inch  'Tomato and Vegetable-Based Cheese Analogue' Pizzas and the No Frills Frozen Burgers (note no mention of the word 'beef') that were grey even after they had been cooked.

Kwik Save later suffered financial difficulties and went into administration in 2007.

Unrelated to the No Frills range. Albert Gubay's business model relied on ordering stock form suppliers, applying a very narrow profit margin, getting it on the shelves and sold ASAP and then profiting from the interest as the cash was 'resting' in KS's account as he didn't pay the suppliers until the last minue of the payback term (usually a couple of months). However, come 2007 the threats of Aldi, Lidl and the likes of Asda & Tesco starting their own competing No Frills brands started  making inroads into their customer base, and as the 2007 financial crisis hit their suppliers started demanding payment earlier on threat of witholding supply and so they went under.

[Neomod]

It looks like there using light and dark cheese but again we couldn't tell by the taste.

Racist.

But do they mean something like Red Leicester?

[touchingcloth]

Racist.

But do they mean something like Red Leicester?

It's a stupid euphemism cooked up by prissy Americans. It just means breast cheese.

[petril]

Ah, the notorious No Frills 'Baked Beans', which in reality were almost raw haricot beans (which were so hard they could easily be repurposed as frangible bullets) in a 'tomato sauce' which seemed to be 90% brine. Not many people bought them more than once. See also the No Frills 4-inch  'Tomato and Vegetable-Based Cheese Analogue' Pizzas and the No Frills Frozen Burgers (note no mention of the word 'beef') that were grey even after they had been cooked.

the wild few months of all the mums and dads and aunties and every adult, to the eyes of everyone else, looking obsessed and worried, like front line troops receiving news of how the battle is unfolding.

my memories are so vivid because it was at a time of my first holiday away from parents(school trip to Holland,) USA 94(World Cups are brilliant when you're growing up,) the hassle around my sister's(and probably 3-5 cousins') communion, the end of my first year at Big School and not fully knowing what to do with summer holidays now I wasn't meant to be a silly daft wean any more(games, IT self study and the wonders of daytime telly with a keen focus on continuity.) Oh, and we got a Kwik Save and Lidl around the same time. Cheap as fuck but there's going to be names you recognise, decent gear versus Cheap as fuck but all foreign names so I dunno.

I remember daily updates from concerned adults about who's gone down to what price point, who's on what stock levels and who's stuff definitely is Shite, It's No' Even Real Beans Or Sauce. like rolling news pre-Diana, but hyperspecialised into one niche in the processed, tinned pulses world.

Kwik Save did 2l of Lemonade-esque stuff for 17p. 2 litres of glucose, sucrose, water and CO₂. Being next to a school, they supplied far too many 12-15 year old boys with far too much glucose and sucrose. The level of sugar and number of 12-15 year old boys required to just cause utter carnage in an enclosed space is very very very low. This store was shifting about 50-60 litres a day.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Shite aimed at students for a 'retro theme' any cunt paying 15 quid for that deserves to be ripped off. Send them to me, I've got some magic beans to sell them.

With the paltry portion of beans in this Arseholes Fuckbox™, they'll need them.

[frajer]

It looks like an image designed purely to be shared on Facebook with "MMMMmmm who else is from the 90s and just drooled?!!" written below it.

Just spend £15 on curry instead. Lovely, lovely curry.

[bgmnts]

Anglo-Indian food is way more retro than dippers and spaghetti hoops anyway!


"Mmmm who else remembered mass immigration after Partition creating a national cuisine?"

[Sebastian Cobb]

It looks like an image designed purely to be shared on Facebook with "MMMMmmm who else is from the 90s and just drooled?!!" written below it.

Just spend £15 on curry instead. Lovely, lovely curry.

Get a curry, give this to jockie.

[Replies From View]

A 4foot parmo between 30 people is 1.6 inches of parmo each. I've never had a parmo, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't consider myself "fed" by less than 2 inches of parmo.

Well how far does it stretch in the other direction?  You're using flat earther logic boy

[ZoyzaSorris]

I'm intrigued as to how food widely and cheaply available and regularly eaten (though it shouldn't be) in the 2020s is some kind of rare window into the lifestyles of a bygone century?

[touchingcloth]

Well how far does it stretch in the other direction?  You're using flat earther logic boy

Did you not read my post? It's 1.6 inches.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I'm intrigued as to how food widely and cheaply available and regularly eaten (though it shouldn't be) in the 2020s is some kind of rare window into the lifestyles of a bygone century?

Because such a dog shit grade idea was inevitably going to be formed by, let's face it, next ones on from biowaste

[the]

Hey has anyone staggeringly and with incredible continuous insight pointed out that this is crap yet

[touchingcloth]

Hey has anyone staggeringly and with incredible continuous insight pointed out that this is crap yet

I think we've got close on a few occasions but no one has actually said the words yet.

[Replies From View]

Did you not read my post? It's 1.6 inches.

So everyone gets a little square patch?

[touchingcloth]

So everyone gets a little square patch?

No, it would be an oblong patch 1.6 inches on the short side, unless the 4 foot parmo is 5 foot wide, but then you would call it the 5 foot parmo, wouldn't you?

[The Roofdog]

I almost resurrected the infantile thread for this, but fuck it. It  can have its own thread.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/restaurant-doing-15-back-90s-22823802?fosdjflisdhfis=

A couple of Findus Crispy Pancakes would add some much needed moisture to that lot

[Hand Solo]

A couple of Findus Crispy Pancakes would add some much needed moisture to that lot

[touchingcloth]

A couple of Findus Crispy Pancakes would add some much needed moisture to that lot

It is a dry old meal. If sales on Just Eat don't take off, they could probably offload their stock to the shoe shop industry to replace those little sachets of silica gel.

[idunnosomename]

Loot crate for cunts.

tautology

[Icehaven]

to the best of my knowledge, they're a north-east thing only (but Tees not Tyne).

A quick search finds Gino's Pizza Parlour in Alum Rock, but its not rated highly.

GINOS PIZZA PARLOUR - BIRMINGHAM
After reviewing a few Parmos outside of Teesside we've came back to Birmingham in search for something special.
The parmo is a decent size and comes topped with jalapeños, green peppers, red onion and sweet corn as standard, we didn't realise this till after we ordered but hey this could still be a good parmo and is even cut up for us into little bite size chunks already.
The chicken is possibly the thickest we have seen so far, but when the meats this thick it has to be cooked to perfection to keep it moist, sadly this was very, very dry. The meat is clearly good quality, fresh white chicken meat but it's so dry that the garlic sauce is called in to action straight away. The breadcrumbs look more like fried chicken skin than breadcrumbs, there crunchy around the edges but add to the dryness in the centre of the dish.
Now we assumed the 'special sauce' would be some kind of bechamel sauce but how wrong were we. The sauce is tomato based and spread all over the chicken. A big no no for any dish that calls itself a chicken parmesan or parmo. Due to the toppings on the dish it's really hard to taste the sauce or the cheese to actually review. It looks like there using light and dark cheese but again we couldn't tell by the taste.
The plain chips are tough and chewy and another dry addition to the meal. A finely chopped fresh salad is tucked away in the corner of  the Just Eat box and tastes fine. The garlic dip is medium in strength and has a sour kick after swallowing so overall a poor effort. Again it goes to show that although they have used good quality meat, the TLC just isn't there in the rest of our beloved Teesside parmo.
It looks better than it tastes, scoring 1 out of 5.
Ginos Pizza Parlour - Birmingham, You have been perved on!

I'm glad it's bad as Alum Rock is a dump, so if I'd been tempted there by the promise of my first delicious parmo I might never be seen again.

I'm intrigued by their status as takeaway food though, as looking at them...





...they're not exactly finger food. How do you eat them while standing up/stumbling home? Can you get them pre-sliced like pizza?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Those chips in the second picture look well lush, to be fair. Bit of salt, liberal lashings of vinegar, I'd snaffle those down , no worries.


Someone appears to have vomited next to them :(

[touchingcloth]

I'm glad it's bad as Alum Rock is a dump, so if I'd been tempted there by the promise of my first delicious parmo I might never be seen again.

I'm intrigued by their status as takeaway food though, as looking at them...





...they're not exactly finger food. How do you eat them while standing up/stumbling home? Can you get them pre-sliced like pizza?

No, they're served like beer funnels in some pubs. You stand at the counter and they slam the fucking thing right into your stomach.

[Icehaven]

Someone appears to have vomited next to them :(

I was thinking more cowpat.

[A Hat Like That]

I travel a fair bit with the job, and to chemical/engineering firms, so spend a lot of time in the Tees area.

I would take the parmo from the top picture and the chips from the bottom picture, and a solid garlic sauce.