I'm Having Christmas Dinner Today

[DrAlanStatham]

https://youtu.be/R0gJyhez9Bo

Our man Big Andy revelling in a Lynchian Yuletide nightmare populated by former DJ Mike Read and other Interesting Characters. He owns a pub fruit machine which he has placed in the hallway -- is this a utilitarian or an aesthetic choice? Does it belong in the kitchen with other tall appliances? Should it go with the other entertainment devices in the sitting room?

[wooders1978]

Sadly this means you are the new Mr. Christmas by proxy. Get that Santa suit on skinny man. Deserted industrial estates are awaiting you for photo shoots.

The Santa clause 4?

[pancreas]

I'd like to give a shout-out here to Captain Beany ( aka Barry) from Port Talbot. Barry, like Mr Christmas, lives a life of singular devotion, in Barry's case: baked beans). Barry has sat in a bath of cold baked beans every day since 1999 (as well as running The Baked Bean Museum in Port Talbot).

I'd love to see Captain Beany and Mr Christmas get together for Xmas.

You can visit The BB Museum anytime, but phone first.

We're all sitting in a bath of beans. The difference is that some of us are looking to keep the legumes in the tub.

Look at the state of the walls! It looks like a bomb's gone off.

[Hand Solo]

He looks like Michael from I'm Alan Partridge.

"Have you never had a bath o' beans, man?!"

[Fr.Bigley]

Look at the state of the walls! It looks like a bomb's gone off.

I think he's just shat up his back to be honest, can't imagine living off Mr Heinz's is going to be good for the old tummy.

Also, how the hell do you get rid of a bath full of beans? stick blender and a shit ton of water? scoop them oot with a big bucket and chuck into neighbours garden?

[Fr.Bigley]

He looks like Michael from I'm Alan Partridge.

"Have you never had a bath o' beans, man?!"

"Stay there"

[Hand Solo]

"Stay there"

Now we know why he had no cause to use that spoon in the bathroom.

[BlodwynPig]

5th Christmas dinner of the day.

[Fr.Bigley]

Now we know why he had no cause to use that spoon in the bathroom.

Mind blown.

[Captain Z]

I have a Boxing day shit every day.

Wizzard consider rewrite.

[Fr.Bigley]

I have a Boxing day shit every day.

-"Imitationleather there on his pre-match training regime before Saturdays Mike Tyson bout. Saturday 7th sept 1995, 11pm GMT, Only on Sky Box Office"

[Hand Solo]

Mind blown.

That dodgy bloke who leaves hurriedly while Alan's at the door had probably just wiped himself down of baked beans and tomato sauce after Michael's latest bean bath orgy, that's why Alan wasn't allowed in or he'd see the piles of empty Heinz cans and bin bags taped to the floor for hosing down purposes. Crikey, he's probably listed on AirBnB with a with fetish code hints on the advert. Air Bath n' Beans. Dan's probably a regular.

[Fr.Bigley]

That dodgy bloke who leaves hurriedly while Alan's at the door had probably just wiped himself down of baked beans and tomato sauce after Michael's latest bean bath orgy, that's why Alan want allowed in or he'd see the piles of empty Heinz cans and bin bags taped to the floor for hosing down purposes. Crikey, he's probably listed on AirBnB. Air Bath n' Beans. Dan's probably a regular.

Fuck me my hat is long gone! this is some profound shit.

[Hand Solo]

Fuck me my hat is long gone! this is some profound shit.

And he was weaning innocent doorstep waif Alan into the sordid sexual legume-based practice by giving him - a cup o' beans - which he can only shove into his mouth with a big sausage!

[Fr.Bigley]

And he was weaning innocent doorstep waif Alan into the sordid sexual legume-based practice by giving him - a cup o' beans - which he can only shove into his mouth with a big sausage!

And no Lynne to save him this time from sex people.

[steve98]

We're all sitting in a bath of beans. The difference is that some of us are looking to keep the legumes in the tub.

Look at the state of the walls! It looks like a bomb's gone off.

Yeah, he's pretty sloppy; back in the day, when he first went bean-mad, he was a lot neater, more disciplined.



He has to be Britain's saddest, most ridiculous man. Poor sod.

[steve98]

/\ That's just his practice/fun bath (it isn't plumbed in). He wouldn't use that for an actual charity event.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

It's very wasteful. He should donate the beans to the poor, once he's finished marinating his arsehole and genitals in them. A single bean bath could feed a family of four for a week.

[touchingcloth]

Yeah, he's pretty sloppy; back in the day, when he first went bean-mad, he was a lot neater, more disciplined.



He has to be Britain's saddest, most ridiculous man. Poor sod.

I reckon there's a semi-decent game in the concept of "crime scene or bath of beans".

[Hand Solo]

I reckon there's a semi-decent game in the concept of "crime scene or bath of beans".

[touchingcloth]

+1, and then another several thousand.

Why are there two clocks in bean man's murder bath room, and why is there a ballot paper next to one of them?

[thenoise]

Yorkshire pudding
Broccoli
Peas

Mate. It's Christmas dinner, not generic Sunday roast.

I'll allow carrots but they must be roasted along with the parsnips - NOT boiled. You can do 'carrot crush' if you're doing a tribute to the disappointing Royle Family Christmas special, I suppose. Dont forget to bath with the Turkey and hire a legendary comic actor and forget to give him anything funny to say.

[steve98]

BEANS MEANS HANZ. /\

I fancy havin' a go at this bean-bath immersion but I lack a bath. I do however have a hand-basin, and it's occurred to me - why not have a sponsored knob-immersion? As part of Phimosis Awareness Week? Probably a 24hr immersion.

Would you like to sponsor me? It'll be a lot of fun.

[BlodwynPig]

Anyone else feeling sorry for the beans?

[Hand Solo]

Anyone else feeling sorry for the beans?

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬All we are saying..♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

[Glebe]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Anddn_DbOK8#t=50s

[Sebastian Cobb]

I think he's just shat up his back to be honest, can't imagine living off Mr Heinz's is going to be good for the old tummy.

Also, how the hell do you get rid of a bath full of beans? stick blender and a shit ton of water? scoop them oot with a big bucket and chuck into neighbours garden?

Eat your way out. There's kids starving in Africa.

[JaDanketies]

I think that bean guy is pretty cool. Wikipedia says his bean museum is the fourth-biggest tourist attraction in Port Talbot, so take that, naysayers

[Dex Sawash]

Jet fuel doesn't melt baked beams

[shiftwork2]

Everything that's wrong with the world is in this appalling performative bollocks from the bean bastard.  He's got cold crushed haricot beans in his arse crack in a smooth tomato sauce, and he gets praised.