when is the next national lockdown going to start

[non capisco]

Just had a company-wide meeting on keeping our spirits up during lockdown. Apparently we're encouraged to ping random people on Teams just for a chat

Fuuuuuuck that! If my work starts doing that I'm gonna fake long Covid.

[DrGreggles]

Suggestion made on a meeting earlier about us having a "virtual works Christmas party".
That can virtually fuck right off.

[dissolute ocelot]

Suggestion made on a meeting earlier about us having a "virtual works Christmas party".
That can virtually fuck right off.

My boss is threatening that as well. I don't mind if they want to give us free food and drink, but having to eat and drink it on a video chat would be pure torture. Plus there won't even be an opportunity to steal extra wine bottles from the sensible tables.

[SpiderChrist]

My boss is threatening that as well. I don't mind if they want to give us free food and drink, but having to eat and drink it on a video chat would be pure torture. Plus there won't even be an opportunity to steal extra wine bottles from the sensible tables.

Having given up the booze cos it fucks with my anxiety, I wonder if my boss would be happy for me to chain smoke spliffs instead? I'd imagine not.

[frajer]

Suggestion made on a meeting earlier about us having a "virtual works Christmas party".
That can virtually fuck right off.

One for the worst responses to coronavirus thread.

Zoom work chats are stilted and soul-sapping even without paper crowns and enforced merriment.

[Fambo Number Mive]

My boss is threatening that as well. I don't mind if they want to give us free food and drink, but having to eat and drink it on a video chat would be pure torture. Plus there won't even be an opportunity to steal extra wine bottles from the sensible tables.

Virtual food and drink. Each of you has to print out pictures of a wine bottles and glasses and some snacks and hold them up pretending to have a party.

[Chollis]

I can't believe there are people sat at home right now on furlough and i am at work even though i am the person who loves furlough most in the whole world. i am doing whatever i can to manifest furlough for myself and i truly believe it will come but so far it is not coming. this is probably the last chance i have in my lifetime for a few months off work and therefore my last chance at a moment's joy. i pray to any God that will listen. i will sell my soul to be put on furlough. hear my prayer

vaccine soon mate. all over then. back to the crushing reality of the workplace for everyone.

[Captain Z]

My boss is threatening that as well. I don't mind if they want to give us free food and drink, but having to eat and drink it on a video chat would be pure torture. Plus there won't even be an opportunity to steal extra wine bottles from the sensible tables.

If anyone makes me do that I am going to find a way to loop a 10-second video of myself swigging a drink and stream that instead.

[The Mollusk]

Having given up the booze cos it fucks with my anxiety, I wonder if my boss would be happy for me to chain smoke spliffs instead? I'd imagine not.

Simply attend the party in black tie clobber but naked from the waist down. Spend the whole evening pushing weed into your anus and wanking. If they ask why you're shuddering so vigorously you can say it's alcohol withdrawal symptoms. Wheeyyy what a night!

[George Oscar Bluth II]

vaccine soon mate. all over then. back to the crushing reality of the workplace for everyone.

Yet more reason to have a good old fashioned real lockdown then.

[Fambo Number Mive]

vaccine soon mate. all over then. back to the crushing reality of the workplace for everyone.

Being able to safely go to pubs, restaurants, non-essential shops and on days out would be the swings to those roundabout though.

[poo]

Gutted for kittens

[Ominous Dave]

God, are online work Christmas parties actually a thing?

I'd challenge anybody to wear an ill-fitting paper party hat with the same degree of dead-eyed existential despair as me.

[flotemysost]

My department have announced their annual festive quiz - it's scheduled for the same week the lockdown is supposedly over, i.e. a time when spending non-work hours peering at colleagues on a screen will be precisely the last thing most people want to be doing with their evenings.

There's even talk of allowing everyone to claim a limited budget in expenses for food and drink, I suppose so that we can "cheers" our webcams with a glass of fizzy Asda plonk and watch each other cram greasy vol-au-vents into our gobs in close-up. Deso.

To be fair, I enjoyed my work social events back when we could all get pissed in the same room, but this has a peculiar bleakness to it.

[idunnosomename]

I'm sorry, I can't hear what any of you are talking about. I will visit my local essential business that sells big trumpets I stick in my fucking ear like Beethoven tomorrow

[Ferris]

My department have announced their annual festive quiz - it's scheduled for the same week the lockdown is supposedly over, i.e. a time when spending non-work hours peering at colleagues on a screen will be precisely the last thing most people want to be doing with their evenings.

There's even talk of allowing everyone to claim a limited budget in expenses for food and drink, I suppose so that we can "cheers" our webcams with a glass of fizzy Asda plonk and watch each other cram greasy vol-au-vents into our gobs in close-up. Deso.

My place did this, but no budget for people and it lasted for 4 hours. It was also scheduled for the same week as the "no raises, no bonuses, but you all saved money on commuting so that's your bonus".

I got pissed and turned my webcam off so I could watch limmy play red dead redemption 2.

[Menu]

vaccine soon mate. all over then. back to the crushing reality of the workplace for everyone.

I was thinking about this earlier. I am going to be properly gutted when this is all over - I'd be happy to spend the rest of my life in lockdown. For the first time ever I haven't had to feel guilty for wanting to do nothing, or for not wanting to see anyone socially.

[mr. logic]

Just had a company-wide meeting on keeping our spirits up during lockdown. Apparently we're encouraged to ping random people on Teams just for a chat, and everyone should go on video chat for an hour a day and sit there working/scratching while the laptop eye stares at us. And no more email, open a chat window and start with a joke. On the plus side, if we have mental health problems we have permission to fuck off for as long as we want, no questions asked or sicknote needed.

It's easy to find this type of thing cheesy, it is cheesy, but they don't sound like such a bad company to work for in all honesty.

[SpiderChrist]

Simply attend the party in black tie clobber but naked from the waist down. Spend the whole evening pushing weed into your anus and wanking. If they ask why you're shuddering so vigorously you can say it's alcohol withdrawal symptoms. Wheeyyy what a night!

Scored some temple ball last night - stick that up me bum and I'm off on a magic monkey juice trip to Spaceland.

Or...

https://twitter.com/i/status/1069043736850694144

WARNING - contains scenes of hard drug use.

[ASFTSN]

As if hearing aid shops are even a thing ooh hallo sir yes we've just had a new shipment of auditron 4000s with cochlea mufflers arrive in today, suits you sir, is it fuck mate, you ask me, kittens deserved this lockdown

[kittens]

it was not my desire to be a hearing aid man
sadly it is impossible to direct or control the shape of one's own life

[kittens]

i am MANIFESTING FURLOUGH for myself. I WILL be placed on furlough VERY SOON.
i am manifesting furlough for myself. I WILL be placed on furlough very soon.
I am manifesting furlough for myself. I will be placed on furlough very soon.
I will be placed on furlough very soon. I will be placed on furlough very soon. I will be placed on furlough very soon. I will be placed on furlough very soon.

Very soon very soon very soon very soon.  furlough furlough furlough furlough furlough me me me me me me me me me me furlough very soon furlough me very soon

[ASFTSN]

I hear the sound of abundance of rain I hear the sound of furlough

[flotemysost]

My place did this, but no budget for people and it lasted for 4 hours. It was also scheduled for the same week as the "no raises, no bonuses, but you all saved money on commuting so that's your bonus".

Urgh, fuck that.

To be clear, the "deso" in my post was mainly aimed at the fact that loads of private sector workplaces are probably expensing similar forced jollities this year, ooh it is Crissmiss we must all have wine and nibbles, meanwhile kids are going hungry and people are freezing to death in the streets. But then, I wasn't exactly complaining when we've had parties laid on in the past, so I'm probably a massive hypocrite.

Just sick of Zoom, sick of everything this year. Just want to be in a room with other people, just want to fucking see and touch people but also for there not to be horrific social inequality, is that too much to ask?

Having said that, my work does have a pretty solid track record of unceremoniously announcing mass redundancies around this time of year, so maybe there'll be further chekky Crimbo surprises yet to come.

[kittens]

GETTING FURLOUGHED TWO DAYS A WEEK

inching towards Heaven. Time to make my most expensive wish ever. if anyone ever finds my wishing well they'll be loaded

[Blinder Data]

Looks like most of West and Central Scotland is going into lockdown on Friday. It won't make much difference to me, apart from cancelling some planned family visits again.

At least it's still local, not like your silly national lockdowns in England and Wales.

[Ferris]

GETTING FURLOUGHED TWO DAYS A WEEK

inching towards Heaven. Time to make my most expensive wish ever. if anyone ever finds my wishing well they'll be loaded

Are you only "essential" Monday to Wednesday? Get onto your employers; they're buckling under the pressure. Can't hack it.

If you get it right you can be a furlough-man all day every day.

[kittens]

wishing well hasn't let me down yet. why change the plan at this crucial stage. i will go above my bosses' heads to a far higher power.

[Fr.Bigley]

wishing well hasn't let me down yet. why change the plan at this crucial stage. i will go above my bosses' heads to a far higher power.

Wait, Terence Trent D'arby is your boss?!

[Ferris]

wishing well hasn't let me down yet. why change the plan at this crucial stage. i will go above my bosses' heads to a far higher power.

Wishing Well could run dry at any moment you lunatic. Either you throw in like 6 quids worth of coppers (for extra luck), or you get to work on the bosses. Tell them maybe you should leave early on Wednesday, then half days, then not at all.

Wear them down. It's a war of attrition. Actually do that and do the Wishing Well then you are pretty much guaranteed a comfy paid holiday to play video games and eat sainsbury mince pies on the sofa.