Author Topic: SWANS 4 SALE  (Read 1047 times)

Blue Jam

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SWANS 4 SALE
« on: October 16, 2020, 05:44:59 PM »

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2020, 05:46:17 PM »
Chrimbo day alternative. 

They taste like eagle.

bgmnts

  • Depressed to the point of poisonous toxicity.
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2020, 05:47:55 PM »
They're going cheap,
Only seven guineas,
That or thereabouts.

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2020, 05:47:58 PM »
Chrimbo day alternative. 

They taste like eagle.

Thanksgiving Day alternative, surely? They're patriotic Yankee swans. That's why they taste like eagle.

Donald Trump has totally bought one hasn't he? He's going to Kentucky fry it.

Glebe

  • Please beware as there is a draclea on the loose.
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2020, 05:49:35 PM »
I've got a few geese going cheap, btw. They all quack, of course.

Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #5 on: October 16, 2020, 06:29:52 PM »
The Bullington Club of the animal kingdom.


chveik

  • vampires have it easy
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #6 on: October 16, 2020, 06:38:12 PM »
I've got a few geese going cheap, btw. They all quack, of course.

they honk behind your back

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2020, 06:40:52 PM »
I've got a few geese going cheap, btw. They all quack, of course.

quonk

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #8 on: October 16, 2020, 06:46:02 PM »
HONK


touchingcloth

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  • You wanna plack the rick, you ha.
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #9 on: October 17, 2020, 12:08:42 AM »
they honk of errands behind your back

Quote
The swans were rounded up by Steve 'The Swanfather' for a 'wellness check. Swans have lived in Lakeland, Florida, since at least 1923, according to the city, but by 1953 had all been eaten by alligators or fallen prey to dogs.

Deso.

Butchers Blind

  • I don't want the undertaker stealing my sins
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #10 on: October 17, 2020, 12:16:14 AM »
What wine goes well with swan?

Glebe

  • Please beware as there is a draclea on the loose.
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #11 on: October 17, 2020, 12:18:18 AM »
What do swan's wear?

Swan Vestas!

FerriswheelBueller

  • CaB rear of the year 2020
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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #12 on: October 17, 2020, 12:22:42 AM »
What do Italian swan's wear?

Swan Vestas!

Bit of refinement there. Means you can do it with a cod Italian accent which will keep the low information punters on board.

touchingcloth

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #13 on: October 17, 2020, 12:26:19 AM »
What do swan's wear?

Swan Vestas!

Interestingly Vesta make swan chow miens.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #14 on: October 17, 2020, 12:30:02 AM »
Gonna get one and call it Declan then make it wear glasses for life, little shit.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #15 on: October 17, 2020, 12:32:17 AM »
Gonna get one and call it Declan then make it wear glasses for life, little shit.

An ex girlfriend was at York uni and they’d all be piss scared of them “oooh don’t go over there there’s a SWAN on the walkway” fucking sort it out I’m a pissed up teenager no fucking semi-aquatic avian is going to get in my way.

Fuckin load of dweebs at york. Apologies if you went to york, but you’re a dweeb. Nice walls though.

touchingcloth

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #16 on: October 17, 2020, 12:32:42 AM »
I’m going to get one, and while it’s still in its transportation cage I’ll go “you can break a man’s arm, can you?” and then I’ll gas it.


touchingcloth

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #18 on: October 17, 2020, 12:35:30 AM »
An ex girlfriend was at York uni and they’d all be piss scared of them “oooh don’t go over there there’s a SWAN on the walkway” fucking sort it out I’m a pissed up teenager no fucking semi-aquatic avian is going to get in my way.

Fuckin load of dweebs at york. Apologies if you went to york, but you’re a dweeb. Nice walls though.

A friend of mine went to Birmingham uni, and maintains that Chris Tarrant was expelled from the same uni for going to the roof off his hall of residence and hoying a swan off it.

I choose to believe this even though there is no actual “evidence” on the Internet which corroborates it.

Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #19 on: October 17, 2020, 12:51:07 AM »
Imagine you’re a swan happily basking in subtropical Florida, and you get bought by some fucker from a frozen hellhole in the Arctic, ending your days trying to make a hole to do ice fishing.

touchingcloth

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #20 on: October 17, 2020, 01:00:39 AM »
Imagine you’re a swan happily basking in subtropical Florida, and you get bought by some fucker from a frozen hellhole in the Arctic, ending your days trying to make a hole to do ice fishing.

OK.

Now what?

Dex Sawash

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #21 on: October 17, 2020, 02:36:42 AM »
Imagine you’re a swan happily basking in subtropical Florida, and you get bought by some fucker from a frozen hellhole in the Arctic, ending your days trying to make a hole to do ice fishing.

Kill Jester

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #22 on: October 17, 2020, 03:20:46 AM »
Would be funny if Bants'n'Syoots bought one and then trained it to shit on Buckingham Palace.

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #23 on: October 17, 2020, 03:24:33 AM »
An ex girlfriend was at York uni and they’d all be piss scared of them “oooh don’t go over there there’s a SWAN on the walkway” fucking sort it out I’m a pissed up teenager no fucking semi-aquatic avian is going to get in my way.

Fuckin load of dweebs at york. Apologies if you went to york, but you’re a dweeb. Nice walls though.

As I have learned recently, swans are actually perfectly nice and friendly if you feed them.

Seagulls can all get to fuck though. Aren't the students of Aberdeen all scared of cuntbeaks? I don't fucking blame them.

Inspector Norse

  • I bash the Bishop well.
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #24 on: October 17, 2020, 09:49:33 AM »


Quote
The city of Lakeland uses a sinister, angular, draconic swan, powered by a psychotic machine intelligence and singlemindedly focused on the destruction of humankind, as its official logo

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #25 on: October 17, 2020, 09:53:30 AM »
As I have learned recently, swans are actually perfectly nice and friendly if you feed them.

Seagulls can all get to fuck though. Aren't the students of Aberdeen all scared of cuntbeaks? I don't fucking blame them.

The ones in Aberdeen do seem to be larger. I don't think people were scared though, they're just a nuisance.

I didn't notice one sat on top of a pole for a pedestrian crossing and it shat right down my arm as I was pushing the button in.

I also had a swan poke its head between me and a book when I was sat across a bench in the afternoon sun, shit me right up as I didn't want to push it away as it might get aggy. A child with bread distracted it and I jumped off the back of the bench like a coward.

Zetetic

  • Worrying the carcass of an old song.
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #26 on: October 17, 2020, 10:28:18 AM »
Saw a man wrestle a swan on the shore of a Berlin lake.

The swan didn't like it, but had to go along with it.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #27 on: October 17, 2020, 10:36:07 AM »
Thanksgiving Day alternative, surely? They're patriotic Yankee swans. That's why they taste like eagle.

Yes, true.

You could always get two I suppose and have a bird-in-a-bird on christmas day.  What would the second bird be, given we've already eaten our eagle?

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #28 on: October 17, 2020, 10:42:35 AM »
The ones in Aberdeen do seem to be larger. I don't think people were scared though, they're just a nuisance.

I didn't notice one sat on top of a pole for a pedestrian crossing and it shat right down my arm as I was pushing the button in.

I also had a swan poke its head between me and a book when I was sat across a bench in the afternoon sun, shit me right up as I didn't want to push it away as it might get aggy. A child with bread distracted it and I jumped off the back of the bench like a coward.

You want to watch this, they’re taking the piss mate. Don’t let them get away with it.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #29 on: October 17, 2020, 11:02:43 AM »
Meh, it's their park, I'm just a guest.

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