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SWANS 4 SALE

Started by Blue Jam, October 16, 2020, 05:44:59 PM

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Blue Jam


Shit Good Nose

Chrimbo day alternative. 

They taste like eagle.

bgmnts

They're going cheap,
Only seven guineas,
That or thereabouts.

Blue Jam

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on October 16, 2020, 05:46:17 PM
Chrimbo day alternative. 

They taste like eagle.

Thanksgiving Day alternative, surely? They're patriotic Yankee swans. That's why they taste like eagle.

Donald Trump has totally bought one hasn't he? He's going to Kentucky fry it.

Glebe

I've got a few geese going cheap, btw. They all quack, of course.

Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth

The Bullington Club of the animal kingdom.


chveik

Quote from: Glebe on October 16, 2020, 05:49:35 PM
I've got a few geese going cheap, btw. They all quack, of course.

they honk behind your back

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Glebe on October 16, 2020, 05:49:35 PM
I've got a few geese going cheap, btw. They all quack, of course.

quonk

Blue Jam


touchingcloth

Quote from: chveik on October 16, 2020, 06:38:12 PM
they honk of errands behind your back

QuoteThe swans were rounded up by Steve 'The Swanfather' for a 'wellness check. Swans have lived in Lakeland, Florida, since at least 1923, according to the city, but by 1953 had all been eaten by alligators or fallen prey to dogs.

Deso.

Butchers Blind

What wine goes well with swan?

Glebe

What do swan's wear?

Swan Vestas!

Ferris

Quote from: Glebe on October 17, 2020, 12:18:18 AM
What do Italian swan's wear?

Swan Vestas!

Bit of refinement there. Means you can do it with a cod Italian accent which will keep the low information punters on board.

touchingcloth

Quote from: Glebe on October 17, 2020, 12:18:18 AM
What do swan's wear?

Swan Vestas!

Interestingly Vesta make swan chow miens.

Sebastian Cobb

Gonna get one and call it Declan then make it wear glasses for life, little shit.

Ferris

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on October 17, 2020, 12:30:02 AM
Gonna get one and call it Declan then make it wear glasses for life, little shit.

An ex girlfriend was at York uni and they'd all be piss scared of them "oooh don't go over there there's a SWAN on the walkway" fucking sort it out I'm a pissed up teenager no fucking semi-aquatic avian is going to get in my way.

Fuckin load of dweebs at york. Apologies if you went to york, but you're a dweeb. Nice walls though.

touchingcloth

I'm going to get one, and while it's still in its transportation cage I'll go "you can break a man's arm, can you?" and then I'll gas it.


touchingcloth

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on October 17, 2020, 12:32:17 AM
An ex girlfriend was at York uni and they'd all be piss scared of them "oooh don't go over there there's a SWAN on the walkway" fucking sort it out I'm a pissed up teenager no fucking semi-aquatic avian is going to get in my way.

Fuckin load of dweebs at york. Apologies if you went to york, but you're a dweeb. Nice walls though.

A friend of mine went to Birmingham uni, and maintains that Chris Tarrant was expelled from the same uni for going to the roof off his hall of residence and hoying a swan off it.

I choose to believe this even though there is no actual "evidence" on the Internet which corroborates it.

Imagine you're a swan happily basking in subtropical Florida, and you get bought by some fucker from a frozen hellhole in the Arctic, ending your days trying to make a hole to do ice fishing.

touchingcloth

Quote from: Clatty McCutcheon on October 17, 2020, 12:51:07 AM
Imagine you're a swan happily basking in subtropical Florida, and you get bought by some fucker from a frozen hellhole in the Arctic, ending your days trying to make a hole to do ice fishing.

OK.

Now what?

Dex Sawash

Quote from: Clatty McCutcheon on October 17, 2020, 12:51:07 AM
Imagine you're a swan happily basking in subtropical Florida, and you get bought by some fucker from a frozen hellhole in the Arctic, ending your days trying to make a hole to do ice fishing.

Kill Jester

Blue Jam

Would be funny if Bants'n'Syoots bought one and then trained it to shit on Buckingham Palace.

Blue Jam

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on October 17, 2020, 12:32:17 AM
An ex girlfriend was at York uni and they'd all be piss scared of them "oooh don't go over there there's a SWAN on the walkway" fucking sort it out I'm a pissed up teenager no fucking semi-aquatic avian is going to get in my way.

Fuckin load of dweebs at york. Apologies if you went to york, but you're a dweeb. Nice walls though.

As I have learned recently, swans are actually perfectly nice and friendly if you feed them.

Seagulls can all get to fuck though. Aren't the students of Aberdeen all scared of cuntbeaks? I don't fucking blame them.

Inspector Norse



QuoteThe city of Lakeland uses a sinister, angular, draconic swan, powered by a psychotic machine intelligence and singlemindedly focused on the destruction of humankind, as its official logo

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Blue Jam on October 17, 2020, 03:24:33 AM
As I have learned recently, swans are actually perfectly nice and friendly if you feed them.

Seagulls can all get to fuck though. Aren't the students of Aberdeen all scared of cuntbeaks? I don't fucking blame them.

The ones in Aberdeen do seem to be larger. I don't think people were scared though, they're just a nuisance.

I didn't notice one sat on top of a pole for a pedestrian crossing and it shat right down my arm as I was pushing the button in.

I also had a swan poke its head between me and a book when I was sat across a bench in the afternoon sun, shit me right up as I didn't want to push it away as it might get aggy. A child with bread distracted it and I jumped off the back of the bench like a coward.

Zetetic

Saw a man wrestle a swan on the shore of a Berlin lake.

The swan didn't like it, but had to go along with it.

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: Blue Jam on October 16, 2020, 05:47:58 PM
Thanksgiving Day alternative, surely? They're patriotic Yankee swans. That's why they taste like eagle.

Yes, true.

You could always get two I suppose and have a bird-in-a-bird on christmas day.  What would the second bird be, given we've already eaten our eagle?

Ferris

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on October 17, 2020, 09:53:30 AM
The ones in Aberdeen do seem to be larger. I don't think people were scared though, they're just a nuisance.

I didn't notice one sat on top of a pole for a pedestrian crossing and it shat right down my arm as I was pushing the button in.

I also had a swan poke its head between me and a book when I was sat across a bench in the afternoon sun, shit me right up as I didn't want to push it away as it might get aggy. A child with bread distracted it and I jumped off the back of the bench like a coward.

You want to watch this, they're taking the piss mate. Don't let them get away with it.

Sebastian Cobb

Meh, it's their park, I'm just a guest.