Author Topic: SWANS 4 SALE  (Read 1056 times)

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #30 on: October 17, 2020, 11:06:37 AM »
Yes, true.

You could always get two I suppose and have a bird-in-a-bird on christmas day.  What would the second bird be, given we've already eaten our eagle?

Good question. In Canada you could probably have a Canada Goose, and they taste of maple syrup.

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #31 on: October 17, 2020, 11:21:19 AM »
The ones in Aberdeen do seem to be larger. I don't think people were scared though, they're just a nuisance.

Yes, I've heard about the giant mutant cuntbeaks of Aberdeen. The ones in Brighton are also freakishly massive. Why is that? Do those cities have more bins or something?

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #32 on: October 17, 2020, 11:23:35 AM »
Good question. In Canada you could probably have a Canada Goose, and they taste of maple syrup.

Actually, in Canada they do the bird-in-a-bird thing, but instead it's a goose in a moose.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #33 on: October 17, 2020, 11:26:11 AM »
Yes, I've heard about the giant mutant cuntbeaks of Aberdeen. The ones in Brighton are also freakishly massive. Why is that? Do those cities have more bins or something?

Dunno. Although I lived on a big long road with tenements and the bins were just biffa's locked into metal brackets on the road, and if they got over-filled to the point that the lid could be lifted and a gull could get its head in, it was carnage, rotted shredded food everywhere.

There was always a lot of shit around the student halls but I dunno if that's students being slack or the birds spreading poorly secured waste.


Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #34 on: October 17, 2020, 11:30:12 AM »
Good question. In Canada you could probably have a Canada Goose, and they taste of maple syrup.

I worry that goose and swan would be too similar (what with the swan tasting of eagle and canada goose tasting of maple syrup).  Perhaps something a bit more disparate - a wolf perhaps?



San Francisco has its fair share of mutant gulls as well.  When me and Mrs Nose were visiting Pier 39, we saw one land on the roof of a pickup truck and when it flew off it had left a shallow dent.  No fear either.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #35 on: October 17, 2020, 11:31:04 AM »
Actually, in Canada they do the bird-in-a-bird thing, but instead it's a goose in a moose.

unbelievable.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #36 on: October 17, 2020, 11:33:04 AM »
Dunno. Although I lived on a big long road with tenements and the bins were just biffa's locked into metal brackets on the road, and if they got over-filled to the point that the lid could be lifted and a gull could get its head in, it was carnage, rotted shredded food everywhere.

There was always a lot of shit around the student halls but I dunno if that's students being slack or the birds spreading poorly secured waste.

The seagulls (and crows) here are fucking MASSIVE. I wonder if it’s to do with being on the coast (along with Brighton and Aberdeen?) but why that would make a difference I have no idea.

I would have thought bigger inland cities = more gull bait = monsters of the sky, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #37 on: October 17, 2020, 11:34:47 AM »
Perhaps that's it, the inner-city ones need to fly less as there's more shit to feed on.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #38 on: October 17, 2020, 11:35:48 AM »
We need our best and brightest on this one. The world is watching.

touchingcloth

  • Member
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  • You wanna plack the rick, you ha.
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #39 on: October 17, 2020, 12:40:16 PM »
Chip in a fucking swan.

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #40 on: October 17, 2020, 12:55:52 PM »
I would actually really like to see a goose-in-a-moose. Imagine that sat on the Christmas dinner table, with the big fuck-off antlers, with tinsel and baubles and fairy lights hanging off them.

Followed by a Tim Horton's with a nice bit of brandy butter, stick some holly in it and set it alight.

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #41 on: October 17, 2020, 01:05:32 PM »
The seagulls (and crows) here are fucking MASSIVE.

Can you eat crows? I know you can bake four-and-twenty blackbirds in a pie, surely other corvids can be substituted as an alternative? Four-and-twenty blackbirds probably converts to about four crows, I reckon. Someone should do a conversion chart.

I know you can't eat cuntbeaks, because I have researched killing and eating the bastards extensively. The sea-dwelling ones apparently just taste really strongly of fish, and the city-dwelling mutant ones live on whatever they can forage from bins so eating their poorly-nourished flesh is not recommended.

I saw a very scruffy crow yesterday. I wouldn't eat that either.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #42 on: October 17, 2020, 01:07:08 PM »
Crows are too clever and cool to be eaten.

Probably best not to eat anything whose collective group is called a 'murder'.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #43 on: October 17, 2020, 01:08:52 PM »
You can eat crows, but, as with any animal that eats things like carrion, particularly mammalian carrion, you run the risk of introducing diseases (cf. komodo dragons and their acid dribble).

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #44 on: October 17, 2020, 01:14:37 PM »
I would actually really like to see a goose-in-a-moose. Imagine that sat on the Christmas dinner table, with the big fuck-off antlers, with tinsel and baubles and fairy lights hanging off them.

Followed by a Tim Horton's with a nice bit of brandy butter, stick some holly in it and set it alight.

When will the offensive stereotypes end

You can eat crows, but, as with any animal that eats things like carrion, particularly mammalian carrion, you run the risk of introducing diseases (cf. komodo dragons and their acid dribble).

Is this why westerners don’t really eat any carnivores? This occurred to me the other day (the carnivores thing) but I couldn’t figure out why. I guess also keeping carnivorous livestock would make farming a more perilous profession.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #45 on: October 17, 2020, 01:18:20 PM »
Pigs are ominvores aren't they? They might not be fed meat as livestock but they'll eat it if you feed them it.

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #46 on: October 17, 2020, 01:22:27 PM »
You seen this Ferris?

https://www.portandterminal.com/why-dont-people-eat-seagulls/

You will be unsurprised to see that the author is from Nova Scotia.

Today I learned that puffins are a species of gull. Typical, the only gull species that isn't a cunt happens to be the only gull species I have eaten. In Reykjavik I had some puffin meat finely sliced and cured in Brennivin. That has to be the most Icelandic dish ever...

Sorry Ferris, I'm all about the offensive stereotypes today. Incidentally I have actually eaten moose, but in Norway rather than Canada. I have had Tim Horton's in Canada though.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #47 on: October 17, 2020, 01:23:30 PM »
Fair point, but we’re not mad for tiger burger and wolf surprise.

Though the biomass required to keep those animals alive (ie plants to feed the prey, then those prey feed the predator) means there’re way fewer of them and farming wouldn’t be sustainable. Think I’ve answered my own question here.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #48 on: October 17, 2020, 01:23:40 PM »
Is this why westerners don’t really eat any carnivores? This occurred to me the other day (the carnivores thing) but I couldn’t figure out why. I guess also keeping carnivorous livestock would make farming a more perilous profession.

It's basically how mad cow disease started - cow carcasses in various stages of decay were being mushed up and put into cow feed to bulk up and cut costs.  That cow feed was then being eaten by other cows, and any of those that also died were being mushed up and put into cow feed, and so on and so on.


Pigs are ominvores aren't they? They might not be fed meat as livestock but they'll eat it if you feed them it.

Yes, but the way (properly) farmed pigs are fed is very strictly controlled (as it is for all [proper] livestock farming now).  I suspect the odd mouse/rat/chicken doesn't really matter, it's when there's years of repeated and increasing feeding like that (as in the case of mad cows) the problems start.

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #49 on: October 17, 2020, 01:24:11 PM »
Pigs are ominvores aren't they? They might not be fed meat as livestock but they'll eat it if you feed them it.

Feed 'im to the pigs, Errol.

Incidentally, the reason we humans make cheese with cow, goat and sheep milk but not pig milk is simply because pigs don't produce enough milk to make it worthwhile.

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #50 on: October 17, 2020, 01:27:08 PM »
Fair point, but we’re not mad for tiger burger and wolf surprise.

Though the biomass required to keep those animals alive (ie plants to feed the prey, then those prey feed the predator) means there’re way fewer of them and farming wouldn’t be sustainable. Think I’ve answered my own question here.

Probably why we eat the carnivores as game rather than as farmed meat. Let 'em find their own food.

What do farmed salmon and trout eat though? I don't think I want to know.

The issue with carnivorous fish of course isn't Mad Fish Disease, it' s the buildup of mercury in the fish at the top of the food chain.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #51 on: October 17, 2020, 01:29:25 PM »
Incidentally, the reason we humans make cheese with cow, goat and sheep milk but not pig milk is simply because pigs don't produce enough milk to make it worthwhile.

Pig cheese does exist every now and again - I've tried it courtesy of the Blue Pig Company (although looking at their website now it seems that they don't bother any more) - but it's always from very small suppliers and, because of the difficulty, yield and cost, tends to be a one-off special/experiment.  That plus the fact it tastes fucking horrible.

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #52 on: October 17, 2020, 01:29:55 PM »
Actually Ferris, I think you've just answered an important scientific question here. The reason urban cuntbeaks are so huge and aggressive is because they've all got Mad Gull Disease from eating too much discarded fried chicken and kebab meat.

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #53 on: October 17, 2020, 01:31:23 PM »
Pig cheese does exist every now and again - I've tried it courtesy of the Blue Pig Company (although looking at their website now it seems that they don't bother any more) - but it's always from very small suppliers and, because of the difficulty, yield and cost, tends to be a one-off special/experiment.  That plus the fact it tastes fucking horrible.

Thanks for that post, especially the last sentence because I would have been tempted to seek it out otherwise. What does it actually taste like? I'm imagining bacon but that would be ridiculous. And also too good to be true.

bgmnts

  • Depressed to the point of poisonous toxicity.
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #54 on: October 17, 2020, 01:31:57 PM »
Plus, having tried to catch a pig, I can definitely say that trying to milk a pig would be a nightmare.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #55 on: October 17, 2020, 01:36:02 PM »
You seen this Ferris?

https://www.portandterminal.com/why-dont-people-eat-seagulls/

You will be unsurprised to see that the author is from Nova Scotia.

Today I learned that puffins are a species of gull. Typical, the only gull species that isn't a cunt happens to be the only gull species I have eaten. In Reykjavik I had some puffin meat finely sliced and cured in Brennivin. That has to be the most Icelandic dish ever...

Sorry Ferris, I'm all about the offensive stereotypes today. Incidentally I have actually eaten moose, but in Norway rather than Canada. I have had Tim Horton's in Canada though.

Haha no offence taken (obv)!

Have you fuckin seen this though?

https://www.portandterminal.com/leaked-video-watch-a-freaking-seagull-swallow-a-whole-rabbit-in-one-go/

That’s some website, straight into the bookmarks for later.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #56 on: October 17, 2020, 01:37:06 PM »
Thanks for that post, especially the last sentence because I would have been tempted to seek it out otherwise. What does it actually taste like? I'm imagining bacon but that would be ridiculous. And also too good to be true.

Keep an eye out for beef bacon, used to get it in the Jewish delis in Toronto. Dead nice, same cut as pig bacon but... beefy.

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #57 on: October 17, 2020, 01:38:08 PM »
Plus, having tried to catch a pig, I can definitely say that trying to milk a pig would be a nightmare.

From Wikipedia:

Quote
A Dutch farmer produced one of the first experimental pig milk cheeses. As many as ten people worked to milk the sows for dozens of hours

Imagine their poor sore pig nips. I wouldn't want to try milking a pig either, have you seen how sharp their teeth are? No wonder they're so good at disposing of murder victims.

I want to try some Donkey cheese. Not sure I'd pay a grand for some though:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pule_cheese

Blue Jam

  • Subpar Wolf
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #58 on: October 17, 2020, 01:40:09 PM »
Keep an eye out for beef bacon, used to get it in the Jewish delis in Toronto. Dead nice, same cut as pig bacon but... beefy.

Interesting. Me and Mr Jam once invented Steakon, which is steak cut as thin as bacon so it isn't too decadent to have for breakfast. I will keep an eye out for that, cheers.

Captain Z

  • CABBALD
Re: SWANS 4 SALE
« Reply #59 on: October 17, 2020, 01:41:28 PM »
A friend of mine went to Birmingham uni, and maintains that Chris Tarrant was expelled from the same uni for going to the roof off his hall of residence and hoying a swan off it.

I choose to believe this even though there is no actual “evidence” on the Internet which corroborates it.

I was going to point out that the obvious problem with this story is that swans can fly. But then I thought that, having seen swans take off, they need a massive runway to do so. Now I won’t be happy until I’ve seen this experiment acted out.

Maybe that’s what Chris Tarrant was doing. In which case he should have been awarded a PhD.

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