CaB Predictions

[touchingcloth]

Paulie and Neil have been fucking for a while.

[Cerys]

A member of the British Royal Family will be murdered.

[imitationleather]

Brexit is a huge success and biggytitbo returns to take his rightful place as the new admin.

[zomgmouse]

VR everything

[checkoutgirl]

Kanye West finally starts his own religion with himself as a deity. His music gets even worse.

Wearing underpants with no trousers in public becomes acceptable. Even at weddings and formal events.

The world's first A.I killer cyborg spider makes it's first independently decided human kill. American goverment gives award to the team that developed it and deploys them in those loser countries where brown people live but not Saudi Arabia.

Google develop a driverless car that clicks onto the side of your Google House in your Google Town. Amazon start making their own towns and hospitals.

Mark Zuckerberg buys the White House for a laugh.

Boris Johnson and Donald Trump do something or other.

College kids pull their own teeth out with pliers due to peer pressure.

[Pinball]

A new app is launched where you can post sarcastic comments about politicians for 20 seconds, and gets 1 billion users in 2 weeks. Within 6 months an IPO is launched on Wall Street and its market cap exceeds Google. Two months later it's banned in China, but no-one cares. And then there's war with China, obviously. Or total capitulation if Biden is POTUS, but the stress kills him, and America enters a new era of racial joy and happiness.

[checkoutgirl]

Joe Biden is elected president POTUS of US America and sorts everything out over two terms and leaves the Oval Office in 2029 in good health with all his mental faculties aged 86 years young.

[Fambo Number Mive]

The right wing commiteriat start writing about the downsides of democracy and the benefits of a dictatorship, the next stage in the runup to the banning of elections in 2024. Kier Starmar says nothing about this.

A new round of railway line and station closures take place, focusing mainly on Devon and Cornwall, the North and Norfolk. This leads to a 15% increase in the number of cars on Britain's roads and causes air quality to worsen in the affected areas.

Crossrail is finally completed in 2026, although usage is 10% below what was estimated when it was first planned due to a growth in home working. HS2 adds another £150m in costs.

The government force Khan to deregulate buses in London, making them as crap as the rest of the UK. The Waterloo and City line is also sold off.

The Northern Line extension to Battersea opens on time but usage is 40% down on estimates.

Teachers are banned from expressing "negative views about the historical actions of the British state" in history lessons.

The day of the Brexit referendum is made a bank holiday, and people are encouraged to hold Brexit parties, where someone dresses up as Nigel Farage and reads from a published collection of his speeches. Only food found in England before 1950 is served and copies of the Guardian and Socialist Worker are burned on the lawn while everyone stands around singing the National Anthem. It is sponsored by the Daily Mail.

[dissolute ocelot]

Biden narrowly wins election, but Trump kicks up a fuss and Biden concedes to Trump in the interests of peace and democracy. Melania leaves Donald and dies in a Paris underpass auto accident.

Boris Johnson to quit before next general election. Raab beats Patel to succeed him. Starmer narrowly loses in June 2024 and quits to become a big international lawyer like in Ally McBeal. Raab dies of roid-induced heart failure.

Family Guy ends after 2020-21 season. Yeardley Smith dies and Dan Castellaneta retires but Simpsons recast them and continue forever. Homer becomes a professor of evolutionary psychology, a supreme court judge, and a Tik Tok star[nb]in 2028[/nb].

Wonder Woman sequel is disappointing mess.

Chuck Lorre makes a Young Sheldon/Big Bang Theory crossover movie involving time travel.

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

Paulie turns out to be Neil.

I was thinking this earlier, as it happens!

So was I. Few months ago I dreamt it was a very bored Chris Morris.

[wosl]

Neil Finn and Mike Campbell will be turfed out of Fleetwood Mac in the next few days/weeks/months, and the 'Rumours Five' will reunite and lurch onwards for the umpteenth time (although Christ knows where and how in the time of the 'vid).

[George Oscar Bluth II]

Televised executions shown on all channels at 7pm, and people can also apply for tickets to be in the audience.

Fancy Lady, well fancy that!

[Hand Solo]

Neil Finn and Mike Campbell will be turfed out of Fleetwood Mac in the next few days/weeks/months, and the 'Rumours Five' will reunite and lurch onwards for the umpteenth time (although Christ knows where and how in the time of the 'vid).

Doubt it, Nicks still hates Buckingham and he is fucked after his open-heart surgery last year and it caused vocal-cord damage and his voice was already very ropey for years before that, a tour would prob kill him. Though the image of the solo at the end of The Chain striking up and Nicks pushing Buckingham out in a wheelchair with his guitar is a fun but simultaneously depressing image.

[wosl]

a tour would prob kill him.

[George Oscar Bluth II]

The government force Khan to deregulate buses in London, making them as crap as the rest of the UK.

Oh god they'll fucking do this if they see this post

[Old Nehamkin]

Biden wins. Democrats gain the senate only to lose both chambers in the QAnon wave of the 2022 midterms. Biden is quietly disposed of shortly thereafter and Harris appoints John Kasich as her new V.P. as a gesture of bipartisan compromise. They are defeated in 2024 in a massive landslide by someone too insane to possibly predict. Liberal pundits place the blame on left wing activists and third-party voters.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Biden wins. Democrats gain the senate only to lose both chambers in the QAnon wave of the 2022 midterms. Biden is quietly disposed of shortly thereafter and Harris appoints John Kasich as her new V.P. as a gesture of bipartisan compromise. They are defeated in 2024 in a massive landslide by someone too insane to possibly predict. Liberal pundits place the blame on left wing activists and third-party voters.

Biden becomes president and is assassinated immediately by Chris Rock, as he promised to do in his 1996 show Bring The Pain. He is then pardoned by Kamala Harris, as he also predicted in his 1996 show Bring The Pain.

[Better Midlands]

A member of the British Royal Family will be murdered.

I reckon it will be one of those big tech guys, yer Zuckerbergs, yer Bezos', yer Dorseys, yer Musks etc.

[Non Stop Dancer]

I too have had the Neil/Paulie thought recently, simply because they've both been absent for ages. Hope not, don't actually believe it, but I've certainly considered it.

[Cold Meat Platter]

Didn't Neil ban Paulie for a bit for an infraction? Maybe just not got round to unbanning him. Just before we start constructing stories here.
Poor show to speculate if you ask me (you didn't).

[Menu]

Didn't Neil ban Paulie for a bit for an infraction? Maybe just not got round to unbanning him. Just before we start constructing stories here.
Poor show to speculate if you ask me (you didn't).

Wasn't Paulie proven to be one of you lot(by him logging in on the wrong account and being sensible or vice versa) but everyone just sort of ignored it and carried on being baited by him for some reason?

[chveik]

yes

[Kelvin]

There is no chance Neil is Paulie. Literally zero. The idea is genuinely idiotic. If Neil's not about, im sure he has his reasons, and i'm sure he won't appreciate coming back to that kind of bollocks.

[Thursday]

Wasn't Paulie proven to be one of you lot(by him logging in on the wrong account and being sensible or vice versa) but everyone just sort of ignored it and carried on being baited by him for some reason?

I think it was that there was a post where he said the opposite of what he normally would say... but he somehow managed to pass it of as him parodying a typical CaB response, and did the ROLF EMOJI's  at the idea that people actually thought it was him slipping up but if that was the case it didn't really make any sense, I can't really remember now.

The other example you might be thinking of was when Paul Calf slipped up with his "Ashbury" account but it was sort of obvious it was a direct parody of Milverton. It was still just very annoying though.

[steve98]

If Neil is really JFK Jnr (and let's be honest this is what's being implied), then, he has about 5 hrs to come back from the dead in Dallas, or (far as I'm concerned) Q can get fucked.

[Cold Meat Platter]

People are gobshites.

[Thursday]

edit ignore

[chveik]

I think it was that there was a post where he said that was the opposite of what he normally would say... but he somehow managed to pass it of as him parodying a typical CaB response, and did the ROLF EMOJI's  at the idea that people actually thought it was him slipping up but if that was the case it didn't really make any sense I can't really remember now.

can't believe I still remember it but the post was something along the lines of "god Andrew Neil is such a cunt'

[Dex Sawash]

Paulie Calfnuts

[Menu]

can't believe I still remember it but the post was something along the lines of "god Andrew Neil is such a cunt'

That was it! And it was roundly acknowledged at the time, and everyone agreed that we could safely ignore Paulie from now on.

Next day:

Paulie: I hate all gays.
CAB: OOOOH HOW COULD YOU?!
<20 page thread>