The Guardian 'Blind Date' headlines

[Pingers]

"Trust me to get a working class one!"

"I'm pretty sure I ordered a vegan, actually"

"We went back to hers and I gave her a proper rattling"

[Huxleys Babkins]

"He was dressed like a fucking twat"

"And she stands there, singing for money"

"I wanted him to do me like I was one of Captain Tom's victims"

[Pingers]

"We both had lobster thermidor and baklava. I had the cum"

[Huxleys Babkins]

"Awkward moment? Dropping mayo down my shirt and admitting to the murder of Jill Dando"

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

" He was a right cunt. Impeccable table manners , mind you."

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

" Absoltely brilliant pair of norks , fair play to her."

[Huxleys Babkins]

"Turns out he was born like that. Fucking hell."

[Huxleys Babkins]

"Was hoping for someone a little bit more Skeletor-y"

[Glebe]

"We're totally different - but we ended up married!"

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

" He kept on banging about some Scouse actress bint or other, then after eight pints performed what he claimed was a spot  on impression of some feller from an indie band, Marky Smith, or something, which involved him caterwauling loudly, and us getting thrown out of the restaurant. I 'd been gasping for a shag though, so we had a quick knee - trembler in a nearby alleyway. 7 out of 10."

[Huxleys Babkins]

"We shared a love for the arts, but he absolutely reeked of piss"

[Pingers]

"To think I turned down James Corden for this"

[Huxleys Babkins]

"We'd both been touched up by DLT at the same Radio 1 Roadshow. Small world, eh?"

[Pingers]

"How can you not like Autechre?"

[Cuellar]

"She ate all the food. All of it. Do you understand? All of it"

[Glebe]

"He kept looking at the blonde behind me until I finally got fed up and threw soup on him."

[Huxleys Babkins]

"He looked like a sort of thalidomide Dermot O'Leary"

[Cuellar]

"After about 5 minutes he went to the bathroom and he didn't come out for 2 hours"

[Glebe]

"He was handsome but his garlic breath put me off."

[Pingers]

"I made sure I was going to be the last one in there for a while, and I don't mean the restaurant!"

[Huxleys Babkins]

"She shat in her handbag a couple of times, but her table manners were otherwise impeccable"

[Glebe]

"She shat in her handbag a couple of times, but her table manners were otherwise impeccable"

"Except for when she kept putting her handbag on the table."

[Huxleys Babkins]

"And ate from it."

[Quote]

"What kind of cunt turns up for a meal with a fucking ukulele?"

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

"his hair was messy and he kept shouting BEARD, but the tapas was mint"

[Huxleys Babkins]

"Like a shaved monkey in a wanker's shirt"

[Pingers]

"His anal warts were hanging out"

[Huxleys Babkins]

"I was glad I wore heels as he was 19 ft tall!"

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

"He was sweet, into puzzles, body modification. Says he wants to explore the further regions of experience with me"

[Quote]

"Her tits were so lopsided I kept thinking the left one was trying to make a break for it"