man wont fuck off talking about terminator sequel ideas

[Goldentony]

tellin yoo man fuckin listen to mee yeah ok fuckin next ones terminator NAYEEEEEN ok so fuckin put NAYYEEEEN terminators in the cunt one fuckin normal one, bird one, one with fuckin big fuck off tits right and one whos like fuckin all really upset and stuff

[Goldentony]

then put more terminators in afterr, more ideas ambulance terminator, terminator thst eont stop ringing 999 for a fuekin laugh man hes insane

[Goldentony]

BAPS CRAIG TERMINATOR DRIVES THE FUCKIN BAKERY VAN ROUND RHYL AND TOWYN, BUT NOT BLAENAU FFESTINIOG

[Goldentony]

TERINATOR CANT BE FUCKED ANY MORE JOBS FUCKED HIM OFF WIFES FUCKIN ROUND THE BEND 

[Goldentony]

why would you hire him sounds fuckin crap him

YOU CANT QUESTION IT

[Glebe]

The terminator fights a T-Rex in space.

[Replies From View]

Terminator right where they go really deeply into the process of digestion for some reason

[Replies From View]

It's a Terminator that's so shit it can't complete its mission then some fuckin old bloke in a church gives it growth mindset so it tries one last time to complete its mission and it fuckin does


But that's not the end of the film there's a whole bit where it can't self Terminate and after completing its mission it's like NOW WHAT and the bloke from the church is in the corner of his eye winking and the Terminator's like ah yeah right.  Keep going with what I have learned, yeah?  And the old bloke is like yep

and we see the Terminator running fitness clubs for kids, but it's all filmed really badly like they didn't exactly have permission to film this bit so the camera keeps looking half at the floor or ceiling.  and that's how the film ends

[Fambo Number Mive]

A terminator wakes up in an alternate universe that is exactly the same as ours apart from the Terminator films never having been released.

[Huxleys Babkins]

A Terminator that has irritable bowel disease and spends the whole film on the bog, toing and froing between diarrhoea and constipation so severely that it weakens its pelvic floor muscles to the point it can't stop pissing itself, discovers it was programmed this way by design and fucks itself off the end of Blackpool pier. *END CREDITS*

[frajer]

Terminator vs The Expendables, and then at the end who's this? The Fast and the Furious lads!

[bgmnts]

Terminator decides to stop hunting the Connor family and gets into local politics.

[Absorb the anus burn]

Terminator replaces Timmy in Five On A Treasure Island.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Terminator joins the England team and we win the world cup.

Terminator is Donald Trump's bodyguard.

[Replies From View]

A Terminator that has irritable bowel disease and spends the whole film on the bog, toing and froing between diarrhoea and constipation so severely that it weakens its pelvic floor muscles to the point it can't stop pissing itself, discovers it was programmed this way by design and fucks itself off the end of Blackpool pier. *END CREDITS*

Not canon on account of the fact Terminators CAN'T SELF TERMINATE





that's the whole tragedy of being a Terminator didn't you even know that

[Replies From View]

Texas Chainsaw Massacre family?  All Terminators that completed or failed their various missions, couldn't self-terminate, passionlessly tried out fishing and crafting to fill time for several blank-faced, dead-eyes centuries, eventually wandered into the middle of nowhere and found each other


It's like Casablanca in a way

[Ominous Dave]

Skynet just sends a nuclear bomb wrapped in artificially-bred human skin back through time and nukes the whole of LA killing John Connor in the process, which is clearly established as being possible in the world of the films.

Christian Bale stars for some reason, despite having just made a gazillion dollars playing Batman.

[Replies From View]

Christian Bale is the bomb


Phwoooar

[frajer]

Christian Bale decides to go full method and sends his BF back in time to sleep with his mum.

Edit: fucked that right up, didn't I. Skynet wins.

[Replies From View]

METAL SKELLINGTONS ABOUND in SPELLBOUND TERMINATOR followed by CRYSTAL KINGDOM TERMINATOR:

SPELLBOUND TERMINATOR:  Christian Bale goes back in time with a cocky set designer, and hilarious antics ensue in a buddy cop way, plus some gratuitous bumming takes place in act 3

CRYSTAL KINGDOM TERMINATOR:  Christian Bale holds in all his farts for about a week and when the Terminators start invading his cave he shouts at them with an absurd lung capacity that the farts have generated.  Then he gets a bit lightheaded and starts watching weird dancing videos on YouTube just as some more Terminators arrive that catch him unawares and kill him :(

[Replies From View]

TERMINATOR DE-AGED

Fucking crikey!  Check out the youth on this Schwarzenegger!!

[Replies From View]

Christian Bale up on a rooftop, constantly jumping off with different types of cape on, only 31% of which even do anything.

And he lands and he's like OOOF JESUS FUCK and then he's like SO WE LEARN TO PICK OURSELVES UP and he swaggers back up to the roof to test out a different cape.  He's in the middle of this process and we see a couple of repetitions, not loads


anyway he's doing all this and in the meantime there's a committee meeting with metal skellingtons that are just finishing their meeting at this point and putting on their special flesh onesies that make them look vaguely human.  There's no faces on them (they are onesies, so:  single piece for the entire body, big zip down the front, and a hood for the back of the head) so they put the faces on last.  Flimsy thin plastic faces they are and they don't fit properly.  The camera pans around and we see that one of the Terminators has an especially cracked and crumpled face because it must have been sat on.  Another one with comical timing suddenly falls forwards away from the metal skull because the elastic must have snapped.  And they're leaving the office rooms and heading off downstairs and the next thing we know, they're fucking off on motorcycles


Christian Bale is still at it when three motorcycles pull up.  Christian Bale lands with a crack and his unopened cape has Sainsbury's Bag For Life written on it.  A street lamp casts a sodium glow upon an unmoving human face.  Behind one eye is a red glint.  Behind the other, nothing.  A gloved hand keeps repositioning the human face so the eyes line up:  there is then a red glint behind both eyes, but after a few seconds one red glint becomes concealed and it needs to be done again.  This keeps happening whenever there is a close-up of this particular face.  The other two figures remain on their motorcycles, backgrounded and mostly in darkness.




Anyway it's the end of my lunch break now.

[touchingcloth]

The missing apostrophe in the thread title makes me read it in a Jamaican accent as it's about a man who is desirous of long conversations about Terminator sequels.

[Glebe]

Terminator gets crossed with a fly, havoc ensues.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Christian Bale up on a rooftop, constantly jumping off with different types of cape on, only 31% of which even do anything.

And he lands and he's like OOOF JESUS FUCK and then he's like SO WE LEARN TO PICK OURSELVES UP and he swaggers back up to the roof to test out a different cape.  He's in the middle of this process and we see a couple of repetitions, not loads


anyway he's doing all this and in the meantime there's a committee meeting with metal skellingtons that are just finishing their meeting at this point and putting on their special flesh onesies that make them look vaguely human.  There's no faces on them (they are onesies, so:  single piece for the entire body, big zip down the front, and a hood for the back of the head) so they put the faces on last.  Flimsy thin plastic faces they are and they don't fit properly.  The camera pans around and we see that one of the Terminators has an especially cracked and crumpled face because it must have been sat on.  Another one with comical timing suddenly falls forwards away from the metal skull because the elastic must have snapped.  And they're leaving the office rooms and heading off downstairs and the next thing we know, they're fucking off on motorcycles


Christian Bale is still at it when three motorcycles pull up.  Christian Bale lands with a crack and his unopened cape has Sainsbury's Bag For Life written on it.  A street lamp casts a sodium glow upon an unmoving human face.  Behind one eye is a red glint.  Behind the other, nothing.  A gloved hand keeps repositioning the human face so the eyes line up:  there is then a red glint behind both eyes, but after a few seconds one red glint becomes concealed and it needs to be done again.  This keeps happening whenever there is a close-up of this particular face.  The other two figures remain on their motorcycles, backgrounded and mostly in darkness.




Anyway it's the end of my lunch break now.

I'd def go see this.

[touchingcloth]

Terminator goes back in time and batters Oliver Twist.

[frajer]

A Terminator is a tank in World War 2. "It's Judgement D-Day."

And yes, I'm glad you asked, it does have Arnie's face four-foot wide on the front like a nightmare Thomas the Tank Engine.

[touchingcloth]

Terminator goes back to Industrial Revolution times and can't stop wanking over looms.

[Replies From View]

There's a mad scientist called Ken and he's sadistically keeping puddles of a T-1000 separate from one another in jars in his lab.

The puddles are all furious and Ken is continually chuckling away to himself at the very concept of a T-1000 being permanently unable to reform into a meaningfully sized threat or anything that isn't a puddle.  Scene after scene we see him sniggering himself to sleep with a jar alongside his pillow vibrating in rage.

Every now and then he does a little doodle showing how funny he finds it.  Usually there is a speech bubble saying something like "HELP ME I AM PARALYSED AND YEARNING TO REFORM :(" and another speech bubble from higher up on the page is going "NO WELL YOU CAN'T MANAGE XD".  Nearly every time Ken creates one of these pieces of art, he shows he doesn't understand how to present information from top to bottom and left to right when drawing cartoons.  He's such a dick this guy.  You're not gonna root for him.

Ken looks a bit like Rick Moranis but he's infinitely less loveable.  Imagine Rick Moranis playing Doctor Octopus but a greasy, craven, passive-aggressive version.

Well surprise surprise the mechanism falls into perfect alignment, the sunlight pours in beams through the window and passes through a jar of T-1000; to cut a long story short the jars of T-1000 all shatter don't they and quite soon there's a fully-formed mimetic polyalloy on the loose, and it's substantially more driven by bitterness and vengeance than any other T-1000 up to this point.

Mission?  Fuck that.  This one has a bone to pick.



That's basically the trailer.

[dissolute ocelot]

Terminator decides to stop hunting the Connor family and gets into local politics.

That is the plot of Terminator: Dark Fate, isn't it?

They should do one where the Terminator is an orang-utan.