The Smems-Gaston Soiling Scale

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Stage 1
Concerning unrequited contact of soil element with the subject fabric. Low-scale. Attended to with appropriate chemicals and scrubbing, the item, depending on its textile or surface may be fully returned to a pre-soiled state.

Stage 2
A soiling which leaves a lingering stain poised on a psychological rubicon, whether the onerous task of fully desoiling the item is a) achievable or b) worthwhile. A medium stool from the lower strata of a todman's barrow smeared for a sustained half minute would be likely to cause such a soiling.

Stage 3
A 'Problem Soil', where a profound soiling has irretrievably altered the appearance and desirability of the item, without necessarily causing its destruction. A Birkenhead washing line replete with 10 'shitted keks' is a prime example.

Stage 4
Severe fabric damage affecting the colour, odour, physical integrity and practical lifespan of the soiled item. Caused by the forceful pummelling of either compacted lugnuts and grogans or a chemically volatile wet-soiling of virulent ferocity.

Stage 5
Hiroshima. Destruction and obliteration of the soiled item, whether through chemical corrosion or blast impact and cratering. Highly likely to have also caused secondary and tertiary soiling to nearby textiles and materials, potentially hazardous to flora and fauna.

_{Use of this scale has been released for educational purposes only. Any unlicensed broadcasting may result in legal action by the copyright holders Gregg Smems and Brig. Alasdair Gaston. All rights reserved.}

[poo]

Enjoyed this post about the Smems-Gaston Soiling Scale

[popcorn]

The Smems-Gaston Soiling Scale has been discredited. I favour the Holistic Begriming Model.

[Twit 2]

I now solely rely on the Tristan da Cunha Shart Spectrum.

[Huxleys Babkins]

I remember learning about this at school using the "SeT SeIL" method.

Sediment
Turtles head
Seepage
Ingress
Lost cause

[Pingers]

I remember learning about this at school using the "SeT SeIL" method.

Sediment
Turtles head
Seepage
Ingress
Lost cause

The most controversial of the Myers-Briggs types

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I remember learning about this at school using the "SeT SeIL" method.

Sediment
Turtles head
Seepage
Ingress
Lost cause

Laughed