The 2020 John Lewis Christmas ad

[thecuriousorange]

*Slow, twinkling piano version of Love Will Tear Us Apart*

A nurse walks home slowly from a late evening shift and one old man stands across the road clapping. He's wearing a face mask, but you can see his eyes are misty. Nurse enters home and family look glum. An empty seat at the table beside granny implies that the grandfather must not have survived 2020. A child unwraps a computer tablet and a video call begins. It's only bloody Grandpa! They answer and the face of the old man from earlier appears on screen as the piano music swells and morphs into Times Like These by Foo Fighters. One of the kids opens the front door and Gramps hobbles in and they all hug tightly.

FIN

[pancreas]

And that grandfather ...

is Jeffrey Epstein!!

[touchingcloth]

A man sits forlornly against some cheap 1970s institutional curtains. Accompanied only by a piano, a chanteuse croons - at half speed - the lyrics to Blue Da Ba Dee, and as the camera pulls back we realise he is sat in a hotel room, next to what we realise must be his wife. On a ventilator - it's clearly the COVIDs.

A person out of shot hands the man an envelope, and once he pulls out the contents his face cracks a smile. As the vital signs of his wife flatline, the camera cuts to a shot of the envelope's contents: tickets to the Blue Man show.

Correction. Ticket to the Blue Man show.

[BlodwynPig]

A man sits forlornly against some cheap 1970s institutional curtains. Accompanied only by a piano, a chanteuse croons - at half speed - the lyrics to Blue Da Ba Dee, and as the camera pulls back we realise he is sat in a hotel room, next to what we realise must be his wife. On a ventilator - it's clearly the COVIDs.

A person out of shot hands the man an envelope, and once he pulls out the contents his face cracks a smile. As the vital signs of his wife flatline, the camera cuts to a shot of the envelope's contents: tickets to the Blue Man show.

Correction. Ticket to the Blue Man show.

John Lewis: Now Flogging Ticketmaster tickets for all your favourite shows at a marginal markup. Specialist embroidery? Not these days, ha ha ha ha.

[touchingcloth]

We see a teary-eyed man of sixty alone on a bed. He's surrounded by copies of Nuts magazine, and pamphlets about erectile dysfunction.

A CGI llama cheerfully noses a Viagra pill towards the man, who begins to masturbate for the first time in years, glumly at first but increasingly more enthusiastically. After he achieves cum he high fives the giraffe, plastering it's hoof and head modules in his curdled jizz.

The soundtrack is an acoustic cover of Prefab Sprout's King of stock and Roll.

[pancreas]

We stand behind a man sat at his kitchen table reading the Times: 'Fox-hunting stopped by judicial review'. Zoom out and he's sitting there in his scarlet coat and breeches, holding a riding crop and surrounded by fox-hounds. A single tear falls onto the page.

But then there's a knock at the door, so he trudges to the door ... and it's Boris! And Boris says Dom's had the Supreme Court taken into custody and it's all back on.

Next shot is fox entrails literally all over the shop

[BlodwynPig]

What are JL flogging in these flights of fancy?

[pancreas]

Freedom.