Work experience boy joining next week

[popcorn]

Hi team

My nephew Timothy is going to be joining for his work experience placement on Monday.

Please make him welcome and don't be afraid to give him some work - he is keen to show his potential.

[Glebe]

Let me give you a word of advice, Tim. Your uncle is a philandering con-artist and is embezzling funds from the company. LEAVE WHILE YOU CAN.

[Cuellar]

Hi popcorn,

Thanks for letting us know - I'm going to be kicking Timothy hard in his testicles first thing

Cheers,

Cuellar

[Shit Good Nose]

Does he swallow?

[Ferris]

Timothy will look deep into my wild eyes and know that I have stared into the abyss.

He will run, and escape all this hideousness - at least for his sake, I hope he does.

[Glebe]

Could you stick the kettle on before you pop down the shops again, Timbo? Cheers son!

[Shit Good Nose]

What about bum stuff?

[Ferris]

Could you stick the kettle on before you pop down the shops again, Timbo? Cheers son!

Oh yes *chuckle* and ask for a "rubber hammer" and a "long weight" while you are there!

[Replies From View]

Hi Tim.  When your uncle is done explaining the ropes to you I have some Kaolin Poultice that needs applying, cheers.

[frajer]

Hey Tim, tartan paint or gtfo

[Replies From View]

Tim I have always wanted a chameleon and also a venus fly trap that actually survives


cheers x

[Glebe]

Oh yes *chuckle* and ask for a "rubber hammer" and a "long weight" while you are there!

"Oh yeah and shopkeeper's name is U. Twat, make sure you address him by his name, heh!"

[BlodwynPig]

Need a new bubble for my spirit level, Tim. And a Twix.

[petril]

send him out to buy a copy of Best of the Beatles and come back and tell us why it's a good Beatles album

[Captain Z]

Tee hee, I sent him out to fetch some - get this - "glossy" paint and a pair of "left-handed scissors"! Can't wait to see the look on his face...

[Replies From View]

Tim, hi Tim oh hi

Yeah so we have held a quick meeting and basically your name is Tom from now on alright, cheers

[Ferris]

Good name to be fair, better than Tim anyway

[Glebe]

And if some bird comes in complaining about the nudie calendar tell her I'm out. Oh yeah, you're coming for a pint with all the lads later, yeah? *peer pressure*

[Tony Tony Tony]

Me: Can you go to the stores and pick up a nammerfor?

Tim: Whats a nammerfor?

Me: Knocking nails in!

All: Howls of laughter

[Glebe]

Who's going to tell popcorn that Tim has fallen into the industrial mangler?

[Ferris]

Who's going to tell popcorn that Tim has fallen into the industrial mangler?

I did it for the last one. Must be your turn now?

[Sebastian Cobb]

If he's a liability I've got a bucket of mixed up screws he can sort.

[Ferris]

If he's a liability I've got a bucket of mixed up screws he can sort.

I have genuinely done this as a job for my dad at his business when I was about 12.

3 quid an hour, could listen to the radio and sit in the warm office with the bucket of screws, and am now able to tell a woodscrew length and gauge by sight, same for the thread on a machine screw (I'm off my game these days, but I used to be able to spot a 3/16" BSF at thirty paces).

Best job I ever had.

[touchingcloth]

Can people PLEASE refrain from outing me as straight to Timothy? I will do it myself if and when it feels appropriate.

[frajer]

Tim where the fuck is that tartan paint I asked for yesterday?

Only pissing about Tim, get used to this sort of bantz yeah.

[Dex Sawash]

Does he swallow?

What about bum stuff?

Timmy is 13

[touchingcloth]

Timmy is 13

Cool. And does he swallow? What about bum stuff?

[frajer]

Timmy is 13

Happy birthday, he's not getting a cake though. Not getting work experience a cake. Where's it end? Where's it fucking end? Or a card.

[Glebe]

I did it for the last one. Must be your turn now?

Yeah but I think he's actually been mangled to death this time, Ferris. He only had mild third degree burns when he fell into the acid vat that time. "Ooh, sorry popcorn, your nephew's a bit scorched," is not as difficult to say as "popcorn, I'm afraid your brother's son Timothy has been shredded to bits by a malevolent mechanism from the nightmares of Stephen King."

[Ferris]

We agreed you'd do the next one! Can't believe this.