More inessential shit from the backwaters of old TV you somehow still remember

[Cuntbeaks]

Yes! Especially Huck Finn. I can still see that showboat(is that the right word?) going down the river in the opening titles, and even now I can remember the theme tune. Although like Top Cat the words were totally indecipherable for some reason.

It was on quite early in the morning but a few of us would get up in order to watch it then meet up and take the piss out of it. Mainly because of the 'baddie', Injun Joe, was a dead ringer for a violent alcoholic who lived on our street. Legend had it that he threw a woman out of a 3rd floor window.

[Menu]

It was on quite early in the morning but a few of us would get up in order to watch it then meet up and take the piss out of it. Mainly because of the 'baddie', Injun Joe, was a dead ringer for a violent alcoholic who lived on our street. Legend had it that he threw a woman out of a 3rd floor window.

Christ! I shudder to think what Tom Sawyer would make of that.

[Sonny_Jim]

Have we had 'Get Stuffed' yet?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3jJb9TgJcg

Boggles my mind that it exists.  Did they make it as a parody?  Because 'Nozin Around' was about 10 years prior to this.

[Menu]

Have we had 'Get Stuffed' yet?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3jJb9TgJcg

Boggles my mind that it exists.  Did they make it as a parody?  Because 'Nozin Around' was about 10 years prior to this.

Parodied on The Day Today as well. Featuring a forum favourite.

[Jockice]

There was also Get Wet of course. Sometimes on the same night as Get Stuffed.

[dissolute ocelot]

It looks like the band you're referring to are called Nothing (one of dozens of bands to share the name, if Discogs is to be believed), and can be seen here - https://www.discogs.com/Nothing-Nothing/release/3207296 . Sadly, no-one appears to have a copy of it for sale.

There are some places you can download it (if you search for the more distinctive track names), but I'll wait till I'm on a less sensitive PC. How can a 7-minute song called "Heathers" be bad? Although basic arithmetic demonstrates that "Renaissance Man" probably isn't about the Danny Devito heroic-teacher-film.

[George White]

That Huck Finn series was interesting.
Actually  a Canadian West German production, shot in Vancouver, hence a lot of the actors went on to be in X Files and other purportedly American SF.
The aunt was German, Brigitte Horney. Recently saw her in a 30s Ealing, but she was a big star in the 30s and 40s in Germany, and was the female lead in the Nazi-produced Munchausen movie.

[Neomod]

I've despised Pauline Quirke since I was a child because she used to appear on kids' TV so often. She even had her own show. And now I have a partner who voluntarily watches Birds Of A Feather. Grrr.

I remember her mainly from 'You Must Be Joking' with of course FLINTLOCK who followed her to Pauline's Quirks. My older sister fancied drummer Mike.

End titles featuring Jim Bowen, Quirke, Ray Burdis and "Where's ya Fackin Tool" from SCUM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIccf6lLu-g

I have very vague memories[nb]I was 6 when it finished in 74[/nb] of Junior Showtime with precocious Glynne Poole and other youth drama little shits. Can't remember if he was a guest or presented it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sg7zEDURHOM

This seems to be the only evidence of Poole's existence on youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qYe0kcmABw

Honourable mention to Southern TV's lunchtime knockout double punch of Crown Court and Houseparty for sick 70's/80's kids off school.

God, this theme brings back the sense memory of eating tomato soup.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECEbx1zpMgs

same with that bloody doorbell
https://youtu.be/W5Xgh71FQJc?t=61

[Famous Mortimer]

There are some places you can download it (if you search for the more distinctive track names), but I'll wait till I'm on a less sensitive PC. How can a 7-minute song called "Heathers" be bad? Although basic arithmetic demonstrates that "Renaissance Man" probably isn't about the Danny Devito heroic-teacher-film.

I had a look at a few of those sites (the top handful of results from a Google search for the songs) and they look dodgy as fuck. I assume there's going to be some "enter your credit card details to prove your identity" deal going on.

[Gulftastic]

This from the 70's.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWzoi1cx7_U

To my mind, the series aired only once, but I always remembered the main bit of theme tune.

It's the reason that the later cartoon of the more famous film is called 'The Real Ghostbusters'.

[GMTV]

I think that may have been from "A Kick Up The Eighties", or its sequel "Laugh? I Nearly Paid My License Fee!". I seem to recall whatever the sketch was beforehand just cut to a still of the BBC1 globe (the "COW" version, for those of you who know such things) where a seemingly real voice-over said something about "talks having broken down, so the four minute warning has been sounded - that's except for viewers in Scotland, who will get it later tonight at 10:50". Big audience laugh, and then the BBC logo was partially replaced via a circular video wipe with the face of Robbie Coltrane, who was a regular in both series. He began to sing a song - may have been a folk song or something - as an intro to the next sketch. (The effect was that you just saw his face instead of the globe.) Then the wipe was competed and we saw the full shot of him, he finished this little bit of whatever song it was, and the sketch properly began. You might possibly be (mis)remembering that bit of Quantel-powered business, although it is the kind of stunt a lot of 80s British comedy programmes did on occasion - what you describe may very well have also been on "Carrott's Lib" or whatever.

Also the OP who mentioned the really terrible "Bottom" parody - that'll be from the atrocious "TV Squash" by Yorkshire Television, in 1992. It's been mentioned on these boards before, and I've just re-uploaded it to Youtube.

I have to be honest I quite like that bottom parody!

[Bad Ambassador]

This from the 70's.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWzoi1cx7_U

To my mind, the series aired only once, but I always remembered the main bit of theme tune.

It's the reason that the later cartoon of the more famous film is called 'The Real Ghostbusters'.

And in turn there was an animated version of the live-action series that came out at the same time as an obvious cash-in.

[Menu]

That Huck Finn series was interesting.
Actually  a Canadian West German production, shot in Vancouver, hence a lot of the actors went on to be in X Files and other purportedly American SF.
The aunt was German, Brigitte Horney. Recently saw her in a 30s Ealing, but she was a big star in the 30s and 40s in Germany, and was the female lead in the Nazi-produced Munchausen movie.

Wow, that's fantastic info. Thank you. It being non-American fits with how other-worldly it seemed at the time. It seems obvious now that it wasn't US-made.

[Billy]

Random mildly traumatising TV memory from my childhood that jumped back into my mind tonight - I'm happily watching some old 1940s cartoon on the BBC featuring various animated characters trying to solve a murder mystery, the killer is found, and as he's unmasked...we suddenly switch into live action film and it's some random real-life guy under the mask, who says "I did it" and hysterically bursts into tears. End of cartoon, and it creeped me right out - who the fuck was he?! What was he doing in a cartoon?! Was it a real life murderer from the 40s? Was this his punishment?

Years later I discovered the name of the cartoon - a Tex Avery called 'Who Killed Who?' - and realised I'd missed the beginning all those years ago when a live-action host introduces it (in some sort of parody of whodunnit movie shorts of the time) - and he's the one who gets unmasked at the end. I even found out the day I probably saw it, as it was inexplicably aired at 7pm one night on BBC2 in April 1994, in between Def II and a documentary about disabled Asians. No wonder I was weirded out by it all, aged 5 I'd have probably gone to bed soon after.

[non capisco]

^ Love it, Billy. The stuff that scares us out of our wits when we're children is often so arbitrary. I witnessed this when I saw my then-five year old nephew crap his pants and start crying at the sight of a child cycling down the hill towards a smiling John Thaw in a TV adaptation of 'Goodnight Mr. Tom'.

[PaulTMA]

Newsround running an item on a chameleon (or some similar creature) which changed colour depending on what it ate (or something), which the presenter wrapped up by saying "now we know what happens to Andi when he doesn't get his chocolate".  Cut to Peters in the broom cupboard with his face flashing green and saying "Edd, give me my Kit Kat".  I remember this being discussed in the playground the following day and us unanimously considering it fucking weird.

[Cerys]

as he's unmasked...we suddenly switch into live action film and it's some random real-life guy under the mask, who says "I dood it" and hysterically bursts into tears.

FTFY

[jamiefairlie]

One of those memories where a single element is clear as day (in this case two - the screen that becomes a portal and the speeded up infinite loop at the end) but all the other details are completely forgotten. It was shown on BBC1 mid-70s around teatime and nobody else knew what I was wittering on about until the internet arrived...

https://youtu.be/f5bAMyjr_ok

[kngen]

I know I watched this at the time as a young, young tyke who'd duck out in front of the telly while my parents were off doing adult things with other adult people, and it feels as surreal now as it did then: Jimmy Saville and Spike Milligan sitting next to George Wendt on a typically bizarre '80s channel 4 show presented by the Japanese performance artists who had the novelty hit 'We Are Ninja...Not Geisha,' before Saville breaks out into a tweaked cover of It's a Long Way to Tipperary.  Proper fever dream stuff, but then most channel 4 programming was like that at the time.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS3wKEb9_zY

How bizarre. I was just thinking about this yesterday. Wendt was introduced as a big fan of hardcore punk (which was why me and my mates ended up watching it, so it must have been touted in the press beforehand), but sang Monkey on a Chain Gang by House of Freaks (not reaaaally hardcore at all; more Southern gothic country-punk), which was a bit disappointing at the time[nb] I've since come to admire them, being older and wiser, and just emitted a tiny joyful 'oooh!' on discovering that they started out here in my current city of residence. So that's nice.[/nb], as we were hoping he might slash his chest open with razor blades whilst screaming along to Short Fuse by Poison Idea.

[Jockice]

^ Love it, Billy. The stuff that scares us out of our wits when we're children is often so arbitrary. I witnessed this when I saw my then-five year old nephew crap his pants and start crying at the sight of a child cycling down the hill towards a smiling John Thaw in a TV adaptation of 'Goodnight Mr. Tom'.

I was scared of the whole world. Well, the revolving globe they had between programmes on BBC1, According to family folklore - although I have absolutely no recollection of this - I tried to stop my sister watching Dr Who on that channel by stuffing the dial with silver paper, causing the TV to explode.

28 I was.

[Captain Z]

Can't find the most recent 'identify this bit of TV' thread, so this will do. This is a relatively recent one, a short, hazy memory of something I've watched in the last 4-5 years, but I'm having real trouble remembering what show it was from.

It's a hidden camera type thing, where the show is messing with some real-life phone scammers/general no-goods. They've been told to go to a place where money/credit cards/whatever has been left for them, only to find that it's frozen inside a giant block of ice. Some immediately walk away, realising that they're being played, and some attempt to inconspicuously smash the ice open.

Any ideas what this was?

[Mark X]

Any ideas what this was?

Sounds like it might have been Guy Ritchie's C5 series Swag: https://www.comedy.co.uk/tv/swag/

[markburgle]

Episode of Newsnight, early 00's - there's some sort of rock n roll museum opening somewhere. Their reporter's onsite at the preparations for the opening night and who does this hilarious interview with the singer from one of the bands. He instantly starts decrying the whole thing as a total shambles and not rock n roll at all, claims he's already set fire to their dressing room in protest, and at one point has to interrupt his ranting to shout "OI BAZ, SHUT IT!" over his shoulder at the bass player who's just started sound checking behind him. No idea who they were, but it was great.

Another one was two blokes from Viz on the Big Breakfast, Johnny Vaughn era. He's interviewing them and teenage me thinks the more snotty outspoken one is incredibly witty and hilarious, but all I really remember is that he ended up going "Well I could just say "shit" on the air" and the segment ended immediately

[St_Eddie]

An advert featuring someone in a possibly racist approximation of a Mexican voice going "'Ey, amigos! Eeees lunchtiiiiiiiiime!"

Don't know what you mean, mate.

[ProvanFan]

A documentary in which a man who's had too much to drink (his behaviour might have been the focus of the programme) is being dragged away by someone as he chants

YOOOU'RE A PENIS,
YOU'RE A FUCKIN PENIS

JOHHHN HUTCHISON,
YOU'RE A HORSE'S ARSE

Pretty sure it was at night outside a pub and the guy was definitely Scottish.

[St_Eddie]

A documentary in which a man who's had too much to drink (his behaviour might have been the focus of the programme) is being dragged away by someone as he chants

YOOOU'RE A PENIS,
YOU'RE A FUCKIN PENIS

JOHHHN HUTCHISON,
YOU'RE A HORSE'S ARSE

Pretty sure it was at night outside a pub and the guy was definitely Scottish.

I'd appreciate it if you didn't transcribe my rantings.  Ta.

[KennyMonster]

Floella Benjamin singing a song that went "Where's your bag, dad? My baaaaaaag?!! You left your bag, dad, in Baghdad."

https://www.petercombe.com.au/song/baghdad

[Captain Z]

Sounds like it might have been Guy Ritchie's C5 series Swag: https://www.comedy.co.uk/tv/swag/

I remember Swag quite fondly, I'm 90% sure it was a more recent show I was watching.

[KaraokeDragon]

Can't find the most recent 'identify this bit of TV' thread, so this will do. This is a relatively recent one, a short, hazy memory of something I've watched in the last 4-5 years, but I'm having real trouble remembering what show it was from.

It's a hidden camera type thing, where the show is messing with some real-life phone scammers/general no-goods. They've been told to go to a place where money/credit cards/whatever has been left for them, only to find that it's frozen inside a giant block of ice. Some immediately walk away, realising that they're being played, and some attempt to inconspicuously smash the ice open.

Any ideas what this was?

You've probably forgot about this lol, but it's Blindboy Undestroys the World.

I'm pretty sure it's episode 1 and probably still on iPlayer.

[Captain Z]

You've probably forgot about this lol, but it's Blindboy Undestroys the World.

I'm pretty sure it's episode 1 and probably still on iPlayer.

Yes! Thank you, I had almost entirely forgotten about that show.