Author Topic: More inessential shit from the backwaters of old TV you somehow still remember  (Read 26326 times)

non capisco

  • Automatic writing by phantom limb
    • https://twitter.com/IsThisRoss
More detritus that you remember clear as a bell despite its complete lack of cultural worth or even interest, please.

An advert featuring someone in a possibly racist approximation of a Mexican voice going "'Ey, amigos! Eeees lunchtiiiiiiiiime!"

An early evening ITV show hosted by Andi Peters and possibly Emma Forbes filmed on a moored boat. Frank Skinner was one of the guests and was clearly fucked off with Andi Peters to the point of expressing a wish to throw Peters over the side of the boat and seeming like he meant it. David Baddiel possibly there as well, adding nothing to the situation as usual.

Floella Benjamin singing a song that went "Where's your bag, dad? My baaaaaaag?!! You left your bag, dad, in Baghdad."

The baby incarnation of Martin Fowler in a very early episode of Eastenders drowning out the other actors by talking infant gibberish loudly in the middle of a scene that transcribed as exactly this: "EXA GEXA GA GA....BRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Some fuckawful "parody" of Bottom on an unidentified regional ITV late night sketch show that had the 'Richie and Eddie' substitutes chanting "Girlies, girlies, nag nag nag, all they want is a damn good..." then doing a pelvic thrust to denote the word 'shag'.

A Bugsy Malone-style advert for apples with kids playing gangsters where one of the child's lines is so incomprehensible that debate raged what it was the little prick actually said and no-one could ever figure it out.

You get the idea.

A Bugsy Malone-style advert for apples with kids playing gangsters where one of the child's lines is so incomprehensible that debate raged what it was the little prick actually said and no-one could ever figure it out.

Oooh...I know this one. That sounds like one of the Crunch Bunch adverts. Possibly this one? I assume the line of dialogue in question is the one that sounds like "You win this time, you spaz"?

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • They call me mista bald bastard
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Quote
A Bugsy Malone-style advert for apples with kids playing gangsters where one of the child's lines is so incomprehensible that debate raged what it was the little prick actually said and no-one could ever figure it out.

'Gallstone in the gongles'

non capisco

  • Automatic writing by phantom limb
    • https://twitter.com/IsThisRoss
Oooh...I know this one. That sounds like one of the Crunch Bunch adverts. Possibly this one? I assume the line of dialogue in question is the one that sounds like "You win this time, you spaz"?

Ha ha yeah, it's exactly that advert but the line in question isn't "You win this time, Spats", it's whatever the jumping fuck it is that girl says after the "barman" says 'Certainly.' There is no way even the most advanced audio enhancement would ever be able to throw any light on that.

"Crunchy! Give me a special."
"Certainly."
"Fees a fees and dees a fees."

YOU WHA'????

"Fees a fees and dees a fees."

Blimey...you're not kidding. I assumed it was a poor quality video transfer, but it sounds like they didn't even give the poor girl a mic.

One of the guys in the comments claims to have played the bartender (Spats/Spaz), so perhaps he remembers what she was supposed to be saying?

Ha ha yeah, it's exactly that advert but the line in question isn't "You win this time, Spats", it's whatever the jumping fuck it is that girl says after the "barman" says 'Certainly.' There is no way even the most advanced audio enhancement would ever be able to throw any light on that.

"Crunchy! Give me a special."
"Certainly."
"Fees a fees and dees a fees."

YOU WHA'????

Haha! It sounds like "Teedy bees and chips please"

non capisco

  • Automatic writing by phantom limb
    • https://twitter.com/IsThisRoss
Blimey...you're not kidding. I assumed it was a poor quality video transfer, but it sounds like they didn't even give the poor girl a mic.
One of the guys in the comments claims to have played the bartender (Spats/Spaz), so perhaps he remembers what she was supposed to be saying?

My best guess on this is that part of it is supposed to be "keep the change" but she doesn't even hand over any money for her apple in a glass on ice. The fact the bartender reacts to her mush mouthed pronouncement with a smug grin and a cocked eyebrow is aggravating. I'm sure he was used to lipreading in the roaring, boisterous ambience of an apple speakeasy but we as an audience are being kept at arm's length here. It's like before the studio talked David Lynch into adding subtitles to the club scene in Fire Walk With Me. We're thrown in at the deep end.

non capisco

  • Automatic writing by phantom limb
    • https://twitter.com/IsThisRoss
Haha! It sounds like "Teedy bees and chips please"

The barman looks at her with a cocked eyebrow thinking "This dame always asks for fuckin teddy bears and chips. Teddy bears and fuckin chips! It's an APPLE joint! Ya can't even fuckin EAT teddy bears! She's hopped up on goofballs over herrrrre! But she's Spatz's twist so ahhhh..whaddyagonnado?"

Captain Z

  • Die Hard or Die Tryin'
Cheezy Peaz and chips please!

A sketch show in the nineties (not one of the big ones) had a one-off skit called "Sin Feinn" where Irish republican terrorists started getting off with each other and the police in a gay way. Does anyone remember this or know what it was?

Menu

  • Don't be a fool, Stephanie.
Blimey...you're not kidding. I assumed it was a poor quality video transfer, but it sounds like they didn't even give the poor girl a mic.

One of the guys in the comments claims to have played the bartender (Spats/Spaz), so perhaps he remembers what she was supposed to be saying?


Tami
7 months ago
Was this inspired by Busby Malone?



Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
I mentioned this on the comedy thread but a Junior Mastermind-type contest that went to a tie-break and the final question was on one of the contestants' specialist subjects. It was a long time before Junior Mastermind started (2004 apparently) but it was on the same format. I have it connected in my head with Nationwide, which ended in 1983  It's still in my head as one of the great 'that's just not fair!' moments in TV history. The specialist subject was something historical or archeological and the boy who won looked exactly like the sort of  kid who'd be into that stuff. I bet if you'd asked him who were the FA Cup holders or what the number one single was he wouldn't have had a clue.

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Oooh...I know this one. That sounds like one of the Crunch Bunch adverts. Possibly this one? I assume the line of dialogue in question is the one that sounds like "You win this time, you spaz"?


I literally just took a bite of a golden delicious apple as I clicked on that. How very strange.

Menu

  • Don't be a fool, Stephanie.

I literally just took a bite of a golden delicious apple as I clicked on that. How very strange.

PROVE IT

Menu

  • Don't be a fool, Stephanie.
Does anyone remember Under The Moon? It was a late night midweek sports show on Channel 4, presented by Danny Kelly, Lisa Rodgers(who once showed her Union Flag bra-DISTINCT MEMORY) and Tom Binns. It was really really good. Loads of good irreverent fun (Binns doing what I am certain was a Richard Herring impression all the way through). I used to watch it at uni even when I should have been getting to bed early.

Anyway, it was a big sprawling show which I think sometimes didn't even really have a confirmed end time so it would sometimes go on longer than it was advertised, like that late night debate thing on sofas where Oliver Reed kissed a lesbian.

Anyway.....on one particularly sprawling edition, in which possibly the hosts were being even more irreverent than usual, the guest(David Vine) walked off. He just said something like, "I've had enough of this" and fucked off. I don't recall him being unhappy during the show so it was a bit bemusing. I remember Danny Kelly seemed surprised. I don't remember any details other than that and it never crops up on YouTube. Also I don't think there was any press coverage the next day, maybe because it would have been, like, 2 in the morning when it happened.

Does anyone else remember this?

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
PROVE IT

Come round here and I'll show you the core. Blimey!

Menu

  • Don't be a fool, Stephanie.
Come round here and I'll show you the core. Blimey!

Promises, promises.

Haha! It sounds like "Teedy bees and chips please"

If anyone's feeling any further need to drive themselves insane trying to figure it out I isolated that part, slowed it slightly and tried to clean it up a bit: https://vocaroo.com/13fVQCa5uZ7F

Menu

  • Don't be a fool, Stephanie.
If anyone's feeling any further need to drive themselves insane trying to figure it out I isolated that part, slowed it slightly and tried to clean it up a bit: https://vocaroo.com/13fVQCa5uZ7F

Can't get it at all. Frustrating.

Mr Banlon

  • If you're gonna go nog, you gotta go Mingus
Sweetly sweetened sweet surprise (surpreeze coz she's French)
FGD apples are sweetly sweetened in the sun or whatever (they're not, they're fucking shit) and a Sweet Surprise is a cocktail (the thing he gives her is all cocktailed-up)

non capisco

  • Automatic writing by phantom limb
    • https://twitter.com/IsThisRoss
I'm happy with that. Cheers, Mr. Banlon, with your bionic ears.

non capisco

  • Automatic writing by phantom limb
    • https://twitter.com/IsThisRoss
and Tom Binns. It was really really good. Loads of good irreverent fun (Binns doing what I am certain was a Richard Herring impression all the way through)

I remember him doing a morning show on XFM in the late 90s and thinking he was doing a Stewart Lee impression.

A public information film in what must have been the style of The Beverly Hillbillies. In which the family drove around while the Pa Clampett figure lectured people about poor driving; the one I remember involved Pa Clampett nagging some people having a picnic in a layby, because they should be for emergency use.

Also, The Comet is Coming. A "prank by Nigel Calder" according to BBC Genome. With the ghost of Edmond Halley played by Tim Brooke-Taylor. A timely broadcast in 1981, five years before Halley's comet got close to the Earth.

Menu

  • Don't be a fool, Stephanie.
I remember him doing a morning show on XFM in the late 90s and thinking he was doing a Stewart Lee impression.

That's interesting. I heard that show a few times, it was quite good. I think he got sacked from it for saying something rude about the royal family. He also plays Glen Ponder's boyfriend in Knowing Me Knowing Yule.

SpiderChrist

  • Be still, Taggart
A public information film in what must have been the style of The Beverly Hillbillies. In which the family drove around while the Pa Clampett figure lectured people about poor driving; the one I remember involved Pa Clampett nagging some people having a picnic in a layby, because they should be for emergency use.

“Don’t go parkin’ in a passin’ place
Somebody needs that yard of space!”

EDIT: found it

https://youtu.be/fywNFe5ETt8

Christ, that's Bill Paterson.

When he says, "you're on holidaaaayy", his accent drops.

SpiderChrist

  • Be still, Taggart
Christ, that's Bill Paterson.

When he says, "you're on holidaaaayy", his accent drops.

Christ, so it is.

SpiderChrist

  • Be still, Taggart
I had a HIGNFY video given to me for a birthday present years ago, that included an uncut version of the Paula Yates Ian Hislop "sperm of the devil" episode. In this episode, between rounds and during the audience applause, a male voice can be heard saying (something like) "Oh my God, you're insane".

I don't have the tape anymore, but can any CABbers shed some light on who said this, and to whom?

Norton Canes

  • Pick up the pace with your cracked-out face
I bet if you'd asked him who were the FA Cup holders or what the number one single was he wouldn't have had a clue

Sadly, although I like football and pop music I too have no idea who the current holders of the FA Cup are or what the number one single is 

gib

  • Logistics Assistant
May as well ask about this again, does anyone else remember it?

An advert for Krackerwheat or something. Bill Oddie in his birdwatching clobber out in the countryside. Kibbled wheat, kibbled rye. Just look at those kibble markings! There's another one!

edit: It wasn't on youtube 5 years ago but it's there now! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo_J3tGyECA
« Last Edit: November 03, 2020, 10:28:57 AM by gib »

Tags: