Author Topic: More inessential shit from the backwaters of old TV you somehow still remember  (Read 26278 times)

Jockice

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Sadly, although I like football and pop music I too have no idea who the current holders of the FA Cup are or what the number one single is

Me neither. But I'm a very long way past my teens now.

Gurke and Hare

  • Fold water. Roll into small cubes.
Lodged in my stupid brain for about forty years, the nonsense song Frank Spencer sung to his daughter:

Quote
There was a man, who had a cat
He fed it well, it grew so fat
He had to stroke it with a broom
And when it purred, it shook the room

One day outside, a dog it saw
And went along, to shake a paw
The dog just gave, a frightened pant
He thought it was and elephant

And did I remember to buy olive oil yesterday? Did I bollocks.

“Don’t go parkin’ in a passin’ place
Somebody needs that yard of space!”

EDIT: found it

https://youtu.be/fywNFe5ETt8


Wow. Nice find. I can't have seen that since 1975/76. It's odd to catch up with something that's only existed in my memory for 40-odd years.

I had a similar nostalgia rush several years ago when I found someone had uploaded the opening titles to the Space Sentinels cartoon to YouTube

And I still want to tell Pa Clampett to mind his own business when he leans out of the car and starts wagging his finger at the couple sitting in the layby.

I've never have been able to track down that film myself because all I remembered was the place/space rhyming couplet. And a few half-hearted Google searches for interfering Pa Clampett cunt never got me very far.

Rizla

  • That's not another knife - THIS is another knife!
Christ, that's Bill Paterson.

When he says, "you're on holidaaaayy", his accent drops.
Ally Bain on fiddle.

I had a HIGNFY video given to me for a birthday present years ago, that included an uncut version of the Paula Yates Ian Hislop "sperm of the devil" episode. In this episode, between rounds and during the audience applause, a male voice can be heard saying (something like) "Oh my God, you're insane".

I don't have the tape anymore, but can any CABbers shed some light on who said this, and to whom?

I thought it was just Hislop to Paula, wasn't it?  That's my vague memory, anyway.

(I can't check either, as although I still have the tape, it's in storage.)

Btw, I might be wrong, but I think it's only uncut in the sense that it's the original episode as it went out.  I believe that the repeats broadcast after her death cut out all the most vicious stuff against her.

batwings

  • Timewaster seeks same. No timewasters please.
Sometime in the 1980s: a comedy sketch show cuts away to a warning message about impending nuclear attack then a comedian (Jasper Carrot?) bursts through the message and goes ‘suckers!’. Did I dream this?

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
I will always remember the Crunchy Nut ad with Richard Brier's voice saying, "Haney, nats and brown shugah drenched in ice old mulk!"

SpiderChrist

  • Be still, Taggart
I thought it was just Hislop to Paula, wasn't it?  That's my vague memory, anyway.

(I can't check either, as although I still have the tape, it's in storage.)

Btw, I might be wrong, but I think it's only uncut in the sense that it's the original episode as it went out.  I believe that the repeats broadcast after her death cut out all the most vicious stuff against her.

Ah, my memory is that I didn't recognise the male voice, but it could well have been Hislop. That was an extraordinarily unedifying episode.

petrilTanaka

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A sketch show in the nineties (not one of the big ones) had a one-off skit called "Sin Feinn" where Irish republican terrorists started getting off with each other and the police in a gay way. Does anyone remember this or know what it was?

Alexei Sayle's Merry Go Round

"I'll come to the table... if you will"

Famous Mortimer

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A sketch show in the nineties (not one of the big ones) had a one-off skit called "Sin Feinn" where Irish republican terrorists started getting off with each other and the police in a gay way. Does anyone remember this or know what it was?
One of Alexei Sayle's non-Stuff series. Part of a season of erotic cinema with "Malcolm XXX".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfJ8rpaLwDM

Oh, petrilTanaka beat me to it.

Sometime in the 1980s: a comedy sketch show cuts away to a warning message about impending nuclear attack then a comedian (Jasper Carrot?) bursts through the message and goes ‘suckers!’. Did I dream this?

I think that may have been from "A Kick Up The Eighties", or its sequel "Laugh? I Nearly Paid My License Fee!". I seem to recall whatever the sketch was beforehand just cut to a still of the BBC1 globe (the "COW" version, for those of you who know such things) where a seemingly real voice-over said something about "talks having broken down, so the four minute warning has been sounded - that's except for viewers in Scotland, who will get it later tonight at 10:50". Big audience laugh, and then the BBC logo was partially replaced via a circular video wipe with the face of Robbie Coltrane, who was a regular in both series. He began to sing a song - may have been a folk song or something - as an intro to the next sketch. (The effect was that you just saw his face instead of the globe.) Then the wipe was competed and we saw the full shot of him, he finished this little bit of whatever song it was, and the sketch properly began. You might possibly be (mis)remembering that bit of Quantel-powered business, although it is the kind of stunt a lot of 80s British comedy programmes did on occasion - what you describe may very well have also been on "Carrott's Lib" or whatever.

Also the OP who mentioned the really terrible "Bottom" parody - that'll be from the atrocious "TV Squash" by Yorkshire Television, in 1992. It's been mentioned on these boards before, and I've just re-uploaded it to Youtube.

non capisco

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Also the OP who mentioned the really terrible "Bottom" parody - that'll be from the atrocious "TV Squash" by Yorkshire Television, in 1992. It's been mentioned on these boards before, and I've just re-uploaded it to Youtube.

Eurrghhhh, there it is. Worse than I remembered if anything. What else did TV Squash take a sideways look at?

It was all about a single channel's output circa 1992 being condensed down into half an hour, only "funny". First episode was all BBC1 shows, second episode was BBC2, third and fourth were ITV and Channel 4, the fifth was satellite /cable TV in general. I think there was a sixth episode that was basically bits and bobs that weren't even considered good enough to go in the previous five ones. The Channel 4 one had parodies of the Channel 4 Daily (it was recorded before The Big Breakfast made its debut, I think) and The Word.

bomb_dog

  • Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience.
The Ade impression, I’m ashamed to say, did make me laugh. But then I jump on any new posts on the L&L thread in case there’s any new top laffs.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Also the OP who mentioned the really terrible "Bottom" parody - that'll be from the atrocious "TV Squash" by Yorkshire Television, in 1992. It's been mentioned on these boards before, and I've just re-uploaded it to Youtube.

Oh dear. It's like somebody doing a parody-of-a-parody. Eddie sounds more like Zippy.

Didn't Les Dennis do an impression of Alexei Sayle?

Ha ha yeah, it's exactly that advert but the line in question isn't "You win this time, Spats", it's whatever the jumping fuck it is that girl says after the "barman" says 'Certainly.' There is no way even the most advanced audio enhancement would ever be able to throw any light on that.

"Crunchy! Give me a special."
"Certainly."
"Fees a fees and dees a fees."

YOU WHA'????
"Two forbidden fruits please."

"Two forbidden fruits please."

That sounds pretty good to my ears.

Cerys

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I'm still trying to track down the big cartoon dog called Fig.  No luck.  Phooey.

Edit - fuck me Agnes, I think I've found it!  It was called Maxidog Fig.  Over forty-four years of waiting for this to happen.  Sheesh!

Further edit to include a very old quote -

Maybe you can help me.  I remember a cartoon which always seemed to start off with a piece about a hunter and a rabbit.  The main part of the cartoon was about a dog called Fig.  I've been going nuts trying to find out what it was.  Save my brain?

I've found out that there was an episode involving a hunter and a rabbit.  Close to tears here.  It's better than a sneezily orgasmic zit-popping.  I imagine.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2020, 06:04:14 AM by Cerys »

JesusAndYourBush

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Lodged in my stupid brain for about forty years, the nonsense song Frank Spencer sung to his daughter:

Likewise "Have a go, Flo, your sister's feeling low. She kicked a Christmas pudding and nearly broke her toe."

Apologies if this isn't really the right place for this, but in the mid 1990's I distinctly remember Richard Madeley having a meltdown on daytime TV.  He was doing a phone-in and was pressuring the caller, using the default Madeley lasciviousness, to reveal what she had bought her boyfriend for Valentine's Day.  The caller obviously got pissed off with Richard's line of questioning and said "oh, just go and steal a bottle of wine from Tesco's, Richard!" before putting the phone down.  Cue histrionics from Madeley, who stated "Right! I knew this would come up one day..." followed by an earnest explanation of why he definitely didn't steal a bottle of wine.

I've never been able to find the footage and, to be honest, wondered many times if I imagined the whole thing....

non capisco

  • Automatic writing by phantom limb
    • https://twitter.com/IsThisRoss
Apologies if this isn't really the right place for this, but in the mid 1990's I distinctly remember Richard Madeley having a meltdown on daytime TV.  He was doing a phone-in and was pressuring the caller, using the default Madeley lasciviousness, to reveal what she had bought her boyfriend for Valentine's Day.  The caller obviously got pissed off with Richard's line of questioning and said "oh, just go and steal a bottle of wine from Tesco's, Richard!" before putting the phone down.  Cue histrionics from Madeley, who stated "Right! I knew this would come up one day..." followed by an earnest explanation of why he definitely didn't steal a bottle of wine.

I've never been able to find the footage and, to be honest, wondered many times if I imagined the whole thing....

Ha ha! Similarly when he tried to put a child chemo patient at ease by patting them on the head and saying 'Hello, baldy!'. Likewise, I'm not entirely sure that's real.

boki

  • Summat pithy that'll also be a bangin' Twitter bio
Does anyone remember Under The Moon? It was a late night midweek sports show on Channel 4, presented by Danny Kelly, Lisa Rodgers(who once showed her Union Flag bra-DISTINCT MEMORY)

Wasn't it an England flag bra?

I used to watch Under The Moon semi-regularly.  Gutted I missed the one where Binns was getting merked by some kid in a kickaround and he ended up shouting, "Give me the ball, you fucking cunt", though.

the

Apologies if this isn't really the right place for this, but in the mid 1990's I distinctly remember Richard Madeley having a meltdown on daytime TV.  He was doing a phone-in and was pressuring the caller, using the default Madeley lasciviousness, to reveal what she had bought her boyfriend for Valentine's Day.  The caller obviously got pissed off with Richard's line of questioning and said "oh, just go and steal a bottle of wine from Tesco's, Richard!" before putting the phone down.  Cue histrionics from Madeley, who stated "Right! I knew this would come up one day..." followed by an earnest explanation of why he definitely didn't steal a bottle of wine.

I've never been able to find the footage and, to be honest, wondered many times if I imagined the whole thing....

I can assure you this did happen because I saw it too. It ended with him saying it was "libellous" and limply insinuating that he'd be within his rights to take legal action.

Artie Fufkin

  • Let Me In, Sparks
Lodged in my stupid brain for about forty years, the nonsense song Frank Spencer sung to his daughter:

And did I remember to buy olive oil yesterday? Did I bollocks.
Little Blue. Little Blue.
Why do they call you Little Blue?
Playing in the bath one day as some of us do.
He bit his mummy's fountain pen and broke it in two.
The ink it squirted in the water. Wow!
His mummy has a blue boy now-ow-ow-ow!

JesusAndYourBush

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The caller obviously got pissed off with Richard's line of questioning and said "oh, just go and steal a bottle of wine from Tesco's, Richard!" before putting the phone down.  Cue histrionics from Madeley, who stated "Right! I knew this would come up one day..." followed by an earnest explanation of why he definitely didn't steal a bottle of wine.

I've never been able to find the footage and, to be honest, wondered many times if I imagined the whole thing....

I didn't see it but I definitely remember reading about it in the next days paper.

I can assure you this did happen because I saw it too. It ended with him saying it was "libellous" and limply insinuating that he'd be within his rights to take legal action.

Yes!  I'd forgotten about that bit until now - thanks for putting my mind at rest.  Knowing it was real makes it all the more amusing...

Artie Fufkin

  • Let Me In, Sparks
Whoops! Scotties!

Yussef Dent

  • MOBILE ÖZEL YENI TEKNOLOJI

An early evening ITV show hosted by Andi Peters and possibly Emma Forbes filmed on a moored boat. Frank Skinner was one of the guests and was clearly fucked off with Andi Peters to the point of expressing a wish to throw Peters over the side of the boat and seeming like he meant it. David Baddiel possibly there as well, adding nothing to the situation as usual.

I remember that and just the Frank Skinner interview, think Peters was winding him up (vaguely remember it being a bit kind of Clive Anderson was with the Bee Gees) and it was building up to a point where Skinner was going to snap. Peters, who had had some dreadful garb on, realised he'd gone too far and lamely tried to diffuse it by saying "do something funny!" and Skinner replied with "I don't think I could top that jacket."

Ha ha! Similarly when he tried to put a child chemo patient at ease by patting them on the head and saying 'Hello, baldy!'. Likewise, I'm not entirely sure that's real.

I seem to remember once Richard and Judy were interviewing this woman whose husband had gone missing and it had everyone stumped as to how he'd just vanished. The woman was on with her toddler son who was very restless and got off the sofa and wandered off behind it. I think Judy said "where's he off to?" and Richard went "he's gone missing... just like his Dad!"

Anyway.....on one particularly sprawling edition, in which possibly the hosts were being even more irreverent than usual, the guest(David Vine) walked off. He just said something like, "I've had enough of this" and fucked off. I don't recall him being unhappy during the show so it was a bit bemusing. I remember Danny Kelly seemed surprised. I don't remember any details other than that and it never crops up on YouTube. Also I don't think there was any press coverage the next day, maybe because it would have been, like, 2 in the morning when it happened.

Does anyone else remember this?

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2008/apr/06/sportfeatures.television
Here's an article about it from 2008 which mentions the Vine incident and Binns swearing at that kid. Under The Moon was great, I think at the time it was on when C4 had the NBA rights, their highlights show used to sometimes be folded into it so that's how it first caught my attention. I think when live games were on and would obviously take up a huge chunk of it but they'd just carry on going after it had finished.

Apologies if this isn't really the right place for this, but in the mid 1990's I distinctly remember Richard Madeley having a meltdown on daytime TV.  He was doing a phone-in and was pressuring the caller, using the default Madeley lasciviousness, to reveal what she had bought her boyfriend for Valentine's Day.  The caller obviously got pissed off with Richard's line of questioning and said "oh, just go and steal a bottle of wine from Tesco's, Richard!" before putting the phone down.  Cue histrionics from Madeley, who stated "Right! I knew this would come up one day..." followed by an earnest explanation of why he definitely didn't steal a bottle of wine.

I've never been able to find the footage and, to be honest, wondered many times if I imagined the whole thing....

I think I've found a reference to it here, his comeback was pathetic.

Quote
"Go spot trains or buy yourself an anorak, love," said Richard with more feeling than usual.



Didn't Les Dennis do an impression of Alexei Sayle?

He did. In my memory it only started after Alexi did this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RE8b_e16brc&t=1273s

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