Topic: Masterchef The Professionals 2020

[Gurke and Hare]

I think Marcus and Monica pretty obviously found an extra space (although they've done that both weeks now) for Jono in the next round because they're fascinated to see what he'll do next - he's very much a chef's chef. As well as the ants and the bone marrow pudding, his hay custard was also a new one on them. Although it was Egg who enjoyed the ant pudding the most.

[sevendaughters]

Jono made my skin crawl. The absolute definition of a man who would cop off with someone in a nightclub and give the thumbs up to his legend mates on the balcony.

[DolphinFace]

I'm bored as fuck with this programme. See ya Greg.

[touchingcloth]

"If you laid out a row of 8 of those in front of me, I reckon I could smash through six and a half of them".

Thanks, Egg. Cracking insight.

[Poobum]

Looking forward to next week, interesting in seeing how badly a crepe suzette can be fucked up. 3rd degree burns for Greg? His skin fat bubbling forth, his eggy essence. Social distancing may save him.

[Blue Jam]

I still think Marcus Wareing has killed a man. He has serial killer eyes.

Marcooooos is a weird one. With his piercing blue eyes he should be a good-looking man but they're the cold dead eyes of a killer. Also his silver hair isn't that of a silver fox, it's pedal-bin hair which you know is kept in place with a ton of hairspray. He probably never goes out in strong winds.

Perhaps he's mates with that other blue-eyed silver-haired possible murderer Paul Hollywood and they go out on sprees together.

I watched the first episode of Dexter yesterday and kept being reminded of Marcoooosss chopping up chicken wings for his stock. Can't think why.

[Blue Jam]

Waaaaarrrghhh:



See what I mean? I'm guessing he's meant to look like Daniel Craig here but instead of looking ruggedly handsome and mysterious and intriguing he just looks like he's imagining what your internal organs would taste like flambéed in brandy. There's something of the evil clown about him here.

[Blue Jam]

Have we got a thread for Photoshop Nightmares?

[touchingcloth]

like Daniel Craig here

Jeremy Renner’s let himself phwoar.

John Favreau’s let himself exactly the same.

[kalowski]

C'mon CaBbers, why has a contestant been edited out if tonight's MasterChef? More neo Nazis?

[sevendaughters]

C'mon CaBbers, why has a contestant been edited out if tonight's MasterChef? More neo Nazis?

I CAME TO ASK THE SAME THING

Twitter people saying Nazi tats but can't be

[sevendaughters]

someone bring up Thursday's show where they show next week's contestants striding purposefully to see what the perp looks like

[sevendaughters]

someone bring up Thursday's show where they show next week's contestants striding purposefully to see what the perp looks like

woah I did this and they edited it! only 3! Stalin's at the Beeb!

[touchingcloth]

I bet Guillaume was glad when he saw Scott chop a bit off a lamb and just put it on a plate.

[Gurke and Hare]

Was someone definitely edited out? Maybe one of the contestants tested positive the day before.

Scott's definitely the worst professional contestant ever, right? I'm not sure there's even been a celeb contestant that bad.

[Jittlebags]

Maybe the missing contestant was caught whisking up a batch of Chef's Special Sauce, as regularly ingested by former amateur foodie Michael Winner.

[touchingcloth]

I don't remember seeing this, but I've found a Daily Mail article (I won't link) which shows a screenshot of a message shown at the start of the broadcast which says "This programme has been edited and features 3 of the original 4 contestants who took part", and that a spokesperson had told the Mail that:

Due to unforeseen circumstances concerning one of our contestants, the programme tonight was edited to remove their appearance.

I'm not sure how much they can be trusted, though, because they quote one person online as having said:

Biggest drama of the year is deffo (sic) one of the contestant being edited out of MasterChef.

and another:

Where's the fourth contestant? Where the crepes too much pressure that they threw the sauce across the room and were disqualified. Either way I need to know.

However in spite of their cunty "(sic)" on the first person they quoted, they included a screenshot of the tweet of the second one and it actually said:

Where's the 4th contestant? Were the crepes too much pressure that they threw the sauce (burnt) across the room and were disqualified. Either way I need to know. 😂

Now, I'm not crazy about the crying face emoticon, but at least they'd fucking spelled "were" correctly, so the Daily Mail can go and [sic] themselves up the arse with their "where".

[touchingcloth]

Scott's definitely the worst professional contestant ever, right? I'm not sure there's even been a celeb contestant that bad.

I can’t think of many worse. Fucking up the skills test is common enough (and never more hilariously so than when a guy tried blending an entire lobster in its shell), and small issues with signature meals as well. I can’t remember any time where someone fundamentally fucked up all three dishes, and especially not to the point of only serving up a hunk of lamb and a single veg, or having previously made the skills test dish every night on a cruise ship.

[wooders1978]

Nerves got the better of the lad, but yes, a monumental fuckup and French geeze benefitted massively

[touchingcloth]

Yeah I always assume nerves rather than incompetence with the professionals. Though I suppose where a lot of them are less than competent is in knowing when to rein it in and not try reinventing the wheel and making use of ten thousand different processes in their very first round.

[thugler]

Re: the absent contestant, someone on twitter claimed it was because they had told Marcus to go fuck himself during the skills test! Would have loved to have seen that.

[icehaven]

I haven't watched it yet this year but having seen it many times previously I can well believe someone screwed up so much that they dropped out halfway through or something, although I've no idea if they'd still show them up to just before they walked, or if they'd edit them out completely. If that did happen would they be allowed to ask to be edited out (so what a terrible chef they were wasn't broadcast for their employers, potential customers and the entire the nation to see) or would they already have signed release forms so it's tough shit?   

[touchingcloth]

Re: the absent contestant, someone on twitter claimed it was because they had told Marcus to go fuck himself during the skills test! Would have loved to have seen that.

I hear they tried signing Marcus up to their Nazi cell, and that he only bloody agreed and the signature round saw them both doing some vivisection on minorities. But Marcus is on a contract so they had to keep him in the broadcast.

[Poobum]

Think Marcus needs to refine his forced happy smiley algorithm, though it may have been clashing with his seething contempt, the way his grin was widening like a hyena coming across an abandoned baby antelope stuck in a mud wallow, but then remembering he is disguised as an antelope now and living in antelope society. His attempts at cheering Scott up as he held back a nervous break down were excruciating. Made him smile though! Though imagine it was more a repressed wail of despair. Hate to see Marcus try to talk someone down off a bridge.

The idea of choux buns filled with banana custard (?) and smothered in miso caramel sounded so good as well. Failing to deliver that, and Scott's crap arm art from the big boy's book of tattoos that every unimaginative twat seems to choose from makes me wish Marcus had given into his dark side and talked him off a bridge.

[bgmnts]

Fucking hell I barely know meat but the amount of snow white fat on that lamb was grim.

Surely even the most amateur of cooks knows you have to apply heat to meat to cook it.

Amazed they actually tried to make a thing of who's going. Pissing myself.

[touchingcloth]

I like how Marcus was really fighting to overcome the urge to say “this is dog shit” for two of the technicals and all of Scott’s main meal, but he obviously knew the format was to keep criticism as constructive as possible. He said something to Scott like “you know you can’t just put some lamb in a bag and expect it to take care of itself?”

[touchingcloth]

Jono made my skin crawl. The absolute definition of a man who would cop off with someone in a nightclub and give the thumbs up to his legend mates on the balcony.

God, yes.

He did a thing after he got through last week which made me want to rip his stupid scalp off, so I swallowed my sick and made a thing of him doing his thing so I can share the pain:



Get in the bin, put the bin in the sea, put the fucking sea in grave.

[Ray Travez]

Re: the absent contestant, someone on twitter claimed it was because they had told Marcus to go fuck himself during the skills test! Would have loved to have seen that.

Doesn't add up. They were using only close-ups at the end bit where they eliminate contestants. They always show a line-up at that point. Whoever it was who was edited out, it happened after the recording.

Nazi tattoo makes sense as an explanation.

[Wentworth Smith]

I read somewhere that the disappeared chef had used a work dish which was owned by their employer and they only found out afterwards. No idea if true and a bit dull but probably more likely than telling Marcus to do one.

[touchingcloth]

That doesn’t count right either - you can’t copyright a meal.