Author Topic: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit  (Read 2837 times)

MojoJojo

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CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« on: November 12, 2020, 10:35:39 AM »
Because you are- HA HA HA

I've noticed tempers fraying in a few threads, and a few sad posts. And I think because this is the second time round, the fact that lock down is isolating, and horrible, and shit, isn't being mentioned. Here's a reminder: it's shit.

If you are feeling lonely, depressed, of low self worth: that's a normal emotional response to this.

Use this thread to talk about how you are feeling at the moment.

I know the normal thing to do here would be to talk about my own experience to start things off, but my personal circumstances are complicated and  would just derail the whole thing. While not great, my current siutuation is probably better for my mental health than most of 2019 was.

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2020, 11:38:28 AM »
I've struggled with my mental health all my life, and was not great even before the pandemic. One of the things that really helped - getting on a train and going for a walk in a new place - I can no longer do (my aim is to go for a walk using every train station in the UK) and the pandemic has had really bad effects on the people I am closest to so I am often worrying about them.

I've spent loads of money on books from Amazon (I know I shouldn't, but they are the only people who give a specific delivery day and the charity shops are closed again) as I'm running out of things to watch online. Otherwise it's dragging myself out for a walk I've done lots of times before or keeping in contact with people as much as I can online or over messaging.

I'm wfh so that's more food I've got to buy each week. I've got to carry it home each time which limits how much I can get (I should sort out a delivery but it does get me out the house). I have counselling by phone once a week. My hair hasn't been cut all year and is too long on the sides and too short on top as I am going bald, but not bald in a good way. I love living on my own, living with others is something I really struggle with for a variety of reasons, but it does get lonely during lockdown.

I struggle at this time of year anyway and my mental health is not good at all with the pandemic, my anxiety and depression are both bad. It's really hard to stay positive. It does help when it is sunny.

kittens

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2020, 11:59:40 AM »
i am so incredibly jealous of people on lockdown

Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2020, 12:15:22 PM »
i am so incredibly jealous of people on lockdown
you are giving the gift of hearing kittens.

Just think, they can all go back home from your shop to hear Richard Osman in crystal clarity once again.

Cuellar

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #4 on: November 12, 2020, 12:27:48 PM »
I was told to isolate for 9 days after apparently being near a poso, even that's finished now and I'm being badgered into leaving the house for 'a walk'. Utterly miserable.

thenoise

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #5 on: November 12, 2020, 05:35:15 PM »
If this was 5 years ago before I was married with child and wife with nice job etc I'd have gone fucking nuts.

My brother's a single man and I worry how hes dealing with it all,but apparently he's absolutely loving it, working from home and meeting up with mates for online pub quizzes and zoom chats. Guess he didnt much care for the outside world anyway?

Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #6 on: November 12, 2020, 07:14:15 PM »
Love to anyone who's struggling at the moment. There are lots of us finding it shit, you're not on your own, and it will pass.

I was miserable for much of Round One and I couldn't understand why everyone was getting all excited over Zoom quizzes and baking, I just felt like utter shit and spent a good few weekends in bed, crying in the foetal position.

This time I'm actually feeling alright so far - I suspect this is mainly because I moved flat right at the start, which has been so complicated and stressful I haven't had a moment to sit around and ruminate on anything - but I think having a set expiry date is making things more bearable this time as well.

Not had to isolate at any point, but that also sounds absolutely dire, fucking hate not leaving the flat all day.

George Oscar Bluth II

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #7 on: November 12, 2020, 07:20:26 PM »
Honestly, the vaccine news this week has changed everything for me. This will end. Probably sooner than we think. One shit winter to get through and then back to normal. Whatever the fuck that was.

Fr.Bigley

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #8 on: November 12, 2020, 07:25:47 PM »
Thanks for the reach out it's nice to know there are people out there. I wish I could say this thing has affected me but honestly, call it nihilism or whatever but this whole situation hasn't bothered me in the slightest. not one Iota. I put it down to a massive northern pragmatism and the idea that we're here only as long as fate denotes. It's shite that people are struggling and I get everyone is different but I think we should all approach this an life in general with gay abandon. It'll be over soon. Everything will, just Fuck more.

Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #9 on: November 12, 2020, 07:39:45 PM »
I feel guilty that I've not really suffered much due to lockdown.  Went up a notch on the citaopram, so that was nice.  Never got furloughed but had to do very minimal amounts of work for a while, got into a routine, which it turns out is very much my thing.  Was able to pay both my and Ms. Gregory's rent while she was out of work, with very little issue.

Anything that's affecting me personally is abstracted.  Maybe I could have helped out more with mutual aid and stuff...but I need my time.  Is that selfish?  Don't know.

non capisco

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #10 on: November 12, 2020, 08:14:20 PM »
Honestly, the vaccine news this week has changed everything for me. This will end. Probably sooner than we think. One shit winter to get through and then back to normal. Whatever the fuck that was.

Agreed. The vaccine news, and its attendant tangible probability that I will get to spend more time with my mum next year before she truly takes a swandive off the dementia cliff, has made everything seem less overwhelmingly bleak for me. The change in my personal feeling started with that cunt Trump about to get his heave-ho orders last weekend, the first indication that maybe not everything in this bedevilled year is naturally going to take the worst course it can. Then the vaccine news following almost immediately felt huge, like a late stage 2020 plot twist. The root of what was getting to me, and by christ have I been utterly miserable most of this year in rolling waves of suppressing it and indulging it, was the absence of hope. This is it now, a switch has been flicked and life is now permanently shit. Starting to feel like that's almost certainly not going to be the case.

BlodwynPig

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #11 on: November 12, 2020, 08:18:17 PM »
i am so incredibly jealous of people on lockdown

I didn't even notice.

BlodwynPig

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #12 on: November 12, 2020, 08:18:54 PM »
Honestly, the vaccine news this week has changed everything for me. This will end. Probably sooner than we think. One shit winter to get through and then back to normal. Whatever the fuck that was.

*heads in hands* - Normal was terrible for society and the planet. Wake up Georple.

Buelligan

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #13 on: November 12, 2020, 09:11:36 PM »
Just wanted to send lovely thoughts of beauty out to everyone.  Today, here, was just perfect.  My main job is closed, so I only had to do a small bit of work today, meaning I got to look at all the beauty.  And it is.  Just these vineyards, all rusty and yellow and plummish and the light was golden and long and the air was warm as could be and a late apricot rose was budding on the wall.  I thought about all the places, everywhere, the dark moss and deep blue seas and thin yellow turf on the mountains and all the wonders of fur and flight, light and it filled my heart.  Thanks cunts.

Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #14 on: November 12, 2020, 09:21:13 PM »
It's always there isn't it? But most of the time I can focus on other things. Then something happens.

I felt incredibly desperate after Corbyn was suspended - it really was a reminder that nothing good can ever be be allowed to happen and that these filth have won completely.

But now its back to lingering dread. And knowing that even if this vaccine is successful we have the worst possible Brexit and are governed by fascists unaccountable to no one but each other.

But we're getting a cat on Sunday so all's good!!

phes

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #15 on: November 12, 2020, 09:43:24 PM »
Yeah this has fucked me really. Spending a good deal of time to myself and living alone is what makes me happy, more open, kinder and more tolerant as a person. My family live elsewhere and most lifelong friends busy themselves with kids and partners. That means that having guests, visiting others, being able to go to the cinema, eat out at the market, walk into a pub and drag up a stool at the bar, meet people out in the community etc all these things are vital and a big part of the web of my social life and support. This is a shit time and really the only positive I can take from it is that all those things I loved doing before, all those interactions and bonds, the fleeting and the deep, are things that I have to look forward to again and I will have the opportunity to redouble my efforts to make the most of them and make a positive impact on others
« Last Edit: November 12, 2020, 09:57:55 PM by phes »

Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #16 on: November 12, 2020, 10:43:50 PM »
I've felt kind of weird the last day or so. I've been uncharacteristically positive this past month and a half despite a load of shit being thrown at me at once. Mum getting C19 (symptomatic but fully recovered now) and then a few weeks later my job status being a little less stable than I thought. Despite this I've been upbeat and have been taking on loads of difficult stuff in work including training people remotely and doing loads of high level meetings and testing.

I had a moment yesterday while watching the film 50/50. It is a little sad but not overtly so. It just set me off bawling near the end. While I'm not afraid to shed a tear at a film, it was a bit much and not justified by the film. I still don't know whether it was just stress that I didn't realise I was feeling from all this. I'm never good at hiding my emotions. Feels silly laying it all out but I just don't know whether I'm doing good or bad.

Glebe

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #17 on: November 12, 2020, 11:38:20 PM »
*CaB Group Hug*

hamfist

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #18 on: November 13, 2020, 08:48:52 AM »
I have had problems all my life with bouts of depression, social anxiety, and other stuff. I never spoke to anyone about this stuff since I was 13. In lockdown 1 I had a burnout at work, and took myself off - not been back for 4 months. I was depressed for the last year, worse during the burnout and bad again now. But what changed recently is I finally want to talk about my problems. I have talked to my wife and mum about my depression and my weird decade from 14-24 when I totally withdrew. I have since contacted a clinic here in York to get some help to digest those traumatic years and try to deal with the remaining issues I have. I‘d love a social life and some friends for once, and I hope I can find a way forward.

hugs to you all, CaB really helps me - I feel like people here are far more like me than those I deal with in my daily life.

Buelligan

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #19 on: November 13, 2020, 10:17:30 AM »
I'd completely agree about the feelings of commonality with people here and the value of that.  Why is it that we humans need to feel part of things?  Anyway, being part of CaB has been one of the most important connections of my life.  I'm not even lying.

George Oscar Bluth II

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #20 on: November 13, 2020, 01:41:47 PM »
*heads in hands* - Normal was terrible for society and the planet. Wake up Georple.

I mean yeah a lot of what was normal in February 2020 should not come back, but seeing my mates for a pint without worrying we'll all be struck down with a terrible virus for two weeks was not one of those bad things! Nor is seeing my elderly relatives! Or them meeting our soon-to-be-born child! The good stuff! It's coming back folks!

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #21 on: November 13, 2020, 02:07:45 PM »
*heads in hands* - Normal was terrible for society and the planet. Wake up Georple.

This is worse though. I can't think of much good that's happened as a result of Covid, aside some people benefiting from working from home and a small decrease in car traffic (which we could sustain when normal comes back by improving public transport, seeing if more roads could have pavements added and building separate cycle lanes). Aside from allowing people the option to work from home when they want to, I don't really see what we would want to keep from the pandemic. I'm also very pessimistic about being able to get to a better normal from the pandemic, in the UK at least, given how a large percentage of the population are still supporting the Tories.

thenoise

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #22 on: November 13, 2020, 02:11:34 PM »
Edinburgh Woollen Mill has gone. Where am I going to get my reassuringly expensive snuggly jumpers? M&S? Like my Dad??

Fr.Bigley

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #23 on: November 13, 2020, 02:15:51 PM »

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #24 on: November 13, 2020, 02:20:51 PM »
Edinburgh Woollen Mill has gone. Where am I going to get my reassuringly expensive snuggly jumpers? M&S? Like my Dad??

https://www.dickiesworkwear.com/uk/tops/sweatshirts

Blue Jam

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #25 on: November 13, 2020, 02:22:28 PM »
Forgot to take my daily dose of Venlafaxine as I was rushing out to work on Monday. Began to feel the withdrawal symptoms as I got there and did an epic workplace puke around noon. Made it to the disabled toilet to puke in private though, just hope nobody heard.

I don't like having to take a tablet every day because I'll puke if I don't. It makes me feel like a junkie. Still better than having anxiety and depression though. I doubt I would have coped well with fuckdown if I hadn't been chemically stabilising my mindset with presciption drugs.

Blue Jam

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #26 on: November 13, 2020, 02:23:09 PM »
Edinburgh Woollen Mill has gone. Where am I going to get my reassuringly expensive snuggly jumpers? M&S? Like my Dad??

TK Maxx.

Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #27 on: November 13, 2020, 02:25:38 PM »
I've recently considered asking my doctor to put me on the happy meds as I've been up and down like a bride's nightie over the last few months and it's not fair on my family to have to deal with my wild mood swings.

Does the panel have any advice about this?

Blue Jam

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #28 on: November 13, 2020, 04:23:33 PM »
I have sampled pretty much every common antidepressant and my advice would be to... go to your doctor and talk to them, they'll be able to sort you out better than me, different happy pills work differently for different people. Good luck with it.

Here I just did a load of shopping at Lidl, thinking it would be better to get everything there so I could avoid the misery that is Tesco right now. Got told off by a checkout assistant for taking a bag from behind the till even though there were none anywhere near the automated checkouts and I was still a good two metres away from her. Started scanning my stuff and heard the same staff member ask a man if he had paid for the crumpled bag he was obviously reusing. Seconds later a handbag came flying through the air before depositing its entire contents on the floor and Bag Recycling Man's partner started screaming at the checkout woman "How DARE you accuse me of shoplifting! Look, ah didnae put nothin' in mah bag!". A security guard came over and told her to calm down and apologise to The Bag Nazi for getting unreasonably angry at her in-no-way-insulting false accusation of shoplifting, to which Innocent Handbag Woman quite understandably kicked off.

Was feeling good before but now I slightly want to commit genocide. Think some people are still getting raging hard-ons over the opportunity to enforce Covid rules. Think I'd just like to wrap myself in a slanket and hibernate until the vaccine rollout is over.

And I'll be doing the big Christmas Fuckdown shop online.

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit
« Reply #29 on: November 13, 2020, 04:36:16 PM »
Haha, one of the best arguments I ever saw was between two women in a chip shop, one of the ones with an in door and an out door that snakes the queue up to the counter. Woman 1 barges past everyone and goes to talk to the guy working there, woman 2 politely says she's pushed in, then rather than calmly say 'nah, it's ok, I'm just picking up' she went apeshit, then she got her stuff and went "NOW EXCUSE ME SOME OF US HAVE TO GO TO WORK?", woman 2 then exacerbated the situation by calmly asking "do you normally go to work with a bottle of wine in your handbag?", then woman 1 got more angry, culminating in her threatening to get her husband involved (?) and storming out down the street shreiking for him.

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