CaB Group Hug - it's ok to feel like shit

[Chedney Honks]

Gripped by sadness. Trying to find that melancholic beauty but this is physical.

Time to watch Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter...and Spring.

[SpiderChrist]

Feel bloody awful today. Woke up with that awful knot in my stomach. Feels like there's no joy in the world. Sat having a cuppa and reading the news and just burst into tears. Rang the missus - no reply, she's probably busy dealing with all the crap around her father. She's been living there for almost 4 weeks now, since he was discharged from hospital, and I've seen her maybe 6 times since then.

I'm not a fan of Christmas as a rule, but seeing my Mum and my brother on Christmas Day and Boxing Day is something I genuinely look forward to - now it looks like I won't even be with my wife on Christmas Day, because her cunt of a sister won't help with caring for the old man (she doesn't even phone to offer any assistance - the fact that she's apparently a christian and only lives a 10 minute drive away doesn't seem to enter into the equation).

Try to stay connected with friends on Facebook, but it's just full of people banging on about having a merry christmas "despite everything!!!!1!" and the disconnect I feel from such sentiments seems physically painful.

Sorry for banging on. I know there are folks out there who are having a much worse time than me.

[jobotic]

It's knowing that so much of this was entirely avoidable. We have the worst possible people in charge - psychopaths who see it as an opportunity, not a catastrophe. No past government would have done such a deliberately bad job.

And they'll get away with it, and they know it. And they enjoy it.

[frajer]

I felt like absolute shit yesterday. Mood has been teetering for weeks but a tension headache/stomach bug combo brought everything crashing down and I spent most of the day despairing over everything in my life and the world in general (chief fear remains medicine shortages for the family member who needs them to function.) Thankfully feel a bit more robust today, physically and mentally.

Spent last night watching a ton of Mr. Show on YouTube (I've got the stuffed-to-the-gills DVD set but it's Region 1 and my all-region player is kaput) which was a nice distraction. When it flies, which is often, it absolutely bloody soars.

Last proper day of work today, although I'm dimly aware structureless free time is not a good thing for my mood so am already planning to make sure I don't just spend the next 10 days sinking into depression. Going to aim for more cycling, no matter how piss-wet through it is out there.

Hope you're all doing okay and no matter what a shitshow this year has been that you're able to take solace in some small pleasures (of course I mean genitals).

[BlodwynPig]

I think I'd be ok but I'm also lovesick like a hound.

Deep deep loneliness is fine when it can be existentially conditioned, not when there is a happy life reflected back and potentially out of reach.

[Fambo Number Mive]

It's knowing that so much of this was entirely avoidable. We have the worst possible people in charge - psychopaths who see it as an opportunity, not a catastrophe. No past government would have done such a deliberately bad job.

And they'll get away with it, and they know it. And they enjoy it.

Agreed. It's disgraceful how much support they still have and the attitude of their supporters. Makes me so angry when I see people complaining about "gloom and doom news" and saying how sorry they feel for Boris Johnson. He chose to become Prime Minister, he should have expected to have to deal with these kind of issues. Also, whatever those in charge do they will be fine, they'll be set for life after they leave office and they'll still have plenty of supporters. I think there are plenty of harder jobs out there than running this country given how insulated from consequences the current system is. Being a nurse is much harder and much less pay.

[jobotic]

I think I'd be ok but I'm also lovesick like a hound.

Deep deep loneliness is fine when it can be existentially conditioned, not when there is a happy life reflected back and potentially out of reach.

Appreciate what you're doing BlodwynPig - very much hope you have a happier year coming up.

[Gregory Torso]

Just wanted to say big love, support and solidarity to everyone on CaB. Everything is so relentlessly weakening and heavy, and it just goes on, doesn't it?

I have no hope now. There was a sliver, when my wife's visa came through, but there's no way they could come here in January. Even if they could, I wouldn't want them to. I think about disappearing. I really thought it was going to be OK. I was writing and thinking about moving somewhere nearer the coast. Now I don't even want to be awake.

My only option is to go back to China to be with them, whenever I might be able to do that, giving up everything here, giving 'me' up, accepting the last two years I've spent wanking and buying records working and trying to get a life going has been a waste.

I'm so very, very, very, fucking, very tired of everything.

You're all good people and I really hope there's a way out of this, for everyone.

My piece of shit, porn-clogged fucked up laptop is about to die, probably fo rthe best, I should get off the internet, it isn;t doing me any good. Books, music and the bleakest of horror films all the way now until the fog lifts.

Best of luck, lads and lasses.

[bgmnts]

Cheer up everyone.

[sirhenry]

Cheer up everyone.

Or, if that's too much, cheer up one other person. It's more contagious than covid.

[mr. logic]

Tomorrow will be the first time I've ever not spent Christmas with my family in my home town. To be honest, we're Tier 4 so I wasn't really sure how much I was looking forward to it anyway.

So I've been invited to a thing my boss is doing here, but don't fancy that either, to be honest. I've bought a PlayStation instead, and lots of booze.

I've recently started seeing somebody and I'm in a country where Christmas is not such a big deal, so that makes it all more bearable, but the fact is i have often feared Christmas Day alone and here it comes. Perhaps I'll be like Alan Partridge and end up preferring it.

Any tips on the best way of doing this, those of you who have done it before?

[Birdie]

I've been avoiding this place lately because I don't know what to say - the news coming out of the UK seems so bleak.  Just sending you all a big Birdie hug x

[ElTwopo]

Time to watch Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter...and Spring.

Is that the one about Alzheimer's?

[the]

Just wanted to say big love, support and solidarity to everyone on CaB. Everything is so relentlessly weakening and heavy, and it just goes on, doesn't it?

I have no hope now. There was a sliver, when my wife's visa came through, but there's no way they could come here in January. Even if they could, I wouldn't want them to. I think about disappearing. I really thought it was going to be OK. I was writing and thinking about moving somewhere nearer the coast. Now I don't even want to be awake.

My only option is to go back to China to be with them, whenever I might be able to do that, giving up everything here, giving 'me' up, accepting the last two years I've spent wanking and buying records working and trying to get a life going has been a waste.

I'm so very, very, very, fucking, very tired of everything.

You're all good people and I really hope there's a way out of this, for everyone.

My piece of shit, porn-clogged fucked up laptop is about to die, probably fo rthe best, I should get off the internet, it isn;t doing me any good. Books, music and the bleakest of horror films all the way now until the fog lifts.

Best of luck, lads and lasses.

Look after yourself Greg.

[Glebe]

Yeah take care Greg, and everyone else going through shite at the mo.

[George Oscar Bluth II]

Quite enjoyed Christmas this year because I actually don't enjoy running up and down the country and all that stuff. It sucks. I'd rather be at home doing nothing. Which is what I've done.

But now I'm all down that this shit is going to go on for even longer than the pessimistic scenario I'd allowed myself to create in my head (mass death over by March, summer basically normal as long as you're outside, restrictions gone by next Christmas) cos of mutations evading our vaccines and our stupid government always doing the easy short term thing that makes everything harder in the long run. Just want to go somewhere I can do normal shit. New Zealand, Australia, Vietnam, China, whatever.

[canadagoose]

Best of luck Greg, and George, and everyone else reading this post. It's a shitty time to be alive, to be sure. We're all just hanging in there, hoping it gets better, I reckon.

[mr. logic]

Tomorrow will be the first time I've ever not spent Christmas with my family in my home town. To be honest, we're Tier 4 so I wasn't really sure how much I was looking forward to it anyway.

So I've been invited to a thing my boss is doing here, but don't fancy that either, to be honest. I've bought a PlayStation instead, and lots of booze.

I've recently started seeing somebody and I'm in a country where Christmas is not such a big deal, so that makes it all more bearable, but the fact is i have often feared Christmas Day alone and here it comes. Perhaps I'll be like Alan Partridge and end up preferring it.

Any tips on the best way of doing this, those of you who have done it before?

It was fine, actually

[Alberon]

I've been generally fine through all this, but I have been feeling anxiety building up in me in the background lately. In fact it's half anxiety and half monotony with me at the moment.

Done a few zoom and WhatsApp calls with the family, but in general it's just been me and Mrs Alberon in the house together the last week and a half. We haven't killed each other yet, and I think we're grown up enough to ignore bouts of grumpiness from the other.

I'm almost looking forward to going back to work next week.

[bgmnts]

Covid aside, of you're alive in this utter shit world and not feeling a level of anxiety, there is something wrong with you.

[Glebe]

Covid aside, of you're alive in this utter shit world and not feeling a level of anxiety, there is something wrong with you.

YES!

[Blue Jam]

Felt really really low today. Just haven't even felt like leaving the house lately. Need to stretch my legs now and then but I'm fed up of doing the Covid Fandango whenever I pass someone on the pavement, it's just so cold and unfriendly and miserable. Going to the supermarket is also still making me feel genocidal. Got no appetite for some reason and I don't even feel like drinking booze which is a bit of a worry.

Just want something nice to look forward to tbh. A holiday, a nice meal out, a pint in a nice pub with cute dogs, a stroll along the beach. Anything. I'll be glad when 2020 fucks off but the thought of 2021 stretching out after that and still with no end to lockdown in sight is giving me an oppressive feeling.

I hope 2021 is a good one for all of youse x

[Glebe]

Take care Bluey... the whole 'we're all in the same boat' thing is kinda bollox, but most of us will be homebound this year (I don't do nowt on New Year's Eve normally, tbh).

[canadagoose]

Felt really really low today. Just haven't even felt like leaving the house lately. Need to stretch my legs now and then but I'm fed up of doing the Covid Fandango whenever I pass someone on the pavement, it's just so cold and unfriendly and miserable. Going to the supermarket is also still making me feel genocidal. Got no appetite for some reason and I don't even feel like drinking booze which is a bit of a worry.

Just want something nice to look forward to tbh. A holiday, a nice meal out, a pint in a nice pub with cute dogs, a stroll along the beach. Anything. I'll be glad when 2020 fucks off but the thought of 2021 stretching out after that and still with no end to lockdown in sight is giving me an oppressive feeling.

I hope 2021 is a good one for all of youse x

Sorry to hear that, BJ[nb]sorry, not the best of initialisms but I couldn't resist[/nb] - life with depression seems to be a huge struggle lately.  Everything just seems a bit miserable. I was going to say something else but Glebe's "take care" is more appropriate I reckon - it's so easy to forget.

I also hope everyone has a decent 2021. This year has just been a right slog for everyone - I think Johnson jinxed it with that "2020 will be a great year for Britain" tweet.

Edit: Oh, I forgot to say how I was doing. I've been a bit shite lately, especially after increasing the sertraline to max dose. It seems to have done the opposite of what the increase should have done, and I'm even tired-er and sore-er than before. I'm spending like 75% of my time in bed perma-knackered and it's irritating me. I mean, I had fibromyalgia anyway, but I've been super-fucked lately. Maybe I got the 'vid and never noticed. Also I had an appointment with the mental health clinic and I've been given an autistic spectrum disorder diagnosis (mild variety). So that's something.

[Zetetic]

I think Johnson jinxed it with that "2020 will be a great year for Britain" tweet.

I'm considering sticking on that on the local Conservative Association noticeboard tonight.

[BlodwynPig]

Felt really really low today. Just haven't even felt like leaving the house lately. Need to stretch my legs now and then but I'm fed up of doing the Covid Fandango whenever I pass someone on the pavement, it's just so cold and unfriendly and miserable. Going to the supermarket is also still making me feel genocidal. Got no appetite for some reason and I don't even feel like drinking booze which is a bit of a worry.

Just want something nice to look forward to tbh. A holiday, a nice meal out, a pint in a nice pub with cute dogs, a stroll along the beach. Anything. I'll be glad when 2020 fucks off but the thought of 2021 stretching out after that and still with no end to lockdown in sight is giving me an oppressive feeling.

I hope 2021 is a good one for all of youse x

I've reached the existential low recently too. Take care, we'll be shooting some balls in no time.

[JarrowMonkey]

I've been lucky this year really, was out of work for a few months but got another one quite quickly, but just got the news one of my cousins is in intensive care with Covid and it's not looking good, Christ she's only in her mid forties with a teenage son, obviously none of her family can see her, it's fucking horrible and if I see anyone saying this is a hoax I will most likely kick their fucking teeth out

[Blue Jam]

Cheers everyone. Just had another shopping trip that made me thankful I didn't have a rocket launcher to hand. Some miserable "screw the rules, I'm old" type tried to queue jump, lecturing me on how I needed to get behind her because I was standing on the wrong spot or something, and I told her nice try, end of the queue's about five people behind me mate. I went to the next available till and she went to the one next to me and gave me a dirty look, while getting several more dirty looks from all the people behind me she had just cut in front of, all probably quite dismayed at Hogmanay being cancelled and just wanting to get their New Year champagne in and get the fuck home. I know it's such a petty and minor thing but people getting so confrontational and aggressive over such minor things really gets me down. It just reminds me of the time I lived in London and the "every man for himself" attitude which eventually made me get the fuck out of there.

Carrying my shopping home I saw a woman walking a very pretty Golden Retriever off the lead, bounding straight for me. I decided to do the Covid Fandango first and stepped into the road, and the woman thanked me profusely, saying "Sorry, I was just about to do that but I've got the dog off the lead, thank you so much!" I said "No problem, Happy New Year!" as I was reminded that nice polite people and very pretty dogs still exist. It's not all bad.

Happy New Year xxx

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I've been trying to avoid this thread. It's useful for people to get stuff off their chest, but in a self-preserving way it's also good to keep the knowledge of people you know and care about slowly cracking up at arms length.

It's a shame UK's policy is to protract the misery and false hope through a failed tier system that hasn't even conjured the illusion of control, than having a government with the guts to simply do the right thing at the right time. IE- to close all schools for a month, introduce a curfew, and get people to stay indoors except for essentials and exercise. I am really sorry to read about the troubles people are having and gutted that we have ended up here through a series of idiotic fantasists obsessing about the Brexit outcome.

I've known severe emotional and physical pain, real fear, real wolves-at-the-door anxiety of both the looming existential dread kind and the 'this bad thing is definitely happening tomorrow and I can't do a thing about it' kind, long-lasting crippling inhibition and real poverty and hardship. Right now nothing that's happened since March has come close to those experiences, all of which happened during a world which we would all happily exchange for the current one (in so many other ways). I say that not to brag but to acknowledge how lucky I am currently and in the closest I can come to solidarity. So sorry to hear about how down people have become, understandably so.

I still remain hopeful things will pass. Go outside and clear your head, start routines and focused activities that you enjoy or want to challenge yourself to do. Start small and work up. Find nature (by that I mean, even if you can't go out, try and listen to the trees, the birds etc in the morning), listen to music, start projects, contact neglected friends and acquaintances, throw some loving around, and there's a better chance of getting through it.

[frajer]

Took the bins out earlier and wore a mask. On my 5 mins trip round the back of the building I saw 6 people (2 couples, 2 solo) out walking, not a single one of them in a mask. Tier 4's too good for Herts.

Carrying my shopping home I saw a woman walking a very pretty Golden Retriever off the lead, bounding straight for me. I decided to do the Covid Fandango first and stepped into the road, and the woman thanked me profusely, saying "Sorry, I was just about to do that but I've got the dog off the lead, thank you so much!" I said "No problem, Happy New Year!" as I was reminded that nice polite people and very pretty dogs still exist. It's not all bad.

That's lovely. I need more moments like this.