Author Topic: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition  (Read 4706 times)

Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« on: November 21, 2020, 10:08:11 PM »
I need some advice as I'm in a weird situation. For the first time in my life I was able to buy a new house. My wife and I moved into the new place earlier this month. Ten days after moving my wife tells me that she no longer loves me, and asks me to leave the house.

Now, we've had troubles in our relationships, and the stress of juggling lots of responsibilities during the pandemic have caused a lot of stress for our family and though we've been able to work through ruptures before, this one, especially the timing has come as a surprise.

At first I was asked to leave the home before Christmas. My wife had even arranged viewings for nearby rentals on Right Move. She has since extended this to being out by February.  I'm a bit perplexed as surely this news could have been given before we committed to the purchase. I'm also very reluctant to leave as this place is half mine but more important than that I'm concerned by the affect this will all have on our son.

I think the shock of this has taken me by surprise, and I'm not really sure what to do.

QDRPHNC

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2020, 10:12:03 PM »
Don't leave! Talk to lawyer asap.

QDRPHNC

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2020, 10:14:44 PM »
Also, sorry to hear it. Also, what the fuck is up with you wife? You need to talk to her, because your priority is managing this in the best interests of your son, not her.

rue the polywhirl

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2020, 10:15:13 PM »
Don’t know what to suggest. Draw a line through the house with chalk and claim one half as yours?

imitationleather

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2020, 10:15:25 PM »
Get your ducks in a row.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #5 on: November 21, 2020, 10:16:47 PM »
I hope the OP doesn't mind me saying this, but it sounds like his wife is being unreasonable.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2020, 10:20:29 PM »
This is an incredibly level headed opening post given these obscene circumstances.


Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2020, 10:21:29 PM »
Prob has been having an affair for a while and was waiting for the house to conveniently hove in to view before fucking you off.

I'm a very cynical person.

Glebe

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2020, 10:23:10 PM »
Very sorry to hear it. Quite shocking. I hope I'm not speaking out of turn by suggesting that your wife sounds like an incredibly insensitive person.

QDRPHNC

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #9 on: November 21, 2020, 10:24:45 PM »
Prob has been having an affair for a while and was waiting for the house to conveniently hove in to view before fucking you off.

I'm a very cynical person.

Sorry to say that was my first thought too. That's why he shouldn't leave, it doesn't look good when he rightfully goes after his rightful half of it.

DolphinFace

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #10 on: November 21, 2020, 10:25:59 PM »
My wife actually left me because I'd lost a pair of our babies shoes. Luckily I found them and she came back. In short, women are mental.

icehaven

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #11 on: November 21, 2020, 10:26:41 PM »
Why doesn't she leave the house? If she's the one ending the relationship she has to take the hit. I was and I did.

Urinal Cake

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #12 on: November 21, 2020, 10:28:48 PM »
I think because of the pandemic and presumably lockdown you have a justifiable reasons not to move. I would recommend you suggest couples counseling for a chance at reconciliation, to buy some time and to increase amiability. But be open to getting a lawyer for securing you and your son a financial future as soon as possible. Good luck.

Zetetic

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #13 on: November 21, 2020, 10:29:33 PM »
Probably best to remove the house from the situation by burning it down or giving it to a trusted but impartial forum member (to burn down).

Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #14 on: November 21, 2020, 10:34:14 PM »
Relevant questions: How long have you been married, and is the house in joint names?

Butchers Blind

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #15 on: November 21, 2020, 10:35:22 PM »
Did you try saying no.

Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #16 on: November 21, 2020, 10:40:20 PM »
Thanks for all of your responses.

We met in 2016, and our first wedding anniversary is due to happen next week. I have listened to my wife, and she just said she doesn't love me anymore. There's no sign of infidelity.  I've not done or said anything to harm her or our relationship. I don't know if the stress of the move affected her. She's currently in therapy, and struggled mostly juggling work and family stuff. I wonder if the house move became too much and tipped things over the edge.

The house is in joint names. Moving house has been a real stressor for the both of us. I think back, wondering if my anxiety was too much to deal with, or whether I lost focus on our relationship whilst getting the house move done.

Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #17 on: November 21, 2020, 10:41:11 PM »
She was deffo waiting for the house to be brought, a marriage is an insurance policy for women.

Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #18 on: November 21, 2020, 10:41:27 PM »
Have you tried crazy golf? It worked for Mr. T!

Sherringford Hovis

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #19 on: November 21, 2020, 10:46:41 PM »
I'd lost a pair of our babies shoes.

Never worn? £5.

Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #20 on: November 21, 2020, 10:58:04 PM »
She's currently in therapy

Is her therapist male, perchance?

I'm a very cynical person.

Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #21 on: November 21, 2020, 11:04:51 PM »
She was deffo waiting for the house to be brought, a marriage is an insurance policy for women.

Lovely. Brought where?



I have nothing useful to say, but empathy and good wishes to you confettiinmyhair

Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #22 on: November 21, 2020, 11:11:25 PM »
Is her therapist male, perchance?

I'm a very cynical person.

Female, I believe.  They've not had too many sessions. Probably no more than 6 by this point. I don't tend to talk much about that with her, respecting privacy of the therapy space.


Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #23 on: November 21, 2020, 11:18:04 PM »
Female, I believe.

Hmm, I wouldn't trust this version of events if it's coming directly from her, considering.

Quote
They've not had too many sessions. Probably no more than 6 by this point.

How long have they been going on, has she been in therapy before that?

Quote
I don't tend to talk much about that with her, respecting privacy of the therapy space.

Respecting that space is of course great, but also a massively conveniently grey area place to also do a load of shit behind your back, which it seems is definitely going on to me. And unless she's an incredibly flippant person or someone having an instant breakdown at a massively convenient time, with a marriage, property and a child involved she's definitely sought legal advice about all this before dropping it into your lap.

I'm a very cynical person.

Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #24 on: November 21, 2020, 11:20:04 PM »
Lovely. Brought where?



I have nothing useful to say, but empathy and good wishes to you confettiinmyhair
Brick by brick to her legal people too shatter this poor guys life and ruin him financially for the rest of his life.

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #25 on: November 21, 2020, 11:21:04 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear this, the end of any relationship is horrendous but this seems particularly distressing, and I hope you're doing, well, the best that you can given such circumstances, and if you ever need to chat don't hesitate to get in touch.

I can't offer any advice alas, other than echoing the suggestion not to move out, and I hope somehow things are resolved.

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #26 on: November 21, 2020, 11:24:06 PM »
Try always leaving the toilet seat up?

I'm a very cynical person.

DolphinFace

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #27 on: November 21, 2020, 11:26:11 PM »
Suggest going for a bike ride together.

I'm a very cyclical person.

Butchers Blind

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #28 on: November 21, 2020, 11:29:27 PM »
At least you'll save money on one Xmas present this year.

Urinal Cake

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Re: Trouble in Paradise: New House Edition
« Reply #29 on: November 21, 2020, 11:29:35 PM »
Practically it shouldn't matter whether she's having an affair, if this is some sugar-hubby situation etc. If she wants a separation she's going to get a separation. Maybe you can work out a roommate like scenario.

From what I understand in the UK mediation is highly recommended for divorces.  But if you go to Court the important things the Court will take into account are who is the primary breadwinner, who is the primary caregiver of your son, why was the house bought (presumably to take care of your son) and what you want visitation to look like etc.

Also since both of you seem to have wellbeing issues be prepared for it to get ugly and public.


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