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Things That Fuck You Off No End

Started by Ronson, June 14, 2005, 05:31:01 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

gazzyk1ns

Some tosser did that to my mum a few weeks ago, she parked and went into a shop for literally five minutes; then when she came back to the car she found the rear bumper cracked open and full of someone else's indicator casing.

fanny splendid

It"s a lot easier than giving a shit.

A Passing Turk Slipper

On the subject of wanker drivers. I saw someone yesterday trying to park and he was clearly going to smash into the back of this car behind him, which he did, but not only this he then realligns himself and smashes into this car for the second time within one minute. He had an estate and was trying to park in this tiny gap he was never going to fit in, a number of people had just stopped and where staring at him.

Coughlan

QuotePeople who talk during films.
Or worst people who always ask questions like:
Why did he do that?
What's that about?
Who did it then?

WATCH THE FUCKING FILM AND THEY'LL TELL YOU!

and also students who make rotas for everything in the house.

Mister Cairo

and try to claim one of the fridges as their own when there are six of us and two fridges.

Bastards

Mr Colossal

When you get a dud coin that doesn't register in any piece of coin-op machinery. And don't say licking it makes it work. it doesn't.

Similarly, when a CD will play on evey other hi-fi in the house, except mine.


People who don't indicate, especially when you're  a pedestrian waiting to cross a road , just before junction- you stand like a melon waiting for them only for them to slow down and take the turning.

Almost Yearly

They used to have special neutron matter styluses in record shops for when you took your vinyl back to complain about dodgy pressing.


Quote from: "Coughlan"
QuotePeople who talk during films.
Or worst people who always ask questions like:
Why did he do that?
What's that about?
Who did it then?

WATCH THE FUCKING FILM AND THEY'LL TELL YOU!
Aren't they called "girlfriends"? The best time to ask these AS YET UNANSWERED QUESTIONS FOR FUCKSAKES THAT'S WHAT STORYTELLING IS ALL ABOUT is precisely when some important piece of plot-revealing dialogue is taking place, which consequently you don't hear.

My mate's ex used to get up and start cleaning ashtrays (yes) during a video, which somehow involved crossing your line of sight at least three hundred times. Multitasking tosser. Years later he admitted she'd always been a crap shag too, despite appearances. Cuh.

Suttonpubcrawl

Someone did the dent and run off thing to my car as well. Cunts.

Cerys

Quote from: "Mr Colossal"Similarly, when a CD will play on evey other hi-fi in the house, except mine.

This is the world's way of suggesting that you use a lens cleaner.

slim

Quote from: "Almost Yearly"Aren't they called "girlfriends"? The best time to ask these AS YET UNANSWERED QUESTIONS FOR FUCKSAKES THAT'S WHAT STORYTELLING IS ALL ABOUT is precisely when some important piece of plot-revealing dialogue is taking place, which consequently you don't hear.
It's not just my good lady then?


Edit: I dented all your cars. I was trying to get stickers off after a fleeting bout of guilt.

gazzyk1ns

I think it's a possession thing, it's usually in their own house, isn't it? When you're round theirs and they're not really into watching whatever is on then they feel gutted, their house, their occasion. It's not just women, I have a mate who does it all the time too.

Cerys

It's not just women who ask questions during films or TV programmes, you know.  The worst culprit I know is a bloke who turns up at our place halfway through whatever we're watching, talks over the sound of the TV because he's not interested in what's on, then during a gap in his own monologue asks 'so what's going on then?', referring to a scene on the telly.  When it's suggested that if he watch he'll find out, he says, huffily, 'I don't want to watch it, that's why I asked you to tell me'.  And then gets worked up about the fact that I object to explaining something he can't be arsed to find out for himself.  Grrr.

Edit - bah, gazzyk1ns and his superior typing speed.

Almost Yearly

<Flounces around, limp wrists, nose in the air, doing a nermi-nermi voice>

Ooh it's not just women y'know nermi-nermi-ner

:-)

Cerys


Hoogstraten'sSmilingUlcer

True, but women do it in a really piercing voice, and after a thousand times of 'Why's he's doing that?/Wasn't that guy in Midsomer Murders?/Oh, we could be watching Bill Oddie on Two/I don't know why you watch this...' insanity takes a firm grip.

Sorry, it's not just women; men are equally culpable and indeed capable of a high-pitched inquisitive whine. I'm willing to answer some questions, but it's all in the timing. Please don't ask 'What's going to happen now?' just when the denouement is about to happen or the twist to be revealed. It's most fucking annoying when someone comes in, in the last ten minutes, and expects you to explain the whole programme just as it reaches its climax. If you wanted to watch it, you should have sat down at the right time. It's strange how people do this at home and in the cinema, but never at the theatre. You never get somebody coming in twenty minutes late and leaning across and asking, 'Why is he killing the king now?' or 'I'm sure I recognise him from Ballykissangel.'

Cerys

Okay, I'm guilty of constantly recognising people from other films (programmes, whatever).  My dad got pissed off with me doing it all the time when I was a kid, and I still do it.  Personally, I see it as an art.  Or maybe not.

Hoogstraten'sSmilingUlcer

I'm not against recognising people from other films and programmes, but the chances are that your viewing partner has also recognised them and broadcasting such a trivial fact would waste valuable breath and words which could be used to greater effect elsewhere. My advice to anyone who feels the misanthropic need (and it is an act of devillish sadism, interrupting someone's concentration) to share these facts is to keep quiet and try to develop a psychic link to the other person, through which you exchange facts silently.

Breakfast DJs. They are all insufferable cunts to a man jack.

And the tape player in my car is fucked, which means I have to constantly switch stations to avoid their incessant unfunny yammering.

InfiniteFury

Fat people on public transport staircases.

People using 6-man golfing umbrellas especially when it's spitting.

Work

Ambient Sheep

Opening your mouth to say something, and only getting halfway through your sentence before your significant other decides that she THINKS she knows what point you're about to make, also decides that she doesn't LIKE that point that she thinks you're about to make, and then heatedly denounces you for something that you didn't even say and weren't, in fact, going to say.  Because you were going to say something entirely different.

And then when you try to point this out, she interrupts halfway through (again) and says, "Oh sorry for opening my mouth and daring to try to have a conversation with you.", despite the fact that it was you that actually tried to start the damn conversation.

<Sam Kinison> Shoot me now...shoot me...kill me...just do it man...shoot me now... </Sam Kinison>

zozman

Sheepy - I don't mean to be funny, and please feel free to tell me to piss off, but you don't seem to get on with your missus at all.  Can we have a Adrian whateverhisname type thread please?

Ambient Sheep

Quote from: "zozman"Sheepy - I don't mean to be funny, and please feel free to tell me to piss off, but you don't seem to get on with your missus at all.  Can we have a Adrian whateverhisname type thread please?
Don't you worry my son, I followed that thread with a considerable degree of interest and was taking notes throughout.

Errrrmmm, not that that was necessarily about my CURRENT significant other.  Could just have been any old significant other...from a decade or two in the past.  Honest.

Sherringford Hovis

Quote from: "TraceyQ"Have you lot started taking drugs since I went away or what?

I've stopped - that's why I'm fucked off.

Coughlan

People who write band names and lyrics on their school bags.

Captain Crunch

Quote from: "Coughlan"People who write band names and lyrics on their school bags.

Chuffin' Nora!  Why?!

Morrisfan82

Oh god yeah, people like that really need to be destroyed.

Lollipop ladies really piss me off too. Fucking fluorescent witches.

Coughlan

I don't really know it just irritates me. maybe it's cause they usually put the most depressing fucking lyrics on them or they write KURT COBAIN RIP "I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE"

TotalNightmare

forums and the people inside them....

nyuk nyuk nyuk

Cerys

That conjures up an image of some bizarre being lurking in the forum keeping a tight and slimy hold on each and every topic with its many tentacles.

We've never seen a photo of Neil, have we...?

Johnny Yesno

Quote from: "Ambient Sheep"Opening your mouth to say something, and only getting halfway through your sentence before...

...a fly pops in there and makes you gag. I know. That's REALLY infuriating, isn't it?

Quote from: "Infinitefury"Work

Oh yes. That makes all other gripes look a bit weak. Let's face it. If we didn't have to work we wouldn't be in much of a rush to get anywhere and we probably wouldn't be overtired and what have you so the other stuff would be much easier to deal with.