Is there anything worse than having a crush on someone? (Redux)

[Schrodingers Cat]

There isn't, is there? Okay, maybe if you really, really fancy a friend of yours, and you know they don't feel the same. It really is the fucking pits, isn't it? Especially if you tell that person, and ask them out, then they don't even reply to your message. That's the worst...or so I've been told.

Now just figuring out how to avoid ever seeing or speaking to him ever again, whilst still seeing mutual friends of ours. Eventually, I'll get over the mix of shame, embarrassment and regret I've felt since...I mean, what regret? I'm talking hypothetically, definitely not something I've experienced directly, no sirree!

How do people put up with this? What pathetic creatures we are, to be ruled over so easily by emotions! Or, maybe that's just me?

This thread has been done before, but what better way to see in the new year than reminiscing about an old classic? And what better way to commemorate 2020 than by wallowing in self pity?

[madhair60]

Yes, watching the people you love most be murdered one by one

[Schrodingers Cat]

Yes, watching the people you love most be murdered one by one

Well, OK, Mister Literal.

Maybe change the thread title to "Its really, really bad ruining a friendship because you fancy them so much, isn't it?". Would that be better?

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPeHHpXOOds

[oy vey]

Emotions never last. A friendship that's really worth its salt should last. Fair play on giving it a shake to verify its worth. I drink to you (actually I'm already pissed).

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Pull yourself together, man.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Shitting in your trousers in front of somebody you have a crush on.

[sirhenry]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPeHHpXOOds

I was sure that was going to be this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Af7ayYIJ9w

As for the OP, it's a lot easier if you never tell them. Just assume that they have no interest in you and at least try to maintain the friendship. At least that way you can still enjoy their company.

My wife recently told an old friend that I used to have a huge crush on her a couple of decades ago (I was happy to take that fact to the grave with me). She then invited me out to lunch which, while perfectly pleasant and normal, had a very fast-flowing undercurrent of 'is this new perspective going to lead to something exciting?'.
She hasn't spoken to me since.

Ignore it and it will go away. Like cancer.

[wooders1978]

As oy vey said, if it's a friendship that's worth giving a shit about, both you and they (but most importantly, you, by the sound of it from your post?) will deal with and move on from this situation fairly quickly

Also - it's good to have crushes in general, sometimes they work out, often they don't but it's nice to fancy someone, you'll miss it when you don't have anyone to crush on

[oy vey]

Exactly, and who knows, you may yet get a tug out of it.

[Cuellar]

Not having a crush on someone
- Oscar Wilde

[Schrodingers Cat]

I was sure that was going to be this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Af7ayYIJ9w

As for the OP, it's a lot easier if you never tell them. Just assume that they have no interest in you and at least try to maintain the friendship. At least that way you can still enjoy their company.

</snip>

Ignore it and it will go away. Like cancer.

Hmm, in retrospect this is what I should have done. Unfortunately, and I know I hid it well with me using clever words and that, but the cat's very much out of the bag now. I sent a very embarrassing message the other day saying when it was my last day before going back to work, and did he fancy meeting up "just the two of us"? When that day came and went without reply, I then sent a second, MUCH more embarrassing message saying "sorry, I just needed to know". He hasn't responded to either :'(

Obviously I have since deleted the messages I sent, because I needed the chat to drop off the front page of WhatsApp as I couldn't stand seeing his smiling face staring back at me whenever I opened WhatsApp, and I couldn't help keep checking to see if he was online to know that he definitely has seen it, then I deleted the WhatsApp chat between us after I realised I would just keep scrolling down, then decided that wasn't enough and had to delete his contact info from my phone so I didn't have to see his name come up on the group chat we're both in.

All in all, I think I've dealt with it very maturely and rationally *looks straight at camera*.

Also - it's good to have crushes in general, sometimes they work out, often they don't but it's nice to fancy someone, you'll miss it when you don't have anyone to crush on

Maybe you're right. But you're definitely wrong.



It looks like we might see each other tomorrow actually - on a walk arranged by a teammate. Oh, I should have said, we both play at the same rugby club, so I'll be seeing him at training most weeks. Fuck sake.

[sirhenry]

It looks like we might see each other tomorrow actually - on a walk arranged by a teammate. Oh, I should have said, we both play at the same rugby club, so I'll be seeing him at training most weeks. Fuck sake.

I'm spectacularly shit with names... is it you who has only recently come out to your rugby club? If so, isn't that a plausible excuse for (actually i can't think of any reason you should need an excuse, you've done nowt wrong, just told someone that they're attractive) your behaviour? Still finding your feet[nb]Though finding his at the bottom of your bed would be preferable, obviously.[/nb]?

If not, just let him know that he is so fantastic that you couldn't help yourself.[nb]Never take relationship advice from someone deep in the autism spectrum.[/nb]

[Butchers Blind]

Just date people you don't like, its much easier.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

BlodwynPig to thread

[Schrodingers Cat]

I'm spectacularly shit with names... is it you who has only recently come out to your rugby club? If so, isn't that a plausible excuse for (actually i can't think of any reason you should need an excuse, you've done nowt wrong, just told someone that they're attractive) your behaviour? Still finding your feet[nb]Though finding his at the bottom of your bed would be preferable, obviously.[/nb]?

If not, just let him know that he is so fantastic that you couldn't help yourself.[nb]Never take relationship [advice] from someone deep in the autism spectrum.[/nb]

Yes that's me! Though I should point out that this someone at the IGR (Inclusive Gay Rugby) club I have joined, rather than my other, mainstream team. So this is someone who is gay, not straight. That would be a a whole 'nother level of stupid I haven't fallen down to. Yet. Either way, I definitely haven't done anything wrong, per se (at least morally speaking). Just really stupid. I don't have anything like enough friends as it is to go losing them in stupid ways.

Like you, I'm (diagnosis pending) on the spectrum (hence the not many friends), so find this sort of thing really hard to get my head around. Especially considering that I started learning about 10 years later than most people my age. That's what life in denial does to you I suppose!

[Captain Z]

Friends are over rated. Throw a few curveballs out there, you miss 100% of the friends you don't hit on or something.

[sirhenry]

Just really stupid. I don't have anything like enough friends as it is to go losing them in stupid ways.

Not stupid at all. Fairly normal, as far as I can see. And certainly nothing to worry about.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. Hopefully on tomorrow's walk he'll find an appropriate moment to quietly let you know that while he's flattered, he's married to the rugby or something. _{I don't know, I still haven't worked out how NTs think.}

[lankyguy95]

Hopefully on tomorrow's walk...

I'll kill that typist.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

it's nice to fancy someone

No, it's fucking agony, it's burning your own mind on the unlikely chance they will put out the fire. Total crap in how it changes your mindset and behaviour, and yet very difficult to avoid doing.

When you say "you'll miss it" - when?

[Pingers]

I once fell completely in love with my manager. It was horrible and painful and I hated it, and it lasted a long time. Then I got past that and we just got on well, then I left that job and we met up with a couple of people not long after, and as we said goodbye she said "I love you so much". Then straight after that was Covid and lockdown, haven't seen her since. In summary, it's easier, though not necessarily better, to just kill your emotions. Fuck it, post.

[oy vey]

No, it's fucking agony, it's burning your own mind on the unlikely chance they will put out the fire.

Not if you realise you are the catch and they are the fucking losers for not taking the opportunity. Not as narcissistic as you might think.

Fucking a few strangers in a toilet for money is your in emergency break glass.

[Marner and Me]

I last had one, circa 2018 and I was having dreams and all sorts about this girl, we went one a few dates, and for whatever reason, it didn't work out. We're both now in committed relationships, still think about her occasionally and get that heart pang. 

[bgmnts]

That all died in me a long while ago and I still haven't decided if I'm better off or not. Hindsight muddies the waters and the hand that's forced is always a two and seven off suit.

[Shaky]

Hugs to the OP. It is a very shit feeling, especially for sensitive types. Yesterday, after weeks of agonising, I cut my ex (still a "friend" I heard from frequently) out of my life after we broke up 3 months ago because I simply can't hack her starting dating again. Childish perhaps, bullshit male ego, self-preseveration etc etc, but we have to be horrifically honest to ourselves sometimes. Bit of distance. Try to do other things. For now I've lost a contact that massively brightened up my day when we spoke but the other stuff around that was killing me. Hopefully, in time, we can meet on a more even footing.

I've hijacked your pain to express mine but hopefully this helps a tiny bit!

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

No, it's fucking agony, it's burning your own mind on the unlikely chance they will put out the fire. Total crap in how it changes your mindset and behaviour, and yet very difficult to avoid doing.

When you say "you'll miss it" - when?

Wise words from The Boy Shoulders.

[pancreas]

You did a nice thing—no reason to apologise. If the cunt hasn't responded, he's the one with the problem. Even if he didn't want to go out romantically, he could have said—well, I'm happy to go just for a drink if <e.g. it's close to me>. Or even, 'sorry but I don't see you in that way'. But he didn't—he just blanked you. Let him come to you. Or if he can't—ignore the cunt. Not your problem.

Head held high. Spit on the plebs.

[BlodwynPig]

I'm in the same position and its killing me. Coming off the back of that horrendous marriage, I was happy to never have human contact again. Then out of the blue - love at first sight virtually...DON'T BE FUCKING DAFT BLODDERS, IT'S JUST YOUR EMOTIONS GETTING THE BETTER OF YOU.

IT'S DANGEROUS
YOU'LL ONLY SUFFER
GET OVER IT

"YOU DON'T DESERVE HAPPINESS"

But...but, it's real. I have not fallen this hard for anyone. I'm trying my best to keep cool, but it is destroying me.

GET A HOBBY
GO FOR A WALK

No no no. Why suppress such strong feelings.

ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. YOU ARE SELFISH. THINK ABOUT HER WISHES.

I am! I bloody am, hence torturing myself in the process.

NOTHING YOU CAN DO ANYWAY, SHE'S IN IRELAND AND UNLIKELY TO COME BACK TO UK ANYTIME SOON. PLUS YOU CAN'T ARTIFICIALLY FORCE A MEETING. YOU'RE FUCKED MATE.

Ok. I'll be dead or at least mouldering by the time I physically meet another person who isn't my mother.

GROW UP.

[BlodwynPig]

No, it's fucking agony, it's burning your own mind on the unlikely chance they will put out the fire. Total crap in how it changes your mindset and behaviour, and yet very difficult to avoid doing.

When you say "you'll miss it" - when?

there is some balm usually to know this is a universal feeling that many if not all go through. Still hell though.

[Menu]

I'm in the same position and its killing me. Coming off the back of that horrendous marriage, I was happy to never have human contact again. Then out of the blue - love at first sight virtually...DON'T BE FUCKING DAFT BLODDERS, IT'S JUST YOUR EMOTIONS GETTING THE BETTER OF YOU.

IT'S DANGEROUS
YOU'LL ONLY SUFFER
GET OVER IT

"YOU DON'T DESERVE HAPPINESS"

But...but, it's real. I have not fallen this hard for anyone. I'm trying my best to keep cool, but it is destroying me.

GET A HOBBY
GO FOR A WALK

No no no. Why suppress such strong feelings.

ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. YOU ARE SELFISH. THINK ABOUT HER WISHES.

I am! I bloody am, hence torturing myself in the process.

NOTHING YOU CAN DO ANYWAY, SHE'S IN IRELAND AND UNLIKELY TO COME BACK TO UK ANYTIME SOON. PLUS YOU CAN'T ARTIFICIALLY FORCE A MEETING. YOU'RE FUCKED MATE.

Ok. I'll be dead or at least mouldering by the time I physically meet another person who isn't my mother.

GROW UP.

What does she look like, Blodders?