Is there anything worse than having a crush on someone? (Redux)

[BlodwynPig]

What does she look like, Blodders?

Like heaven. But its not the physical attraction that counts.

PAH, GET OVER YOURSELF YOU LOSER PRICK

Man, stop this.

YOU CAN'T HURRY LOVE, MATE

[Bernice]

I mean, it's a rancid little situation and makes you feel like a toddler being crushed under a stiletto heel, but you've done nothing wrong/embarrassing Shrodinger. Fancied someone, didn't hide it like a coward, said your piece. The other guy being too pathetic to just say 'nah, not into it sorry, let's be friends' is the one doing the shit thing. Love is dreadful but you've negotiated it okay here.

[Menu]

Like heaven. But its not the physical attraction that counts.

PAH, GET OVER YOURSELF YOU LOSER PRICK

Man, stop this.

YOU CAN'T HURRY LOVE, MATE

Well I don't know about anyone else but I've got the RIGHT HORN now.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Like heaven. But its not the physical attraction that counts.

PAH, GET OVER YOURSELF YOU LOSER PRICK

Man, stop this.

YOU CAN'T HURRY LOVE, MATE

So, a bit like Her Who Plays Villanelle ( with a smidgen of Talulah Riley/ The Young Charlotte Rampling thrown in), then?

[Buelligan]

You did a nice thing—no reason to apologise. If the cunt hasn't responded, he's the one with the problem. Even if he didn't want to go out romantically, he could have said—well, I'm happy to go just for a drink if <e.g. it's close to me>. Or even, 'sorry but I don't see you in that way'. But he didn't—he just blanked you. Let him come to you. Or if he can't—ignore the cunt. Not your problem.

Head held high. Spit on the plebs.

Absolutely this.  Wanting to develop a relationship with another being is utterly standard reasonable stuff.  Being brave enough to take the first step is admirable.  Why should anyone feel badly about being brave and sincere?  I think you've dodged a bullet, the object of your fleeting affection is clearly not good enough for you if he thinks this is any way to run a fucking ballroom.

On the general crush thing, I recognise the signs, the pre-signs, even, in myself.  Pinch them out ruthlessly.  But, for those who intend to relate to others, I say extend that crush.  Ride it out.  The full natural glory of being made mad by unrequited sexual attraction, the peaks and troughs.  Savour it, as Sting would a tantric wank.  This is a big part of what we are made for, Dionysian, give yourself up and do not rush to the end.  The proto-end.  Wait, then pounce when you can extend the delicious agony no longer.  That is my advice.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Not sure I'm down with calling the other feller a cunt and the one with the problem, just because it's possible that he's not reciprocating like a good ' un with our hero who made the OP. Don't think that's particularly fair or helpful.

[Menu]

Not sure I'm down with calling the other feller a cunt and the one with the problem, just because it's possible that he's not reciprocating like a good ' un with our hero who made the OP. Don't think that's particularly fair or helpful.

TRUST YOU TO TAKE HIS SIDE

[Buelligan]

Did anyone call him a cunt?  I admit, I may have subconsciously thought it but not in my waking mind.  I think the judgement on him is not because he hasn't gratefully and enthusiastically swept Schrodingers into his manly arms, it's that he didn't bother to respond.  That's what's cunty (if anything was).  I don't think it was particularly cunty, the object may be painfully shy or have other personal reasons for behaving thoughtlessly.  Nevertheless, not being cunty is hardly a badge of honour, the man needs to up his game.

[Twit 2]

I think if someone is in love/lust with you it's important to let them have a crack at you (this works best if you share some of the feelings). Then, with the exact science of karma when it's your turn to want some off someone else, you can have it. "Look, I fucked Tracy last year, so what time am I popping over?"

[PlanktonSideburns]

You did a nice thing—no reason to apologise. If the cunt hasn't responded, he's the one with the problem. Even if he didn't want to go out romantically, he could have said—well, I'm happy to go just for a drink if <e.g. it's close to me>. Or even, 'sorry but I don't see you in that way'. But he didn't—he just blanked you. Let him come to you. Or if he can't—ignore the cunt. Not your problem.

Head held high. Spit on the plebs.

This is the answer, not all that hide under a blanket keep your head down and you'll die if your lucky stuff that precedes it

[BlodwynPig]

This is the answer, not all that hide under a blanket keep your head down and you'll die if your lucky stuff that precedes it

I just saw your avatar and was about to have a go before seeing the text underneath - this, just after watching a video about TM of the Hollywood sign.

[flotemysost]

Suggesting to meet up for a drink, and then following up when you didn't get a reply, sounds like a very very normal and reasonable thing to do. That the object of your crush has essentially "ghosted" you is shit, no doubt about that, but I'm guessing it comes from a place of cowardice and/or awkwardness rather than being so horrified and repulsed by the thought of going for a drink with you that he can't even bear to have any further contact.

I'm ashamed to admit I've been the "ghoster" a few times in the past (as well as being ghosted myself) - it's a really horrible shitty indefensible thing to do so I'm not justifying it in any way, but for me at least, it's only ever been because the thought of composing in words a rationale for why I don't necessarily fancy someone (who actually has nothing wrong with them and is most likely perfectly nice/attractive/eligible, just not for me) just fills me with dread and awkwardness. I worry about sounding patronising or picky or full of myself when that really really isn't ever the reason behind it, and occasionally it feels easier in the moment to take the coward's way out and say nothing.

But yeah, not defending it, it's very shit, and I agree you're probably better off without someone who lacks the emotional maturity to bother to get back to you.

Savour it, as Sting would a tantric wank.

Glorious.

I agree though, as excruciating as this might be right now. This is one of the things that reminds us we're alive, which god knows most of us need right now, relish the lows and the highs will come.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I think if someone is in love/lust with you it's important to let them have a crack at you (this works best if you share some of the feelings). Then, with the exact science of karma when it's your turn to want some off someone else, you can have it. "Look, I fucked Tracy last year, so what time am I popping over?"

Yes, like mycorrizhal fungi.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

like mycorrizhal fungi.

MADONNA CONSIDERS REWRITE!

FIRST ONE OF 2021! BACK OF THE NET!

[BlodwynPig]

Suggesting to meet up for a drink, and then following up when you didn't get a reply, sounds like a very very normal and reasonable thing to do. That the object of your crush has essentially "ghosted" you is shit, no doubt about that, but I'm guessing it comes from a place of cowardice and/or awkwardness rather than being so horrified and repulsed by the thought of going for a drink with you that he can't even bear to have any further contact.

I'm ashamed to admit I've been the "ghoster" a few times in the past (as well as being ghosted myself) - it's a really horrible shitty indefensible thing to do so I'm not justifying it in any way, but for me at least, it's only ever been because the thought of composing in words a rationale for why I don't necessarily fancy someone (who actually has nothing wrong with them and is most likely perfectly nice/attractive/eligible, just not for me) just fills me with dread and awkwardness. I worry about sounding patronising or picky or full of myself when that really really isn't ever the reason behind it, and occasionally it feels easier in the moment to take the coward's way out and say nothing.

But yeah, not defending it, it's very shit, and I agree you're probably better off without someone who lacks the emotional maturity to bother to get back to you.

Glorious.

I agree though, as excruciating as this might be right now. This is one of the things that reminds us we're alive, which god knows most of us need right now, relish the lows and the highs will come.

So, i'll know on monday if she really feels awkward about me and is trying to forcibly make me not like her - ie, if she ducks the 'return to work' meeting we've got first thing (we are team leads, so a natural meeting).

Is it wise to let the issue of ghosting slide or confront. The latter would of course be conclusive, the former prolong the despair. The best option would be for her to tell me that i would be the last thing on earth she'd consider being with and then mock me in the team meeting later by flirting with everyone else. I could then go happily into the void.

[Marner and Me]

In general though, I've had two proper crushes, and been blown out by both. However they're great in general. Makes you feel alive.

[Twit 2]

Tell that to Werther.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Did I ever tell the boys and girls of CaB about the last crush I had?

[Marner and Me]

Did I ever tell the boys and girls of CaB about the last crush I had?

No, please tell.

[bgmnts]

How do those who don't get crushes feel alive?

[phes]

How do those who don't get crushes feel alive?

steadier, smaller, more reliable pleasures. Like Kit Kats, and wanking.

[wooders1978]

How do those who don't get crushes feel alive?

due to lockdown I haven't had a decent chance to develop feelings for someone wildly inappropriate for over a year - looking forward to it all being over so I can fixate on someone who is either married or very close to being married or simply not interested in me, which was my most recent one - her "single" status on facebook told my optimistic mind it could, no, should happen, in fact it was probably aimed directly at me, but it didn't happen, weirdly.

[bgmnts]

Seems an unhealthy waste of time to me but whatever makes one happy I suppose.

[Shaky]

Seems an unhealthy waste of time to me but whatever makes one happy I suppose.

It doesn't make you happy - that's the whole point!

[BlodwynPig]

It doesn't make you happy - that's the whole point!

but the happiness that would come if the INCEL God was benevolent would be immense temporary

[lankyguy95]

her "single" status on facebook told my optimistic mind it could, no, should happen, in fact it was probably aimed directly at me, but it didn't happen, weirdly.

Oh the worst. When you're so caught up in it that you look at every neutral sign as a potential/definite positive. Part of you knows it's probably unlikely but the lingering possibility of her also being madly in love with you means you must treat it as such.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

No, please tell.

Well, our story begins Circa February 2014 in Moscow....' ere, are you being sarky?

[TrenterPercenter]

Suggesting to meet up for a drink, and then following up when you didn't get a reply, sounds like a very very normal and reasonable thing to do. That the object of your crush has essentially "ghosted" you is shit, no doubt about that, but I'm guessing it comes from a place of cowardice and/or awkwardness rather than being so horrified and repulsed by the thought of going for a drink with you that he can't even bear to have any further contact.

I'm ashamed to admit I've been the "ghoster" a few times in the past (as well as being ghosted myself) - it's a really horrible shitty indefensible thing to do so I'm not justifying it in any way, but for me at least, it's only ever been because the thought of composing in words a rationale for why I don't necessarily fancy someone (who actually has nothing wrong with them and is most likely perfectly nice/attractive/eligible, just not for me) just fills me with dread and awkwardness. I worry about sounding patronising or picky or full of myself when that really really isn't ever the reason behind it, and occasionally it feels easier in the moment to take the coward's way out and say nothing.

Fair play for posting this.  Imo this is the correct response to when someone tells you they have been hurt emotionally by the behaviour of others and I'm sure the OP will feel valued for you saying this. 

I think it is perfectly normal to not find someone attractive for whatever reason and not be interested and perfectly normal to feel nervous about telling them so (as is approaching someone and asking them out).  If you ghost someone then you are kindof dropping a psychological bomb on them that is akin to gaslighting; the individual with all too easily assume that not only they have something horrendous about them but this is something they cannot see themselves and cannot be spoken to them.  The overall impact is that this individual isn't even worthy of comment.  It is a cowardly and damaging thing to do to someone however it seems pretty acceptable in certain circles.

Removing a small group of obbessive stalkeresque individuals, very rarely does someone ask someone out or become interested in someone unless there is some reciprocal interactions.  Everyone is at their own liberty to change their own mind at anytime (hence why marriage is a sense is a problematic illiberal practice) and it is all to easy for people to read more into interactions than someone intends.  It is just empathetic decency to try and make sure your interactions whatever choice you make are as least damaging as possible to the other individual.

I'm not being Johnny-morals, i've done it myself as well and a longtime ago vowed to stop doing it[nb]Ha should add with some horrendous but morally right consequences[/nb].  I think the way around this is to actually approach things as you are just looking to see if you want to know more assume nobody has any commitments to anything until much further down the line and don't put so much pressure on what is really just a "getting to know you" exercise.  By ghosting someone (needlessly) you are inadvertantly making masssive assumptions and issues out of what should be fair interactions and probably quite needlessly.  It's a very self-indulgent and powerful position you are putting yourself in, sure it is built on cowardice, but really you are just fucking someone over and pretending it doesn't matter, they are simply not worth your concern.

[BlodwynPig]

Oh the worst. When you're so caught up in it that you look at every neutral sign as a potential/definite positive. Part of you knows it's probably unlikely but the lingering possibility of her also being madly in love with you means you must treat it as such.

christ. man. I'm going to have stop reading this thread.

[Marner and Me]

Well, our story begins Circa February 2014 in Moscow....' ere, are you being sarky?

Nope, genuinely interested. Don't have the time nor energy to wind people up on the internet. I don't know how people do Twitter.