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March 28, 2024, 12:32:57 PM

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Sick mum quandary

Started by sevendaughters, January 02, 2021, 11:49:09 AM

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sevendaughters

Hi, not looking for sympathy, I assume none of you have it, but am looking for advice/experience, as I am sure some of you do.

Pre-pandemic my mum was a reasonably healthy person who could walk. She'd even had a check-up after 48 years on the fags and her lungs were fine. 10 months later she can't walk. She falls over a lot, and is losing control of her hands. She also needs to piss a lot and can't get up the stairs unaided. Her primary carer is my dad who is 70 and not really in the physical shape to be doing any of this as a full-time job. My brother just called to say that since I left on Xmas day she pretty much just cries at home all day (she is compos mentis).

With hospitals being pretty much inundated her appointments to get seen for stuff have been slower than usual. She also shot herself in the foot a bit by being too scared to get in the MRI machine and had to wait 2 months for a go on the MRI machine that doesn't entomb you in a science sarcophagus.

Anyway: is there anything that can be done? 1 year ago I'd have said she has 20 years left. Now I'd say not.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

I mean, until you get a diagnosis it's hard to say, and I'm certainly not a doctor. So have some sympathy anyway, I'm sure this is terribly scary for your mum, your dad, and you. And any siblings that you have.

Buelligan

I think you (obviously) need a diagnosis.  I assume, from what you wrote, she's had the MRI now - did anything helpful come from it?  My feeling, as a non-medical person is that, until you have a diagnosis (and even after), you need to maintain or restore her mental wellbeing.  Yeah, fucking obvious, I'm sure you've thought and thought about it and don't need me to say it.  But I do think that feeling afraid, powerless, all the dreadful fears she must have right now must be sapping her strength enormously.  So anything you can do to uplift, encourage, calm and empower her, small or big would be my suggestion. 

I would say, my mother died of cancer, my brother has fairly advanced MS, that being real and calm about this thing that's afflicting her is probably the best way forward.  Give the thing context as a manageable threat that you will face confidently and with love, together.  And just listening and confidence building.  Be a shoulder, an arm and an ear.  I hope this helps in some way and wish you both the absolute best.

sevendaughters

Quote from: Buelligan on January 02, 2021, 12:10:06 PM
I think you (obviously) need a diagnosis.  I assume, from what you wrote, she's had the MRI now - did anything helpful come from it?  My feeling, as a non-medical person is that, until you have a diagnosis (and even after), you need to maintain or restore her mental wellbeing.  Yeah, fucking obvious, I'm sure you've thought and thought about it and don't need me to say it.  But I do think that feeling afraid, powerless, all the dreadful fears she must have right now must be sapping her strength enormously.  So anything you can do to uplift, encourage, calm and empower her, small or big would be my suggestion. 

I would say, my mother died of cancer, my brother has fairly advanced MS, that being real and calm about this thing that's afflicting her is probably the best way forward.  Give the thing context as a manageable threat that you will face confidently and with love, together.  And just listening and confidence building.  Be a shoulder, an arm and an ear.  I hope this helps in some way and wish you both the absolute best.

Thanks Buells. I am doing my best but I live in a different region atm so COVID is keeping us all from doing what we can. Still no diagnosis nailed down either.

Buelligan

Really sorry to hear that but (obvs) try to maintain contact as much as you possibly can.  Could I just add, that thing you said about not wanting to get into the MRI scanner, to me anyway, points to just how dreadfully anxious she is.  I'm guessing she's in a terrible state of stress and worry and I absolutely know, from my own inner life, how incredibly draining and damaging those kinds of feelings are.  If you can do anything from your remote position to talk her down by listening and reassurance, supportive thoughts and words, IMO, you'd be helping her enormously, even at a distance.  Really, I do hug your poor arse over this.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Really sorry to read this, sevendaughters. Can't offer much except my sympathy and I hope things turn out alright. Worry and dread are killers themselves. Easier said than done but try to stay in the present.

QuoteShe falls over a lot, and is losing control of her hands.

On the plus side, Joe Biden does that and he just got elected President.


sevendaughters

LOL. Thanks all. I just spoke to her and she appears to be okay, my dad wanted to talk about his new guitar amp more than anything serious. Just my brother getting worked up into a flap because his laundry-doer is indisposed, at a guess. Yes my brother is a total cnut.

Glebe

Sorry to hear it SD, hope things get sorted.

touchingcloth

I read this thread's title as "stick mum quandary" and imagined that your mum was a stick insect or made out of twigs.

sevendaughters


Glebe

Very sorry to hear that sevendaughters. I can only wish you the best and send lots of hugs.

NoOffenceLynn

Oh gosh, sevendaughters, l'm sorry to hear that about your mum. Such a tough time at the moment with restrictions in place. Hopefully they will being easing up soon and you can see her, if you haven't already.
Sending you lots strength and a virtual ((hug))

Fonz

Weeing a lot could be diabetes

Reality check: 48 years of cigs. There will be considerable lung damage, just sub-clinical.

Get her to the GP again, or other doc

Buelligan

Very sorry to hear this bad news old bean.  Really really am. 

wooders1978

Pisser - really sorry - maybe start reaching out to local places that may help & ensure she's added to the community undress route, if you're not already?

NoOffenceLynn

As wooders1978 said make sure you are getting all the help you are entitled to. My mum was a community welfare nurse and some of her patients had MND, they qualified for any nursing care thats needed as well as home help workers to help with cleaning, tidying and running of the household.

sevendaughters

thanks all. she's being taken care of and just had the home fitted up with various apparatus. am just filling in forms for entitlements and there's carers coming 4x a day. she's had both jabs now so i'm just gonna go over. fuck it. prognosis is 3 months.

Jockice

Sorry to hear that. Bad news.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


Horrible news. Sorry to hear this, pal. I hope you get to spend some meaningful time with her now she's had her jabs.

Non Stop Dancer

So sorry to hear that. I hope you know that she will draw a lot of comfort from knowing that you're there for her. All the best.


imitationleather


non capisco

Really sorry to hear this, sevendaughters. All my best, man.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear that.

Harry Badger

 Terrible news, I'm very sorry.

Mister Six

Fucking hell, that's awful news. I'm so sorry.

SpiderChrist

Bloody hell. So sorry to hear that.

Glebe

Quote from: sevendaughters on February 23, 2021, 07:53:35 PMthanks all. she's being taken care of and just had the home fitted up with various apparatus. am just filling in forms for entitlements and there's carers coming 4x a day. she's had both jabs now so i'm just gonna go over. fuck it. prognosis is 3 months.

Again, lots of hugs sevendaughters, my heart goes out to you and your Mum.

TrenterPercenter

Just adding another post to say really sorry for your news  SD.  Really hope she can get the care she needs and is made comfortable (and there is some support for you and family too).