Blocked by yer ex

[bgmnts]

No advice beyond bin social media because its poison and shag someone else as soon as possible.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Maybe he had issues. Maybe the women he chose had issues. You can't say for definite unless you actually know them. And even then, you don't know what goes on in relationships. I've been accused of things I definitely haven't done (in relationships and in real life), so I'm very wary about even implying he must be an utter bastard and abuser without knowing the full facts.

Two other ex-partners of his have remained close to him. I know he has issues and went on an anger management course.

[El Unicornio, mang]

No advice beyond bin social media because its poison and shag someone else as soon as possible.

Tricky at the moment. What's the word on hyper-real sex robots? Any new updates?? Asking for OP.

[Dex Sawash]

^ stuck at port according to Sunday Sport

[flotemysost]

Blocked by yer ex
And you're to blame
(That's not true, and you definitely don't give love a bad name either. Just can't help but read thread title to that tune, I'm afraid.)

Not much useful advice to add but I'm sorry, it sounds like a truly rubbish situation. I've only really got one person who I suppose could legitimately call an "ex", and even though I was the one that ended things there, I really really didn't want to hear about his subsequent dating exploits (he was initially eager to stay friends, but it soon became clear that was too messy and hurtful for both of us) - so I can only imagine what that must be like to be on the other side, and after a significant relationship as well.

As others have said, it does sound like she's done the kindest possible thing in a sad situation but that doesn't make it any easier. Please know that you're definitely not any of the negative things you're saying about yourself in your OP.

Don't take this the wrong way but that's exactly why it doesn't. It's probably no reflection on you, it's just many people want brief, casual sexual encounters to be just that, and cut off or refuse any potential lingering avenues of contact. Plus there's just plain old embarrassment that some people feel when faced with someone they used to sleep with but now don't, it's a fairly common feeling to want to avoid them and any potential awkwardness. Someone you once met at a corporate event will happily be fb friends precisely because you don't have any history.

Completely agree. The idea of "friending" someone who you primarily saw in a casual, physical and transient context, and thus potentially having access to pictures of their family holidays and mundane life events and subsequent relationships, just feels incredibly awkward. It's weird enough scrolling through WhatsApp contacts and seeing one-night-stands or Tinder dates from days of yore (whose numbers I never bothered deleting) and seeing that their profile picture is their wedding day or them with a kid or something.

[Shaky]

Reader, she called. Upset about a heap of things and looking practical help with something so I calmed her down. Only very briefly touched on our situation. She acknowledged the call wasn't right but it happened and I'm confused. Games? Control? Perhaps, but I struggle to think it's intentional.

I need to find the strength to nip this in the bud because, obviously, I'm sitting here wondering if and when she's going to get in contact again.

[Bernice]

Probably not a game, probably just got poobrain like you, definitely should be nipped in bud.

[touchingcloth]

I wasted my entire twenties by "being friends" with an ex. It left me feeling pathetic and undignified and also behaving in ways that I'm not proud of. It's impossible not to have moments of getting your hopes up, and, of course, they get smashed over and over again. It only stopped hurting after we stopped having any contact.

I think the bolded bit is the key to whether you can truly remain friends with an ex. If the relationship ended because one person fell out of love when the other didn't, then that's not a good foundation to build a platonic relationship from. I think it needs both parties to have mutually reached the conclusion that they're not a good romantic fit, and for both rather than just one of them to have realised that they don't actually want anything more than a friendship.

[Shaky]

No advice beyond bin social media because its poison and shag someone else as soon as possible.

Sadly, my meds have taken a sledgehammer to the old libido so I can't even think of that right now.

[drummersaredeaf]

Yeah, fuck this right off. I'd be inclined to text her to tell her you want no more contact as it's no good for you then block her yourself. Free labour and a shoulder to lean on, but it doesn't sound like you're getting a great deal from things other than strife. Presumably she was happy to block and then needed your help specifically on whatever she called you for. Tell her piss.

[Shaky]

Yeah, fuck this right off. I'd be inclined to text her to tell her you want no more contact as it's no good for you then block her yourself. Free labour and a shoulder to lean on, but it doesn't sound like you're getting a great deal from things other than strife. Presumably she was happy to block and then needed your help specifically on whatever she called you for. Tell her piss.

I know you're right but I have this insane insistence on sharing and talking shit out to the point of insanity. Like there's some great epiphany to find. Very hard to rationalise in my head.

[drummersaredeaf]

Yes, I'm also like a dog with a bone over this stuff. It's possibly anxiety. The short version is you can't know everything, but the situation was/is making you unhappy so you need to do the things it takes to stop being unhappy.

In my case I was having the runaround from someone I was very in to, and made all sorts of rationalisations over hypothetical situations that vindicated her shitty behaviour. It wasn't necessary. It was making me unhappy, and it's important to have strong boundaries over what you will tolerate. Don't overthink it, it ultimately doesn't matter.

[Jockice]

Try really hard not to do it Shaky. Because you'll end up being her go-to guy when she needs help (financial, emotional, work-related) but you'll get nothing out of it but further heartbreak. And you will snap eventually. As I once shouted down the phone (at work) when an ex rang me up wanting something: "I'M NOT FUCKING MOTHER THERESA YOU KNOW!"

This is entirely true by the way. I've never fucked Mother Theresa.

[Shaky]

Try really hard not to do it Shakey. Because you'll end up being her go-to guy when she needs help (financial, emotional, work-related) but you'll get nothing out of it but further heartbreak. And you will snap eventually. As I once shouted down the phone (at work) when an ex rang me up wanting something: "I'M NOT FUCKING MOTHER THERESA YOU KNOW!"

This is entirely true by the way. I've never fucked Mother Theresa.

It was a rebound thing. Got it.

Arghhhhhhhhhh. Relationships.

[Ham Bap]

You dont want to become someones emotional crutch when all you're thinking is how the 2 of you could/should be together.
Ive been there without realising it. You get your hopes up and get hung up on the possibility of something happening as they then end up in bed with someone else.

You live and learn. Its something i would spot from a mile off now and just cut off.
Waste of time. Might sound cynical but better to spend your energy on something that is 2 way.

[Shaky]

Well, I've sent a text saying I want to offload her invoices etc sooner rather than later. I can't just sit on them as if I suddenly want to help with that stuff somewhere down the line. Best got rid off.

[Captain Z]

while I was still on the Becks

[Shaky]

So it's over. I called about the invoices and she wants them posted. She also wants us to delete our respective numbers. Fucking hell. Hit me like a tornado.

[JaDanketies]

it's a shame you can't hit the clubs and get shitfaced with your mates tbh. Don't get into drinking and drugging at home by yourself.

[drummersaredeaf]

The thing is pal, this is actually BRILLIANT. Fuck off to bad rubbish.

Do you really want someone in your life who blocks you on stuff then to suck you back in when they want something doing and then to get shitty when you try to assert some boundaries?

No you don't. BYE.

The hot-cold, will they-won't they stuff is exhausting and would take up all your mental energy outside of any time with her anyway. Well done for ripping off the plaster.

[Fr.Bigley]

Fuck her, Been there, done that. Only this was an over a decade partnership that became superbly acrimonious on her part the second we broke up. She was fucking someone immediately after (probs before) and got knocked up a few months later...She blocked you because women have already grieved the end of the relationship many weeks, if not months before it actually ended.

Sort yourself out, you'll be back to normal in no time. (Only took me a year)

[Shaky]

Talking to her tonight, I got a lot of, "You're throwing that back in my face!" when I explained being blocked then helping her was an issue. She also audibly yawned at one point and when I tutted she said, "Are you offended by that now too?" My behaviour has been erratic over the last three months and I could hear her getting more and more tired of it. Feel like a total cunt atm, but how long could it go on?

It's going to take a fair bit of time before I stop beating myself up about this. I just feel like a self-obsessed failure.

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

The thing is pal, this is actually BRILLIANT. Fuck off to bad rubbish.

Do you really want someone in your life who blocks you on stuff then to suck you back in when they want something doing and then to get shitty when you try to assert some boundaries?

No you don't. BYE.

The hot-cold, will they-won't they stuff is exhausting and would take up all your mental energy outside of any time with her anyway. Well done for ripping off the plaster.

+1 , done the right thing there. Hope you're doing alright though

Edit - last time I ignore the new reply warning

[Bernice]

I just feel like a self-obsessed failure.

Have you considered obsessing over your failures?

[drummersaredeaf]

Here's some tips:

Your boundaries are you your boundaries. Even if they might seem daft, if you want them respected they should be or you take action

Even if you did things at the end that accelerated the end of the relationship, so what. It happened, it's over, and you now need to do the things to help yourself now. Even if you wanted to get back with her, following her about like a lost school boy won't achieve that, and will be absolutely battering to your sense of dignity. If you want to do something positive, try to look after your mental health and do things to make yourself better rather than things you think will appeal to her.

Also, your perspective on these things will alter in time. Don't think you will view this situation the same way in a year.

[Shaky]

Also, your perspective on these things will alter in time. Don't think you will view this situation the same way in a year.

I know and I can picture it eventually not mattering in an abstract way. But for now, I feel the weight of all the shit and it's nearly unbearable. Opening up to someone then slamming a door in their face. Not used to that. I've handled things badly. Why the fuck didn't I have the balls to walk away three months ago?

[jobotic]

Mate you got dumped and it hurt. And who handles that well?

What do you think of other people that get their hearts broken? That they are failures? Of course not, and neither are you.

Like I said before I followed and obsessed for years after I was dumped in my twenties and by the end of it I really was a self-obsessed failure. You're nowhere near that and you won't be either.

I remember how awful it felt and then one day it didn't.

It happened again later in life but this time we did have no contact and the pain took much less time to fade.

You'll be alright but I know that might not seem possible to you now.

[sorry that's a bit hectoring, I don't even know you!]

[Shaky]

Mate you got dumped and it hurt. And who handles that well?

What do you think of other people that get their hearts broken? That they are failures? Of course not, and neither are you.

Like I said before I followed and obsessed for years after I was dumped in my twenties and by the end of it I really was a self-obsessed failure. You're nowhere near that and you won't be either.

I remember how awful it felt and then one day it didn't.

It happened again later in life but this time we did have no contact and the pain took much less time to fade.

You'll be alright but I know that might not seem possible to you now.

[sorry that's a bit hectoring, I don't even know you!]

No, I really appreciate it. A weird emptiness/numb feeling is coming over me. Time to try to get some sleep, I think.

[bgmnts]

So it's over. I called about the invoices and she wants them posted. She also wants us to delete our respective numbers. Fucking hell. Hit me like a tornado.

Result.

[Shaky]

Thankfully I've got my kids for the next few days so I can take my frustrations out on them.

Only joking - might just kick them both once.