kinky sex thread

[madhair60]

anyone have/had any kinky sex? not sure what it is myself. Decided to get pissed on a couple of years ago but she didn't need a piss so we sacked it off. Also tried to do it in public but couldn't get a hard on.

[madhair60]

sorry, forgot this was CaB and none of you have had sex - ever

[Bernice]

What counts as kinky? Done a bit of Dom/sub type stuff, bit of bondage and I'm into popping stuff up my arse but wouldn't consider myself kinky. People I know who are 'kinky' are very into broadcasting it as a lifestyle thing. Tumblr and kimonos and oils and bondage and boardgame parties and sharing wives.

Basically, I feel like kink has been colonised by nerds and dweebs.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I took my socks off once.

[tourism]

Basically, I feel like kink has been colonised by nerds and dweebs.

was this ever not the case?

edit - genuine question. all I've ever known is droning sex nerds

[BlodwynPig]

I took my socks off once.

the kinkiest sex is with socks on (taupe) and 70s Jesus Sandals, the buckles flapping around being the loudest sound in the room for the duration*

*Ask Pancreas

[imitationleather]

These days I am very grateful whenever I allowed to have some.

[Bernice]

was this ever not the case?

edit - genuine question. all I've ever known is droning sex nerds

You might be right. I suppose I had a more idealised version of it as a gimlet-eyed babe but now I'm pushing 30 the scales have fallen from my eyes and the room stinks of BO and mashed genitals.

[Ambient Sheep]

And so the negativity continues; I rest my case!

[Bernice]

Change my mind, sex nerd!

[Cuellar]

Fuck's sake, thought this was the fingering cult thread. Very disappointing.

I've got a sex swing.

[pancreas]

Have you ever considered a queening stool?

[Pijlstaart]

At the professional level I maintain 3 active fetishes and substitute in new ones following a quarterly review, have too many on the go at once and you're bound to get contradictory fetishes, which you mustn't! I've had a festive fetish in the incubator since last year: "It's Christmas Eve and we've run out of wrapping paper" in which I tearfully point and wank at a selection of presents hastily mummified in used bog roll. Had high hopes for it, but the primal fears I'd intended to tap into just weren't there, and I think the best we can hope for is a colour-by-numbers prop fetish. Too far in now. Word to the wise, anything with g-force is an instant classic, but there's paperwork that comes with it, consider pairing it with subtler aperitif-like paperwork fetishes.

[The Mollusk]

What's kinky and what isn't, though? Is it kinky to not alert your partner before penetration occurs, or is that simply rude?

[jobotic]

Sex swing

Bum roundabout

Witches Tit Hat

See Sore

got the lot

[Jasha]

What's kinky and what isn't, though? Is it kinky to not alert your partner before penetration occurs, or is that simply rude?

Not sure your wife wants to know you're about to start shagging her sister tbh

[touchingcloth]

I had a three week wank once.

[non capisco]

I had a three week wank once.

Those speed comedowns really are hell, aren't they?

[idunnosomename]

I've never had sex with a woman because I am gay and also a baby.

[machotrouts]

I don't think I'm into anything kink-adjacent except for the nerds and dweebs themselves. I want a nerd or dweeb who doesn't want me to piledrive his bussy for once 😞 Just fancy a spot of dweeby dicksuckin' 😞

[Cuellar]

I lied I don't bloody have a sex swing.

[popcorn]

A few years ago, in Tokyo, I attended a Japanese rope bondage class. I thought it would impress my girlfriend, and also it seemed like a good silly-Japan thing to do, like Akihabara arcades and karaoke and maid cafes and so on. The girlfriend was in Nagano at the time so I went alone. It was in the basement of a large nightclub. At one end was a bar, and at the other was a proper scary dungeon area with chairs and cages and contraptions.

The beginners sat in a circle around the two sensei, who were both slim bald men dressed like karate teachers. One of them was Japanese and the other, an American, interpreted. The crowd was a combination of well-groomed svelte Japanese people and fat white couples. They gave everyone lengths of rope and we practiced tying them to our ankles.

It was all profoundly unsexy, like a knitting class. I couldn't do it. Every time the teacher demonstrated the knot, he would pass one end of the rope through a loop, then pass it through in some other way, then another, and then at the end make some quick gesture and the whole thing tightened up like a magic trick. I had no idea how he was doing it. I've never been able to even wrap guitar cables properly, I think I'm missing some kind of depth perception gene, so I've no idea why I thought I'd be able to tie people up.

I sat there for the whole lesson trying to tie this thing to my ankle over and over but it just kept collapsing like spaghetti while all the svelte Japanese people and fat white couples were already on their level-six hogties or whatever. The American teacher came and showed me how to position the rope, then said: "OK, now begin your wrap." I said: "Well my name is popcorn and I'm here to say..." But he just looked at me like it was the oddest thing I could possibly have said, which I suppose is correct.

By the end of the session the advanced Japanese students were suspending a girl in a schoolgirl uniform from a spiderweb of ropes in the ceiling. I allowed a Japanese man to construct an elaborate rope leash around my neck and walk me around a bit. "It seems to work," I told him. "Yes, thank you very much," he said, and untied me. I went home. I bought some self-adhering tape and my girlfriend and I experimented with that for a day and then we binned it.

[touchingcloth]

Sometimes I ask them to actually blow during a blowjob.

[Endicott]

Have you ever considered a queening stool?

If you drown, you're a queen?

[Glebe]

sorry, forgot this was CaB and none of you have had sex - ever

Oh come on, wanking counts!*

*Bald, phimotic wanking.

[madhair60]

And so the negativity continues; I rest my case!

sorry :(

[BlodwynPig]

Kinky sex is like eating a tuna sandwich, without the bread

[Chedney Honks]

I once got ideas after seeing some remote controlled vibrator on a porno but I couldn't afford one so I taped a dildo on a Hot Wheels and driv it up my arse

[drummersaredeaf]

You can broadly split Fetlife into CEX loyalty card owners and those promoting onlyfans.

Whoever said that those properly into it seem to make it their entire identity is correct in my experience too. I've never gotten the obsession with rope, and those that I've engaged with 'on the scene' have tended to be seriously dysfunctional.

Mileage may vary etc etc, but as someone who only really dipped a toe I found it all rather deso, and as I career towards erectile dysfunction, I begin to pray to be unchained from the metaphorical idiot, and look forward to some evenings with a nice cup of tea and a jigsaw.

[Captain Crunch]

I've never been able to even wrap guitar cables properly

You need the over under method (don't we all?)

Totally SFW