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kinky sex thread

Started by madhair60, January 04, 2021, 08:18:11 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

popcorn

Quote from: Captain Crunch on January 04, 2021, 09:56:18 PM
You need the over under method (don't we all?)

Totally SFW

I have spent over an hour watching video explanations like these and I can't do it. Like I said in the post above, I just can't follow what they're doing. The cable goes like this, then this, then under, over, then like this, then twist, then over, and finally tadaaa, you see it is easy as that. What the fuck did you just do?

My bandmates even gave me lessons in person and I still couldn't do it. My brains are just shit.

touchingcloth

Quote from: popcorn on January 04, 2021, 09:31:06 PM
A few years ago, in Tokyo, I attended a Japanese rope bondage class. I thought it would impress my girlfriend, and also it seemed like a good silly-Japan thing to do, like Akihabara arcades and karaoke and maid cafes and so on. The girlfriend was in Nagano at the time so I went alone. It was in the basement of a large nightclub. At one end was a bar, and at the other was a proper scary dungeon area with chairs and cages and contraptions.

The beginners sat in a circle around the two sensei, who were both slim bald men dressed like karate teachers. One of them was Japanese and the other, an American, interpreted. The crowd was a combination of well-groomed svelte Japanese people and fat white couples. They gave everyone lengths of rope and we practiced tying them to our ankles.

It was all profoundly unsexy, like a knitting class. I couldn't do it. Every time the teacher demonstrated the knot, he would pass one end of the rope through a loop, then pass it through in some other way, then another, and then at the end make some quick gesture and the whole thing tightened up like a magic trick. I had no idea how he was doing it. I've never been able to even wrap guitar cables properly, I think I'm missing some kind of depth perception gene, so I've no idea why I thought I'd be able to tie people up.

I sat there for the whole lesson trying to tie this thing to my ankle over and over but it just kept collapsing like spaghetti while all the svelte Japanese people and fat white couples were already on their level-six hogties or whatever. The American teacher came and showed me how to position the rope, then said: "OK, now begin your wrap." I said: "Well my name is popcorn and I'm here to say..." But he just looked at me like it was the oddest thing I could possibly have said, which I suppose is correct.

By the end of the session the advanced Japanese students were suspending a girl in a schoolgirl uniform from a spiderweb of ropes in the ceiling. I allowed a Japanese man to construct an elaborate rope leash around my neck and walk me around a bit. "It seems to work," I told him. "Yes, thank you very much," he said, and untied me. I went home. I bought some self-adhering tape and my girlfriend and I experimented with that for a day and then we binned it.

I once tried double-sided tape bondage with John Leslie.

bgmnts

No.

Well, by what is presumably today's standards, when mainstream porn consists of pseudo incest and genital spitting.

popcorn

Quote from: drummersaredeaf on January 04, 2021, 09:54:21 PM
Whoever said that those properly into it seem to make it their entire identity is correct in my experience too. I've never gotten the obsession with rope, and those that I've engaged with 'on the scene' have tended to be seriously dysfunctional.

In Tokyo I got talking to a rather short and round woman who was looking for a live-in male slave. I should point out at this early juncture that this is not a position I was considering applying for and besides I wouldn't have met the criteria - she wanted someone who looked like Hugh Jackman. Hugh was to sleep in a cage in her closet, never use his penis, and give her all his earnings from work. She'd placed an ad and someone had flown over from Berlin to meet her but there was no chemistry.

At the time I came away thinking "well, good luck to her, she knows what she wants and if they're all consenting adults then why not". But then I wondered how I'd have felt if she had been a rather short and round man who was looking for a Scarlett Johansson to live in his closet and give him all her money.

BlodwynPig

I once auditioned to be Scarlett Johansson's bath mat

mobias

I went through quite a long time of being actively into 'the scene', was on Fetlife and used to go to Torture Garden and other events fairly regularly.
Its definitely a case of been there, seen it, done it, and I have seen and done rather a lot in the kink scene. I just grew out of it though and got bored with it all and became quite cynical of it.

On the one side there's a mix of opportunistic, desperate, manipulative and misogynistic men and on the other there's a mix of very vulnerable and emotionally scarred women. Its quite a
depressing mix. There's a lot of seriously fucked up people involved in it all anyway from my experience. There's way too much narcism around it too.

Its fun to do in your 20's and 30's, as I did. Since getting into my 40's I've just gradually decided I'd rather sit at home and have a cup of tea on a Saturday night than go to Torture Garden.

In some ways getting old sucks but on the other hand its a real relief.

poo

tromboned a guy at the top of the Eiffel Tower and he accidentally farted in my face and I held the guff in mouth then burped it back into his face

paruses

Quote from: drummersaredeaf on January 04, 2021, 09:54:21 PM
You can broadly split Fetlife into CEX loyalty card owners and those promoting onlyfans.

Whoever said that those properly into it seem to make it their entire identity is correct in my experience too. I've never gotten the obsession with rope, and those that I've engaged with 'on the scene' have tended to be seriously dysfunctional.

Mileage may vary etc etc, but as someone who only really dipped a toe I found it all rather deso, and as I career towards erectile dysfunction, I begin to pray to be unchained from the metaphorical idiot, and look forward to some evenings with a nice cup of tea and a jigsaw.

This post sums it up nicely in my experience. Haven't been on Fetlife for ages but for a site that should be full of thrills it was depressing and boring - and that's not even having the novelty wear off; I found it like that from the start.

When Mark Gatiss complained having to be arch if you're a vampire it made me think of various kink people I've known. They try way to hard to take things seriously and do it properly. They just drain all the fun out of it by being self-important and wanting to codify it all. I also found them incredibly pleased with themselves. The best people I met would laugh at the absurdity of stuff and not try too hard.

I can see mobias has posted similar thoughts too: lots of narcissism  and to me it seemed to be directly proportional to the amount of equipment you need. And thinking about it the amount of fun was also inversely proportional to the amount of gear required. The rope people I can sort of forgive - but then I like knot tying - the flogging people were just the worst and I couldn't stand them.

I could go on for ages about all the annoyances surrounding something that should be fun. Incredibly cliquey too.

Yeah, I dipped back into FL over this lockdown in a desperate bid for any sort of stimulation, and became acutely aware of how much predatory shit there is on there. The viral stuff on there has increasingly come in the form of writing of a number of serious predators that had woven themselves into the fabric of the place. Otherwise, as you rightly say, it comes with all the narcissistic trappings of other social networks.

Had I lived in London I might have dabbled in some of the clubs and stuff. As it is, the nearest one that isn't immediately on my doorstep takes me to Birkenhead[nb]https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/swingers-club-vows-comeback-party-18032111[/nb]. The prospect of milling around in a group of a dozen paunchy middle aged men in pants on an industrial estate is peak deso though. I simply think I would be unable to hack it. My last dalliance in this sort of thing saw me in a threesome with a couple where I was hungover, she smelled so badly that I lost my erection as soon as I got near the business end, and after twenty minutes of wasted efforts her fella tossed off in her face while calling her a 'fucking bitch'. If there were experiences to be had that were all the decadence and none of the bleakness then I'd be (quite literally) balls deep, but the bleakness seems to be fully part and parcel. 

It's amazing to see that mine and mobias' experiences align so closely. I had an email a matter of days ago from someone from this period that I thought I'd blocked on all channels. It was to apologise for not treating me with sufficient respect during our brief time together. I recognised this as 'narcissistic hoovering' as they call it on mumsnet and blocked and deleted. This person used to (falsely) claim she was in A&E from self harm to get attention while simultaneously taking a gotta catch em all approach to every penis in the north west. Bizarrely, I have subsequently become friends with someone who knew her through work, and she left her teaching job after the kids she taught found the pictures of her putting staples into a bloke's foreskin. One wonders if it was the reputational damage or the illicit raiding of the stationary cupboard that tipped it.

RHX

before i realised i was asexual i licked a bumhole once

if you offered me it again, i'd rather have pizza but i'd definitely take it over something like mushrooms or quinoa

flotemysost

I remember a few years ago I matched with a guy on Tinder, and his Instagram account was linked to his Tinder, so little thumbnails of his photos showed up under his account, which looked like fairly standard pictures of brightly coloured lights at night/bokkeh type stuff. The chat quickly became pretty forward and sexual - I wasn't offended, just a bit surprised as I didn't think I'd said anything in particular to hint that I was after that - and upon further scrutiny of his profile, his Instagram pictures were actually shots of a vast array of lurid-hued butt plugs, gargantuan dildos, ball gags, whips etc. all laid out flat.

I've definitely sort of, erm, curiously/nervously solicited for this some of this sort of stuff (nothing really crazy, in fact probably quite vanilla by many people's standards) in my 20s, pre-mainstream dating apps (it was Craigslist and various other questionable "adult dating" sites) but I was always aware of how insanely risky that could have been, so lots of the replies were an absolute no straight off the bat. My gay mates always seem pretty upfront discussing kinks with potential hookups on apps, but I imagine it's probably somewhat frowned upon with yer Bumbles and the like.

earl_sleek

I used to be into the idea of getting into it. But nowadays, even before the pandemic, it just seems like so much effort. Some days I can barely be bothered to wank, why would I spend shitloads on gear I look stupid in, so that I can possibly get into a club and then maybe be into it? Or not. Or pay a dominatrix to scorn my penis, any nightclub rando could do that for free.

paruses

Thinking about it the flogging people are almost as bad as people who love skiing. Almost.

touchingcloth

Quote from: drummersaredeaf on January 04, 2021, 10:40:07 PM
Yeah, I dipped back into FL over this lockdown in a desperate bid for any sort of stimulation, and became acutely aware of how much predatory shit there is on there. The viral stuff on there has increasingly come in the form of writing of a number of serious predators that had woven themselves into the fabric of the place. Otherwise, as you rightly say, it comes with all the narcissistic trappings of other social networks.

COVID?

Given another voice with similar experiences, did either of you ever stick your heads in the munch things they have? I thought it might be a way in, but also thought it might also just be another bleak task to complete in order to get to do the fun stuff.

I liken 'the scene' to metal music. I like the music a great deal, though much of it is awful, and I would never want to be part of the metalhead community or whatever because it's full of posers, dilettantes, and those that obsess over minute details of things with very little in between. 

To respond to flotemysost, I think men would have to be insane to push a woman for this kind of thing upfront on an app. It would be impossible not to come off as creepy, or someone who needs a particular thing to function sexually. I think any normal relationship I would have now, I would keep the details to having had a fairly colourful history rather than specifics. But I'm not someone that buys into the entire identity thing with it, and was always a more 'I'll give it a go' sort of guy than someone with precise things I need. I couldn't date someone who didn't actively like sex in any case, but I also don't really have any desire to meet someone who fits some of the very rigid categories either.

earl_sleek

Quote from: paruses on January 04, 2021, 10:39:53 PM
This post sums it up nicely in my experience. Haven't been on Fetlife for ages but for a site that should be full of thrills it was depressing and boring - and that's not even having the novelty wear off; I found it like that from the start.

For a scene that's ostensibly all about aesthetics, Fetlife is a fuck ugly website, was even years back, and doesn't seem to have had a facelift in years. If it tried to get into TG it'd be laughed at.

Tbf, I have known several fetish scene people who were perfectly nice and only mentioned kink when it was germane to the conversation.

touchingcloth

Quote from: drummersaredeaf on January 04, 2021, 10:51:41 PM
I liken 'the scene' to metal music. I like the music a great deal, though much of it is awful, and I would never want to be part of the metalhead community or whatever because it's full of posers, dilettantes, and those that obsess over minute details of things with very little in between. 

Apart from the odd pub and club I've been to, my only real exposure to the metal scene was going along to the metal society during Freshers' Week. A load of sallow-faced men in studded boots sat around a table doing that thing that doesn't really exist for other rock genres of playing a subtle air guitar - pick hand barely moving from from their right hip, and making some "dg-a-dg-a-dg" sound with their mouths as they talk about the opening riff from Harvester of Sorrow or something.

Most - all? - of the people who I've known who have been open about being into bondage and leather have been into the metal scene, so I've always assumed kink must draw a crowd with a similar mindset. Plus all of the kink pictures they were keen to show off were pure deso - a neon-blue-haired-ball-gagged woman photographed with overly-harsh flash in a grotty bedsit. Sub dimly lit meals for one stuff.

flotemysost

I think that's what's put me off the idea of exploring any sort of "scene" (well, that and worrying I'm not sexy enough. And also worrying that I'll run into an old teacher/neighbour/dad).

From what I've seen/heard, lots of these people do seem to base their identity around the fact that a particular thing happens to get their rocks off, in a weirdly elitist way which I think I'd find offputting and just a bit bizarre. We're all human, the majority have some sort of thing or things they find arousing, doesn't make you special.

I mean, you don't see all these secret clubs and societies and special lingos based around septuagenarians racking up massive bills for clandestine wank marathons, do you.

paruses

Quote from: drummersaredeaf on January 04, 2021, 10:51:41 PM
Given another voice with similar experiences, did either of you ever stick your heads in the munch things they have? I thought it might be a way in, but also thought it might also just be another bleak task to complete in order to get to do the fun stuff.

Even the naming of the munch things put me off. Yet another inclusive gesture that would be exclusive. I'm probably being a bit harsh but I have anecdotal evidence to support the idea broadly. Also - a) sex people talk an awful lot about sex which is quite boring b) their sense of humour or our cultural common ground doesn't improve just because they're sex people. And another also - the room-above-a-pub venues seemed to add another layer of desolation to the whole thing.

Obvs not everyone is like that and that's where the fun is as earl_sleek points out.

Do miss the Craigslist of old though - as much for the comedy value as the thrills.

flotemysost

Quote from: touchingcloth on January 04, 2021, 11:02:23 PM
Sub dimly lit meals for one

Incidentally, this was the title of my Craigslist Personals ad.

Quote from: paruses on January 04, 2021, 11:11:42 PM
Do miss the Craigslist of old though - as much for the comedy value as the thrills.

Edit: fucking hell, yes, some absolute gold there. As bleak and concerning a phenomenon it's a part of, some of the most hilariously bizarre were those offering free rent for nubile female tenants. "PENTHOUSE SUITE FOR LARGE CHOCOLATE BROWN AREOLA", "LIVE WITH ME 4 FREE IF U SHIT IN DADDYS MOUTH!!!", that sort of thing.

I was a bit bemused by the fact that those ads stayed up, but mine (literally nothing explicit or offensive in the wording, no pictures upfront) always got reported and taken down within hours. I suppose they might have assumed any ads posted by women could be a cover for sex work, which I'm sure many of them were tbf. It's all a bit depressing really.

Seeking Dom dimly lit meals for one.

Agree entirely with paruses above about everything you've written.

Another thing that used to really neg me out was the protocol aspects, especially where that involved capitalising words for no good reason. Some of the writing you see from these people is dreadful too. And people fawn over it in the hope that it will result in someone else seeing the beading in their pants.


Ferris

Quote from: popcorn on January 04, 2021, 09:31:06 PM
A few years ago, in Tokyo, I attended a Japanese rope bondage class. I thought it would impress my girlfriend, and also it seemed like a good silly-Japan thing to do, like Akihabara arcades and karaoke and maid cafes and so on. The girlfriend was in Nagano at the time so I went alone. It was in the basement of a large nightclub. At one end was a bar, and at the other was a proper scary dungeon area with chairs and cages and contraptions.

The beginners sat in a circle around the two sensei, who were both slim bald men dressed like karate teachers. One of them was Japanese and the other, an American, interpreted. The crowd was a combination of well-groomed svelte Japanese people and fat white couples. They gave everyone lengths of rope and we practiced tying them to our ankles.

It was all profoundly unsexy, like a knitting class. I couldn't do it. Every time the teacher demonstrated the knot, he would pass one end of the rope through a loop, then pass it through in some other way, then another, and then at the end make some quick gesture and the whole thing tightened up like a magic trick. I had no idea how he was doing it. I've never been able to even wrap guitar cables properly, I think I'm missing some kind of depth perception gene, so I've no idea why I thought I'd be able to tie people up.

I sat there for the whole lesson trying to tie this thing to my ankle over and over but it just kept collapsing like spaghetti while all the svelte Japanese people and fat white couples were already on their level-six hogties or whatever. The American teacher came and showed me how to position the rope, then said: "OK, now begin your wrap." I said: "Well my name is popcorn and I'm here to say..." But he just looked at me like it was the oddest thing I could possibly have said, which I suppose is correct.

By the end of the session the advanced Japanese students were suspending a girl in a schoolgirl uniform from a spiderweb of ropes in the ceiling. I allowed a Japanese man to construct an elaborate rope leash around my neck and walk me around a bit. "It seems to work," I told him. "Yes, thank you very much," he said, and untied me. I went home. I bought some self-adhering tape and my girlfriend and I experimented with that for a day and then we binned it.

This explains so much.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Quote from: drummersaredeaf on January 04, 2021, 10:51:41 PM
Given another voice with similar experiences, did either of you ever stick your heads in the munch things they have?

Stick my head in the munch? The fuck is this?

Ferris

Quote from: Captain Crunch on January 04, 2021, 09:56:18 PM
You need the over under method (don't we all?)

Totally SFW

Hold in one hand, fold elbow, wrap cable between hand and triceps as needed. Takes 2 seconds, none of this fussy "ooh is the loop too much or not enough oooh I don't know"

Honestly, it's like none of you have worked as your own roadies before.

touchingcloth

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on January 04, 2021, 11:21:04 PM
Hold in one hand, fold elbow, wrap cable between hand and triceps as needed. Takes 2 seconds, none of this fussy "ooh is the loop too much or not enough oooh I don't know"

Honestly, it's like none of you have worked as your own roadies before.

I didn't click the link before your post, because I assumed by "wrap guitar cables", popcorn meant stringing a guitar.

Now that I know he meant wrap guitar cables, I'm astonished to learn that methods besides The Ferris FoldTM exist. Who are these people?

Neomod

Closest I've got was asking Johnny Trunk whether John Sutcliffe (famous/infamous Atomage designer) had created Marianne Faithfull's leather catsuit in Girl on a Motorcycle.

He didn't know. It was actually french designer Lanvin.

I have a friend who dips in and out of Fetlife and she's one of the most sexually damaged people I know.

Grim.

chveik

scotch egg thread is sexier than this one.

I reckon all the people at the meets take scotch eggs if that will help any.

popcorn

Quote from: touchingcloth on January 04, 2021, 11:28:00 PM
I didn't click the link before your post, because I assumed by "wrap guitar cables", popcorn meant stringing a guitar.

Now that I know he meant wrap guitar cables, I'm astonished to learn that methods besides The Ferris FoldTM exist. Who are these people?

The under-over method is definitely the Best Way to Do It and produces much lovelier loops of cable. It also stops them getting... kinky

I can't fucking do it though. I genuinely have spent probably over two hours trying to do it.

jobotic

Vibrating Scotch Eggs



Was going to say I once had sex outside and a cyclist saw us (twice) but seems a bit tame now. We weren't even wearing harnesses.