kinky sex thread

[touchingcloth]

The under-over method is definitely the Best Way to Do It and produces much lovelier loops of cable. It also stops them getting... kinky

I can't fucking do it though. I genuinely have spent probably over two hours trying to do it.

Who gives a shit about the loveliness of their loops? Grave 'em.

[peanutbutter]

At the time I came away thinking "well, good luck to her, she knows what she wants and if they're all consenting adults then why not". But then I wondered how I'd have felt if she had been a rather short and round man who was looking for a Scarlett Johansson to live in his closet and give him all her money.

Tbf she can probably find somehow she can at least convince herself is Hugh Jackmanesque to willingly do all that stuff, whereas hypothetical man hasn't a chance in hell.


Anyways, super low sex drive, I'd try just about anything on either side if it was offered in a reasonably safe environment at least once but that's way more to do with my totally numbed emotions looking for any kind of new feelings at all but I really could not be arsed seeking it out and will likely prefer a longer chat in most circumstances.

[Glebe]

I once got ideas after seeing some remote controlled vibrator on a porno but I couldn't afford one so I taped a dildo on a Hot Wheels and driv it up my arse

Jeremy Clarkson "goes too far".

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

But then I wondered how I'd have felt if she had been a rather short and round man who was looking for a Scarlett Johansson to live in his closet and give him all her money.

[Ferris]

Who gives a shit about the loveliness of their loops? Grave 'em.

I can make really nice loops. Once you've finished the Ferris Looping System, you unfold your arm and voila - everything is looped up all nice in your hand ready to throw in the back of Paul's mum's Vauxhall Zafira because we need to be in Leeds by 3pm for soundcheck (or whatever).

[Tony Tony Tony]

I have mentioned this before that I used to work at a company doing overspill computer forensic work for the old bill. Some pretty perverse stuff got brought in and it would take a lot for myself or one of my colleagues to exclaim "take a look at this, never seen this one before" so my attitude to what folks got up to became quite jaded. Having said that two incidents stand out.

First was when we had a couple of the investigating officers come in to view a fraud case (these being complex the coppers would often view the output from the computer themselves). One of the cops found a whole heap of home made grumble flicks on a machine and they were both happily going through them when one of the officers got really worked up. They came across a clip of one of the suspects doing a lady front and back with the office telephone. The cop was upset because he had done the search of that office and spent a fair time on that selfsame phone.

The other was from a case that involved a foot fetishist who also enjoyed being kicked heftily in the bollocks. He had vids of himself being kicked in the nads by ladies in short skirts he hired to abuse him and some of them were really going for it. There were also vids he made of what I am told is a practice known as squishing. His preference was to have scantily dressed females stomp on cream cakes and biscuits and focus on cream and crumbs oozing between their toes. He had loads of these sort with the contents of dozens of packs of custard creams with chocolate eclairs strewn all over his flat. My only thoughts on seeing this was what a nightmare it must have been to hoover his carpet.

[machotrouts]

I have mentioned this before that I used to work at a company doing overspill computer forensic work for the old bill. Some pretty perverse stuff got brought in and it would take a lot for myself or one of my colleagues to exclaim "take a look at this, never seen this one before" so my attitude to what folks got up to became quite jaded. Having said that two incidents stand out.

First was when we had a couple of the investigating officers come in to view a fraud case (these being complex the coppers would often view the output from the computer themselves). One of the cops found a whole heap of home made grumble flicks on a machine and they were both happily going through them when one of the officers got really worked up. They came across a clip of one of the suspects doing a lady front and back with the office telephone. The cop was upset because he had done the search of that office and spent a fair time on that selfsame phone.

The other was from a case that involved a foot fetishist who also enjoyed being kicked heftily in the bollocks. He had vids of himself being kicked in the nads by ladies in short skirts he hired to abuse him and some of them were really going for it. There were also vids he made of what I am told is a practice known as squishing. His preference was to have scantily dressed females stomp on cream cakes and biscuits and focus on cream and crumbs oozing between their toes. He had loads of these sort with the contents of dozens of packs of custard creams with chocolate eclairs strewn all over his flat. My only thoughts on seeing this was what a nightmare it must have been to hoover his carpet.

Mind your own damn business cop bitch

[Tony Tony Tony]

Mind your own damn business cop bitch

Just realised what the stains were on your carpet.

[BlodwynPig]

Vibrating Scotch Eggs

Vibrating Ginsters Pasty: For the most discerning of business traveller.

[touchingcloth]

The other was from a case that involved a foot fetishist who also enjoyed being kicked heftily in the bollocks. He had vids of himself being kicked in the nads by ladies in short skirts he hired to abuse him and some of them were really going for it. There were also vids he made of what I am told is a practice known as squishing. His preference was to have scantily dressed females stomp on cream cakes and biscuits and focus on cream and crumbs oozing between their toes. He had loads of these sort with the contents of dozens of packs of custard creams with chocolate eclairs strewn all over his flat. My only thoughts on seeing this was what a nightmare it must have been to hoover his carpet.

I'm disgusted that such a person would even choose carpet as a floor covering. I don't mind what people get up to with feet and choux buns in the privacy of their homes, but Jesus, man, lay down some lino.

[Bence Fekete]

[touchingcloth]

batheinmymilk.com is exactly as creepy as you could hope for.

















Why woman go in last pic? What rope for?

[Kelvin]

when you see it you'll shit bricks

[Bernice]

Fuck me, I absolutely shit bricks there.

[PlanktonSideburns]

absoute scenes there

[bomb_dog]

Why everything so grubby? Who taking photo? Why she behind glass in last photo? Why bath two feet from walls? Why grubby towel not move between people? How people getting dry?

[touchingcloth]

Unfortunately it looks like it's not really a creepy woman's fetish, but a bit of patter by a comedian. The link to send an email as a prospective bathee takes you to https://www.truewagner.com/, and it looks like he's done similar things:



Based on the pictures on his site, I reckon he's the blonde moustachioed guy sat in the bath in one of the pictures.

[PlanktonSideburns]

thats must have been a really fun day, with a load of out of work actors in an abandoned house

whats this for again?

oh its an internet thing

fair enough


do you think they changed the bathmilk for each actor?

[mobias]

Given another voice with similar experiences, did either of you ever stick your heads in the munch things they have? I thought it might be a way in, but also thought it might also just be another bleak task to complete in order to get to do the fun stuff.

Yeah very much agree. Its difficult not to come across as too cynical because to be fair I have met some perfectly ok people attending a local munch over the years and a few of them ended becoming friends.
However its pretty obvious the see the depressing typical kink scene demographic of young vulnerable and usually quite messed up 20 something women and older, sometimes a great deal older, men trying their luck
with them and luring them into quite a seedy predatory world. You see it all at play. Plus I find munches can be quite cliquey. 

Just to be a bit positive about the scene. I have met some cool and interesting people at events like Torture Garden. The fetish and kink clubs can be really open and friendly environments for people to share experiences.
I've lost count of the amount of times I've been to Torture Garden and at every one of them I've chatted and made friends with quite a few interesting lovely people over the years. Its way more friendly than a regular club night.

The flip side of that though is all the dramatics and social politics that come along with it. Like I said in my earlier post though I'm just tired of it all now and I've grown out of it.

[buttgammon]

Can only say I've had similar experiences to a few of you. I was briefly on the outer limits of the 'scene' (had a FetLife account, went to a depressing meet-up with damaged people in a room above a pub etc etc) and it just wasn't for me; to be fair, I've realised that the whole idea of defining yourself by your interests is an anathema to me, and that's why I tend not to get on with nerds in general.

One of the things that's always struck me is that there's something funny and silly about kinky sex that doesn't often get talked about. My own sex experiences (within a monogamous relationship at least) are that, although we've tried all manner of things, it's been fun and often humorous. I guess for me, it's an amusing and enjoyable diversion rather than a lifestyle choice.

[JaDanketies]

Do you not think if you're making your fetish a lifestyle choice, you're treading into paraphilia territory, and fetish is supposed to be a fun distraction? I only know one friend's fetish. The rest of us keep quiet about what we like between the sheets, it's on a need-to-know basis. Wearing it on your sleeve seems like your fetish is causing an impairment to your social life. (Great content creators though.)

And I agree, fetish is fun and amusing. I can't imagine how tedious it would be if it wasn't. I've never been part of any 'scene' though.

[The Mollusk]

Is there a "no kink" kink? Like is it possible to get your rocks off by saying "no kinks for me tonight love, just regular boinking and no funny business" and you get an absolute raging boner/frother at the mere thought of playing it safe and normal?

[The Mollusk]

Fucking hell that last batheinmymilk photo. Genuinely made me tense up in fear.

Also why is the milk deeper at one end of the bath? Is she living in some sort of slanty shanty? Is... is that a kink?

[greenman]

Do you not think if you're making your fetish a lifestyle choice, you're treading into paraphilia territory, and fetish is supposed to be a fun distraction? I only know one friend's fetish. The rest of us keep quiet about what we like between the sheets, it's on a need-to-know basis. Wearing it on your sleeve seems like your fetish is causing an impairment to your social life. (Great content creators though.)

And I agree, fetish is fun and amusing. I can't imagine how tedious it would be if it wasn't. I've never been part of any 'scene' though.

I spose and argument that its pushing back against a negative view of an kind of sexuality, similar to say making your sexually clear at a Pride event.

You could argue that cinema/TV doesn't really help in this regard as it does tend to view fetishism as a window into some kind of damage or abuse and even when its shown more positively the depictions we get are more fantasty.

[Aaron500]

The bath has no taps, which suggests no plumbing or plughole, which suggests they didn't change milk between punters.

My kinks have only extended to a couple of al fresco hand jobs, although they were with different women, only one of whom is now my wife.

I used to work with an overweight, unattractive and malodorous woman in her late fifties, whose husband was a keen "amateur photographer", and I know they got up to all sorts of sordid sleazy kink shit. Bumping into the likes of her is enough for me to keep things on the straight and narrow rather than exploring any scenes.

[touchingcloth]

thats must have been a really fun day, with a load of out of work actors in an abandoned house

I think the actors were in work at the time, at least for the duration of the shoot.

I'd like to see more dairy-based projects from the same team, something like fart in my custard, shit in my yoghurt[nb]This happens a lot in For Whom the Bell Tolls. [/nb], or spunk on my bechamel.

[Cuellar]

I bet it's not even milk.

[flotemysost]

There were also vids he made of what I am told is a practice known as squishing. His preference was to have scantily dressed females stomp on cream cakes and biscuits and focus on cream and crumbs oozing between their toes. He had loads of these sort with the contents of dozens of packs of custard creams with chocolate eclairs strewn all over his flat. My only thoughts on seeing this was what a nightmare it must have been to hoover his carpet.

This reminds me of an ad campaign a couple of years ago by pretentious food/brand consultancy Bompas & Parr, which showed close-ups of shapely arses squashing jellies and cream cakes in slow motion. Would've been absolute wank Valhalla for your mate there. Why is it that stuff like this is always deemed thrillingly risque when the participants are sleek and photogenic, but sad and tawdry if not?

Think she may have met her match. I'd love to see the absolute filth those two would get up to together.[nb]I really, really wouldn't.[/nb]

[Twit 2]

Derren Brown's stunts clearly suffering budgetary issues, there.