The Simpsons: A Journey Through Shit

[JamesTC]

Ahh fuck, I forgot Inside No 9 was on and I watched this shite instead. Bollocks.

[Blumf]

Season 22 - Episode 15 - The Scorpion's Tale

...

2/10 - What the fuck did I just watch?

I'm not sure if this can rank as the worst episode ever, but that eye-popping ending - in a non-Treehouse of Horror episode! - must be right down there. Pure Zombie Simps.

Also, I'm beginning to want Werner Herzog to end up in the "cliches you want to fuck off" thread because of shit like this. That's just not right.

(missed Inside #9 too, bugger)

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

such a fucking waste of Werner Herzog

[Master Cylinder]

The Scorpion's Tale, with the eye-popping so bizarre and bad I felt the need to hate-watch-and-commentate over it for a podcast https://rosspurdydestroyscomedy.podbean.com/e/ross-purdy-complains-about-a-new-episode-of-the-simpsons/.

For some reason Nelson jerks it and gets post-nut clarity and that's what the world needed.

[chveik]

thoughts and prayers James

[Kankurette]

James, thank you for watching this garbage so we don't have to.

[Bernice]

Season 22 - Episode 15 - The Scorpion's Tale

...

2/10 - What the fuck did I just watch?

James, I think it might be inhumane of us to let you carry on at this point.

[buttgammon]

One of the things that shocks me about these synopses is the weirdly tasteless sexual content. I know there was a much earlier (and actually funny) episode about Homer and his dad making an aphrodisiac and another where Homer and Marge realise they like outdoor sex, but old porn lurking behind a cactus? Grandpa getting an erection? This is just unpleasant.

I do enjoy these posts, James, but I also feel guilty about the suffering you're going through for us.

[JamesTC]

I really am starting to wonder whether The Simpsons will have a good episode again. Homer The Father was only a highlight because everything around it was so abject. I'm now 7 seasons on from the last properly good episode (I, (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot). I love in hope.

[Pauline Walnuts]

Wiggum drops baby Ralph and causes brain problems.

I think it says a lot that a statement like this goes unremarked.

[St_Eddie]

I love in hope.

I bet you do, you dirty old bollocks.

[JamesTC]

My tablet changes random words that aren't spelt incorrectly. Perhaps the Simpsons writers use the same system and this is why the plots make so little sense.

[samadriel]

badly-written pervert baby

(Turtle power)

[JamesTC]

Season 22 - Episode 16 - A Midsummer's Nice Dream

Crash open with Kent Brockman reporting the news with a picture of the Queen all beaten up - "The Queen will be held without bail until a sample can be returned from the lab". They can still be funny! Kent is now reporting on Cheech and Chong returning to Springfield (where they are apparently from) for a reunion. Homer explains who Cheech and Chong are to Lisa and Bart. Homer smokes some asbestos.

The family go to see Cheech and Chong. Chong hates selling out by doing their old stuff so Homer replaces Chong on stage. That really tall man who Nelson mocked a decade and a half ago is in the audience. Homer goes on tour with Cheech and they call themselves Cheech and Chunk. Chong is auditioning for replacements for Cheech. Ralph auditions because of course he does. Chong picks Skinner because he is so unfunny.

Santa's Little Helper chases a cat to a house and Marge and Lisa chase but they end up in Crazy Cat Lady's house. Lisa and Marge find that the Crazy Cat Lady (CCL) is a hoarder. Marge gets the CCL tickets to see Cats so Marge and a group of random townspeople can clean her house. CCL returns home and talks normally in patches and thanks her. Marge starts looking through the stuff in the truck of rubbish from CCL's house and finds she wants it all. The driver of the truck says that although Marge is crazy he would still have sex with her.

Homer and Cheech do really well in their first show and Cheech promises Homer a reward. Homer has a wacky 70s fantasy about smoking pot and then eating himself but it turns out Cheech was just taking Homer to a museum. Chong and Skinner is a disaster. Bart and Lisa return home to find the house filled with crap. Homer returns home to help. CCL tries to help too but gets obsessed with all her old stuff and does a weird wail to bring all the cats to the Simpson home. Homer takes Marge away. Homer convinces Chong to return to Cheech and Chong and they reunite on stage. Stupid fucking epilogue with Bart appearing as a fairy from A Midsummer Night's Dream.

2/10 - Why?

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Santa's Little Helper chases a cat to a house and Marge and Lisa chase but they end up in Crazy Cat Lady's house. Lisa and Marge find that the Crazy Cat Lady (CCL) is a hoarder. Marge gets the CCL tickets to see Cats so Marge and a group of random townspeople can clean her house. CCL returns home and talks normally in patches and thanks her. [...] CCL tries to help too but gets obsessed with all her old stuff and does a weird wail to bring all the cats to the Simpson home.

I fucking KNEW IT

But I'm sure they either have or will ruin her by having her move in with the Simpsons because EVERYONE IN THE FUCKING TOWN KNOWS THIS FUCKING FAMILY AND CRASHES ON THEIR COUCH FOR SOME REASON.

[JamesTC]

Season 22 - Episode 17 - Love Is a Many Strangled Thing

Burns and Smithers are doing an inspection of the plant in a balloon but a breeze carries them away. Homer tries to shoot the balloon and eventually manages to shoot a gargoyle which falls onto Burns' head and weighs them down to the ground. Mr Burns thanks homer with American Football ticket. The fan cam at the stadium compels the crowd to act like an "ass". Old Jewish Man does a dance, dies and then his ghost does a dance. Bart is called a party pooper by the screen for not dancing. Homer tickles Bart to make him laugh but he does it so much that Bart pisses himself and the whole audience see. Bart is embarrassed.

Marge says Homer has taken Bart's self-esteem and should try to be a better father so enrols him in a class. Homer mentions strangling Bart and the teacher and the rest of the class are all shocked. Homer returns a week later to find the teacher has told the rest of the class not to come and has brought in Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to pretend to be Homer and Homer who is dressed as Bart. Montage of Homer being strangled. Homer says he is cured. Homer tells Bart that he is cured and that he should try to provoke him. Bart provokes him and Homer has a fit on the floor. Bart realises Homer is scared of him now which is the plot of the episode.

Bart starts doing bad stuff and Homer can't strangle him. Homer has a nightmare in which he is the whole of the Jackson 5 and Bart is his manager. Marge tells Homer that Bart was bad at school and that Bart may need therapy but the therapists have gone out of business. Marge tracks down the therapist and he is destitute so she pays him beans to help.

The therapist has Bart and Homer go on a bonding trip. To start, Bart has to lead Homer around some cacti but of course he leads Homer right into them. Marge and Lisa watch sad horse films. Homer is up a tree with a noose around his neck and some scissors to the side and the therapist says if he jumps then Bart will cut him down. Homer jumps and starts choking but Bart sends a joke text to Moe instead. The therapist gets so enraged that he strangles Bart. Bart manages to cut Homer down who gets the therapist to stop choking Bart. Homer sues the therapist for everything he has which is a home built into a tree.

2/10 - The B-plot is two consecutive scenes in which Marge says that her and Lisa should watch some horse films and then they watch some horse films.

The best thing about this episode is that Channel 4 edited the Homer hanging scene but still received complaints, but then several months later they accidentally aired the same cut and complaints were made to Ofcom.

[purlieu]

That really tall man who Nelson mocked a decade and a half ago is in the audience.

Fuck's sake.

The driver of the truck says that although Marge is crazy he would still have sex with her.

Fuck's sake.

[mippy]

The strangling thing seems increasingly distasteful as we hit the show's thirties.

[JamesTC]

Season 22 - Episode 18 - The Great Simpsina

The family go peach picking. They come home with lots of peaches. All of their meals involve peach but the family are sick of peaches. Homer takes Marge for a massage so Lisa and Bart can get rid of the peaches. Lisa ends up in a bad neighbourhood and gets chased by a racoon into a posh house. The owner comes home and he is a magician called The Great Raymondo. Ray shows Lisa some of his old tricks. Ray is sad about his late wife who used to be his partner. Lisa asks him to show her how to do some tricks. Ray eventually agrees to show Lisa some tricks which is the plot of the episode.

Lisa does tricks at the dinner table. Lisa has now mastered many tricks. Ray is sad about modern magicians on the TV particularly one called Cregg Demon. Montage of Lisa doing tricks. Lisa is cleaning Ray's house when she discovers a secret room with Ray's greatest trick inside which is getting locked inside a huge metal milk can. Ray tells Lisa that he trusts her with the secret. Lisa does the trick for the school. A new kid is impressed and Lisa tells him how she did it but the he reveals he is the son of the Cregg Demon and he tells his father the secret. Lisa apologises to Ray but he tells her to get out.

Homer tries to cheer Lisa up by telling her that although Judas betrayed Jesus, he still got paid. Homer goes to Ray but gets caught in a trap. Homer asks Ray to forgive Lisa. Ray forgives Lisa. Ray asks Lisa for help stopping Cregg Demon. They are too late to stop him but Cregg Demon gets stuck in the milk can. Lisa says they should help him but Ray refuses. David Copperfield, Ricky Jay and Penn & Teller turn up and tell Lisa that they switched the trick can for a regular one because Cregg Demon stole all their best tricks. Lisa is attacked by the magicians. Ray appears out of nowhere in a puff of smoke to help. Ray drops a girder onto the magicians. Ray saves Cregg Demon who says he is giving up magic. Ray and Lisa do a stage show. Ray inhales loads of Ether and dances with his dead wife. Credits roll.

3/10 - It wasn't offensive. It also wasn't particularly funny. At least it had a serviceable plot and Lisa was likeable for once.

[JamesTC]

Season 22 - Episode 19 - The Real Housewives of Fat Tony

Homer, Bart and Lisa are waiting in a huge queue at the DMV. Homer makes them wait in line while he goes to the arcade but when he returns the kids tell him they will auction off their place in line. Fit Tony turns up and offers them a lollipop and they are scared enough to accept this offer. Selma is rude to Fit Tony so she is kidnapped by the mafia. Lisa and Bart are out in the forest and Lisa discovers that Bart can smell truffles. Bart and Lisa sell the truffles to the Italian Pizzeria guy who was looking for some with his pig.

Fit Tony threatens Selma with cutting off a body part but she isn't scared which Fit Tony finds endearing so he gets her some liposuction. Selma is now thin. Fit Tony and Selma are now dating which is the plot of the episode. Patty and Selma are chatting to Marge in the kitchen when Homer comes in and says "well well if it isn't before and after" while gesturing to Patty and Selma. This is the biggest laugh I have had watching The Simpsons in a very long time. Fit Tony is behind Homer and says he will forgive him if he draws a sketch of Patty showing her inner beauty but all his sketches are ugly.

Fit Tony and Selma have a montage of dates. Fit Tony proposes to Selma and she accepts. Bart gets more truffles. Fit Tony and Selma marry. Marge is annoyed about being seated right at the back of the room for the meal. Selma tells her it is because Homer would have embaressed them. Fit Tony invites Marge and Homer to a weekend at his mansion. Bart can't find any more truffles so Lisa ties Bart up and blinds him so he can concentrate on finding truffles but this leads him to Lisa's bedroom where she had hidden a truffle and she reveals she has been eating them. Bart gives the last truffle to the pig from earlier and it goes batshit crazy and eats all the food at the pizzeria.

Marge does not want to go to Fit Tony's mansion but Homer says him and Fit Tony think it is a chance to reconcile. Marge and Selma fight again. Fit Tony and Homer get along. Marge gets a bit drunk and seems to patch things up with Selma. Selma gets her tits out in the hot tub but Marge stops Homer from looking at them. Marge and Homer try to find their room but end up overhearing Fit Tony talk about how he needs to look good for his "goomar" which Marge thinks is mob speak for mistress. Marge tells Selma and she is sad. Selma confronts Fit Tony and he confesses but says it isn't what she thinks. A crazy woman drives through the fence and asks where the other woman is. Turns out that Selma and Fit Tony didn't really get married but actually had vows for Selma to be his "goomar" and the other woman is really Fit Tony's wife. Credits roll and I guess we are supposed to assume that Fit Tony and Selma split up and that Selma puts the weight back on.

3/10 - They do not acknowledge Fat Tony's death and replacement at any point. Stupidly I thought that the twist at the end would be that the lady turning up would actually be the old Fat Tony's wife who doesn't know her husband is dead. Boy do I feel silly.

[JamesTC]

Season 22 - Episode 20 - Homer Scissorhands

Season 22 - Episode 19 - The Real Housewives of Fat Tony

Credits roll and I guess we are supposed to assume that Fit Tony and Selma split up and that Selma puts the weight back on.

The very first shot of this episode is Selma back to normal. Timely.

Lisa is painting Patty and Selma. Bart pisses about and paint gets in Patty's hair and ruins it. Lisa says they need the help of somebody older and wiser. Hard cut to Homer laughing at Patty's hair. Lisa points out that Homer will get part of the blame as he is the supervising parent. Homer cuts Patty's hair with some hedge cutters but does a great job. Turns out Homer is a good hairdresser which is the plot of the episode. Homer also does Selma's hair.

Milhouse watches Finding Nemo and realises that if death can happen to a fish then it can happen to anybody. Patty and Selma get compliments for their hair. Homer asked to cut another woman's hair. Homer decides to open up a salon. Milhouse is living each day like it's his last so he reveals to everybody in the canteen that Lisa is his dream girl and he will not stop until he is her boyfriend and then he performs a song for her. Lisa tells Milhouse that she doesn't love him and she never will. Some other girl called Taffy tells Milhouse that she thought his song was sweet. Homer now has his salon and is doing the hair for all the women in town but he hates listening to all the gabbing.

Milhouse is now dating Taffy. Lisa suspects that there must be a reason Taffy is dating Milhouse. Homer continues to be bored by all the chit chat and runs out the salon blindly cutting stuff such as skipping rope, dog leads and the stanchions holding up a bridge. Homer goes to Moe's where all the husbands are for some reason and tells the guys how bored he is and Kirk says he can forget about everything the wives said but then Homer visualises all the annoying stuff the women told him about their husbands.

Homer shuts down the salon but Wiggum forces him to do his wife's hair. He now can't quit for some reason. Lenny comes in and tells Homer that he should just do what he does at the plant: do a bad job. Homer tries but fails. Lisa investigates Taffy on the internet. Homer is haunted by the hair and Marge feels bad. Milhouse goes on a hike with Taffy and Lisa stalks them. Hans Moleman and Lunch lady Doris are dating. Milhouse and Taffy see Lisa. Taffy breaks up with Milhouse saying that he isn't over Lisa. Milhouse says that she doesn't want them to be together but she doesn't want him to be with somebody else. Lisa feels bad and kisses Milhouse. Milhouse asks if this means she likes him and she says she doesn't know but that he looks cute in the moonlight. Milhouse faints and falls off the cliff but is saved by an eagle. That's the end of that plot.



Homer and Marge are going to some party. Marge has a new haircut but Homer reveals it was another hairdresser who did it. The women crowd the other hairdresser and Homer is free from his hairdressing duties. Homer cleans Marge's hair in the back garden. Credits roll.

3/10 - Lucky to get that after the fucking eagle.

[idunnosomename]

how are there so many bad simpsons episodes now. it's like a formerly pristine harbour got filled up with flotsam and sewage so it is now a landmass of complete fucking shit

[Master Cylinder]

Stupidly I thought that the twist at the end would be that the lady turning up would actually be the old Fat Tony's wife who doesn't know her husband is dead. Boy do I feel silly.

You see, that'd be almost interesting. Which we can't have here.

[neov1974]

Hal discovers a talent for haircutting and becomes a barber for all the local women in a Malcolm in the Middle episode.

[dissolute ocelot]

Reading all the summaries it's like they've been pulling episode ideas out of a hat: "magicians", "hairdressers", "Italian-Americans".

I thought I'd seen pretty much every episode, but I'm not sure if we're reaching episodes Sky doesn't bother to show, or just episodes I forgot. If only I could forget the Fat Tony one, though (I have seen at least 2/3rds of that and it's like wallowing in a vat of really cheap oil). Are rich, criminal Italian Americans an ethnic group I should be offended on behalf of?

[Leej88]

Plus Homer's rich scheme of the week from the early day's Sugar, Springs, Grease, etc get really repetitive.

[idunnosomename]

Fuck wrong thread

[mippy]

Hal discovers a talent for haircutting and becomes a barber for all the local women in a Malcolm in the Middle episode.

The Lisa plot feels very much like something Bob's Burgers would have done in a much funnier way.

[JamesTC]

Season 22 - Episode 21 - 500 Keys

Homer and the kids are buying a returned wedding cake. Homer takes a suicidal path home across a mountain to avoid traffic. Maggie gets locked in the car when they return home and Marge panics revealing loads of spare keys. Maggie manages to get herself out using the car keys. The Simpsons find they have keys to loads of places around town that they have accumulated over time which is the plot of the episode.

Homer and Barney use the keys to the Duff brewery to take a look around. Homer takes the Duff blimp for a joyride. Marge finds a key to a train toy which farts as it goes along and it gets loose. Lisa has a key to every room in Springfield Elementary which she plans to return to Skinner but Nelson convinces her to use it herself. Lisa finds secret rooms in the basement one of which has a beautiful classroom but everything is faked just to look good. Homer pisses about in the blimp. Marge chases the farting train thing which is offending people around town. Lisa tells Skinner about the room but when they go there the entrance has been replaced by a bookshelf and she looks a fool.

Bart uses a key for a window washing lift outside a building. He moons everybody as he rises up the building but Gil tries to kill himself and falls on the lift and Bart is a hero. Skinner gets the key off Lisa. Homer flies about in the blimp wildly. Homer is chased by a police blimp. Lisa gets a replica of the key made from a picture. Lisa finds the bookcase is just a fake and ten enters the room to find Otto in shadow writing "The children are on bus 23". Marge continues to chase the train. Lisa and Bart ask Nelson (who has been held back many years) about bus 23 and he reveals the bus drove over a dangerous ice bridge but was never seen again. Homer wants Lisa and Bart to empty his piss bucket.

Homer takes Bart and Lisa to the ice bridge and Lisa falls out the blimp and lands in a lake which has the bus at the bottom of it. Homer follows Lisa down. The child corpses all rise to the surface but it turns out they are mannequins. Lisa and Homer are going to drown for some reason. The farting train thing turns up and knocks an old tree over which Lisa and Homer grab onto. Otto turns up and it turns out he thought the children were real and that he fled the scene thinking he had killed them all. Skinner reveals that his pants were washed with a government grant in so they faked the classroom. In an epilogue, Otto is driving the bus across the ice bridge but isn't worried as the bus is filled with mannequins but actually the bus is filled with kids and then he drives it into the icy water. Hopefully they all die a horrible death. Credits roll.

2/10 - Stony faced silence: the episode

[dissolute ocelot]

Season 22 - Episode 21 - 500 Keys

Another interesting idea utterly squandered.

It feels like this is a parody of something, with the missing class and dead (or not) kids, probably from the 1970s, does anybody know what?