🎶 Friday, Friday, camera up the arse on Friday

[drummersaredeaf]

Any reason why you went straight for the tupperware box as a surrogate toilet? I thought you were meant to build a paper nest to harvest todds.

[The Mollusk]

You're not allowed to let it touch the toilet water at all for a FIT test, and you can get to fuck if you think I'm cradling a hot egg with only tissue paper separating it from my hand.

[Poobum]

Total jelly, only had a doc's finger up my arse for a cyst on my perineum that just went and disappeared. Din't even get to burst it in a glorious fountain of pus! Not for the lack of trying.

[Marner and Me]

Bit harsh.

It seemed pretty in tune with what everyone else has said tbf.

[Mobius]

I have one of these done every year, it's not bad at all. The worst part is not eating beforehand and having to drink all that liquid that empties your bowels out.

You've probably got Ulcerative Collitis or Crohns or something.

[non capisco]

I noticed the other day it's been 2 years since I went and inspected the satan house so maybe it is actually some sort of curse. That would be cool.

Be funny if there's all drawings of cocks on your anal walls and that goat guy jumps out.

[The Mollusk]

I have one of these done every year, it's not bad at all. The worst part is not eating beforehand and having to drink all that liquid that empties your bowels out.

You've probably got Ulcerative Collitis or Crohns or something.

Yeah the eating thing is gonna suck. I had to break my veganism tonight and ate eggs for the first time in over a year because I couldn't hack the thought of just eating plain mashed potatoes with thickened vegetable stock poured on top (that's lunch tomorrow, my final meal before I am to cease all communication via the stomach). The bloody shop didn't have any clear jam or shredless marmalade either so BLANK TOAST for breakfast.

Be funny if there's all drawings of cocks on your anal walls and that goat guy jumps out.

There certainly won't be any shit smeared on those walls, because that's getting absolutely tsunami'd out of me tomorrow. Actually quite excited at the prospect of having literally no feces left in my body and just clear water coming out. I really wish I had some scales so I could do before and after measurements.

[Mobius]

You'll shit like an elephant pissing.

By the end it's so clear you could drink straight out of your own arsehole.

[The Mollusk]

Good, because I intend to!

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I'm afraid we're going to have to amputate, Mr Mollusk. You're going to lose your entire back fanny.

[The Mollusk]

Will I ever ride a bike again?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

A conventional bike? No. I suppose we could fit a wheel there, in place of the arse.

[Twit 2]

You'll be farting out glitz soon, all Sigismond Thalberg and his "three hand effect". Operatic paraphrases with your shredded cabbage anus. Squatting over a Steinway and shaking your haunches like hypothermic cat, you lucky cunt.

[kittens]

good luck mon frere. i've been having the doctor shove his finger up my ass lately to assess my anal pain and it is truly unpleasant. he says i have a very tight ass hole. he told me we could put the camera up there but my ass was tight on his finger and the camera was five times wider than that. i could tell he really didn't want to do it so i'm saving it for a special occasion. anyway, hope you don't have cancer x

[poo]

Best of luck with the arse

[monkfromhavana]

Are you live streaming it anywhere?

[The Mollusk]

good luck mon frere. i've been having the doctor shove his finger up my ass lately to assess my anal pain and it is truly unpleasant. he says i have a very tight ass hole. he told me we could put the camera up there but my ass was tight on his finger and the camera was five times wider than that. i could tell he really didn't want to do it so i'm saving it for a special occasion. anyway, hope you don't have cancer x

Heh yeah the last time I had this issue I had to go in for two separate rectal exams. I did tell the second guy I'm pretty sure the first time around they confirmed there was nothing there but I think they just wanted another go on me.

In fact now I think about it, when I saw my GP a decade ago to confirm I needed a circumcision the doctor said she needed a second opinion and I had to whip my dengus out twice in one appointment. I swear doctors are having a fucking laugh with me. Look at this lad's weird dick and dodgy arsehole LOL hey George hey Sally get in here you gotta see this!!! I bet I'm on some sort of hall of fame notice board in the staff room. I feel so exposed and humiliated. I fucking LOVE IT.

[jobotic]

I went to the doctor's once on Saturday morning with stomach issues. I thought it was the drop in day but you needed an appointment. The kindly old doctor let me come in anyway and had a feel of my stomach then stuck his finger up my arse. I immediately apologised for pooing on his hand even though I hadn't. What a strange sensation.

I was fine (muscle pain) and he said "we're not even open yet, I should be having a cup of tea now, not standing here doing this".

[Fambo Number Mive]

Unless the doctor only had one hand, he could have combined the two.

[jobotic]

That's the NHS for you. Should have gone private.

[The Mollusk]

LAST MEAL is in an hour and then after that I have to go 24 hours with no food whilst necking gross chemicals to blast out my arsehole like Mentos in a bottle of coke. FWOOOOSH YA BASTARD

[Thomas]

I immediately apologised for pooing on his hand even though I hadn't he enjoyed it.

Keep us updated on the 24-hour gush cycle, Mollo.

[imitationleather]

You should count yourself lucky you live in the modern day. Back in the '80s before miniaturisation the colonoscopy camera was so thick and long that among the medical profession it was nicknamed "imitationleather's cock".

[boki]

Teeth fucked. Arse fucked. Is there a bit in the middle that's really good?

Funnily enough, that time he sprayed his belly gold it looked well impressive.

[monkfromhavana]

My brother had some arse procedure that involved shooting things off the inside of his arse walls with a lazer. Not sure if it was Polyps. He had to fast for 24 hours beforehand and drink this laxative that basically caused him to continually shit the insides of his body out until there was nothing left but the organs and he was shitting BRITA quality drinking water out of his backside.

Not done him much good.

[The Mollusk]

You should count yourself lucky you live in the modern day. Back in the '80s before miniaturisation the colonoscopy camera was so thick and long that among the medical profession it was nicknamed "imitationleather's cock".

Meanwhile, in your keks:

[NoOffenceLynn]

Just chiming in to wish you the best of luck.
I know quite a few people who have had in done, various aunts and uncles and benign polyps always seems to be the cause.
Hope it is for you too x

[non capisco]

Wishing you well mate but also intermittently chuckling at a mental image I've had since yesterday of them sticking a bulky VHS Camcorder up your hoop. Or one of those old timey silent movie film cameras you have to crank by hand. Hope it all goes well tomorrow whatever the instrument.

[Endicott]

I had polyps in my nose. For some reason they still stuck the camera up my arse.

[The Mollusk]

Wishing you well mate but also intermittently chuckling at a mental image I've had since yesterday of them sticking a bulky VHS Camcorder up your hoop.