Watching movies with other people

[Sin Agog]

Feel free to talk about the subject in a general sense- whether it dilutes or enhances the experience for you etc.  But I mostly wanted to scat about that awkward subject change that goes down seconds after watching movies with others.  Anyone else experience this?  It probably takes place more often with emotionally charged films, but it tends to happen just with movies in general for me.  I'm not entirely sure what it is.  Are people weirdly naked after watching a film and they want to recalibrate back to the norm as quickly as possible?  Me, I just want to fucking go all out delving over every little thing that lit a match in me, but pretty much everyone I know will immediately start talking about their favourite flavour of Yop, or their travel plans, like they want to draw a clear line between movie/life and not let one bleed into the other.  But a wee hunk of my existence was just spent watching this thing, and therefore I wouldn't mind letting it live on at least a little after the end credits.  Is it a certain kind of relationship we have with escapism?  That thinking about a fillum in terms beyond I liked that and that sucked a second longer than the time it is playing is breaking some kind of unwritten contract?

I half-suspect this is just me and everyone else is surrounded by their own little cabal of Barry Normans, but maybe I'm wrong.

[chveik]

I don't like it. I want to be alone with my thoughts. my attention span has been fucked these past years so maybe it would help me to concentrate though.

good thing I don't have many friends :(

[ProvanFan]

I hate watching stuff with someone who turns to see your reaction to every little thing that happens.

[Dex Sawash]

Do not want to start talking about film as soon as we stand up. Don't want to stand up yet either.

[Hand Solo]

Try watching The Godfather on TV with a woman, it's torture.

*The Godfather title flashes up with the familiar theme music*

*Ages and ages of men in browney-orange 70s suits talking quietly in browney-orange rooms*

Woman sighs, "Just going into the kitchen to make a cup of tea."

*Luca Brasi is garroted and Vito Corleone is shot*

Woman sits down again with said cup of tea having no idea what's going on.

*More scenes of men in browney-orange 70s suits talking*

"Just going upstairs to do something."

*Pivotal scene where Michael shoots Sollozzo and McCluskey*

etc

[The Mollusk]

Feel free to talk about the subject in a general sense- whether it dilutes or enhances the experience for you etc.  But I mostly wanted to scat about that awkward subject change that goes down seconds after watching movies with others.  Anyone else experience this?  It probably takes place more often with emotionally charged films, but it tends to happen just with movies in general for me.  I'm not entirely sure what it is.  Are people weirdly naked after watching a film and they want to recalibrate back to the norm as quickly as possible?  Me, I just want to fucking go all out delving over every little thing that lit a match in me, but pretty much everyone I know will immediately start talking about their favourite flavour of Yop, or their travel plans, like they want to draw a clear line between movie/life and not let one bleed into the other.  But a wee hunk of my existence was just spent watching this thing, and therefore I wouldn't mind letting it live on at least a little after the end credits.  Is it a certain kind of relationship we have with escapism?  That thinking about a fillum in terms beyond I liked that and that sucked a second longer than the time it is playing is breaking some kind of unwritten contract?

I half-suspect this is just me and everyone else is surrounded by their own little cabal of Barry Normans, but maybe I'm wrong.

A lot of people don't share that level of critique and analysis, I think. As a point of comparison, when my partner and I watch RuPaul's Drag Race, we really enjoy commentating on the show as we're watching it - critiquing contestant's attitudes and outfits and performances - and we're both sufficiently chatty throughout (though obviously not just talking over the whole bloody show like a pair of cunts). When we watch a film, however, we don't talk at all for the duration, and once it's done I have this big backlog of thoughts about the overall production and individual performances and scenes, whereas my partner doesn't really have that.

She is happy to listen to my thoughts on films and music and stuff and she really loves those mediums herself too, but I think for her and a lot of other people it's more just about enjoying the experience as a whole instead of wanting to pick it apart and see all the internal gubbins. So, most of the time when a song or a film ends the detachment from that experience comes a lot quicker. There's also self-consciousness, in that people may feel inadequate if they can't articulate their feelings like that and may wish to change the subject afterwards. None of this means that one person enjoys a film any more than another based on their methods or standards of critiquing it, it's just that we all experience things differently (though I know how ironically patronising that may sound!).

I get very strong episodes of rejection sensitive dysphoria from my ADHD which means that I will often feel extremely emotionally bereft if I gush about something with massive enthusiasm (whether it's sharing my art on social media or recommending a record to a friend) and it doesn't get reciprocated back to me. It can be really hard for me to deal with so I have to force myself to remember that even though I share a fuckload of common interests with friends and family, not everyone has that same wild burgeoning enthusiasm and unstoppable train of thought as me.

[Obel]

I get very strong episodes of rejection sensitive dysphoria from my ADHD which means that I will often feel extremely emotionally bereft if I gush about something with massive enthusiasm (whether it's sharing my art on social media or recommending a record to a friend) and it doesn't get reciprocated back to me. It can be really hard for me to deal with so I have to force myself to remember that even though I share a fuckload of common interests with friends and family, not everyone has that same wild burgeoning enthusiasm and unstoppable train of thought as me.

Yeah I massively get this. I can get incredibly depressed about it sometimes too, which I'm aware is utterly ridiculous but that awareness doesn't help in the moment at all. So I sorta don't share my absolute favourite music and films unless I know someone would get something out of it.

[ProvanFan]

I hate watching stuff with someone who turns to see your reaction to every little thing that happens.

Looking for eye contact to share a moment with you, fair enough I can tolerate that once or twice, but fuck me some people do it constantly throughout an entire film. There are people I love who do this and I hate them for it.

[The Mollusk]

Looking for eye contact to share a moment with you, fair enough I can tolerate that once or twice, but fuck me some people do it constantly throughout an entire film. There are people I love who do this and I hate them for it.

I do this when I'm watching porn with my dad.

[The Mollusk]

Yeah I massively get this. I can get incredibly depressed about it sometimes too, which I'm aware is utterly ridiculous but that awareness doesn't help in the moment at all. So I sorta don't share my absolute favourite music and films unless I know someone would get something out of it.

Ah it's not ridiculous though! It is a genuine thing, don't beat yourself up about it, that's a negative cycle you can do without. If it's really bad then try and channel it into creative writing. Make a blog or something for it so it's all documented in one place. You don't necessarily even have to share it with friends (for obvious reasons as stated previously), but it's good to at least reassure yourself that your in-depth analysis of stuff is valid and has its own place in the world.

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

What's a BAD experience to have watching movies with people? Or perhaps the intensity having increased with others.

Remember putting on Au Hasard Balthazar with my parents when I was a teenager and we did NOT have much fun.

I watched Come and See (not my first rodeo) with about seven of my housemates last year. By the last scenes the panic was bubbling over and I could scarcely stop myself from running away in terror

[JaDanketies]

If you're showing someone a movie or TV show that you already enjoy, you need to play it very carefully. You can easily ruin the experience for them. You kinda need to forget they even exist and avoid starting any interaction with them whatsoever. Maybe eat your dinner while you watch. You might be able to convince people to watch critically-acclaimed movies with you but cult classics are a bigger challenge.

I'm currently trying to introduce my gf to Eastbound and Down. I forgot how many boobs there are in it. Also I kinda thought I loved it initially but I can see it's a slow burner. She's still tolerating it though, two episodes in.

[ProvanFan]

I watched Come and See (not my first rodeo) with about seven of my housemates last year. By the last scenes the panic was bubbling over and I could scarcely stop myself from running away in terror

Straight to the diary room for some respite

[shagatha crustie]

I really need to be able to discuss films and other art forms in depth with people who are close to me. Sounds dramatic but apart from that, and travelling and having new experiences, I'm not sure what makes life worth living. They can think whatever they want about the film, but I at least want them to be able to engage so we can share our feelings afterwards, otherwise what's the point?

Maybe I've been spoiled in this department as I have close friends who are keen to watch films and chat after, but also a lot of people just don't seem genuinely interested in the culture and art that they say they are, and I find it very frustrating. I was seeing someone for a year or so who I at least partly bonded with because they said they liked old films, vintage cinema, Hitchcock and the like. But then when we were together they NEVER wanted to watch any really, and would just put the TV on. I get there's a time and a place but, NEVER? You basically sold this as one of your major interests. Then when it was ending I was accused of being 'pretentious' and not wanting to do normal-person things, which struck me as unfair and backwards - I was hardly forcing anything on them, I just thought we had a shared passion.

Necessity has meant recently I watch more films alone, but I think I prefer it - then I can hyper-fixate on it in my own head and not put anyone out. Likewise music - getting obsessed with a great song and playing it non-stop is just regular behaviour for me, but it might well drive someone else insane.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

One thing that annoys me is when I play a film for someone and they don't even give it a chance. Not that I think they should immediately be full of gushing praise for the cinematic enlightenment I have bestowed upon them, but the least they could do is give it their full attention.

[Sin Agog]

What's a BAD experience to have watching movies with people? Or perhaps the intensity having increased with others.

Remember putting on Au Hasard Balthazar with my parents when I was a teenager and we did NOT have much fun.

I watched Come and See (not my first rodeo) with about seven of my housemates last year. By the last scenes the panic was bubbling over and I could scarcely stop myself from running away in terror

It is weird how your empathy meters can go way up when you're sitting quietly in a room with someone for a couple of hours.  It can make throwing on one of your favourite movies a dangerous thing.  It's your favourite because it speaks to you in a unique way; now you're suddenly having to see it through the eyes of someone more inured to its charms, and your relationship with it can really take a hit if you're not careful.

I watched Come & See recently with my mum on the cheap but efficient projector I use to do film nights with shorts and trailers every week.  I think she was more confused over whether anything in it actually happened.  Had to bust out some accounts of the Belarussian village razing for her.  Which actually was alright with me, 'cause at least we were talking about it rather than just being British as fuck.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I watched Come & See recently with my mum

I actually don't think I've watched a film with my Mum since I was a kid watching Back to the Future on Christmas or something. We have totally different taste in films and she talks constantly which would ruin it. She's literally incapable of being in a room with other people and being silent for longer than a minute. Also I'd be mortified if anything even vaguely sexual came up. Whenever I would watch a film with my Dad and that happened he would turn to me and start talking about something unrelated until it was over "what pub were you at the other night?" etc. The idea of families watching something like Game of Thrones or Blue is the Warmest Colour together weirds me out.

I generally like to watch "serious" films on home media in the dark on my own for the full uninterrupted experience, but comedies, bad films, slashers, anything cheesy I think is best enjoyed with others. An ex in the  US went to see The Original Kings of Comedy and her and her mate were the only white people in the audience. She said it was like being at a rock concert/raucous party, but just ended up going along with it and had a blast.

[The Mollusk]

I really need to be able to discuss films and other art forms in depth with people who are close to me. Sounds dramatic but apart from that, and travelling and having new experiences, I'm not sure what makes life worth living. They can think whatever they want about the film, but I at least want them to be able to engage so we can share our feelings afterwards, otherwise what's the point?

Maybe I've been spoiled in this department as I have close friends who are keen to watch films and chat after, but also a lot of people just don't seem genuinely interested in the culture and art that they say they are, and I find it very frustrating.

As I detailed above, people can be interested in the arts but not have the means to explain all the different merits and feelings they get out of it. I have no fucking idea why I like Jackson Pollock paintings so much beyond the fact that they look excellent so I can't have any other outward reaction to them except to have a gawp and go "woof mate yes that whole thing is great". For all I know, on a more academic level some parts of the painting might be less great than others. Some parts may reflect the artist completely in their element whereas others might distinctly show a lack of inspiration or even an error. I wouldn't have a clue, I just walk out of the exhibit and think "that was a thoroughly good experience on the whole, and that's the total sum of my thoughts". There's no reason why films or music or anything else wouldn't be like that for other people, right?

[Sin Agog]

I get having a zip/rar folder reaction that you can't unpack on the spot, or even having a simple affirmative or negative reaction.  I used to have a Cineworld Unlimited card back in the day (a sexy black one to boot), and as the cinema was all of 30 seconds away from where I lived I'd go there constantly.  I'd see this thing all the time where couples and friends would stream out of the aisle pensive and quiet until one of them would puncture the silence by talking about something completely different.  It's like in order to be swept along by a film, you have to give it your commitment and trust, and now that they've been spat out into the real world they're all vulnerable and squirmy like a naked molerat so try to get back to terra firma as soon as possible by swiftly changing the subject.  It was like the cinema was a temple and it was verboten to talk about the events that took place at the temple outside the temple.

[chveik]

What's a BAD experience to have watching movies with people? Or perhaps the intensity having increased with others.

Remember putting on Au Hasard Balthazar with my parents when I was a teenager and we did NOT have much fun.

I watched Come and See (not my first rodeo) with about seven of my housemates last year. By the last scenes the panic was bubbling over and I could scarcely stop myself from running away in terror

watching El Topo with my little sister was a weird experience

[shagatha crustie]

As I detailed above, people can be interested in the arts but not have the means to explain all the different merits and feelings they get out of it. I have no fucking idea why I like Jackson Pollock paintings so much beyond the fact that they look excellent so I can't have any other outward reaction to them except to have a gawp and go "woof mate yes that whole thing is great". For all I know, on a more academic level some parts of the painting might be less great than others. Some parts may reflect the artist completely in their element whereas others might distinctly show a lack of inspiration or even an error. I wouldn't have a clue, I just walk out of the exhibit and think "that was a thoroughly good experience on the whole, and that's the total sum of my thoughts". There's no reason why films or music or anything else wouldn't be like that for other people, right?

Yep, I agree with you

[Captain Crunch]

I revisited an old thread recently just for a laugh, there is some gold in there:

Your Worst Cinema Experiences

Can't really add anything to either but I did take a friend to see 'Lords of Chaos'.  When it ended she turned round and said "so was that based on a true story then?" 

[non capisco]

I revisited an old thread recently just for a laugh, there is some gold in there:

Your Worst Cinema Experiences

SteveDave's post in there is one of my all time CaB favourites. "Sit down, Mario!"

[Twit 2]

I really need to be able to discuss films and other art forms in depth with people who are close to me. Sounds dramatic but apart from that, and travelling and having new experiences, I'm not sure what makes life worth living. They can think whatever they want about the film, but I at least want them to be able to engage so we can share our feelings afterwards, otherwise what's the point?

This! Intense appreciation of great art is one of the things that makes me feel most alive. If you think Bach's Mass in B minor is one of the best things ever created then you're my new best friend. Hell, if you like anchovies you're my friend. When I was courting my now wife, we were getting on like a shed house on fire, as one would hope, but I swear to God what sealed the deal was showing her bits of Tarkovsky's Mirror, in the sense of "you need to be aware that stuff like this exists/is possible to do." She had never heard of Tarkovsky or perhaps watched cinema like it before, but was moved to tears (insert joke about it being tears of boredom etc). That feeling of "this person gets it" is immensely powerful, a genuine connection in the void, can't be faked or taken away.

So yeah, I'm a fully paid up "watch the film to the end of the credits, only people left in the cinema[nb]Nothing terrifies me more than the people who launch themselves out of the seat to bolt out the door the second the credits come up, as if they've ALL got a bus to catch. THE ENTERTAINMENT HAS FINISHED AND NOW I MUST MOVE ON TO THE NEXT PORTION OF MY DAY LEST I CONSIDER FOR ONE MOMENT MY EXISTENCE. Last time I was at the Aldeburgh festival, my friend and I didn't go back in to the 2nd half, partly because the programme wasn't as good at the first, mostly because we wanted to drink wine and look at the sun setting on the marsh and account in silence, with the birds, for what we'd experienced. The usher was utterly nonplussed at this, but of course he just wasn't used to people being so good at liking something; most of the Chelsea Flower Show type audience actively hate what they're seeing, you see.[/nb], nearly crash the car on the way home cos you're so excited to talk about it" aesthete cunt, never changing.

[Billy]

I was scared off from seeing films with others for a good while after a screening of part 1 of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, with a friend of mine who clearly had severe mental health issues that had caused problems for a while but as a lonely early twentysomething I ignored all the red flags in the belief that some companionship was better than none at all. Essentially they spent the entire first half of the film loudly commenting on it despite the presence of an audience trying to watch it, getting increasingly annoyed that I wasn't doing the same or when I did in a much quieter voice than theirs. When

Spoiler alert

Dobby

[close]

appeared they exclaimed "THEY DIE AT THE END", which I didn't know and having held my annoyance in enough led me to reply with a sarcastic "Thanks for that", still as quiet as possible to not annoy anyone else...at which point she stood up and bellowed "FINE!! THAT'S IT! I'M LEAVING!! I'M NOT SEEING YOU AGAIN!!" and stormed out of the screen, which came as a relief in all honesty as I could finally watch the damn thing in peace.

Minutes later, once she realised I wasn't going to be following after her and carrying on whatever drama she was obviously looking for, she returned, apologised and was silent for the rest of the movie, but I still never saw anything with her again and the friendship slowly faded from then on. I've had far better experiences with others since - the worst other than that is when I look over at a friend and they've given up on the film and are randomly scrolling Facebook or Instagram on their phone instead, making me wonder why I bothered inviting them along in the first place - but I still mostly go solo to cinemas now unless I genuinely know it's going to be good company.

I've mentioned it in a previous thread but it was oddly fascinating once when a big argument erupted in the Prince Charles during a showing of Blue Velvet a few years back - a gang of rowdy teens/students at the back had obviously seen The Room there and assumed that everything they show must be just as shit, so laughed and commented all the way through as if that's what you were meant to do while being blithely unaware to the rest of the auditorium trying to actually pay attention to the film. When one bloke eventually had enough and barked "Shut UP, for fuck's sake" at them, they completely lost it and ranted loudly back about "spoiling our fun" and having no sense of humour etc, luckily this was right at the end so it didn't affect things too much but the damage had already been done.

[Dex Sawash]

The sound of the tokens puts me right off

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

Ah man I just remembered that when I saw Portrait of a Lady on Fire there was a group sitting right in front of me giggling super loud at each of the more intimate scenes.

To this day my partner still brings up how furious that made them. It WAS intensely irritating, but that movie was honestly so intoxicating that it would take Hanatarash bulldozing the venue to break my concentration fully

-----------------

Your Blue Velvet story is heartbreaking, Billy. I hope I can get to the Prince Charles more in future. I was so poor when I was living in London that I only made it once to see Night of the Hunter

[notjosh]

It's nice when you can share the films you love with other people, but I've long since accepted that I'm not going to get to do this with most of the movies I watch. Nowadays I don't look to films to help me connect with other people, but just appreciate them for the connections they give me to the actors and filmmakers. Especially when they're long dead. Just the process of watching and really enjoying a forgotten film from 90-odd years ago, I feel like I'm bestowing a small sliver of immortality on the people that made it. They'll never know how it made me feel, but it's reassuring to think that the pieces of ourselves that we leave behind on this earth can stick around in unexpected ways.

[JaDanketies]

You guys remind me of the song The Friends of Mr Cairo by Jon and Vangelis. I love how Jon Anderson expresses his passion about watching movies. Or maybe Vangelis' passion, I dunno, that might make more sense. Jon Anderson from Yes does the singing, I don't know who did the words.

Media Kings give us now give us total movie
Straight right now, give it clear, give us total movie
Now being here, being now, being here believing
...

One on one to talk to you
Like film stars they get close to you
You've mirrored his appeal
He wants you so, he wants to be beside you
Then you pass by giving him the other side of you
Like the mystics do
So that every time he moves, he moves for you
Soul and light can always see
The meeting of true love and she
This silent night and I,
I guess a lonely mind might see
I've seen love on the screen
I've seen a screen goddesss and me-oh
How often this, how often, this the power of you
And so, I must confess
Whatever I see
I'm meant to be there with you
With you

....

Silent golden movies, talkies, technicolour, long ago
My younger ways stand clearer, clearer than my footprints
Stardom greats I've followed closely
Closer than the nearest heartbeat
Longer that expected-they were great-
Oh love oh love just to see them
Acting on the silver screen, oh my
Clark Gable, Fairbanks, Maureen O'Sullivan
Fantasy would fill my life and I
Love fantasy so much
Did you see in the morning light
I really talked, yes I did, to Gods early dawning light
And I was privileged to be as I am to this day
To be with you. To be with you

[St_Eddie]

I've had far better experiences with others since - the worst other than that is when I look over at a friend and they've given up on the film and are randomly scrolling Facebook or Instagram on their phone instead, making me wonder why I bothered inviting them along in the first place

You have a friends who use their phone in the cinema, during a screening?  That's bad cinema etiquette; very rude and disrespectful to the other patrons.  The bright glare of the screen is a major distraction for anyone sitting behind them.