Author Topic: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.  (Read 2932 times)


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Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« on: February 12, 2021, 01:17:58 AM »

David Dickinson has been enlightening us with his antiques expertise and presenting skills on such hit shows as Dickinson's Real Deal and Bargain Hunt for almost a quarter of century now, but along the way he has featured in a number of somewhat more obscure curios.

One such oddity is Dickinson's Guest Hour, which ran for six episodes on Channel 5 in 2012. "According to Wikipedia, I had previously done a chat vehicle called The David Dickinson Show some years back, but the Guest Hour was different in that it incorporated an 'antiques' element," explains Dickinson down the phone from his Marbella Villa. "Well, that wasn't the plan initially, but I ended up getting a lot of my fellow TV antiques specialists on to keep production costs down... good friends like Eric Knowles, Mark Stacey and Paul Martin. All 'cheap as chips!', if you'll pardon the in-joke. Oh and we also had the likes of Tim Wonnacott. We tried to get Fiona Bruce on but her demands where overwhelming. If a night's stay in a three-star hotel near the studio with breakfast thrown in wasn't enough for you, then hard cheese!"

And the cheese served with the hotel breakfast was indeed hard, as Michael Aspel memorably suggested on an appearance on the show! "If you wanted to park yourself on Dickinson's couch, you had to spill the goss!" laughs Dickinson today. It was all gentle fun, but things got a little out of hand on one occasion when a guest took exception to David's wholesome teasing.

"We had one guy on who just couldn't handle my ribald wit," DD sighs. "A guest who couldn't handle me telling him that the cords attached to his glasses made him look a bit 'fey'. That man was Tim Wonnacott and I don't mind telling you that if I never see his scuffy 'tache again it will be too soon!"

That's all for now, but we'll delve into more rare Dickinson shows soon! Bye for now - and please do take excellent care of your body!

Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2021, 07:39:41 PM »
The David Dickinson wikipedia page is patchy at best. It misses out several TV gems David has starred in over the years and has lots of FAKE malicious edits like a spell in prison and even heroin use! One show that has slipped under the radar is DAVID DICKINSON'S ANIMAL ANTIQUES

Hardly remembered these days, the show started life as a Chris Packham project. "Chris wanted to do something really different so he knew he couldn't go to the BBC or any of the usual suspects. He got funding from abroad- where? I do not know," winked David Dickinson in an interview for the Dave TV channel. The reason for Dickinson's reticence may be the rumour that the program was funded by none other than Colenel Gadafi! The good colenel was a big fan of Bargain Hunt and apparently insisted that any project have an antiques element.

Tony Blair presenting Gadafi with a Bargain Hunt board game

"Chris called me one day and said David mate it's about time someone combined wildlife and antiques on prime time TV. I've always been a fan of our furry friends so I jumped at the chance," explained Dickinson.

"The idea was to see if our friends in the animal kingdom could develop an interest in antiques and an eye for a bargain! It was half antiques show, where I was in my element, and half wildlife show where I was very much a new kid on the block!"

"We tried segments with various different animals- with mixed results! One week I was in the savanah running with the wildebeest the next I was in a butterfly farm in Kent!"

Packham takes up the story: "We found that some animals had an affinity with antiques and some just couldn't give a toss! Badgers were some of the worst. We had David sleep outside a sett for 3 months to gain their confidence. He learned their badger ways and tried to introduce them to the world of antiques but we just couldn't get them to look at an antique- all they cared about was nuts and berries!"

"The ignorant bastards!" interjected David.

"Haha yeah, waste of space! that species needs fucking eradicating" agreed Packham.

Asked to describe their higlights Packham and Dickinson pick two different animal antique encounters. For Packham it was the wildebeest episode. "We'd been camped out on the savannah for weeks. The herds were all there waiting to cross the Mara river. David got right in amongst them and tried to interest them in some antiques. He'd squat down at a watering hole and lay out some Staffordshire toby jugs. A few of them seemed to get it but we could see we weren't making an impression with the horde so to speak and as a producer I could see we werent getting good wildlife TV out of this."

"We were all ready to pack it in when David suddenly turned everything around! For us wildlife TV guys you take a softly softly approach: the idea is to observe, not disturb... David didn't have this 'baggage' and is a natural showman so he did something completely against the grain for a wildlife show. He picked up this painting-"

"An original Gainsborough!" interjected David.

"yeah, a real old master. And he holds it up above his head and runs up and down the river bank screaming about 'bargains' on the other side! Suddenly all the wildebeest who've been milling about doing sod all for days are going bananas! David jumps into the river and runs across. Before you know it the whole savanah is following him! Incredible stuff."

"Just don't tell the museum what I did with their painting!" chuckled Dickinson.

For Dickinson the episode with the killer whale Bernie was his favourite. "I'm a bit of a sentimental old sort, believe or not. The animal I made the biggest connection with was Bernie, a killer whale in Scarborough World of The Seven Seas. This was the only episode where we went one-on-one and I felt like I really got to know Bernie over the course of two months."

"Every day I'd be there in me wetsuit feeding him fish and gently introducing him to antiques. At the beginning he'd snaffle the fish and bugger off but gradually he started taking an interest in the antique goodies I brought with me. I realised after some weeks that he seemed to have most interest in clocks. It's my belief that whales are very mechanically minded. Even so it was always fish first and antiques second with Bernie. Until the last day we had one of his regular handlers bring him a fish and I brought him a beautiful 19th century table clock- a real Bobby Dazzler! To my surprise he didn't immediately go for the fish but spent several minutes contemplating both the fish and the clock."

"This was electricfying TV," added Packham.

"Then guess what? He takes the clock in his big jaws and submerges to hide it away in his underwater antiques lair. Everyone on set was crying including yours truly!"

Unfortunately Bernie the whale was found to have devoured the clock and died four days later but the clock-fish-will-he-wont-he footage remains a classic. Experiments with other animals had mixed results. Butterflies proved less responsive than even the badgers. "Butterflies? Thick as mince!" was Dickinson's only comment.

An episode with ants which was filmed but never included in the series sounds more intriguing. "I don't know if any of your viewers know this but ants are TINY!" explained Packham.

"We couldn't show them real antiques so we made micro-copies of 19th century furniture and paintings so the ants could see 'em. Ants don't hear like you and me and dogs and that- they communicate by telepathy. So we had David lying down next to the Ant's Nest communicating his love and knowlege of antiques using only his mind!."

"We went back to the nest to film 6 months later and the footage was incredible! There'd been several generations of ants by that time and we found they'd created their own mini art and antiques universe. Starting with our micro-copies they'd evolved their own style of furniture, painting and sculpture and we found them buying and selling them in their own mini antiques market! David was delighted at first but after communicating with them telepathically again he had a face like thunder! To this day I don't know what they told him. But he made us all swear we'd never air the ant episode."

"You have to understand, there are rules in antiques that you have to follow. Those creatures had gone way 'off-piste', basically disregarded everything I taught them. Out of control, chaos... pure chaos. It was like Phase IV down there!" explained Dickinson.

Perhaps because the show was so unusually funded the show got little traction when Packham and Dickinson tried to sell it. To their knowlege it only appeared once on a late night slot on a now defunct infommercial channel. But after more than a decade there's finally some good news for fans of antiques-wildlife mash-ups. The show has been picked up by streaming channel The Proud Boys Network. Dickinson is delighted "Proud Boys- Stand By... To be entertained!"

« Last Edit: February 12, 2021, 08:25:09 PM by Mr Farenheit »


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Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2021, 05:11:58 AM »
That is really quite extraordinary, Mr. F. And here's me thinking Dickinson and Packham hated each other. Also explains a photo of Dickinson appearing to barter with a wart hog I once glimpsed in the Radio Times!

Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2021, 10:55:56 AM »
Yeah, the idea of some Dickinson-Packham feud is pretty prevalent but actually doesn't exist at all!

My theory is people have it mixed up with the time Packham and Ian McShane had a duel at dawn after an altercation at the 1989 BAFTA awards. Apparently McShane shot first but was so pissed he missed Packham entirely and shot a finger off his second, Terry Nutkins.


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Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2021, 12:12:00 PM »
Terry Nutkins (understandably) fell out with Dickinson over that, but they made up later when Ada Dickinson baked Nutkins a nice lemon sponge and dropped it round.

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2021, 01:30:44 PM »
Hollyoaks was actually based on a very similar teen soap called Teen Pines which had David Dickinson as one of the main characters. He was the friendly antiques store/juice bar owner who gave Carly advice on her romance with Steve. Without him, they'd never have opened the foot spa.


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Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2021, 08:34:14 AM »

2016 was a landmark year for David Dickinson, as it marked the first screening of What the Dickinson? on Sky Arts.

"The brief was simple," explains David. "I, David Dickinson, would perform a series of one-act monologues pulled from the pages of Charles Dickens novels. But no doubt you're wondering why Sky Arts thought of me for the job!"

As it turns out, we are, David. "All I can say is that they must have thought my enthusiast performances on the likes of Dickinson's Real Deal were proof as proof enough that I had some acting talent in me," he explains. "And I don't like to blow me own trumpet, but I was a real Bobby dazzler in school plays!"

Various Dickens classics such as Great Expectations, Barnaby Rudge and Hard Times get a good seeing too, but it was the dialogue excerpt from David Copperfield that Dickinson was most looking forward to performing - and for a surprising reason! "I was rubbing me hands in anticipation of that, simply because the character has the same first name as me," he grins. "By the by, I don't mind admitting that I was confused when they first mentioned it because the only David Copperfield I knew before that was the 1980's magician."

The series was successful enough that it saw Sky Arts commission a second series, however David had to turn it down as he was holidaying in the Canaries at the time.


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Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2021, 11:31:52 AM »

One of David's most unusual assignments, Dickinson's Dreamy Des(s)erts saw our intrepid presenter exploring the sand wastes of the Middle East in search of exotic confectionaries. First broadcast on the National Geographic Channel in 2014, the show saw Sheikh Dickinson (doing his best Lawrence of Arabia!) seek high and low in his quest for the finest sweets and puddings (usually just Turkish delight).

"I always fancied meself as a bit of a Rudolph Valentino, so this was a tasty job to get me gnashers into!" laughs David today, reminiscing to me over Zoom from his Burgundy maisonette. "As well as a top TV gig, it was also a wonderfully memorable trip which I shall not soon forget. Wife Ada came along and went absolutely mental buying saffron! It's very expensive, but it really spices up a meal something grand!"

The show's theme tune was the Lemmy remix of the Turkish Delight advert theme, it's mesmerising tones proving strange to our Westerner's ears and hypnotically introducing us to each episode, before finally bidding us adieu on it's return in the end credits, sending the viewer off to bed (the programme often went out around 8PM) to dream of foreign climes!

"It's one of my proudest achievements, that one," David tells me today, before checking that the interview is over and going offline with a terse "Okay, bye."


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Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #8 on: February 20, 2021, 01:15:34 PM »

Did you known David Dickinson made a sitcom? The year was 2011, and Dave were scouting about for an amusing new piece of laddishness for their male channel.

"I was on the beach in the Seychelles with my wife Ada when me mobile - which was on 'silent' - started vibrating," explained Dickinson to Heat magazine last year. "The phone was under Ada's Patricia Cornwell novel, and it started moving with the vibrations of the phone. Through the corner of me eye, I thought I was seeing a crab on the move."

When he had established it was not a crab, David answered the call. But who was on the other end? "It was Gary Bushell, telling me that he had just been rewarded the job of programme commissioner at the channel. They required six episodes of a brand new sitcom which David Renwick had promised to write. I don't know why I agreed, but the fact that the channel is called Dave and it was 'David' Renwick and that my name is David seemed like a good sign. So I agreed on the spot."

And thus Dickinson & Son was born. It followed the adventures of 'David Dickinson', a fictionalised version of the real Dickinson, and his son Dickie Jnr., who was brought to life using bleeding-edge computer's technology. "It was a very clever facsimile of me," told Dickinson. The pair got into all kinds of japes and scrapes, with the young fella often upsetting his father by causing chaos at some antiques function or other - but with often warmly hilarious results!

"I grew very fond of my CGI son... yes, Dickie Jnr. was a real little Bobby dazzler!"

While gaining moderate ratings when it went out, the show was unfortunately very expensive to produce, owning to the pixelated offspring of Dickinson. "He was created by the people who did the VFX for kids' show Primeval, and apparently they were using up a lot of the budget so that he didn't look bobbins," speaks David by way of explanation. "I phoned Hannah Spearritt and told her about the situation, but she could only offer a charitable £5.84p towards the effects budget. So that was the end of that."

But the experience left a sour taste in David's buds. "Craig Charles told me that the reason we were cancelled was cos Dave were doing a new series of Red Dwarf and couldn't stretch the FX budget. I told Charles to go and swivel and that if I ever saw him again I would break both his kneecaps, the cheeky fucking cunt."


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Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2021, 05:43:28 PM »

The year is 2010, and the BBC are looking to put a new spin on ratings favourite Dragons' Den. Enter David Dickinson, who brought an antiques element to the concept, resulting in Dickinson's Dragon-Den.

Running for just one six-episode series on BBC Two, D D-D saw David and four other 'antiques entrepreneurs' (all made up to look exactly like David, and named Davids #2-#5) judge various 'antique-related' inventions brought in by various loons and madmen. If a David took an interest, they'd invest a "tasty tenner" or a "crisp fiver", and even on one occasion a "nifty fifty!" After agreeing to back an idea, the David would shake hands with the would-be hopefully and say, "Now that's a real deal!"

As previously mentioned, the show only lasted one series, but it turned out to be a nice little earner for Dickinson. He was paid a flat-fee of £10,000, he got to keep any earnings he made off the ideas brought in (including anything gained by the Stunt Davids) and he rather cheekily made off with the chairs at the end of the series, selling them "as antiques to some mug up in Northampton!" Crikey!

Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #10 on: February 23, 2021, 06:04:08 PM »


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Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #11 on: February 24, 2021, 01:06:05 PM »

After years with his nose to the grindstone, evaluating antiques and entertaining you, the general public, David Dickinson was finally forced to take a breather when, in 2019, he kind of 'ground to a halt'. Dickinson was placed - quite literally - in dry dock.

The repair work was carried out in Dublin Bay, and drew the interest of the Discovery Channel, who filmed a special six-part documentary about it.

"David was in quite a bad state of disrepair when he was hauled in," explains Project Coordinator Hans Zimmundsdottir. "There was a lot of rust, and he had a dodgy gearbox. But in a couple of weeks myself and the team had managed to remove a lot of the worst of the grime, and had begun to replace numerous cogs and gears that had become worn and dodgy."

As the documentary unfolds, it becomes clear that the refurbished Dickinson is going to be something of a triumph - but not before the odd and rather dramatic hiccup or two. "At one point we had to ask the camera crew to stop filming," explains Zimmundsdottir, "it was just getting too much. You can easily see from the footage that the restoration work became quite difficult at times, and emotions ran high. But we completed the task on time and to the highest standard."

And you can see for yourself, if you wish - only on Discovery!

Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2021, 05:18:42 PM »

Cross-over fans had a real treat in 2011 when David got together with his almost-name-sake Bruce for DOUBLE DICKINSON.

David takes up the story: "Bruce called me one day when he was on tour with his rock group, they'd all been watching Real Deal in the tour bus and the idea hit him. David mate he said, Eddie just blew my mind he told me we have to team up for Double Dickinson!"

"The idea was simple, if you put our interests together me and Bruce make quite the eclectic entity! Planes, antiques, metal rock music, antiques... The whole thing was going to be produced and aired by Bruce's own 'Maiden TV' network. He wanted to start the next week so I thought these guys really mean business."

David was to be disappointed however when he showed up at the studio and found the production was not the slick show he was used to. "They started filming there and then- no script, no planning, no catering, nothing. It was just me and Bruce sitting at a table and we had to make something up on the spot." It seems David was the more talkative of the two Dickinsons and ad-libbed some antiques anecdotes but Bruce contributed almost nothing.

"Bruce was a 'weird dude' as my nephew Derek would say. I tried to prod him a bit to relate some tales from back stage or any close calls in his aeroplanes. You were lucky to get two words out of him! I'm a pro but his melancholic presence was getting me down and by the end I'd dried up meself!

Amazingly the footage was aired unedited the next day as the opening 3 (three!) hour episode of Double Dickinson on Maiden TV. This was described by Kerrang's television correspondent at the time: "...after a couple of hours of the least metal guy you could ever imagine droning on about shafting people buying vases and complaining about minor celebrities doing a shoddy job re-tiling his roof, you have what may be the most uncomfortable and awkward hour of television I've ever witnessed. At one point there was a 20 minute period where the only sound was a single cough from Bruce. I had to lower my bandana over my eyes at points as I watched from behind my black leather couch- ZERO flying V's!

"Even after filming you couldn't get a word out of Bruce, he was a right misery guts. It was then my eye was caught by a couple of red lights emanating from a shadowy corner." It turns out what David saw was none other than Eddie, the Iron Maidens' demonic mascot! "I went over to have a closer look and as I got closer I hear this unearthly screeching from Bruce! Who then proceeds to hurl a scimitar at my head! Needless to say I ducked and made a sharp exit for the door!

"Well, I thought chalk that one up to experience!" chuckles David, "but that night I got a call from Bruce! David mate, Eddie would like to apologise for his... my behaviour today. You see he was terrified of your charm-necklace and the demonic powers within.

"I had to laugh, I'd recently been buying some satanic antiques on Silk-Road and had taken a fancy to a necklace with a nice silver container which contained a finger-nail of Beelzebub himself! I was wearing it that day and poor Eddie was petrified by the devilish energy eminating from yours truly! At the same time I twigged that Bruce Dickinson's body and soul was posessed and controlled by Eddie!"

The next day David showed up sans-necklace and the atmosphere was electric. "We were both ON as they say in the biz! We did some hilarious back and forth riffing on some plane/antique hijinx. I played some Cole Porter ditties on the uke with Bruce screaming along, then we got into one of those hilarious 'double man' costumes and hit the streets doing vox-poxies and pranking the public! It was solid gold and they got another three episodes out of it- which aired over the next week."

How did the rest of the series pan out? Well, it didn't. David didn't show up the next day."I realised that I could harness my newfound Satanic powers over Eddie- and by extension Bruce. So I had myself released from the contract. Then I made Bruce my personal pilot, flying me around to antique fairs for free. I also got him to sign over all his Iron Maiden royalties to me which are worth a pretty penny I can tell you! Now that's what I call a Real Deal!"


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #13 on: February 25, 2021, 04:06:27 PM »

He may have spent three years at Her Majesty's Pleasure for mail-fraud, but David Dickinson was soon back on his feet in his first TV role, way back in 1978. The BBC had decided to take a stab at reviving much-loved cop drama Dixon of Dock Green, but with a surprising twist!

Innovative producer Pembroke Mills spotted Dickinson at an auction room one day, and although David had no previous acting experience, "there was something about his 'entrepreneurial' spirit that convinced me he was the right man for the job," as Mills told The Reader's Digest in 2001. Thus was born Dickinson of Dock Green!

Lasting just one series and starring Davy 'Dazzler' Dickinson as he then styled himself, it saw Dickinson solving various crimes in and around London in the late '70s. "I seem to remember rescuing a cat from up a tree in one episode," Dickinson told TV Choice in 2006.

However it was during a searing interview with Zeinab Badawi on BBC News' HARDTalk in 2014 that Dickinson revealed the most about his role on the show. "I earned a shingle and six an episode, which was actually not bad for the time, especially considering that it was cheap as chips to make! Director Pelvis Bobbins described me as "a young John Le Mesurier," and put an extra pound note in my wage packet on one occasion when a gave a real 'Bobby dazzler' of a performance!

The whole series is available now on something called 'a 2-DVDs set', price £1.49 from more salubrious branches of Poundstretcher. But hurry - stocks are flying fast!


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #14 on: March 04, 2021, 04:33:59 PM »

To celebrate the return of BBC Three to the airwaves, the Beeb have commissioned a new spin on an old twist. When it ended ten years ago, Last of the Summer Wine left behind a horde of disappointed fans who had wanted the long-running sitcom to continue for all eternity. Which is why they have some reason to celebrate, as the show is kind of returning, but this time with something more of an 'antiques' flavour, as David Dickinson yet again shows his versatility in Last of the Summer Dickinsons.

Using state-of-the-art digital technology, David will play three old Dickinsons who have retired to the familiar setting of Holmfirth, Yorkshire. There they get into all sorts of scrapes and jams involving things like runaway antique bathtubs and Victorian flying machines. "It was a hoot to film," notes David, speaking to me on WhatsApp Video from his Tenerife apartment. "We filmed it just before the lockdown began, so it's in the can and the VT is ready to roll. All they had to do was use digital trickery to 'computerise' my head onto the other two characters. I did Compo Dickinson 'live', but had to film Clegg and Foggy Dickinsons' heads against green screen. The magic of modern technology!"

But will the show be a success with modern audiences? "I think so, yes," replies David philosophically. "The original series is a classic, but our new version will likely appeal also to a younger generation, what with it's amusing shenanigans revolving around Chippendale cabinets and the like."

But will they pull it off? You can judge for yourself when the series screens this autumn... ONLY ON BBC THREE!


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #15 on: March 06, 2021, 03:44:30 PM »

As is well known among sitcom aficionados, James Bolam and Rodney Bewes never spoke to one another again after they had finished filming classic BBC comedy Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? And yet that statement is not entirely true. Little do many know that the pair were reunited in 2008 for one off offshoot Whatever Happened to the Likely Dickinsons?

But how on planet Earth did this unusual curio come about? "It's quite simple, really," David Dickinson explained to me over FaceTime during the week. "Dickinson's Real Deal was at the height of it's popularity on ITV, and so the Beeb took the unusual step of poaching me for a sum I still refuse to disclose. Some enterprising programming commissioner had come up with the idea that I could play a fictionalised version of myself and a fictional brother who were catching up after years of separation, and he managed to twist the arms of Likely Lads creators Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais and get them to write it. And the rest is history!"

What's more, Bolam and Bewes were sensationally brought together once more and asked to play the Dickinson Brothers using cutting-edge prosthetics, with Dickinson dubbing the voices in. As such, David and Dickie Dickinson got up to all kinds of japes and fun as David's wedding to Ada approached, and the pair could often be found down the pub, setting the antiques world to rights over a drink or two!

"It was wonderful to see the distinct partnership of Bolam and Bewes brought back together again, even if they were heavily done up to look like me and my fictional brother," remembers David warmly. "It seemed like they would heal old grievances and remain friends, but unfortunately Bewes later gave a press conference - dressed in a T-shirt with a bow tie on it - in which he revealed that Bolam's wife was pregnant again and they fell out all over again. Ah well. Shit happens."


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Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #16 on: March 08, 2021, 02:10:31 PM »

Prank shows have become two-a-penny over the years, and even Dickinson has had a punt, with 2012's Dickinson's Devious Deceptions. Lasting for just six episodes on ITV4, it saw David trick various TV colleagues with fake antiques which seemed like expensive curios but were always just tarted-up tat David had dug out of his loft.

The likes of Fiona Bruce and Paul Martin were duped by David over the show's run, and while most of those fooled acted like good sports when the deception was revealed (allowing for the odd bleeped-out swear word!), there was one fool who apparently reacted very badly, as David recently explained to me during a video call chat from his maisonette on the Isle of Wight.

"Two words: Tim Wonnacott," David tells me. "Wonnacott could be a bad-tempered bugger at the best of times, but when we revealed to him that what he had thought was a newly-discovered Da Vinci cartoon was really just a scribble done by me grandson, the air turned blue. I've never heard such effin' and jeffin' in me whole life! But that's Tim. Aggressive and dangerous, and a shite antiques man to boot."

Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #17 on: March 08, 2021, 05:11:12 PM »

Younger fans of David’s steamy new podcast Carnal Confessions may not be aware that this is not his first foray into the genre of erotic anecdotes. But luckily for them they will soon have the opportunity to get their jollies in a different format as his long forgotten telly show Dickinson’s Deep Sea Desires has been picked up for rebroadcast by the Brexit Channel!

“Those prudish Brussels bureaucrats kept good old British smut off our screens for too long- that’s why there were hardly any Carry-on or Confessions films made after we joined the so-called common market,” explained Nigel Farage, CEO of the new channel, at a presser in a dog-shit strewn triangle of grass in front of a gable wall painted with a St.George cross. “Speaking of which, for just 60 British pounds I can record a personal raunchy ‘e-message’ for your dirty bit on the side! phwoooar,” he continued salivating.

“What’s this? Who are you? Get off me bloody property!” exclaimed an unshaven Dickinson when quizzed about the show the next day in a dawn door-stepping by a sleazy hack from the Erotic Times.

“Well, haha that takes me back!” cackled Dickinson once he had calmed down. “That was one of my strangest televisual adventures and certainly the ‘dirtiest’!

“It was back in the late 90s and the bigwigs at L!ve TV wanted to make a mark with a high concept high budget flagship show and really push the boat out. I was chosen from a shortlist of three prospective presenters- Robin Day didn’t want anything to do with it, and the other one- lets just call him ‘Sir Jimmy’- was apparently a bit too eager!"

The daring concept was to combine a sprinkling of smut with the cutting edge of deep sea exploration. A deep sea craft capable of reaching depths of 4000m was created in which David was to hole up for 6 weeks and receive various submersible celebs ready to spill their saucy secrets.

“The idea was that at such mind boggling depths where even the all seing sun does not penetrate and the crushing 400 bars of atmospheric pressure stifles your very soul, the celebs would feel safe to unburden their depraved secrets to a sympathetic ear- Yours Truly!” nutshelled Dickinson in his ET interview.

The theory proved if anything too successful and many of the confessions were unfortunately too filthy to put on the air. “I’m a man of the world but I’ll admit that some of my guests’ practices left me sick to my stomach…. albiet eager to get to the surface to investigate further! I won’t name names but one gentleman, lets just say that if he NICKed something off yer, he’d be OWEN you it back, haha. He told me about a thing he did where…. well, let’s just say who can know the sick darkness of a heart that beateth beneath a jumper which smiles woolly and cheerful to the world... That’s a quote that is, that last bit.... yep.... man by the name of Bill Shakespeare…….” Dickinson continued.

The show came to an abrupt end however when one of pop duo The London Boys visited Dickinson’s deepwater den of depravity. As a feature of the show Dickinson had an inventebrate sidekick, Percy the giant squid. Celebs too ashamed to tell their sordid tales to Dickinson were sent in their submersible suits to spill their guts to the giant celaphopod. “Percy had seen it all and was a great listener, you could never shame him. We knew Londonboy2 had a great story to tell but I sensed his reluctance to spill the beans to me so we sent him out into the dark god-less depths to tell all.”

What happened next brought the whole project- and L!ve TV itself- to a sudden end. “His suit blew a gasket and that was the end of him! He was just getting warmed up with his story as well!”

L!ve TV only aired 2 episodes before a lawsuit from Londonboy1 brought the organisation to an abrupt bankruptcy while Dickinson was still in a decompression chamber. Fortunately he was simply on the payroll as presenter and escaped Scott free. He was never paid for his work but is rumoured to have made a ‘pretty penny’ blackmailing celebs who appeared in the un-aired episodes.

Titilating exploitation or a fascinating insight into our planets unexplored depths and the sexual soul of man?
YOU can decide when you watch all six disgusting uncut six epsiodes. But only on the Brexit Channel!


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #18 on: March 08, 2021, 05:37:59 PM »
^That title alone is cracking!

Soon available from Poundstretcher Home Video, one of the greatest live comedy sets of all time! Recorded at the Bolton Hippodrome in 2012 and giving it's first-and-only TV airing on C5 in the wee, small hours of a Monday Morning later that same year, Dickinson & Davro's Cabaret Night! is 50 minutes' worth of laughter and antiques chat, and sees David Dickinson and Bobby Davro team up for a historic night of fun that isn't afraid to be LOUD and LEWD - hence the '15' certificate!

David kicks off the evening with some fascinating insights into a rare ormolu clock he has brought along with him, but is swiftly interrupted by Bobby, who proceeds to unleash his filthiest not-safe-for-TV gags! David feigns shock, but is quick to join in on the naughtiness with some rather rude jokes about antique bloomers and a (hopefully fictional) story about an auctioneer "playing with his gavel, if you get my meaning!"

The show ends with the pair duetting on a simple smashing rendition of '(Is This the Way to) Amarillo', and promises from both David and Bobby to team up again for another night of laughter! But it was not to be, as in 2015 Davro called David "a heartless, cruel, feckless excuse for a human being," during the opening of an Asda in Cleethorpes and the pair have not spoken since.

But the DVD is available -NOW!


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #19 on: March 09, 2021, 05:30:25 PM »

Move aside, the late, great Dale Winton! Or rather don't, as Dickinson's Supermarket Sweep-inspired game show was not a success when it ran for one series on E4 in 2009. Lacking the usual 'antiques' element that Dickinson often brought to his various endeavours (much to David's consternation, we imagine!), Dickinson's Dairy Dash was more 'milk-leaning' thematically, as it's title would suggest.

The concept was simply. Contestants couples must 'dash' around a set designed like a kind of farmer's market, collecting as many dairy products as they could within a 60-second time limit. The wining couple were of course the ones with the most milk, eggs and yogurt and such in their trollies when the 'Milky's Klaxon' blew.

The show's theme tune ('Pinta!') was remarkably similar to that of '80s darts nightmare Bullseye, and it is said that Jim Bowen attempted to sue C4 over this, resulting in an alleged multi-million out of court settlement. Meanwhile, the animation that accompanied the theme's opening titles was lifted - with a wink towards retro 'naff' pop culture! - directly from awful forgotten sitcom Bottle Boys, though with the express consent of star Robin Askwith.

But undoubtedly the show's most talked-about section involved none other than Noel Edmonds, who regularly guested on the show with his famous Gunge Tank. I'll let David himself take over the story, on the line from his apartment in the Seychelles; "Edmonds was a real coup for us, and spiced things up a bit. On every episode, the winning couple could pick out a celebrity to be gunged from whatever random selection we managed to lure into the green room that week. The spin here was that it was curdled milk that was used as gunge. Most celebrity guests played along, but one was really NOT happy."

Like who, pray tell David? "Tim Wonnocott was the rotter. I found out that day of filming that he had literally NO sense of humour and Tim found out that he was lactose intolerant. In any case I've not seen him in much since, while I've been on Keith Lemon's shopping programme and that in recent times. 1-0."


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #20 on: March 10, 2021, 06:15:45 PM »

Nobody told Dickinson the antiques life was gonna be this way! Running for five series from 2009-12 on Comedy Central, the simply-titled Dickinson saw David attempt to emulate classic US sitcom Friends, with the help of some of his colleagues in the TV antiques trade!

The plot was simple. Fictionalised versions of David, Paul Martin, Fiona Bruce, Eric Knowles, Tim Wonnacott, Mark Stacey and Angela Rippon shared two apartment across the hall from each other in trendy Soho, and we follow their heartaches, struggles and victories as they make their way through the antiques world. There was laughter and tears... and possibly a big wedding?

Filmed with special 'fuzzy' cameras to give it that luxury US look, the show was noted for it's appearances from big stars such as Michael Aspel, Mary Beard, Maggie Philbin and John Craven, not to mention Robin Askwith, who guested as Fiona's boyfriend Robbie in a couple of episodes. Meanwhile, that memorable theme tune was actually a version of Deep Blue Something's shit '90s pop rock song 'Breakfast at Tiffany's', the lyrics adapted for the purposes of the show ('And I said, what about, breakfast at Dickinson's?').

While never attaining big viewing figures, the series was nonetheless something of a cult hit, but it was not without it's upsets. Classic Antiques Roadshow presenter Rippon was apparently not happy with having to wear a black wig, whilst Wonnacot's character - a female version of himself named 'Timotina' - has been cited as a case of 'gender appropriation' in recent times, with the result that reruns often clumsily chop his character out altogether.

Still, if you fancy a harmless, light-hearted chuckle, you could do worse than pop in on Dickinson and co. - only on The Comedy Central!

Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #21 on: March 11, 2021, 01:28:41 AM »

Nobody told Dickinson the antiques life was gonna be this way!

clap-clap clap


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #22 on: March 11, 2021, 06:13:18 PM »
clap-clap clap

Your antiques job's a joke, y'broke, you're ITV contract has expired!

Foodies rejoice! For after trying his hand at pretty much everything else under the sun, Dickinson has finally 'done a Delia', as they used to say, and entered the TV kitchen business!

Starting on the Food Network this summer, Dickinson's Delectable Dishes sees David don his smart, new chef's hat and brave the sweaty exotic chimes of his own home kitchen, where he will display his well-hidden talent for culinary delights! Here he will show you how to cook many of his previously-undiscovered signature dishes. For starters there's the likes of his nutmeg consommé, lightly seasoned with a sprig of hazelnut and with just the slightest hint of burberries.

Ready for mains? You'll enjoy learning how to cook up such delicious stomach-fillers as David's raw pig's leg in curdy whelk sauce, served with a mere soupçon of pea pod clusters in a delicate wine jus.

And for pudding? How about Eccles cake splattered in a spicy lemon drizzle and left to bask in all it's glory? That's just one of the many favourites to be tested by David's taster on every show, MasterChef legend Gregg Wallace, who will almost certainly emit his famed "Cwoh, vat is lavely!" on more than one occasion!

So has David left the antiques world for the lure of the stove? "Not a bit of it!" chuckles David, Skyping me from the very kitchen he presents the show from in his luxury castle in Knossos on the Greek island of Crete. "In fact, I did actually manage to sneak in an antiques element, in the shape of my vintage egg timer which I use throughout the series!"

What was Gregg like to work with, by the way, David? "Greggy's a diamond in the rough, mate," chirps Dickinson. "I won't have a word said against him. Oh before I forget, please buy my tie-in book, Dining with Dickinson, available from all good branches of WHSmith, priced just £49.99.... NOW! Gotta go, me wife's calling me to watch Line of Duty... bon appetite!"


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #23 on: March 15, 2021, 07:47:25 PM »

Running for five series from 2014-17 on ITV, Dickinson's Delightful Decors saw David tackling the home improvements game, with the help of the wonderful Linda Barker... and a surprizing third presenter.

"We needed another female presenter pronto, and they were all busy doing This Morning or owt," explains David via a holographic transmission from the safety of his antiviral bunker in the Maldives. "Fortunately, DIY SOS legend Nick Knowles saved the day by stepping into the role, going on a special regime to gain a 'womanly' figure and dressing up like a woman! In the process, he became known as 'Nikita' Knowles, and ended up sticking with the show even after Fern Britton became available!"

David, Linda and Nikita quickly developed something of a rapport, and brightened an already breezy show with laughter and good banter. "Linda was an old hand at this game, but I quickly picked up the required skills meself, approaching each house we were sprucing up with a keen eye for interior design," says David. "I would recommended shocking pink for a living room for example, or say the cushions would be nice in a shade of pastel. 'Those curtains could do with going in the skip!' things like that."

Meanwhile, Nikita used the abilities of her alter-ego Nick to make sure all the practical stuff got done. "He may have been a woman now, but Knowles' talent with a toolbox was certainly not amiss!" laughs David today. "Me and Linda stuck to all the fancy soppy shite - excuse my language - whilst Nikita played tomboy with the piping and electrics!"

The team's doings were accompanied by a very memorable muzak synth-piano pop 'n' roll soundtrack, which kept things light and fizzy and in keeping with the series' gently daytime slot. But there were darker things afoot behind the scenes, as Nikita came in for criticism from political correctness groups.

"Some interfering busybodies started complaining about Nick Knowles pretending to be a woman, and so he ended up being replaced in the last series by Kirstie Allsopp," sighs David. "Nikita's last show ended with a slow-mo montage of her best moments, to the sound of Elton John''s 'Nikita', which was a nice touch," adds David, a tear seeming to form in his eye.

It may have been just some home decor show that ended four years ago, but if you can seek out any recordings of this fantastic series we highly recommended ye do so!


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #24 on: March 18, 2021, 06:55:20 PM »

Hold on to your underpants, as the entire terrifying David-fronted thriller/horror/drama series Tales of the Armchair Dickinson is finally available on DVD!

Running for 65 episodes from 1975-89, it saw David introduce shocking scripts from the likes of Roald Dahl, Brian Clemens and Shaun Hutson. Each tale had a sting in the twist, and - YES! - a vague 'antiques' theme. Classics such as 'The Price of the Monkey's Paw', 'Expensive Vintage Honey' and 'The Antiques Dealer with No Face' remain memorably blood-chilling to this day, with Tim Wonnacott just recently telling Homes & Antiques magazine that he still can't watch it with the lights off!

The opening title sequence was particularly memorable, the fisheye camera lens revealing Dickinson's shadow-body taking it's seat in the armchair, whilst a mysterious woman dances amid the flames! The creepy, off-key oboe/organ theme was very famously composed by Rick Wakeman.

The whole caboodle is available now, but in a suitably mysterious twist, you will have to find out yourself where you can purchase it - NOW!

David introduced the tales from his terrifying armchair. Being rather busy over
the years, he often had to work out auction room pricings whilst filming took place.


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #25 on: March 19, 2021, 10:29:52 AM »

Fans of '80s action TV are in for a treat, as David shows his pre-Bargain Hunt/Real Deal tough-guy chops in wry crime drama series Dickinson, P.I. (or Private Dickinson as it was known in the US), which is (at last!) streaming on That Netflix!

Running for six series from 1982-86, D, P.I., saw a fictionalized version of David retrieving stolen antiques and fighting tough guys around Central London, occasionally mixing business with pleasure and inviting some femme fatale to join him on the luxury Thames houseboat which he called home!

Handy with his fists he may have been, but David was fortunate to have help in the shape of lovable rogue The Gypsy Hollyhocks, played by the ever-dependable Dudley Sutton. Hollyhocks was on hand whenever the rough and tumble became too much, often with a clue or hint that would help David solve the mystery without having to resort to muscle!

By the way, that buff physique was no trick of the camera, as David explained to me in an exclusive interview from behind a Perspex screen on Wimbledon Common this morning.

"I was well fit in the '80s," chuckles David, in-between sips of his Starbucks mocaccino. "I used to go to the gym every day, and I was mad for the steroids!"

But a dark cloud descends when I bring up co-star Sutton. "Dudley was the reason the series ended," Dickinson murmurs softly. "His character had become so popular that when he decided to leave it was all over."

But when did David discover his sidekick was about to make an exit? "The Strangled Cow, Deptford, 1985. I was just finishing a pint of mild when some young Turk came up to and said, "Oi, Dickinson, we've poached Sutton for our new show and there's fuck all you can do about it!" That young Turk was Ian McShane, and he was of course talking about Lovejoy. I've never liked McShane since. It's the reason I've never watched Deadwood, even though it looks ace."

On a happier note, David is surely happy the show is finding a whole new audience on This Netflix? "Nah mate, I don't use that. As I told Keith Lemon when I went shopping with him on his show, I just have the Sky Cinema or owt."

Thanks for your time David!


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #26 on: March 19, 2021, 10:47:47 PM »

Comedies come two a penny, but they're never more runcible then with Never the Tim!, the Tim Wonnacott/Dickinson vehicle that had them rolling in the aisles!

Ably scripted by the wonderful Sinden Smallpiece and running for just two series from 2004-5, the humorous sitcom saw David and Wonnacott play fictionized versions of themselves. As rival antiques shop owners who live next door to each other, they bickered and bartered like there was no tomorrow!

The whole thing is available now on a rewritable DVD from better branches of Poundland and Poundstretcher but unfortunately not Asda. Pay no more then a "cheap as chips" £1.49 per copy!


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #27 on: March 20, 2021, 06:37:39 PM »

The year is 2008, and Dickinson has finally decided to "do a Palin" and make a travel show. Thus was born the six-episode Travel's with Dickinson on the Discovery Channel.

Leaving behind all home comforts, David packs his luggage, kisses goodbye to Ada Dickinson and heads off for Heathrow. Two days later he's in the Adriatic, aboard a boat filled with antique sailor equipment. "I'm 'avin' some of that!" quips David, casting his glowing eye over the nautical hoard!

A week later and David and camera crew are in a Marrakesh bazaar, where he spots a particularly valuable-looking hookah pipe. He manages to haggle the price down to £50, but he knows he'll get a least at grand for it when he gets back to Blighty!

These and other incidents await you if you manage to catch a re-run of the series. Good luck!


  • Keep calm. Breathe.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #28 on: March 21, 2021, 01:59:19 PM »
Dickinson does Dallas.


  • We're all in the gutter.
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #29 on: March 22, 2021, 06:44:14 PM »

Dickinsons come ten a penny these days, and with so many to go round it's no wonder there's a show called 8 Out of 10 Dickinsons. But what's even less surprising is that there's also a spin off show, 8 Out of 10 Dickinsons Do Countdown!

Running on C4 since 2014 or thereabouts, it doesn't actually make it any funnier since when, the show saw David and his 'Seven Dwarf'-Dickinsons (not literally dwarves, it's just an affectionate term for his clone selves) bring a wry twist to classic 'words-and-numbers' gameshow Countdown. Truth be told, it was only the original Dickinson that hosted, with the rest of the Dickinsons mainly hanging around the set and causing bother in vaguely amusing ways!

No, it was the guests that lit up the panel, and these invariable consisted of David's TV antiques mates, with the likes of Eric Knowles and Paul Martin gracing the studio with their presence. As with the original Countdown format, Susie Dent can always be found in 'Dictionary Corner', although since the beginning rumours have persisted that David had tried to get rid of her and do her role too, allegedly intending to rename it 'Dickinson's Dictionary Corner'.

And rounding out this cavalcade of rogues there is Fiona Bruce, taking over the Rachel Riley role as letter-and-number provider extraordinaire! Of course occasional things get fucked up, resulting in some rather rude words!

So there you have it, and if you want to catch 8Oo10DDC, iI suggest you check the listings or 4oD! The video quality on the C4 player is legendarily shite and unwatchable, though!