Author Topic: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.  (Read 1745 times)

Glebe

  • It's a fanny old mafia game, innit?
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #30 on: March 26, 2021, 12:58:59 AM »


Dickinson is renowned for his consummate professionalism, but even he makes the odd smeg-up! And thus a 50-minute extravaganza has been prepared, hosting by David himself and showing all his best foul-ups, cock-ups, blooped moments and outtake-fuck ups!

Exclusively made available by Polygram Video on a specially-prepared 'retro' VHS release limited to 500 copies, Dickinson's Smeg-Ups and Cocked Scenes! sees everyone's favourite TV antiques man put his foot in it - and frequently in his mouth! Lines are fluffed, expensive vases are dropped and there are fits of giggles as we see outtakes from the cutting room floor, some 'too hot for TV' and with the odd rude word uttered!

So go on, do y'self a favour and order the video - NOW!

Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #31 on: March 26, 2021, 12:56:43 PM »


Deja Vu! that strange feeling we sometimes get that we’ve lived through something before. David Dickinson completists will soon be experiencing deja vu of their own when DAVID DICKINSON’S DEJA VU returns to screens on the Flashback Channel. The Flashback CEO recently nutshelled the deal to me from inside some kind of psychedelic rave-tent. “We’re a niche channel dedicated to LSD related content but to be honest there’s not much market for that so we’re trying to widen our content with more general memory, deja-vu, presque-vu and jamais-vu based shows. We picked up DDDV on the cheap to see if this idea has legs.”

David himself provided more info on a zoom call from his island fortress in the mid-atlantic. “Deja Vu! That strange feeling we sometimes get that we’ve lived through something before. That was the name and concept of a show which I did back in the early noughties. When the execs explained it to me it was more a psychology-themed documentary but I instantly realised this would bore the pants off viewers. The show needed a hook and the hook was antiques!

“We did some footage from the antiques shop I was running at the time and the idea was we’d shoot one short scene and repeat it four or five times during the episode, interspersed with some reaction shots of me making ‘eh? That’s peculiar’ type faces. It was free advertising for me and we saved a small fortune in production costs because we only had to produce 10 minutes of footage for an ‘original’ 45 minute show!

“I also called up antiques chums and repeated old scams I’d run on them in the past. Trying to give them a feeling of deja-vu, that strange feeling we sometimes get that we’ve lived through something before. It didn’t really work though, except for Hugh Scully who I managed to convince to pay me six times over for an ‘antique’ gramophone which he already owned!” David chuckled.

“I’ve been told its going to be repeated on the Flashback channel. They’re a niche channel dedicated to LSD related content but to be honest there’s not much market for that so they’re trying to widen their content with more general memory, deja-vu, presque-vu and jamais-vu based shows.”

The show lasted one series on late night Channel Five before getting canned. There are six episodes but each episode features so much repeated content from the previous shows that episodes four, five and six have no original content whatsoever. Somewhat notorious when it came out, the show never recovered from the ridicule of smug satirist Ian Hislop who famously said “I’ve deja turned off!” on an episode of Have I Got News For You. The incident kicked off a long running vendetta for David, especially as he was guest presenter that night!

The show sadly sank without trace after that but is back on our screens this spring on the Flashback Channel as David explained. “The Flashback Channel is a niche channel dedicated to LSD related content but to be honest there’s not much market for that so they’re trying to widen their content with more general memory, deja-vu, presque-vu and jamais-vu based shows. The show is about Deja-Vu, that strange feeling we sometimes get that we’ve lived through something before.” David said, smoking god-knows-what through a giant antique bong.

Five minutes after our call ended, David phoned me again to tell me about his new show David Dickinson’s Deja-Vu. “It’s about Deja-vu, that strange feeling we sometimes get that we’ve lived through something before…” I told him that with a sense of humour like that it's no wonder that a Dickinson stand-up special on Netflix is rumoured to be in the works! "You what mate? I told you about the show already? Fuck me, I'm out of me gourd, the fellas at Flashback gave me this stuff, its stronger than the heroin I used to mainline back in the day."


Glebe

  • It's a fanny old mafia game, innit?
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #32 on: March 29, 2021, 09:30:39 AM »
^Excellent stuff, F! I think I saw that before... but I'm not sure. Hmmm.



The BBC have featured some classic adaptations in their time, but none so successfully chilling as 1969's O Whistle and Dickinson Will Come to You, My lad. Based on the much-loved 'cautionary auction' tale by Agatha Christies, it was directed by Alan Bennett and (unusually!) screened as a one-off fictional BBC Panorama special ('Parorama-normal', if you will!).

The 50-minute story features a young David Dickinson as a fictional version of himself, holidaying on the coast of Manchester. One day, he finds a mysterious antique whistle and loudly proclaims, "Finders keepers, I'm 'avin that, that's off to auction!" But little does he know that [SPOILER ALERT!] the whistle belongs to the ghost of Tim Wonnacott, who will appear to him in the form of a ghostly blanket!

Dickinson's performance was praised at the time, with Anthony Burgess calling it "a masterful study of a driven antiques nut". The programme itself was hugely influential, inspiring the likes of Mark Gatiss to create The League of Antique's Roadshow Gentlemen. Look for it on iPlayer... good luck!

Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #33 on: March 29, 2021, 11:00:46 AM »
'David Dickinson's Dick in Sons', where a sombre faced Dickinson explores the history of incest through historical artifacts.  This week it's medieval dildos with intricate carvings.[1]
 1. Monkey tennis?

Glebe

  • It's a fanny old mafia game, innit?
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #34 on: April 02, 2021, 03:26:23 PM »


Classic sitcoms rarely come two a penny, but they're nowt s'scrumptious as Dickinson All Hours! It saw David in the role of grumpy antiques shopkeep Dickwright, ably abetted by his nephew, Wonnville (Tim Wonnacott). Running for five series on BBC 1 from 1979-86, it brought in a wopping 50 million viewers weekly at the height of it's infamy.

The shop itself was a character of it's own, what with it's antique copies of Woman's Weekly hanging from a clothes line and dusty packets of Omo washing powder left unbought! And bringing up the rear was Fiona Bruce as Nurse Gladly Emmanuelle, and boy, did the innuendos fly! Another controversial aspect was Dickwright's stutter, which would never be allowed now THANKS TO THE PC BRIGADE.

But the laughs came thick and fast. "It's amazing, these modern z-zip trousers!" was one line that would have made you laugh, whilst Wonnville's constant daydreaming about possibly being the son of a Hungarian antiques millionaire proved warmly amusing. Meanwhile, the temperamental cash register was the most antique thing in the shop, but Dickwright always had an ace in the hole when he needed cheering up, thanks to Wonnville's antique ormolu timepiece ("Fer-fetch y'clock, Wonnville!").

A sequel to the series, Still Wonnacott All Hours, ran for four series from 2014-18, and saw Wonnville take over the role of Dickwright after his retirement, selling 'special paste' to Johnny Vegas.

Glebe

  • It's a fanny old mafia game, innit?
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #35 on: April 06, 2021, 05:29:17 PM »


Far be it from me to aggressively insist you check out any of David's lesser-known works, but I will certainly beseech you to order Dickinson's DMT Dream Delusions when it is made available to order from Warp Films soon. The 90-minute docu-drama/movie 'experience' features David Dickinson going where no Dickinson has gone before, by imbibing a potent cocktail of DMT, LSD, psilocybin, mescaline and ayahuasca, and licking a toad for good luck!

The aim of the experiment is to see whether there is anything beyond our stolid, physical realm, or if the fairy dreams of other dimensions are mere trifling fancies! So how did David get on?

"Not bad!" chirps David as he Zoom calls from beyond the ethereal fractal today. "I thought I saw a few DMT elves, and I was sure I heard a kind of endlessly echoing squeak of infinite joy at one point, but that may have just been a small dog that wandered into my vicinity while I was tripping off my skull on a mixture of insane chemi-blasters."

And would David do it again? He laughs and raises his eyebrows. "Em, well I would have to think twice about that!" he smiles wryly, phasing in and out of reality as we speak. "I'm not even sure I'm here or if I'm a ghost or an echo of a dream or a thought... all I can say is that I've started reading a lot of Terrence McKenna, and man, that dude knew where it was at, psychedelics-wise!"

And there we leave you David, in hopes that you return to some sort of less colourful, jellified form in the near future!

Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #36 on: April 27, 2021, 06:30:32 PM »
A lot of 'Double-D' fans may think that David's foray into the world of detective vehicles ended in 1986 with the infamous final episode of Dickinson, P.I. (now streaming 5 days a week on Netflix). If so, they obviously can't be bothered doing much research as they are missing out onDavid Dickinson- Gym Detective. Some bloody fans!







The fitness/sleuth mash-up was commissioned in 1997 by Planet Muscle, a short-lived production company making programs for body building cable channels. I spoke to Mike Atlas (grandson of Charles!) the former CEO, on a zoom call from his Malibu living room.

"We were pumping out footage from body-building meets but no-one was biting!" he yelled at me in between bouts of 'carb-loading'. "I was disgusted at the cable execs turning down prime shows, those guys were physical and mental weaklings with no vision!

"Then I was bench pressing one day and it hit me. There were zero body building channels out there at the time! We were trying to sell muscle to news, history and nature channels! I immediately called a 6-man arm-wrestle aka a Planet Muscle board meeting! We decided if we wanted to get body building into people's living rooms we had to do it by stealth!"

I asked the flexing exec if that was when he called David Dickinson but it seemed like 'roid-rage' had got the better of him. "How many pull-ups can you do???" he demanded angrily before launching a punch at his webcam. I made my excuses and left the zoom meeting room.

Looking for more 'clues' I gave David Dickinson himself a call. "Haha sounds like Mike hasn't changed!" he chuckles. "DDGD was a cracking little show. The premise was simple- I was a detective solving crimes in a gym! Sounds shite but I'd sunk a lot of money into buying abandoned safes at the time. I was told they had antiques in 'em but they turned out to be empty! So when the Planet Muscle guys rang I immediately signed up!"

The show featured David in the title role as a detective assigned to a gym when a body is discovered on the treadmill one morning! This is just the first of a series of crimes in the gym and David moves in to get to the bottom of the fitness centre crime-wave. As well as grisly murders David busts a changing room bootleg-vodka racket, a passport forging operation run from a rowing machine, and even foils a plot to murder Her Majesty the Queen on a royal visit to the gym!

The show featured Rory McGrath as the gym's resident hobo and Sharon from Eastenders (replaced by Trevor from Eastenders after three episodes) as Deborah, the gym manager and constant thorn in David's side. She always insists on strict gym protocol while David is trying to bang up the bastards that done it!

Unfortunately the show didn't last beyond one series and was never even aired! David puts this down to the volatile producer, Mike Atlas. "Mike was constantly on edge," he explains. "and he demanded 110% commitment to his body building vision. He would barge onto set and put the cast and crew through their paces on the treadmills and weight machines! I was exempt because I was the star but a lot of people walked out, like Sharon from Eastenders. Rory McGrath had a terrible time of it but he was so pissed he'd forgotten about it by the next day so he wasn't bothered.

"In spite of all this, we had a great six part series wrapped up and I thought this one had the potential to go all the way. Mike blew it though! He was pitching to the top dogs at Channel Four but he had lactic acid build-up in his glutes, pecs and quads and was in a foul mood. Michael Grade said the wrong word and Mike turned the Channel Four board room upside down!" David laughs. "I heard he literally picked up the board room table- it can seat 24 people mind you!- and was spinning it around his head. I would have LOVED to be a fly on the wall that day!"

After that Mike Atlas was persona non-grata in media-land, Planet Muscle went into receivership and David Dickinson- Gym Detective was consigned to TV legend, never to be aired.

But in a twist worthy of the show itself, the master tapes have been picked up by none other than Andrew Neil for his constantly delayed GB News channel! David filled me in: "Everyone realised the channel sounded shite, so they're going to change it to GB News and Mysteries- and I'm pleased to say that David Dickinson- Gym Detective will be the flagship show!" That's right, the full series of DDGM will be shown every day on our screens and you can see it- for a small fee- on GB News and Mysteries!

Glebe

  • It's a fanny old mafia game, innit?
Re: Lesser-known David Dickinson shows.
« Reply #37 on: April 27, 2021, 06:32:59 PM »
Crikey, must check that out! Perv McGrath is no longer on our screens!

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