My imagination as a kid was captured by this nine foot thing which suddenly appeared overnight in a local orchard in the mid 80s and made the local TV news, the quicksilver minds of BBC Newsroom South East dubbing it 'Orchard Man'.

It was actually its near identical mate that appeared around the same time on a field near a roundabout in New Ash Green that I was truly fascinated by but I can't find a picture online of that one. I would crane my head to look at it for as long as possible when we were in the car driving past. It looked exactly like Orchard Man only it had a staff it was leaning on and it looked more depressed. And it had its cock out.
One day Orchard Man and Depressed Bald Man (DOES HE POST HERE AHAHA) disappeared as mysteriously as they had arrived.
It would be good if that was the end but life's always too prosaic, someone found the misery guts exhibitionist one in a ditch and it got propped in the local rugby club bar. I spent my teenage early drinking years laughing at it and realising why it looked depressed, it was hung like a gnat. From a spellbinding childhood mystery to being boorishly mocked by the very child it had once captivated. Stone me, what a life.