ARGHHH!! having a baby!

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

So, decided to further ruin my life by having a baby.

Any top tips from fellow Cabber parents? Other than don't kill it, lose it or mix it up with some one else's at the supermarket.

Obviously I've already signed it up with a CaB account and have talked through some names with the mother.

If it's a girl I'm thinking either Ron or Anne. If it's a boy it's between Ron or Hans.

Seriously though. Help me!

Any top things to get for the first few months or stuff that is a total waste of money.

Etc.

[Rizla]

RIP Mumsnet.

Only joking Al, congratulations to you and the lady you did a spunk in. This is the best thing that will ever happen to both of you so enjoy it.

As for advice, you've covered most of it there. All I can offer is that if you are in scotland, resist the temptation to post a picture of your babybox on facebook with "Thanks Nicola! x" cos only utter cunts do that.

EDIT the mrs assures me that good resources include https://www.ahaparenting.com/ for general advice and stuff, and https://www.babycentre.co.uk/ for your forum-type stuff. Obviously stay well away from the hive of bitter terfery that is mumsnet.

Don't spend money on clothes and toys, you will be inundated with stuff from friends and family. If you do need to spend £ there's incredible bargains to be had online, facebook marketplace ebay etc.

[Dex Sawash]

Jesus, had a panic this was imi for a minute

[Dex Sawash]

Nice one, btw

[Tony Tony Tony]

First up congratulations and say goodbye to normal life.

My wife laughed so much at this book it was almost enough to forget the morning sickness etc.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Best-Friends-Guide-Pregnancy/dp/1408814250/ref=pd_lpo_14_img_0/257-3876845-1315731?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1408814250&pd_rd_r=2b5ab00a-d245-4eaa-8d3a-dd61d781fd19&pd_rd_w=i8PLb&pd_rd_wg=CAEQB&pf_rd_p=da0677f5-a47b-4543-8b54-10be576b8f26&pf_rd_r=RN36M0ACBAGS7X1HAQ36&psc=1&refRID=RN36M0ACBAGS7X1HAQ36   

Best advice I would give is go along to loads of nearly new sales of baby stuff (COVID allowing the NCT hold loads of em). Anything in the sale that looks brand new should be crossed of the list of kit to buy cause it being new in the sale means it got used once if at all.

[Mister Six]

If you're having a baby you should get off CaB and focus on breathing and pushing.

[The Mollusk]

Having a baby are you mate? Legend. Legendary behaviour.

Get the ultrasound pic in here ASAP so we can shop a load of inappropriate stuff all over it!

[Tony Tony Tony]

As I am a soppy git I would add that be sure to get Mrs Al a lovely pressie (jewellery always acceptable). once she has squeezed out the sprog and she hands you the little alien who is going to rule the rest of your days, you hand the gift over and say this is from little Ron.

Won't be a dry eye in the house.

[Captain Z]

Baby technology has improved a lot in recent years, you can pretty much just leave them to get on with it themselves these days.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Thanks for advice. Thankfully got most baby stuff donated by family so not had to buy too much crap yet.

I work shifts and am studying part-time so I have already waved goodbye to normal life.

Having a baby are you mate? Legend. Legendary behaviour.

Get the ultrasound pic in here ASAP so we can shop a load of inappropriate stuff all over it!

Sonographer said this all normal at this stage of fetal development!?

[Ferris]

Labour is a wild time. You won't forget it.

I had some good advice in another thread but I've forgotten what it was. You'll be surprised how easily it all comes to you though, there's really not much to it. You shovel stuff in one end and handle the detritus out the other.

First few weeks are very difficult and not a barrel of laughs, get through em day by day and around month 2 you're laughing[nb]because you've gone loopy from sleep deprivation[/nb].

All the best, feel free to PM any questions or put them in here if you want non-Ferris answers (but why the fuck would you want those?)

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Yep, heard the first 6-8 weeks are a big bag of shite and then after that it is just mostly shit.

I will PM you at 3 am when the beast is malfunctioning.

[Replies From View]

If it's a boy it's between Ron or Hans.

Why not both those names rolled into one, as in "Rolf Harris"?

[poo]

Yep, heard the first 6-8 weeks are a big bag of shite and then after that it is just mostly shit.

I will PM you at 3 am when the beast is malfunctioning.

Fucking horrendous for about four years.

[Ferris]

Yep, heard the first 6-8 weeks are a big bag of shite and then after that it is just mostly shit.

I will PM you at 3 am when the beast is malfunctioning.

It's worth knowing though, some people expect it to be a right laugh immediately and feel guilty or that they're doing it wrong when it stinks for a few weeks.

I documented my 4am madness in the appropriate thread rather than PMing people in the middle of the night. Have some decorum, man.

[imitationleather]

Jesus, had a panic this was imi for a minute

Oh, why's that then?

[ersatz99]

The first 20 years are the worst.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Labour is a wild time. You won't forget it.

Kier's slogan for the 2024 General Election.

[Ferris]

Oh, why's that then?

You'd sweep the board at the Parent Awards and make the rest of us look like incompetent cunts.

[imitationleather]

I'm going to have a baby now and show you all what a real parent looks like.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Congratulations.




Is it mine?

[Glebe]

Congrats to you an Mrs. Tha Funkee Homosapien, Al! The very best of luck for a healthy, bouncing, Mini-Funkee!

[idunnosomename]

The first 20 years are the worst.

kieth's slogan for the 2029 election

[Thomas]

Congrats Al. Mark has a baby in Peep Show and you barely see it, so it can't be that much work. My best friend and his wife have just announced their own forthcoming kiddo - 'mental innit' was his deadpan summation. It's chill these days. Spark up a spliff, stick on News UK TV Kids, and watch Ron grow like one of those foam dinosaurs in a glass.

[idunnosomename]

and watch Ron grow like one of those foam dinosaurs in a glass.

what, incredibly disappointingly and ultimately underwhelming?

[Ferris]

I'm going to have a baby now and show you all what a real parent looks like.

If it's kids you're after, I've a two year old here I could let go for a very reasonable fee, low mileage, financing available.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

what, incredibly disappointingly and ultimately underwhelming?

It will certainly be taking after it's father if that's the case.

[TrenterPercenter]

Congrats Al you'll be a great father I'm sure!

[chveik]

congrats! hope it doesn't get in the way of the wimblewrong schedule though

[Fambo Number Mive]

Will you dress your kid up as Ron or Anne one World Book Day and try and pretend it's a character from an obscure children's book?

No doubt the other parents will be still dressing their children up as Captain Tom while they tut at NHS staff in England asking to be properly paid.