Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 29, 2024, 02:15:57 AM

Login with username, password and session length

ARGHHH!! having a baby!

Started by Al Tha Funkee Homosapien, March 06, 2021, 02:30:37 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

greencalx

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on July 05, 2021, 07:19:51 PM
You have to be pretty strict about the sleep training for it to be effective (not that you weren't of course!) but it was a lifesaver for us.

I guess this depends on what you mean by "sleep training". If you mean having a quiet, calm, well-temperature-regulated, dark space for the children to sleep, establishing a bedtime and a routine to go with it that is not over-stimulating (and, for older children, clear rules about when it's acceptable to disturb the grown-ups) and sticking with it, then I'm with you.

On the other hand if you are referring to things like letting the child cry it out, then I am more skeptical. Clearly it works for some people, but it's not at all obvious why it works. Basically what we are trying to do is to get the body to move from the 3-hour sleep cycle that is the factory default to the 24-hour cycle characteristic of adults. So there's some biochemistry involved, and likely some developmental stuff too. You're on a hiding to nothing if you try and get something happening before the relevant developmental stage has been reached. So I do think that some of the techniques that sleep consultants will sell you for an eye-watering fee do work if the child is already appropriately configured to be receptive to them. This may include crying it out, almost certainly if you only need to do it once (as many of its proponents claim). At the same time I think claims of crying it out being harmful for a child's long-term wellbeing are likely bullshit.

None of this is problematic. What's problematic is people who don't understand that what worked for them may not work for you, a behaviour that often migrates into a judgement on your ability as a parent. (Again, to be clear, I'm not accusing anyone here of this - this isn't Mumsnet after all). On the subject of sleep specifically, research shows that the sleeping patterns of children up to age three are highly variable. Some are "sleeping through" (again, caution required, this term is used very elastically by parents who want this to be true) by six months; almost all of them make it by three years. Obviously for their own sanity everyone wants to be closer to six months than three years: I wouldn't wish the three years on anyone. I do think it's wise for people to know that it could be as long as three years, but unlikely to be longer, and it may be that they have limited ability to change it by more than a few days. Under those circumstances I would suggest that people give things a try in the hope that will work, but with the understanding that if they don't it's not because you're doing it wrong, but you didn't try it at the right time. Give it another go a few weeks later if you want - you never know, it might work in the end.

Ferris

Yes absolutely agree with all of that.

I meant if you do give it a try, then key to it working (if it is going to work for you at all, which it may not) is being strict about letting them be awake on their own and putting themselves back to sleep.

Amusingly, Ferris Jr was up at 2:45am last night (so I'm fucking knackered today) and it goes to show no system is ever going to be flawless. What I will say is that sleep training definitely worked for us, and while nothing is a magic solution it was as close as can be for us (which may not be the same for everyone).

Blue Jam

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on July 04, 2021, 04:23:34 PM
I'd forgotten the bottle sterilization/formula prep.

Surely it's just like making homebrew?

Ferris

Quote from: Blue Jam on July 07, 2021, 06:33:14 PM
Surely it's just like making homebrew?

I've just sanitized and bottled 20l of pale ale actually. Good timing!

I don't doubt brewing (and the wife's chemistry degree) helped with all that sterilizing carry on. I'm sure she'd say it was based on her education but I think getting hooched in a shed has made me her sterilizing equal.

Glebe

It's amazing the way you can just call the stork, and nine months later a small child appears!

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

Quote from: Glebe on July 07, 2021, 11:36:33 PM
It's amazing the way you can just call the stork, and nine months later a small child appears!

It does kind of feel like that. Suddenly there is a baby there!

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

Just a quick update, we are now 11 weeks in and it is now like 20% terrible, 75% okay and 5% good, which is great!

100% would not recommend, but she is lovely.

imitationleather


Butchers Blind


Glebe

Nice one Al! Just don't let that small child human keep you so busy that you've no time to do your excellent photoshops/animated gifs!

jamiefairlie

Our little one is now five and I look back on that first year with a real sense of gratitude that I spent so much time with her at such a formative age, sleepless nights and dirty nappies included, it's a real privilege.

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

Quote from: jamiefairlie on September 18, 2021, 06:45:28 PM
Our little one is now five and I look back on that first year with a real sense of gratitude that I spent so much time with her at such a formative age, sleepless nights and dirty nappies included, it's a real privilege.

Yeah, that's total bullshit.

Quote from: imitationleather on September 18, 2021, 05:20:34 PM
You left her on the bus yet?

One does not indulge in public transport.

Quote from: Butchers Blind on September 18, 2021, 05:26:37 PM
Your personal 9/11.

Another one to add to the pile.

Quote from: Glebe on September 18, 2021, 05:57:09 PM
Nice one Al! Just don't let that small child human keep you so busy that you've no time to do your excellent photoshops/animated gifs!

I fear that's it for a bit. Will be back soon hopefully.

Glyn

Quote from: greencalx on July 06, 2021, 09:00:09 AM
What's problematic is people who don't understand that what worked for them may not work for you, a behaviour that often migrates into a judgement on your ability as a parent.

Well articulated ! This was 100% my experience. Our kids were not good sleepers and took many years (a lot more than 3!) to get close to sleeping through.

It was frustrating but what was worse were other parents who (often well meaningly) queued up to tell me what we were doing wrong. I guess every parent wants to take credit for their kids and wants to help out other parents with helpful advice but after trying lots of things the only conclusion I came to was that ultimately their kids weren't my kids . Just like adults, some things will work for some people and won't work for others.

If you find a way to help your kids sleep through you haven't magically cracked all parenting and if you don't you haven't failed. Some things just take time unfortunately.

Ferris

I got all cocky about the sprog sleeping through the night only for that to go to complete shit with toilet training and then with his transition to a toddler bed (goodbye crib/cot).

He's back to (mostly) sleeping though, but it's been about 6 months of bullshit.