People who turn up for a new job and then never come back

[turnstyle]

Weird innit?

What happens to these people? Applying, and getting a job, is a bit of a faff. You're looking at finding a place that's hiring (faff), sending in an application (faff), going to at least one interview (faff), brushing your hair so it looks nice on your first day (faff), and then basically saying 'nah', and disappearing.

I think possible reasons for the no shows are:

- Better job offered
- Fallen down a ravine on way to work
- Hate the job
- Discover time travel immediately after starting the job and instead of returning to a 9 - 5 office job, go back/forward in time, possibly with a spunky sidekick
- Weird sexual fetish for starting new jobs

I once worked at a place where a new starter mentioned in passing it was his birthday the following day. We had a whip round, got him a card and present, and a cake, which he gratefully received. Then after that we never saw him again. Made me wonder if he was running some sort of scam where he starts a new job, says its his birthday, and reaps the rewards of small birthday gifts from strangers, before vanishing into the night to do it all again at another office. 

[Mr_Simnock]

Hate the job I think is the main reason, I have had some very shitty mindless jobs when I was trying to get out of long term appointment 20 years ago. Everyone who didn't turn up the next day was dodging a bullet.

[Tony Tony Tony]

When I worked in the civil service a scam was uncovered that relied on the fact that interviews were hosted by folks who would send out the successful candidates to offices all over the place and likely never see them again.

Turned out there was one guy going to heaps off interviews, getting offered a posts and farming out the actual job out to his mates. They would then do the work and he was siphoning off a portion of their earnings. Genius 

[The Culture Bunker]

When working for a small publishing company years ago, we used to put bets on whether new recruits to the sales department would see out the week. I'd say a good 30% didn't - the record was somebody after their first morning saying they were nipping out for a sandwich and not coming back.

In my temping days, I sacked off one job after a couple of days. I'd be sent to Royal Bank of Scotland to do a date entry gig: mindless and dull, but I needed the £6.50 a hour. However, on the first day, this Polish lady and I were taken aside and put in the team who dealt with people who had missed mortgage payments. After I got a full understanding of the job, I said "I'm not prepared to do this" and went home. Strangely, the temp agency never bothered to call me again. Thankfully, this was 2007 and there was still plenty of work around in those days.

[Bazooka]

I once worked at a place where a new starter mentioned in passing it was his birthday the following day. We had a whip round, got him a card and present, and a cake, which he gratefully received. Then after that we never saw him again. Made me wonder if he was running some sort of scam where he starts a new job, says its his birthday, and reaps the rewards of small birthday gifts from strangers, before vanishing into the night to do it all again at another office.

Second day, and already receiving gifts, if you are too nice he could have hoodwinked you again and said it was his birthday again on the third day.

[seepage]

In one job we spent absolutely ages finding the right candidate, who passed the interview and was offered the job there & then. On leaving the building a TV reporter asked them about rumours the firm was going bust...

[Huxleys Babkins]

We had a few who simply disappeared at lunch after discovering that the agency had painted a rather unrealistic picture of what the job would be like.

There was one chap we thought had given up at lunch, but had actually managed to get lost and was found two hours later, aimlessly wandering around the site by a security guard. He was let go after he was unable to successfully explain why he hadn't called the office on his mobile or followed the many signs pointing to reception.

One bloke started and then disappeared after a week. He'd been arrested for stealing from one of the other companies on site. One of his mates was working in their stores and was passing him computer parts. The plan was something that was half genuinely impressive, half imbecilic; You go to the effort of getting a job so you could legitimately be on site and having it be at another company to your mate so there's no obvious link. But then he'd cycle around to the stores and him and his mate are both on multiple CCTV cameras stuffing his rucksack full of boxes.

[kryton2.0]

Almost certainly a high amount of people vanishing is due to the expectation of the job not being what was presented to them on paper. Or just outright lies at the interview stage. Or maybe cunt bosses.

[Jasha]

Weird innit?
I once worked at a place where a new starter mentioned in passing it was his birthday the following day. We had a whip round, got him a card and present, and a cake, which he gratefully received. Then after that we never saw him again.

Arse about face, it's the birthdayee who brings in the cakes/donuts/sausage rolls. There's a woman here who does fantastic samosas as a sideline (veg 40p each meat 85p each). She must make more from the baking than the job.

On the new starter front as already mentioned the temp agency will tell them anything except how mind numbingly repetitive the work will be, There's often a sweepstake on how long they will last with my record being one that went to lunch and never returned while the all time record is one that arrived without safety boots, said they'd left them in the car and was never seen again.

[kryton2.0]

A friend of mine got his training on a LLOP truck in a warehouse. Stacked up a ton of pasta sauce jars on his cage, drove round the corner, the whole things smashed to bugger as it toppled over. So he panicked and ran off and never returned.

[Billy]

I spent a few months working at a cinema with an insanely high turnover - every single week there'd be about five or six new people on the rota, of which approximately two would never even start, two would do one or two shifts and immediately disappear, and anyone else would stay, sometimes just for a few weeks. Most of the staff were teenage/uni age and I think many assumed that "working at a cinema" is just chilling out sitting at a box office all day, not realising in many cases you also have to make and prepare the food, clean the screens etc, which on a busy weekend is rather intense for the often minimum wage they get.

One on his first day was immediately asking the managers in a rather threatening tone "When can I see my free film?", making me think some intended to work one shift just to watch whatever new Marvel film was out for free and then leave.

[holyzombiejesus]

you also have to make and prepare the food, clean the screens etc,

???

[Hat FM]

what about people that randomly leave without telling anyone after working somewhere for months? very odd.

[DrGreggles]

A mate of mine got a job about 20 years back, turned up on the first day and was introduced to the person he'd be working with.
It was a guy who he'd recently had a fight with in a local pub.
He just said "Nah, I'm not working with that cunt" and fucked off.
Total time spent there: 20 minutes


_{BTW, my mate was right. The cunt was later sent down for aggravated burglary against an old woman.}

[steveh]

At one place someone came along for the Christmas outing prior to starting in January and then sheepishly called the next week to say that they had changed their mind and decided to return to university instead.

[earl_sleek]

I employed someone last year who got fired on his first shift for falling asleep.

[Bazooka]

At one place someone came along for the Christmas outing prior to starting in January and then sheepishly called the next week to say that they had changed their mind and decided to return to university instead.

But he had to, he was the Dean.

[amputeeporn]

Yeah, it is weird.

I remember the first time I noticed it, I was working in this terrible city centre indie nightclub hell hole - there were something like 30+ tills which gives you some sense of how bad it was - always a zoo. I got paired with several people who never came back, despite friendly conversations etc. At the time I needed the money so badly that it didn't occur to me that some people might not.

Weirdest one for me was slightly different. I was working in a chain shop, always big turnover but people lasted months rather than days, all except one girl. She was a little older than me, and pretty but a little hard looking, like she'd seen stuff. That night when I was walking home after the late shift (so probably getting on for 11pm) I glanced into a disused garage forecourt and saw a woman lit-up in car headlights, stripping for the man or men in the car. We locked eyes, I saw it was the girl from work and scarpered.

She never came back, which I felt shit about because I never would have said anything, either to her or our colleagues. Later she found me on Facebook and sent me a message saying she'd give me 'mates rates' on a threesome. I became slightly fascinated by her, to the extent of googling a bit and discovering that she had a really tragic family history/no one in her life, and felt extra bad that I'd passed when I had, as I think the loss of her day job sent her further down the drugs and stripping route than she might otherwise have gone.

[Dex Sawash]

I began a new job, got showed where the Phwoarr room was right before lunch and just never came back

[Aaron500]

Weirdest one for me was slightly different. I was working in a chain shop, always big turnover but people lasted months rather than days, all except one girl. She was a little older than me, and pretty but a little hard looking, like she'd seen stuff. That night when I was walking home after the late shift (so probably getting on for 11pm) I glanced into a disused garage forecourt and saw a woman lit-up in car headlights, stripping for the man or men in the car. We locked eyes, I saw it was the girl from work and scarpered.

She never came back, which I felt shit about because I never would have said anything, either to her or our colleagues. Later she found me on Facebook and sent me a message saying she'd give me 'mates rates' on a threesome. I became slightly fascinated by her, to the extent of googling a bit and discovering that she had a really tragic family history/no one in her life, and felt extra bad that I'd passed when I had, as I think the loss of her day job sent her further down the drugs and stripping route than she might otherwise have gone.

That's a sad story. A sexy one too.

Was the threesome MMF, or FFM? Asking for a wank.

[Tony Tony Tony]

That's a sad story. A sexy one too.

Was the threesome MMF, or FFM? Asking for a wank.

MMM?

[mothman]

MMM?

She shows you into a room and says "Right, this is Colin... and this is Steve. Colin, Steve, this is Amputeeporn. You three have fun now! Ta-ra!" And leaves.

[Ray Travez]

Left a job after half an hour or so. It was litter-picking in a park. I reported for duty at this hut, and there were all page three pics blu-tacked to the walls inside. I thought, "this isn't the place for me." As soon as the shift started I just walked off. About ten people started that day, so I doubt anyone noticed. Next day I started work as a cleaner in an old people's home, which suited me fine. 

[confettiinmyhair]

I lasted two days working in a potato factory that produced frozen chips and roast potatoes. My job was to cook the chips in an oven for the supervisors to sample. Some kind of quality control dogsbody. It was so boring. I think it was the long commute to the middle of nowhere that was the main contributing factor for leaving.

[checkoutgirl]

I've only ever left two jobs on the first day. One was a pot wash job when I was about 17, I could tell the two women running it were idiots and didn't know what they were doing and they were only paying £2.50 an hour pre €uro. Fuck that.

Another at age 20 was a job making chips in a restaurant a mate was working at. It was a decent mid range restaurant but the banter in that kitchen was intolerable. Pure sexism. Some kitchens are like a last chance saloon for people who would otherwise be in prison. Not for me, I'm off.

Another job I lasted about a week making plastic curtains for lorries. Again the staff were very working class and crude and banter came into play quite quickly, crude sexual references to wives etc. Not my cup of tea at all. I'll see ya when I see ya. Good luck.

Any other job I've stuck it out for at least a few weeks.

[mothman]

I lasted two days in McDonalds. The lunchtime shift in the Oxford Street branch... well, not the environment for a delicate flower like me.

That record lasted ten years. Then twenty years ago I got a contract IT role at the Pickfords depot in Enfield. Turned up first day, the IT manager (a rat-faced little scrote) thought I was his important big 9am meeting and lost interest in me once he realised the truth. I was then asked to provide IT support - from a desk with no phone or computer. Later I went out on a couple of support visits with another team member, but really I did fuck all all day. Not even MrsMoth questioned my refusal to go back the next day. £120 I think I got, not too bad for a day's non-work.

[JamesTC]

what about people that randomly leave without telling anyone after working somewhere for months? very odd.

There was one guy who we eventually learned had joined just as a gap between dropping out of uni and starting a new course. He would concoct absurd stories for why he wasn't in such as:

• Heatstroke from the bus.
• The power was out at his house.
• After being phoned to ask where he was, he was on a train to London and explained he thought he booked the day off.
• After being missing for a week he turned up with straps on both wrists and explained he had "keyboard and mouse syndrome".

EDIT: He also fell asleep during training. That wouldn't be TOO bad if it weren't for the fact that it is a busy office and at the time he was sitting to the side of somebodies desk so was essentially sitting there asleep right in the middle of the office where everybody could see him.

[flotemysost]

When working for a small publishing company years ago, we used to put bets on whether new recruits to the sales department would see out the week. I'd say a good 30% didn't - the record was somebody after their first morning saying they were nipping out for a sandwich and not coming back.

As a new recruit to the sales department of a small publisher years ago who didn't last very long, I feel like I'm owed at least a cut of this racket.

Not quite the same as never coming back after one shift, but there was a new guy who joined my team via an agency a few years ago who was seemingly doing everything in his power in the first few weeks to avoid passing his probation, including:

- Lying on his CV about his skills (including specific coding languages)

- Doing fuck all work, but somehow managing to find the time to set his desktop background AND Windows icon to a photo of himself (two different photos, in fact)

- Complaining that he had to sit next to a gay colleague because "He might talk about fancying a guy and I won't know what to say"

- In his first team meeting, when invited to tell us a bit about himself/talk about his weekend (or whatever the perfunctory informal introduction premise was), regaling us with a bizarre anecdote which culminated in his friend drunkenly eating a dead mouse

- Being creepily flirtatious with our manager, despite being engaged (and telling us all, unprompted, how much he spent on the proposal, which included a private helicopter, apparently)

I mean the guy had a death wish (in terms of his employment), surely.

[flotemysost]

My own personal record is about two weeks, awful call centre job where they pulled me aside a couple of hours into my first shift to ask why I hadn't made any sales yet, and a horrible creepy bastard used to grab me on my way into the office and try to stick his tongue down my throat.

And they made it nigh on impossible to swap shifts, so even if you had weekend plans that had been booked months ago but you were put down for the Saturday 5pm-midnight, forget it, there were broadband packages to be sold after all! (I don't know if they were making calls up until midnight or if they found some other humiliating labour for the staff to do up until then, I never did that shift, I wouldn't have put it past them though.)

I just rang the agency and told them I'd found another job so I was leaving with immediate effect. "Who's the new job with?" "Oh it's er, it's, you wouldn't have heard of it, it's a startup, byeee" *click*

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Track them down, all of them, in the van, what, shut up i said get in the van