Notably terrible X-Files Episodes

[Sebastian Cobb]

I love soft focus and monochrome

Put another dime in the Cinebox baby!

[Sebastian Cobb]

Just watched Beyond the Sea with Brad Dourif as Boggs. Not a bad episode but I guess one thing that really stands out are that his 'prison tattoos' are quite obviously just biro on top of his skin. I guess that probably didn't show up when scanned to SD video.

[Mister Six]

The worst one I remember watching the show when it aired in the UK (haven't seen it since) was the incomprehensible one where the chupacabra turned out to be some people covered in fungus or something. IIRC it was basically rewritten on set because the shooting script was so bad.

Syzygy struck me as poor at the time. And the one where some condemned prisoner comes back as a ghost fly that can somehow decapitate people and out their heads in paint cans, and Mulder and Scully achieve absolutely nothing throughout the entire episode.

[Campbell Soupe]

When you actually look at the big picture, Mulder & Scully were fucking shit feds.  I mean, just exactly how many aliens/ghosts/mutants/rogue AIs/goat suckers/killer cats did they put behind bars?  If I was an American tax payer, I'd want to see a significantly higher strike rate for my bucks.

[mothman]

I think there was a particularly ponderous/tedious season finale-then-premiere two-parter which revolved partly around their expenses.

[Sebastian Cobb]

It didn't seem like the rest of the FBI cared if they got results either and often found them a bit of a pain in the arse when they did. They could've spent decades skiving then just claimed their pensions at the end.

[up_the_hampipe]

It's kind of embarrassing how much better Doggett was at The X-Files, when he was even more skeptical than Scully.

[Bazooka]

Nah, Mulder had already arrested the worst offenders by that point.

[Mobbd]

The show just should have ended after season 7. Taken a year or two off, then movies. Don%u2019t know why that wasn%u2019t ever considered, unless the underwhelming reaction to Fight The Future put them off.

Yes, that would have been nice. I often wonder why they didn't do (or have not yet done) a Next Generation show. Same premise with different agents. I think they seeded the idea in one of the revival seasons, didn't they? Clare from 6 Feet Under? Did I imagine that?

I guess it was teased in Season 8-9 too with the idea that Dogget and Reyes might take over. Personally, I would have liked to see Agent Harrison more permanently with Dogget.

Or: prequel series set in the '50s. It could be called U for Unknown or something like that because that's how they used to file the mysteries before the "U" section filled up and the secretary made use of the underused "X" drawer. And that's canon, that is! It could be about old whats-his-name who Mulder met in Aqua Mala and a couple of other episodes. You know who I mean. That guy. PLUS, young Bill Mulder and Smoking Man getting the conspiracy set up. PLUSPLUS, freakin' Tooms could show up on his original liver run.

[Mobbd]

made use of the underused "X" drawer. And that's canon, that is! It could be about old whats-his-name who Mulder met in Aqua Mala and a couple of other episodes. You know who I mean. That guy.

Arthur Dales is who I mean. Here's what I'm on about: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X-files_unit#History

[thugler]

I'm a little amazed at how I watched every single episode of the original run one summer and can remember almost absolutely nothing of it. Wasn't actually an incredibly good show was it.

I rewatched some of the early 'classic' ones a couple of years ago and was absolutely aghast at how shit and boring it was. Most of the episodes felt like they were 2 hours long. Glacial pace at times, and often very silly and stupid.

[canted_angle_again]

My only problem with all of it was that Gillian didn't get her legs out enough.

[chveik]

I wrote a little episode guide a while back, I could post it if anyone's interested

i would, i'd like to have another go

[VelourSpirit]

All the absolutely STINKING "My Struggle" episodes in the revival.

Not only the worst X-Files episodes but probably the worst pieces of fiction I've ever seen. Without hyperbole the angriest a piece of media has ever made me. Not just the script but the editing and the lighting and. FUCK I just can't rant about it again
https://twitter.com/gilliana/status/996050284525834240

[madhair60]

I rewatched some of the early 'classic' ones a couple of years ago and was absolutely aghast at how shit and boring it was. Most of the episodes felt like they were 2 hours long. Glacial pace at times, and often very silly and stupid.

Wrong, stupid, bald, ugly, fat, stinking, probable paedophile, no DEFINITE paedophile, racist, this has gone too far I take it all back, fuck you, each to their own mate

[checkoutgirl]

in series 7

Wow I didn't even know there were that many series. I used to watch X Files in the mid 90s and maybe got to the second series before tuning out. For me X Files was a bit like listening to Oasis, fun for the first couple of months then became shite pretty quickly as half the world caught on and it becàme world fàmous and completely unbearable.

Was there an episode where Mulder and Scully brought some kid to a Cher concert? I mean fucking Cher. Fuck off. I hate Cher, she's rubbish. No excuse for that.

[checkoutgirl]

Why would anyone go to a Cher concert? At all.

[Consignia]

Was there an episode where Mulder and Scully brought some kid to a Cher concert? I mean fucking Cher. Fuck off. I hate Cher, she's rubbish. No excuse for that.

That was a Frankenstein's Monster they took, and it was one of the silly camp[nb]read good[/nb] episodes. In black and white too, IIRC. I didn't watch much after Series 4, until the terminator got a job, but I caught a few episodes here and there and that was quite a fun one.

[Deanjam]

Was there an episode where Mulder and Scully brought some kid to a Cher concert? I mean fucking Cher. Fuck off. I hate Cher, she's rubbish. No excuse for that.

He was a lad who had been beaten too much with the ugly stick and had developed a fascination with the movie Mask, starring Cher.

It was a fake Cher in the show, if it helps.

[Mobbd]

Was there an episode where Mulder and Scully brought some kid to a Cher concert? I mean fucking Cher. Fuck off. I hate Cher, she's rubbish. No excuse for that.

That was 'Postmodern Prometheus.' Matter of opinion of course, but I'm pretty sure that was a high point. Totally far out, but a classic episode really. Joyful.

[colacentral]

I get why nostalgia makes people think of first seasons of shows so fondly, but most of the time they are crap, and The X-Files is no exception.

There are some nuggets, like Squeeze and Beyond the Sea, but far too many clunkers, like the aforementioned Space, the Jersey Devil one (waste of a concept there), the werewolf one, Shadows, Fire, Ghost in the Machine etc. Three quarters of that season is terrible.

Season 2 is a big step up. The one where Scully gets kidnapped is the first mythology one that I think is genuinely a strong episode in it's own right. Season 3 and 4 are step ups again and the pinnacle of the show. Season 5 takes a dip; season 6 is shite; show's over for me then.

Favourite episodes: Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose, Quagmire, Folie à Deux.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Ghost in the Machine is good.

[JamesTC]

Since people seem to be unaware of much of later X Files, it would be remiss of me not to point out how wonderful the short lived spin-off show The Lone Gunmen was. Any fan of The X Files should give that a watch if they haven't already.

[Mister Six]

That was 'Postmodern Prometheus.' Matter of opinion of course, but I'm pretty sure that was a high point. Totally far out, but a classic episode really. Joyful.

IIRC, that episode and "Small Potatoes" were both about, essentially, a deformed person raping women - but played for hilarious laughs. And I think the rapist got away with it in Small Potatoes, too. A different time, etc.

I enjoyed them both, but even 90s teenage me was thinking, "Hm, this is a bit rum."

[greenman]

I get why nostalgia makes people think of first seasons of shows so fondly, but most of the time they are crap, and The X-Files is no exception.

There are some nuggets, like Squeeze and Beyond the Sea, but far too many clunkers, like the aforementioned Space, the Jersey Devil one (waste of a concept there), the werewolf one, Shadows, Fire, Ghost in the Machine etc. Three quarters of that season is terrible.

Season 2 is a big step up. The one where Scully gets kidnapped is the first mythology one that I think is genuinely a strong episode in it's own right. Season 3 and 4 are step ups again and the pinnacle of the show. Season 5 takes a dip; season 6 is shite; show's over for me then.

Favourite episodes: Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose, Quagmire, Folie à Deux.

At the time I think the show benefited from the kind of atmosphere it created which really wasn't that common on TV in the early 90's and helped carry some more average scripts. I'm guessing a lot of people that's really what they remember the show for, the early episodes taking more standard horror setups.

I'd guess the problem the show had in terms of shifting into films is really it wasn't the mythology stuff that was sustaining it but rather the more offbeat one off episodes which were always going to struggle to make it to the big screen.

Watching some of them more recently though I do think a bit more kindly of some of the latter mythology stuff, if you go in not expecting it to really make sense I think stuff like those African beach shipwreck episodes are quite fun as dreamy atmosphere.

[Jerzy Bondov]

I fucking hated all the Native American mythology stuff. Just so boring. Sleepy Mulder having a sweat in like a mud hut or something. Total piss.

Tell you a good episode. Soft Light. Tony Shalhoub's shadow eats people.

[Deanjam]

IIRC, that episode and "Small Potatoes" were both about, essentially, a deformed person raping women - but played for hilarious laughs. And I think the rapist got away with it in Small Potatoes, too. A different time, etc.

Nah, he ended up in prison. Was played by Darin Morgan, who wrote some of the best episodes.

[Chriddof]

Has anyone mentioned "Gender Bender" yet? Very grim by today's standards.

[madhair60]

Nah, he ended up in prison.

Yes but the final shot implies he has immediately escaped.

There are a surprisingly large number of "comedy" episodes about rape. It's probably the worst thing about the show. Well, except for the "My Struggle" episodes, which are worse than anything.

[Deanjam]

Yes but the final shot implies he has immediately escaped.

It does? I have no memory of that. I'll have to rewatch it.