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March 28, 2024, 12:09:00 PM

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Is the McVities Gold bar a minor confection?

Started by Bernice, March 28, 2021, 05:09:36 PM

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JesusAndYourBush

After yesterdays *Penguining of a cup of tea I tried coffee today.  Also 10/10.  I might try camomile tomorrow.

Actually it was a Seal bar from Aldi, which is their knockoff Penguin - a Penguin in everything but name.

mothman

I'm a fucking moron. Coffee has NEVER occurred to me...

paruses

Listening to Chart Music the other day and Al Needham mentioned hoping there were some Uniteds in the biscuit tin.

Have they been mentioned yet? Sort of a massively superior breakaway with a magic special ingredient I have never identified. Can you still get them?

Video Game Fan 2000

The 'different' taste of Uniteds and that little football logo shot into my head as soon as I read that but I couldn't remember even what shape they were until I googled.

Didn't they use to taste like advent calender chocolate?

Replies From View

Quote from: Video Game Fan 2000 on April 08, 2021, 09:29:45 PM
Another night at the same place the kid announced "I'm tired I'm going to bed" and he just turned face down on the setee and slept there apparently all night, that was 'going to bed' in his house. I went home.

Quote from: Thomas on April 08, 2021, 11:00:40 PM
Whenever I do this, I roll over to find that my mum has left me a second cup of tea on the bedside table.


Hmm.

Video Game Fan 2000

The creepy thing about that incident is that nearly three decades later I made a post about it on the internet, and then I turned around and his mum had left me a cup of tea. I don't even have a bedside table.

Replies From View

With Penguins being what they are, has there ever been a white chocolate coated custard cream?  It doesn't seem to make sense that they don't exist, so I can only assume that they were definitely attempted at some point in time but were too revolting to continue with.  But surely they would have been as acceptable as McVities Gold bars at least?



Anyone know?

mothman

Feels like something you could mock up pretty easily. Melted white chocolate, custard cream. Job done.

... and now I really want to try it. RIGHT now.

Video Game Fan 2000

The communion wafers of our occupiers, Oreos, do white chocolate dipped with cream. But you might as well push a sugar cube up your nose for all they taste like.

mothman

True. Has anyone ever done a custard cream coated in non-white chocolate?

Video Game Fan 2000

I think Sainsburys used to do a ranged of Penguin style chocolate biscuits with different centers including custard cream. I think they might have been Mr Men branded. All I can remember is dunking one as a kid and gagging over the chemical orange flavour, tasted like shampoo. I thought it was a bourbon.

Video Game Fan 2000

How did I forget this when this thread was going at the same time as "mates who talk bollocks": kid next door insisted that salad creams existed and were perfectly white inside.

My memory of the filled biscuit zoo is:
Custard creams (the classic)
orange creams (foul)
Strawberry creams (bad but liveable)
Coffee creams (spiral pattern? varied widely by brand. potentially worse than an orange cream or better than a bourbon depending)
Lemon puffs (an unholy perversion)
Bourbons (getting in chocolate bar territory)
Mallow creams (inedible english mockery of the Irish staple, Kimberly biscuit, inflicted on the welsh out of Thatcherite spite)
Jammy Dodgers (who's birthday is it?)
Chocolate Dodgers (at this point why not buy a cake)

seepage

Glad I've not encountered any orange or strawberry creams that aren't from a box of chocolates.
Argh, I'd forgotten about lemon puffs but google provided a woman in a milkmaid outfit to mitigate the horror somewhat. 

markburgle

Here's my personal ranking of the "ordinary biscuit with thin layer of chocolate on one face" genre:

Chocolate hob nob
Chocolate malted milk
Dark chocolate hob nob
Dark chocolate digestive
Chocolate digestive

Pretty sure that's all of them

Replies From View

Quote from: markburgle on April 20, 2021, 08:56:12 AM
Here's my personal ranking of the "ordinary biscuit with thin layer of chocolate on one face" genre:

Chocolate hob nob
Chocolate malted milk
Dark chocolate hob nob
Dark chocolate digestive
Chocolate digestive

Pretty sure that's all of them

None of those biscuits have a face mate

Replies From View

Quote from: mothman on April 19, 2021, 11:35:13 PM
True. Has anyone ever done a custard cream coated in non-white chocolate?

You are moving on way too fast from this.  Never mind what Oreos may or may not have done.



We're talking about the gap that is the yin to Penguin's yang.  White chocolate coated custard creams should be sitting there in our common biscuit knowledge and history, but they are not.  It's inexplicable.

Either they exist but they somehow haven't cut through to our consciousness, or they existed a long time ago and have been dropped due to poor customer demand, or they have been buried deep underground as a terrible mistake never to be mentioned ever again.

The idea that Penguins exist yet no confectioner has ever thought of doing the same thing with custard creams:  no.  That isn't plausible.


Penguins and Polar Bears.  We must live in the only dimension where this obvious binary isn't being exploited.  WHY

Could it be that a white chocolate-coated custard cream might be a step too far in terms of sickliness?

Replies From View

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on April 20, 2021, 10:58:15 AM
Could it be that a white chocolate-coated custard cream might be a step too far in terms of sickliness?

More than a Gold bar?

I thought the white chocolate-coated Oreos were more sickly than a Gold and an Oreo seems have more salt in the biscuit than a custard cream, so it stands to reason that it could be.

Video Game Fan 2000

The ultimate goal of the dental-industrial complex that drives coated biscuit production is combination the sickliness of a gold bar with the tooth ache inducing texture of a penguin. So it'll both loosen a tooth and then be so sickly you cough the tooth free.

White fudge oreos are almost there.

Replies From View

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on April 20, 2021, 02:42:31 PM
I thought the white chocolate-coated Oreos were more sickly than a Gold and an Oreo seems have more salt in the biscuit than a custard cream, so it stands to reason that it could be.

Yeah but Oreos are objectively disgusting whatever version you pick.  It's not like-for-like.


Plus this isn't an arbitrary thing like why are there not almond-flavoured Twixes.  I'm not asking why is there nothing that has white chocolate and white biscuit and a white cream inside.  I'm talking about - specifically - a lack of white chocolate coated custard creams when there are Penguins in operation, mate.  What I'm figuratively doing here is perching in a parallel universe where there is a moon but no sun, and being quite understandably baffled.  It's plainly obvious that white chocolate coated custard creams should either exist or have existed at some point in history.  There should be a footnote to the unloved sibling of Penguins at the very least.  We should all be aware of them being too sickly and abandoned, not wondering why they seem never to have existed at all.

seepage

There's a heavily-secured vault at McVities holding all the failures.

Replies From View

Quote from: seepage on April 20, 2021, 05:46:14 PM
There's a heavily-secured vault at McVities holding all the failures.

Yet when factory equipment accidentally farts out rust-flavoured abominations like Guinness and Marmite they always go down a storm.  Honestly; this world sometimes.

Video Game Fan 2000

Quote from: seepage on April 20, 2021, 05:46:14 PM
There's a heavily-secured vault at McVities holding all the failures.

Bubblegum flavour coated gingernuts still stained by an intern's tears.

mothman

So a Penguin is just an outsize chocolate coated Bourbon biscuit? I've never really thought about it before.

seepage

Quote from: Video Game Fan 2000 on April 20, 2021, 05:59:22 PM
Bubblegum flavour coated gingernuts still stained by an intern's tears.

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe..."

Dr Rock


Kankurette

Quote from: Video Game Fan 2000 on April 19, 2021, 11:49:09 PM
How did I forget this when this thread was going at the same time as "mates who talk bollocks": kid next door insisted that salad creams existed and were perfectly white inside.

My memory of the filled biscuit zoo is:
Custard creams (the classic)
orange creams (foul)
Strawberry creams (bad but liveable)
Coffee creams (spiral pattern? varied widely by brand. potentially worse than an orange cream or better than a bourbon depending)
Lemon puffs (an unholy perversion)
Bourbons (getting in chocolate bar territory)
Mallow creams (inedible english mockery of the Irish staple, Kimberly biscuit, inflicted on the welsh out of Thatcherite spite)
Jammy Dodgers (who's birthday is it?)
Chocolate Dodgers (at this point why not buy a cake)
I would eat all of those except the mallow creams. Especially coffee, strawberry and orange creams. There's a pound shop near me that does packs of orange, strawberry and custard creams.

GET IN MY MOUTH.

Video Game Fan 2000

Dipping orange creams in tea is truly one of the worst tastes on planet earth. I bet if someone smashed a bunch of casu marzu and hákarl followed by natto and virgin eggs for lunch they'd have an issue with orange cream dipped in Tetley's that's been made with Marvel™ powder.

Needs its own taste descriptor. Let's go with "Cunt's Bergamot"

Cold Meat Platter

Quote from: Video Game Fan 2000 on April 20, 2021, 08:26:46 PM
I bet if someone smashed a bunch of casu marzu and hákarl followed by natto and virgin eggs for lunch they'd have an issue with orange cream dippled in tea that's made with Marvel™ powder.

Haha yes