Is the McVities Gold bar a minor confection?

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Imagine telling someone in the mid-90s that they'd live to see the vulgarisation of speculoos.

[seepage]

Not long ago the only time you saw a Lotus biscuit was on holiday when you ordered a cup of coffee. These days Biscoff are whoring themselves out left right and centre

A boss at work used to bribe me with those: "If you are a good boy and finish all of today's system testing, you can have another biscuit!".

[Video Game Fan 2000]

On United Airlines Flight 175, September 11th 2001, turning to the passenger next to me and telling them I'm from the future and I've got some important information to share concerning things that should never have come to pass.

"...my auntie swears she saw a box of speculoos Freaky Feet in Iceland. Lotus branded and everything."

[buttgammon]

Not long ago the only time you saw a Lotus biscuit was on holiday when you ordered a cup of coffee. These days Biscoff are whoring themselves out left right and centre

They even have an ice cream now!

Saying that, I went to look for Biscoff in the supermarket the other day and they didn't have any, so there's still some whoring left to be done.

[Replies From View]

Did you find it kind of gritty in texture? I always did

When you are small the little bits of grit in Caramac always seem a great deal bigger - like gravel.  Years later a Caramac is merely like eating handfuls of a sandcastle.

[mothman]

Last night I penguined a cup of coffee and as I was sucking coffee through the penguin I somehow made coffee come out of my nose!

Complete, your training is.

[Glebe]

Hope nobody is gonna suggest Penguins as a substitute for Flakes in ice creams. There's been all kinds of confectionery alternatives bandied about since the shortage.

[Huxleys Babkins]

if you like a lot of chocolate on your penis: try bumming

Quick warning re: this post, the brown substance that comes out on your cock when you bum someone isn't chocolate. Very misleading.

[Replies From View]

Hope nobody is gonna suggest Penguins as a substitute for Flakes in ice creams. There's been all kinds of confectionery alternatives bandied about since the shortage.

How about 4 blueberry pancakes

[Glebe]

How about 4 blueberry pancakes

No.

[Replies From View]

No.

Give a reason

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Put a viscount on top of the cone before you put the icecream on. A little treat I call "the trembler's peril"

[JesusAndYourBush]

Just Penuined a cup of coffee but there was a massive air pocket in the Penguin which allowed the coffee to go through too quickly so it didn't soak into the Penguin sufficiently. Most unsatisfying.

[mothman]

"Massive air pocket." You muppet. You tried to use a Puffin bar instead, didn't you?

[Video Game Fan 2000]

My man got the bends eating a penguin. That never would've happened to the Dunkirk generation.

[Glebe]

Give a reason

No.

[JesusAndYourBush]

"Massive air pocket." You muppet. You tried to use a Puffin bar instead, didn't you?

It was a Seal bar from Aldi.  They're Penguins in everything but name (except when you get a duff one).

[mothman]

Not surprised. Does Aldi chocolate even melt? Well, I guess it must, it's mostly plastic to begin with.

[steve98]

Put a viscount on top of the cone before you put the icecream on. A little treat I call "the trembler's peril"

A mate of mine has expressed interest in sticking a cone, with the pointy bit nipped off, up his arse, and letting the melted ice cream (and monkey's blood) run into his innards - will it work? You seem to know a bit about ice cream - will the cone be able to withstand the crushing force of his ringpiece? Or will it disintegrate? Thanks in advance.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

A mate of mine has expressed interest in sticking a cone, with the pointy bit nipped off, up his arse, and letting the melted ice cream (and monkey's blood) run into his innards - will it work? You seem to know a bit about ice cream - will the cone be able to withstand the crushing force of his ringpiece? Or will it disintegrate? Thanks in advance.

Chris Whitty clearly said that all arse-candling with icecream cones must stop until the flake shortage is over.

Just use a calippo to guide ants into your colon like everyone else.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Just tried to Penguin a coffee using a Wacko (Aldi version of a Rocky). Bit the opposite corners off, dunked one end and sucked... and air was coming through it. Lifted the end out of the coffee and was trying to see where the leak was... couldn't see a leak... and a quarter of it fell into the drink.
0/10.

[mothman]

I hope you're recording your results properly. I look forward to peer-reviewing your work.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

If there a way that an air bubble could get from a knock-off Penguin to an artery in your brain? There must be. Don't put your life on the line for art.

[JesusAndYourBush]

If there a way that an air bubble could get from a knock-off Penguin to an artery in your brain? There must be. Don't put your life on the line for art.

I think that'd only happen if you started injecting Penguins, and I'm not that hardcore,

I'm not done with the Wacko/Rocky yet.  Air was coming through but no liquid and it made no sense, so I'm trying it again another day.

[Replies From View]

I think that'd only happen if you started injecting Penguins, and I'm not that hardcore,

I'm not done with the Wacko/Rocky yet.  Air was coming through but no liquid and it made no sense, so I'm trying it again another day.

It makes nothing but sense if, for example, your "coffee" was in fact merely a mug of puffed-up coffee-eating weevils.

[JesusAndYourBush]

I had another go and found the leak in the Wacko bar...  At first glance they appear to be entirely coated in chocolate - and therefore seem a suitable candidate for 'Penguining' - but on closer inspection there are some tiny patches on the back that the chocolate hasn't covered, and that's where the air is getting in.

(At Christmas I discovered a chocolate finger also works.)

[steve98]

Never a dull moment in the Bush house.

[JesusAndYourBush]

...but on closer inspection there are some tiny patches on the back that the chocolate hasn't covered, and that's where the air is getting in.

I've had a thought... On Antiques Roadshow they've had people bring in some sort of trick drinking vessel.  It's full of holes and if you try drinking from it you get soaked.  The secret is to put your fingers over a series of hidden holes and then you can drink safely without spilling anything.

So maybe if there aren't too many 'unchocolated' patches on the back of the Wacko bar I could cover them in the same manner? Hmmm...

[steve98]

Wrap it in insulating tape.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Not practical.  Once it's infused with your drink of choice you have only a few seconds to shove the entire thing in your mouth before it disintegrates.