Monday afternoon, nearly get mauled by massive dog

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

This would be on one of those long walks like the ones you were doing during lockdown where nothing untoward could possibly happen, right?

There's always the option to delete this post and apologise.

[Huxleys Babkins]

There were two of us abroad, in the middle of nowhere and it was extremely barren and very flat with no trees or nothing to climb. We were just mooching about exploring and minding our own business when a barrage of angry barking set off in the far distance.

We didn't pay attention at first as it can't have been anything to do with us.

Because it was so flat and barren we could see and hear them coming for a long long way. The only options were run a couple of kilometres to find some kind of shelter, get in the sea or stand there and wait for them to turn up. Not sure why but we held hands and chose the latter.

I think six or seven mangy mutts charged right up to within ten foot of us, still barking and carrying on.

We must have looked much braver than we felt as they stopped, gave a couple of half arsed barks, probably had a piss or something, kind of went "yeah, nice one, enjoyed that, see you around " and then they fucked off.

A lot of dogs see something/one in the distance and think "haha, look at that little thing, we'll have him" and then suddenly realise "ah, bollocks, he's fucking massive" as they get closer. My mum's cocker spaniel started doing that when he got older and his eyesight started to go. I remember he saw these two Afghan hounds off on the other side of the park and pelted off after them, giving them the full barks before getting about ten metres away, realising he's fucked up and comes steaming back with these two massive, lolloping bastards giving chase. They only wanted to play with him, but he'd had such a fright that he was trying to climb up my mum's legs to safety, the daft little twat.

[Zetetic]

Reminds me of a cat we had that was surprised to discover that there was more to a horse than the bit you could see over the hedge.

(She seemed fascinated by diggers and other plant machinery as well. Hard to tell how much of this was eyesight and how much was her generally being a bit funny in the head.)

[Scarlet Intangible]

I'm glad this happened to you because it was fun to read and this part made me laugh:

And then the dog appears in the driveway to my left, loose. The one thing I didn't want to happen.

Having said that:

It is worth bearing in mind, everyone, that we are only getting one side of the story here. The dog is presented as "angry", "ferocious", "snarling", with these responses framed as 'unprovoked'. We are led to believe that the cause of the dog's reaction was 'nothing'.

But...

Is it beyond the realm of possibility that Twit 2 was walking by this dog's home (and by the sounds of it - a hedge away from trespassing), wearing full-body, hand-stitched, bacon dungarees... and what he has done is mistake[nb]or worse - misrepresent[/nb] 'anger' for 'hunger', and his own 'innocence' for 'wilful bloody teasing'?


I would be very keen to hear the dog's side of things...

[Endicott]

Ever got chased by a dangerous animal? Or, even better, mauled?!

Yes, cows. Summer before last walking through a field, a herd came after me, and I had to stand and shout at them. Ever had a cow run at you and then stop on its tippy toes about 4 feet from you while you scream into its face? It's a sight to be seen.

[Buelligan]

Also, can I say something?  Whenever I feel a bit like totally fucked off about everything, when I have lost all my mirth, I google far side dogs.  Best medicine in the world.

[Ambient Sheep]

What, no "Cat Fud"? :-)

[H-O-W-L]

But did the bath fill up in the end?

[paruses]

What, no "Cat Fud"? :-)

Far Side dogs are an excellent tonic. There's one I have been looking for but can't find - it's the one with the man who shares a house with a dog that he secretly resents. Any ideas?

[Attila]

What, no "Cat Fud"? :-)

And. what we say to dogs, and what dogs hear._{blah blah blah Ginger blah blah blah Ginger}

[Buelligan]

Hehehhehehe,  That's the trouble with them, there are too many wonderful ones.  Not sure about the resentment one though... it's left me thinking.

Not this one is it?

[Sebastian Cobb]

Putting a load of Far Side images on my e-reader as a screensaver was one of the first things I did.

[paruses]

Hehehhehehe,  That's the trouble with them, there are too many wonderful ones.  Not sure about the resentment one though... it's left me thinking.

Not this one is it?

Hehe - another excellent choice but no. It's more of a human interest one than a dog one tbh.

Going to find it now sod work

[Icehaven]

My colleague's small dog got attacked by their neighbour's enormous dog that leapt over a seven foot fence into their garden. Apparently the creature had come from a rescue centre and had already been returned by someone else, and although the centre said it wasn't because it had attacked anyone or anything they'd also told the neighbour that it was fine around other dogs, which it obviously wasn't if it scaled a seven foot fence to maul the first dog it sees. Luckily my colleague's dog survived although she had to have minor surgery and antibiotics etc. The vet said the other dog had definitely been trying to kill her and if they hadn't been separated it probably would have done. The neighbour said they'd get rid of it but a week or so later they'd still done nothing so my colleague rang the centre and they immediately came round and collected it, which I was quite surprised to hear but I imagine the neighbour was just glad to be shot of it and clearly couldn't be arsed to do it themselves.

I don't really like any dogs that are much bigger than cats. The cute little docile ones are alright and I can even tolerate the yappy Napoleon ones like Yorkshire Terriers but anything that could or would do much more than nip if it decided to bite can fuck right off. Mr. H's mum has two Springer Spaniels that are OK but they bark like hell when you go in and it's a bit overwhelming, they shed hair absolutely everywhere and they sit there slobbering when we're eating as well so you get the pungent aroma of dog breath all over your food. They're quite cute when they're tired and fall asleep on you though, but a stuffed toy would do the same job and not fart and dribble.   

[Buelligan]

Yeah, it's the same with humans but they're less predictable.

The rescue dog thing though, all joking aside, dogs are living things, not stuffed toys.  People who pick one up and shove it in the garden, expecting it to grow up all socialised and fine with no work or care from them, should never have children.  I mean what the fuck?

[Blue Jam]

I have a healthy respect for these things.

Ze most intelligent dogs in ze world

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dfiPq09uko

[bgmnts]

Yeah, it's the same with humans but they're less predictable.

The rescue dog thing though, all joking aside, dogs are living things, not stuffed toys.  People who pick one up and shove it in the garden, expecting it to grow up all socialised and fine with no work or care from them, should never have children.  I mean what the fuck?

Dogs overflowing rescue centres right now apparently.

Fucking human cunts.

[Icehaven]

Dogs overflowing rescue centres right now apparently.

Fucking human cunts.

And while I'm sure most centres do their best there's inevitably going to be mistakes made when they're overwhelmed, and dogs are going to end up going to unsuitable homes or unsuitable people because the resources and time are spread too thinly.
You do have to wonder, although probably not too much, about how many people had every intention of dumping their new pets once the pandemic was over, knowing perfectly well they wouldn't fit into their lives once normality started to return. I love cats more than literally anything else, but despite just moving somewhere it'd actually be possible to have some, I'm still torn as I'd worry about managing the expense if they got ill, we don't really know anyone nearby that could look after them when we were away (and after this year we intend to be away a LOT), and it'd make last minute plan changes or whatever very difficult as you need to be home to feed them and let them out etc. It would have been the easiest thing in the world for me to adopt some indoor cats during lockdown and would have made it so much more bearable, but it wouldn't have been fair on them as I knew we were moving soon and then we'd be out again at work most days, and although they can adapt you never know if it's going to really upset them. Plus if anything happened to them I'd probably never get over it.

[Buelligan]

You're so right and I wish more people were like you icehaven.  When all's said, it should be a bit like having a child, you really should see it as a lifetime commitment not an entertainment.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

When all's said, it should be a bit like having a child, you really should see it as a lifetime commitment not an entertainment.

Our oldest most successful cat lived to be 15. My youngest sister was 3 when we got him and was 18 when he passed away. Her whole childhood, practically, we had that cat. When you think of it. It's not something to be taken lightly. Even goldfish can live for ages if they're properly looked after.

[Glebe]

Sorry to hear it Twit, just glad you're okay.

My brother protected me from a neighbour's Alsatian on the way home from school as a nipper, stood in front of me and held his school bag up.

[bgmnts]

There is a guy on my estate who has an Alsatian and its actually soft as shite and just wants a sniff really but that doesnt stop me filling my pants with mud every time he runs full pelt at me until his owner shouts at him to come back.

Born to kill, Nazi dogs.

[Ferris]

Putting a load of Far Side images on my e-reader as a screensaver was one of the first things I did.

That's a fucking brilliant idea. My kindle still has the default pictures of quills and shit, didn't even know you could change it.

[Ferris]

Dogs overflowing rescue centres right now apparently.

Fucking human cunts.

I can't get one here because the fuckers have all been rescued.

Years of convincing the wife to get a dog, finally got space for it, full time student for the foreseeable future so plenty of time to stay at home and walk it about every day and everything. Gone.

[bgmnts]

Just make a dog, all you need is a male wolf, a female wolf and a few thousand years.

[Buelligan]

If I was getting a dog, I'd think about getting two, sister dogs.  That would be my ideal, litter mates, who give each other sisterhood and dog-thinking companionship. 

I'd think about lurchers, maybe Welsh border collies (a wall-eyed merle for beauty), Australian Cattle Dogs, maybe some Bedlington in the mix on the lurchers - whippet/greyhound/collie/Bedlingtons? - clever dogs that aren't too prone to inherited health issues.  And I'd love them, give them all the companionship and attention and exercise they'd ever want but make sure they were dogs, not try to make them humans maybe consider becoming more dog myself, let them live their whole lives loved and feeling good about who they are. 

One day, if I'm lucky, I will have this opportunity.  Hope you do too, Ferris.  Time for them is so very important.

Hurrah for your brother btw, Glebe.

[Glebe]

Hurrah for your brother btw, Glebe.

Yes, it's one of my big childhood memories!

[Icehaven]

You're so right and I wish more people were like you icehaven.  When all's said, it should be a bit like having a child, you really should see it as a lifetime commitment not an entertainment.

Exactly, and not to get to blaming social meedja for everything again but since the moment the internet was invented posting cute and funny pet videos and pictures (particularly cats) was huge, and fb/instagram etc. have made it blow up even more. Virtually my entire fb feed is cat pages and some posts have tens of thousands of likes, and to people to whom that's important it's easy to see how appealing it is to get cat, take pics, get likes, worry about the practicalities later.

There's a common kind of post on black cat pages which is basically something like this: "I've just read that rescue centres have a lot of trouble rehoming black cats because no one wants them as they say they're less photogenic. OMG how can people be so wrong?!", usually accompanied by a gorgeous picture of a black cat. I don't even know how true that is or if it's just to goad people (usually successfully) into posting how awful that is and adding more lovely black cat pics etc., but the cynic in me can believe it.

[Ferris]

^its absolutely true - black cats don't "photograph" as well apparently, so are less desirable and/or more likely to be given up for adoption by their vapid dickhead owners.

I would very happily get a couple of cats (not least because we have mice) but Mrs Ferris is super allergic so no dice. It's taken this long to convince her to get a dog tbh.

[Buelligan]

Exactly, and not to get to blaming social meedja for everything again but since the moment the internet was invented posting cute and funny pet videos and pictures (particularly cats) was huge, and fb/instagram etc. have made it blow up even more. Virtually my entire fb feed is cat pages and some posts have tens of thousands of likes, and to people to whom that's important it's easy to see how appealing it is to get cat, take pics, get likes, worry about the practicalities later.

There's a common kind of post on black cat pages which is basically something like this: "I've just read that rescue centres have a lot of trouble rehoming black cats because no one wants them as they say they're less photogenic. OMG how can people be so wrong?!", usually accompanied by a gorgeous picture of a black cat. I don't even know how true that is or if it's just to goad people (usually successfully) into posting how awful that is and adding more lovely black cat pics etc., but the cynic in me can believe it.

Absolutely.  Also never click on any of those cute or heartwarming animal vids because I worry, because it's montised, what depths my awful fellow humans might plumb in order to get those things on camera, how disposable some of the cuties are once their puppy fat is gone.  I feel quite strongly that FB should give no money whatsoever for animal clicks[nb]Edit to add or the money should all go to nominated animal charities.[/nb]. 

My most beloved cat ever was black, still miss him like a limb.